Smiley
Page 55
“I don’t think I tore. I mean, I’m not in any pain. I just hadn’t had sex in a while. I have a tough time being so direct about sex. We didn’t talk about it in my house growing up. It was kind of taboo.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Mom never brought it up unless you count telling us a stork dropped us off when we were babies. My dad was hardly home. My sister and brother were older so they didn’t say much. It was more of a warning about don’t-let-men-talk-me-into-getting-naked-or-I’d-end-up-pregnant kind of thing. Beth was the one who gave me the sex talk when I was in my teens.”
His eyebrows shot up. “A stork?”
“You never heard that? Parents make up a story for kids to avoid telling them the truth about sex. They say that a big bird flies in and that’s how babies arrive.”
He laughed. “We openly talk about sex. Do you have any questions about me since we shared sex? We’re a little different physically than your fully human males.”
“You’re larger.” She felt her cheeks grow warm.
“Yes. Our muscle density is usually greater and we were engineered to be taller and larger in bone structure than most all your males.”
“I meant…” She couldn’t finish that sentence.
He smiled. “Our dicks?”
She nodded sharply.
“We were genetically designed to be larger all over. We don’t have a lot of body hair either. That is strange since we were given DNA from animals with fur. I’m glad I don’t have fur.”
Vanni grinned. “Yeah. That would kind of suck in the summer when it’s hot.”
Smiley chuckled. “I like it when you let your guard down with me. You have a wonderful smile.”
“So do you.”
His smile faded. “I was sexually attracted to you before the drugs. Were you even a little sexually attracted to me?”
Her mood sobered. “I don’t think we should discuss this.”
“You’re not sexually attracted to me in the least then?”
She stared into his eyes. “Why do you want to know?”
“I’m aroused being close to you. There are no drugs now.”
She gaped a little, astonished that he’d admit that. It took a lot of restraint not to glance down at his lap to see if he meant that in a literal sense.
Smiley hesitated, studying her face. “I wish to touch you and see what is between us without the aid of drugs.”
“That’s a bad idea.”
“Why? I want you, Vanni. I have thought of nothing else since that night.”
“I can’t have sex with you, if that’s what you want.”
Smiley’s shoulders sagged. “You aren’t attracted to me.”
The sad look on his face almost broke her heart. She couldn’t stand seeing him that way. “I am. It’s just that I believe in love before sex. We jumped into it and I don’t know how to feel about that. We’ve been intimate but we know so little about each other. It’s uncomfortable for me.”
“Why? Do you think you’re unable to love me? Is it because I’m not fully human?”
“I don’t even know you.”
He leaned in closer. “We can remedy that by getting to know each other. I’m taking you out tomorrow and we’re here together now. We just need to keep talking.”
She couldn’t deny the logic. “We could try that.”
“Do you believe anything your church says about us?”
“I’m not a member of the Woods Church and the stuff Gregory spewed was horrible.”
“That’s a good start. I know they hate us but I don’t know why.”
“I refuse to repeat that crap again. It was miserable enough telling Justice the kind of stuff they said while I was locked in that room listening to their garbage.”
He just stared at her. She caved under his steady gaze.
“It’s kind of confusing because they are nuts but it seems they think you guys are going to figure out a way to make an army of New Species and enslave the world. Or kill everyone. Maybe in that order. Did you ever see…” She shut up. “Never mind.”
“Did I ever see what? Talk, Vanni. We should have no secrets. You can say anything to me.”
“Fine. You know those horror movies where apes take over the world? I think they watched them too many times or something.” She cringed. “Sorry. I totally don’t want to offend you because I don’t think that way. You’re an amazing person. I don’t share their beliefs. It’s stupid. They are just idiots. Everyone knows New Species can’t even have kids.”
He looked away and his gaze drifted around the room. He finally looked at her again, glanced down at her stomach and then closed his eyes.
“Smiley? I’m so sorry.” She felt bad. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just that it was the only reference I thought of. Really. Please don’t be angry at me.”
He opened his eyes and stared at her. “I’m not angry. I promise. I could never be angry with you.”
“You’re upset.” She didn’t believe him. “You’re primate, right? That ape reference was just unforgivable. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not upset.”
“I would be. I should just shut up. You make me nervous. I’m making a mess out of—”
“I want to kiss you.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Mom never brought it up unless you count telling us a stork dropped us off when we were babies. My dad was hardly home. My sister and brother were older so they didn’t say much. It was more of a warning about don’t-let-men-talk-me-into-getting-naked-or-I’d-end-up-pregnant kind of thing. Beth was the one who gave me the sex talk when I was in my teens.”
His eyebrows shot up. “A stork?”
“You never heard that? Parents make up a story for kids to avoid telling them the truth about sex. They say that a big bird flies in and that’s how babies arrive.”
He laughed. “We openly talk about sex. Do you have any questions about me since we shared sex? We’re a little different physically than your fully human males.”
“You’re larger.” She felt her cheeks grow warm.
“Yes. Our muscle density is usually greater and we were engineered to be taller and larger in bone structure than most all your males.”
“I meant…” She couldn’t finish that sentence.
He smiled. “Our dicks?”
She nodded sharply.
“We were genetically designed to be larger all over. We don’t have a lot of body hair either. That is strange since we were given DNA from animals with fur. I’m glad I don’t have fur.”
Vanni grinned. “Yeah. That would kind of suck in the summer when it’s hot.”
Smiley chuckled. “I like it when you let your guard down with me. You have a wonderful smile.”
“So do you.”
His smile faded. “I was sexually attracted to you before the drugs. Were you even a little sexually attracted to me?”
Her mood sobered. “I don’t think we should discuss this.”
“You’re not sexually attracted to me in the least then?”
She stared into his eyes. “Why do you want to know?”
“I’m aroused being close to you. There are no drugs now.”
She gaped a little, astonished that he’d admit that. It took a lot of restraint not to glance down at his lap to see if he meant that in a literal sense.
Smiley hesitated, studying her face. “I wish to touch you and see what is between us without the aid of drugs.”
“That’s a bad idea.”
“Why? I want you, Vanni. I have thought of nothing else since that night.”
“I can’t have sex with you, if that’s what you want.”
Smiley’s shoulders sagged. “You aren’t attracted to me.”
The sad look on his face almost broke her heart. She couldn’t stand seeing him that way. “I am. It’s just that I believe in love before sex. We jumped into it and I don’t know how to feel about that. We’ve been intimate but we know so little about each other. It’s uncomfortable for me.”
“Why? Do you think you’re unable to love me? Is it because I’m not fully human?”
“I don’t even know you.”
He leaned in closer. “We can remedy that by getting to know each other. I’m taking you out tomorrow and we’re here together now. We just need to keep talking.”
She couldn’t deny the logic. “We could try that.”
“Do you believe anything your church says about us?”
“I’m not a member of the Woods Church and the stuff Gregory spewed was horrible.”
“That’s a good start. I know they hate us but I don’t know why.”
“I refuse to repeat that crap again. It was miserable enough telling Justice the kind of stuff they said while I was locked in that room listening to their garbage.”
He just stared at her. She caved under his steady gaze.
“It’s kind of confusing because they are nuts but it seems they think you guys are going to figure out a way to make an army of New Species and enslave the world. Or kill everyone. Maybe in that order. Did you ever see…” She shut up. “Never mind.”
“Did I ever see what? Talk, Vanni. We should have no secrets. You can say anything to me.”
“Fine. You know those horror movies where apes take over the world? I think they watched them too many times or something.” She cringed. “Sorry. I totally don’t want to offend you because I don’t think that way. You’re an amazing person. I don’t share their beliefs. It’s stupid. They are just idiots. Everyone knows New Species can’t even have kids.”
He looked away and his gaze drifted around the room. He finally looked at her again, glanced down at her stomach and then closed his eyes.
“Smiley? I’m so sorry.” She felt bad. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just that it was the only reference I thought of. Really. Please don’t be angry at me.”
He opened his eyes and stared at her. “I’m not angry. I promise. I could never be angry with you.”
“You’re upset.” She didn’t believe him. “You’re primate, right? That ape reference was just unforgivable. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not upset.”
“I would be. I should just shut up. You make me nervous. I’m making a mess out of—”
“I want to kiss you.”
