Slow Heat
Page 47
The sight of them brought an ache to his chest so strong he couldn’t breathe for a moment.
“I really didn’t mean to be talking about you with your mom,” she said. “But she was confused.”
“She’s getting lost,” he said. “Lost to all of us and she’s right here.”
Her eyes held a well of empathy. “She was telling me stories about you,” she said. “Good stories. Stories that made me…” She shook her head.
“Made you what?” he asked, tilting her face up to his.
She stared into his eyes and then dropped her gaze to his mouth before nibbling on her own. Unable to stop himself, he bent his head and brushed his lips over hers. “Made you what?” he asked again.
“You know what,” she whispered, clinging to him.
Yeah. He figured he did. His mom had a way of making him look like some damn hero when he wasn’t. Not even close. “You can’t believe everything she says,” he reminded her. “She gets a lot of things mixed up.”
Bailey shook her head. “No. She never gets mixed up on how much she loves her boys. You’re her life, Hud. She’s quite clear on that. And I’m glad you’re not mad at me, but you are… something at me—” She broke off when her phone buzzed.
She turned away slightly to answer the call and he thought about what she said. He was something all right. Although what that something was couldn’t be easily defined.
Unsettled?
Yeah, that was it. She was visiting his mom, which felt a whole lot… intimate. When had they gotten intimate?
After you stripped her naked and licked her up and down like a lollipop…
The memory of each and every time he’d had her in his arms burned bright in his brain, and he spent way too much time bringing out the memories to replay them in his head. Hud couldn’t erase thoughts of the way she opened up to him and gave him everything she had. And she did so with a heart-stopping generosity and vulnerability that slayed him even now.
Still, by her own decree, those times had been just that. No strings attached. He was damn lucky enough that she wasn’t finished with him yet, and he was just selfish enough to take what he could get from her.
Bailey disconnected her call and slid her phone away. There was an odd stillness to her and her shoulders seemed to carry far too much weight. Reaching out, he turned her to him.
She was pale, too pale, and her eyes shimmered brilliantly from unshed tears. His heart dropped to his toes. “What is it?”
She shook her head and tried to turn away again but he held her firm. “Hey,” he said. “Talk to me.”
Taking a shuddery inhale, she pressed her fingers to her mouth. “I’m still clear,” she whispered. “I had all those tests last Friday and the results are still clear. It was a milestone. Three straight months. On top of the first three months this makes six. I’m done with chemo, radiation, all of it. Really done.”
At the words, a knot loosened in his chest, one he hadn’t even realized he’d had. “That’s the best news I’ve had in a long time,” he said, and reached for her.
She sagged into him and cuddled in tight, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his chest with a shudder. In return he closed his eyes and just held her, absorbing the overwhelming relief coursing through him. This amazing, warm, irresistible, irreplaceable woman was okay. She was going to stay okay.
That’s when he realized she was trembling. He pulled back slightly to look into her face.
She shook her head. “Don’t ask me—”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing, I just—” She shook her head again. “The call came from my mom. The doctor’s office called and since I wasn’t there, she gave the message to my mom.”
“They’re not supposed to do that,” he said.
“I’d given permission for my mom to get any information regarding my care and treatment and condition,” she said. “This is good news, it’s great news, but my mom said…”
“What?” Hud asked a little tightly, already not liking what was coming next. If that woman had taken away the joy of this moment, he was going to have to strangle her.
“She just wanted to remind me that I’m still in the danger zone.”
Yeah, he was going to have to strangle her.
“And it kinda just sucked a little bit of the joy out of it.” She sniffed and swiped at a tear like she was mad to find herself crying. “Three months ago I got the first clear I’ve ever had and to get it again now… It’s a great sign,” she said.
“It’s a hell of a sign. And you’re going to keep getting clear results. You have to.” He smiled. “There’s no other option.”
At that, she gave him a tremulous smile in return. “Thank you.”
“For what? You’re the one who’s amazing,” he said.
“For believing in me.”
Like a punch to the gut. He didn’t break eye contact as he pulled her back in. “Always,” he whispered.
“You’re so lucky,” she said, cheek to his chest. “Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. I do,” she said, “but I don’t have the kind of bond with her that you have with your family—” She stopped abruptly when her voice broke.
Ah, hell. “Bailey,” he breathed, dropping his forehead to hers, tightening his grip on her, and stroking her back when she let out a shuddery sigh.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m okay.”
“I know,” he said, and kept hold of her.
“It’s just that the weekends are becoming so much more real to me than the rest of the week.” She pressed her face into his throat. “And so much more important.”
He tried not to react to that. Part of what had allowed him to let her in as much as he had was the hard reality that being here in Cedar Ridge wasn’t her life and never would be. Harsh as it sounded, it’d made her safe.
But if she turned that upside down, if she stayed, he wasn’t sure what could possibly happen. He didn’t have the room in his life—or his heart—for one more string.
He had too many strings now.
“I’m just so grateful for this second chance,” she said. “So damn grateful. I want to make good use out of it, but it’s hard because I don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be.” She lifted her head and stared at him. “I made that list thinking it’d give me direction, but instead all it has done is confuse me. I don’t want to be just the list, you know?”
“You’re not,” he said firmly. “You’re a beautiful, smart, wonderful, warm woman who brings heart and soul into the lives of everyone you meet. You’re not the list at all. You’re far more.”
She pulled it out of her pocket, that damn little notebook. “I made a promise to this thing.”
“That’s fine,” Hud said. “But that doesn’t mean it gets to define your life. You get to do that, Bailey. Only you.”
She stared at him and nodded. “Yes, you’re right.”
He cocked his head as if he couldn’t hear her. “What was that?”
“I really didn’t mean to be talking about you with your mom,” she said. “But she was confused.”
“She’s getting lost,” he said. “Lost to all of us and she’s right here.”
Her eyes held a well of empathy. “She was telling me stories about you,” she said. “Good stories. Stories that made me…” She shook her head.
“Made you what?” he asked, tilting her face up to his.
She stared into his eyes and then dropped her gaze to his mouth before nibbling on her own. Unable to stop himself, he bent his head and brushed his lips over hers. “Made you what?” he asked again.
“You know what,” she whispered, clinging to him.
Yeah. He figured he did. His mom had a way of making him look like some damn hero when he wasn’t. Not even close. “You can’t believe everything she says,” he reminded her. “She gets a lot of things mixed up.”
Bailey shook her head. “No. She never gets mixed up on how much she loves her boys. You’re her life, Hud. She’s quite clear on that. And I’m glad you’re not mad at me, but you are… something at me—” She broke off when her phone buzzed.
She turned away slightly to answer the call and he thought about what she said. He was something all right. Although what that something was couldn’t be easily defined.
Unsettled?
Yeah, that was it. She was visiting his mom, which felt a whole lot… intimate. When had they gotten intimate?
After you stripped her naked and licked her up and down like a lollipop…
The memory of each and every time he’d had her in his arms burned bright in his brain, and he spent way too much time bringing out the memories to replay them in his head. Hud couldn’t erase thoughts of the way she opened up to him and gave him everything she had. And she did so with a heart-stopping generosity and vulnerability that slayed him even now.
Still, by her own decree, those times had been just that. No strings attached. He was damn lucky enough that she wasn’t finished with him yet, and he was just selfish enough to take what he could get from her.
Bailey disconnected her call and slid her phone away. There was an odd stillness to her and her shoulders seemed to carry far too much weight. Reaching out, he turned her to him.
She was pale, too pale, and her eyes shimmered brilliantly from unshed tears. His heart dropped to his toes. “What is it?”
She shook her head and tried to turn away again but he held her firm. “Hey,” he said. “Talk to me.”
Taking a shuddery inhale, she pressed her fingers to her mouth. “I’m still clear,” she whispered. “I had all those tests last Friday and the results are still clear. It was a milestone. Three straight months. On top of the first three months this makes six. I’m done with chemo, radiation, all of it. Really done.”
At the words, a knot loosened in his chest, one he hadn’t even realized he’d had. “That’s the best news I’ve had in a long time,” he said, and reached for her.
She sagged into him and cuddled in tight, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his chest with a shudder. In return he closed his eyes and just held her, absorbing the overwhelming relief coursing through him. This amazing, warm, irresistible, irreplaceable woman was okay. She was going to stay okay.
That’s when he realized she was trembling. He pulled back slightly to look into her face.
She shook her head. “Don’t ask me—”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing, I just—” She shook her head again. “The call came from my mom. The doctor’s office called and since I wasn’t there, she gave the message to my mom.”
“They’re not supposed to do that,” he said.
“I’d given permission for my mom to get any information regarding my care and treatment and condition,” she said. “This is good news, it’s great news, but my mom said…”
“What?” Hud asked a little tightly, already not liking what was coming next. If that woman had taken away the joy of this moment, he was going to have to strangle her.
“She just wanted to remind me that I’m still in the danger zone.”
Yeah, he was going to have to strangle her.
“And it kinda just sucked a little bit of the joy out of it.” She sniffed and swiped at a tear like she was mad to find herself crying. “Three months ago I got the first clear I’ve ever had and to get it again now… It’s a great sign,” she said.
“It’s a hell of a sign. And you’re going to keep getting clear results. You have to.” He smiled. “There’s no other option.”
At that, she gave him a tremulous smile in return. “Thank you.”
“For what? You’re the one who’s amazing,” he said.
“For believing in me.”
Like a punch to the gut. He didn’t break eye contact as he pulled her back in. “Always,” he whispered.
“You’re so lucky,” she said, cheek to his chest. “Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. I do,” she said, “but I don’t have the kind of bond with her that you have with your family—” She stopped abruptly when her voice broke.
Ah, hell. “Bailey,” he breathed, dropping his forehead to hers, tightening his grip on her, and stroking her back when she let out a shuddery sigh.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m okay.”
“I know,” he said, and kept hold of her.
“It’s just that the weekends are becoming so much more real to me than the rest of the week.” She pressed her face into his throat. “And so much more important.”
He tried not to react to that. Part of what had allowed him to let her in as much as he had was the hard reality that being here in Cedar Ridge wasn’t her life and never would be. Harsh as it sounded, it’d made her safe.
But if she turned that upside down, if she stayed, he wasn’t sure what could possibly happen. He didn’t have the room in his life—or his heart—for one more string.
He had too many strings now.
“I’m just so grateful for this second chance,” she said. “So damn grateful. I want to make good use out of it, but it’s hard because I don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be.” She lifted her head and stared at him. “I made that list thinking it’d give me direction, but instead all it has done is confuse me. I don’t want to be just the list, you know?”
“You’re not,” he said firmly. “You’re a beautiful, smart, wonderful, warm woman who brings heart and soul into the lives of everyone you meet. You’re not the list at all. You’re far more.”
She pulled it out of her pocket, that damn little notebook. “I made a promise to this thing.”
“That’s fine,” Hud said. “But that doesn’t mean it gets to define your life. You get to do that, Bailey. Only you.”
She stared at him and nodded. “Yes, you’re right.”
He cocked his head as if he couldn’t hear her. “What was that?”
