Some like It Wild
Page 22
“Is that who that hot guy was?” She laughs. “Yeah, I did, but I got your back, Laney. Don’t you worry.” She winks at me and raises her glass. My stomach squeezes into a tight knot, as if it’s shrinking away from the explosion that’s happening inside my chest.
I glance back at Shane. He looks genuinely sympathetic.
“I feel like this is all my fault, Laney. I should never have believed Tori when she said it was just a prank we were pulling. I—”
“What? Tori did not tell you that!”
“She did! Hand to God,” he says, holding up his hand as if he’s swearing.
I shake my head. It’s all just too much right now. “It doesn’t matter now, Shane. It’s done. Over. No hard feelings, okay?”
He looks down as he takes my left hand in his and begins fiddling with my ring finger. “Is there any chance my ring will ever find its way back here again?”
I pull my hand away. “Shane,” I say, backing away. From him. From the crowd. From the pain. From this place. “I just can’t do this right now.”
And with that, I run. I just run.
TWENTY-SIX: Jake
I can feel sweat running down my chest as I sit, perched on the edge of the big boulder, gulping down a bottle of water.
“You’re gonna puke if you don’t slow down,” a familiar voice says from behind me. I turn to see Jenna walking casually up the path toward me. “And, dude! There’s no puking on my rock.”
“This isn’t your rock,” I argue good-naturedly. “This is family rock.”
“Which, in this family, means it’s mine.”
I shrug. “Yeah, pretty much. Spoiled brat.”
“Arrogant dickweed.”
She climbs up the back of the rock and scoots down to sit beside me facing the river. We used to sit like this when we were little. When we’d help in the orchard on hot summer days, we’d come here to swim in the river and cool off, then we’d get up on the rock to dry. We weren’t allowed in the water without Dad around, but we did it anyway. I was the only one who ever got in trouble for it, though. Of course. Dad would always catch me in my room later to give me the big lecture on how my carelessness had already cost him one family member, that he wouldn’t allow it to happen again.
“What’re you doing here? Finally get up enough balls to come home?” I ask, pushing against her shoulder with my own.
“Something like that,” she answers vaguely. “How’re things going with the estate?”
“The inventory is complete. I guess now we just wait on the hearing.”
Jenna nods. “God, I hope she doesn’t get this place. It would kill Daddy.”
“She won’t get it, Jenna. I told you I’d take care of it. Stop worrying.”
I’ve already decided that I’d use every dime of my savings to pay off our aunt if need be. She’s a money whore. I think that would be like speaking her language. But if that didn’t work, my next step would be to threaten her, which I’m not above doing if it means saving this place from her. But Jenna doesn’t need to know the details. She just needs to know it’s taken care of. And it will be. One way or the other.
She’s quiet for a few minutes before she changes the subject. “So what are you still doing here? I figured you’d get Einie and be gone the instant the lawyer’s people left.”
I shrug. I don’t know how to answer that. “I’m not sure what my next move is just yet.”
“What do you mean? You go back to your life. You live it just like you planned. What’s not to know?”
I shrug again. “Maybe it’s time for something different.”
“Such as . . .”
I shrug yet again. “I don’t know. Where I was just doesn’t hold a lot of appeal for me right now.”
“So move. Find another job in another town. Some place where there’s skydiving. And lots of girls. That’s all you seem to need.” I look at Jenna. She’s grinning.
I smile back. “Yeah, I’m pretty easy to figure out, huh?”
“Hell yeah! As long as there’s a fire to fight, a few skirts to chase, and something to jump off of, you’re a happy camper.” I say nothing, so she nudges my shoulder. “Right?” I shrug. Yet again. “I swear to God, I’m gonna slap the shit out of you if you shrug one more time. What is wrong with you?”
“Did you drive all the way down here just to harass me?” I snap.
“No. I drove all the way down here to see my brother. I’m afraid that after you leave here, I won’t ever see you again.”
Surprised, I frown down into her face. “Why would you think that?”
I see her chin tremble. This isn’t like Jenna at all.
“You’ve never been really . . . into family. And now with both Mom and Dad gone, and this place up in the air, I’m just afraid you’ll travel off to parts unknown and I’ll never see you again.” Jenna turns her dark eyes up to mine. They’re so much like I remember Mom’s being, especially now, glistening with tears. And a lot of love. “Jake, you’re all I have left. Absentee grandparents don’t count.”
I wrap my arm around Jenna’s shoulders and pull her in for a hug. “You’re all I’ve got, too. And I promise you’ll see me again. Hell, who knows. I might even end up here. Stranger things have happened.”
Jenna leans back to look at me. “What? Why the hell would you wanna do that?”
I shrug, and she slaps my arm. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting older, thinking about all the stuff I’ve missed out on all these years. Maybe it’s time to finally settle down. At least a little bit. I mean, it’s not like I can’t travel wherever I want to. You know, to jump off things.” I grin at her, and she grins back.
“As much as I’d never want to live here, it would make me really happy if you did. I won’t lie.”
“I’m not saying that’s gonna happen. I’m just telling you that, right now, I’m not sure where I’ll end up. But I promise to keep you in the loop, ’kay?”
“’Kay.”
Over the last couple of weeks, since that night at Lucky’s, I haven’t looked too deeply into my reasons for suddenly wanting to stick around Greenfield. I know one thing’s for sure: It can’t have anything to do with Laney. I mean, she’s got a life in another town, and for all I know could be marrying someone else. There would be no reason for me to stay here for her. But still, there’s something in me that’s just not ready to move on yet. A gut instinct. And, for a guy, I’m fairly intuitive, so I listen to my gut. And my gut’s telling me to stay. At least for a while.
TWENTY-SEVEN: Laney
Summerton. It was always the perfect place for me. It was far enough away from my parents, but not too far. It was bigger than Greenfield, but not too big. It had stuff to do, but was still a good place to raise a family. It had more job opportunities for me and for Shane, yet it wasn’t so big we could never move up in the world.
What a difference a few short months makes!
I unlock the door to the apartment I’ve barely stayed in. I rented it shortly after getting my first job. I signed the lease for one year thinking that I would only need it for a short time. I figured Shane and I would be getting married within that year and then moving into our first home together.
Now, I look around the cute space—the bright eggshell walls, the cheerful yellow curtains, the comfy ecru couch with its yellow and white throw pillows—and I feel nothing but disappointment. With . . . everything. Nothing turned out like I thought it would. Not that I’d really want that version of my life now.
It didn’t take me long to realize I didn’t love Shane. Not really. He seemed like everything I wanted. He fit the description to a T. The problem was that, until recently, I didn’t know who I was, much less how to go about finding what would make me happy. I’d still love a husband and a family and a home to take care of, but all that has shifted to encompass so much more. Laughter, excitement, passion. True love.
But it’s looking like I’ll never have any of that. At least not the vivacious version that I felt for a few short weeks. I might be able to find some watered-down version of it with a man that will . . . do. But what girl ever dreams about going through an entire lifetime with a person she settled for?
Not me.
For the thousandth time, I hold back tears. I’ve mourned Jake enough for three or four lifetimes. I need to move on.
The problem is, I don’t know how.
There was no real ending. No closure. We just . . . stopped.
Would I rather have spilled my guts and had to watch Jake awkwardly try not to further crush me? No. But in a way, that would’ve been preferable. At least it would feel over. Final. Not like it does now. Every day, I wake up like I’m in limbo. I go through the motions of living, but I’m not alive at all. Not really. It’s like I’m stuck back in those weeks with Jake, the weeks when life held so much promise.
Now it just seems bleak.
Hopeless.
Empty.
TWENTY-EIGHT: Jake
When the lawyer’s office called to tell me they were sending someone out, I should’ve asked who it was. But I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t want to expect Laney. Or maybe I didn’t want to not expect her. I’m not sure which is worse.
But now, waiting on the porch, I wish I’d asked. The anticipation is killing me.
I’ve thought of what I’ll say. I’ll congratulate her on her engagement and ask if they’ve set a date. That will tell me if it’s legit. Then I’ll ask if he makes her happy. If she says yes, I’ll move on. There’ll be no reason to ever think of Laney Holt again.
If only I can manage to get her out of my head. Out of my blood.
But what has me on pins and needles is wondering what I’ll say if she says no. What if he doesn’t make her happy? What if she’s reconsidered and realizes that she can’t live without me? Then what will I say? What will I do? Nothing has changed for me. Not really. I’m still bad for her. I’m still bad for anyone to get close to.
But damn, how I want to!
Never has my past haunted me like this. Like a demon. Like something I can’t shake no matter how hard I try.
Probably because I’ve never tried before. I’ve never wanted to be anything other than who I am. Who I was.
Until now.
Until Laney.
But that doesn’t seem to change anything, either.
Disappointment sets in when I see a shiny black sedan making its way along the driveway toward me. Even if Laney had gotten a new car, she’d never get something like this. This is an old, stuck-up, rich-guy car. And Laney is none of those things.
When it pulls to a stop in front of me, I’m already out of patience for the visit.
I guess I really should’ve asked if Laney would be coming.
Now, I’m just cranky.
The driver’s side opens and a tall, heavyset, white-haired man gets out, tugging on his vest then buttoning his jacket.
Pretentious.
He leans into his car and brings out his briefcase then closes the door and walks toward the porch. “You must be Jake. Robert Wilkins, but you can call me Bob.”
His handshake is firm, but his smile is pleasant. He’s much less of an as**ole than I expected. Nice surprise.
“Come on in,” I say, turning for the front door.
“We can stay out here if it’s all the same to you. There’s something about a big porch and fresh country air . . .” He inhales deeply and unbuttons his jacket as he lowers himself into one of the four straight-backed rockers. “So, young man, you’ve had a lot on your plate lately. How you holding up?”
I shrug, which aggravates the shit out of me. I never used to do that. I never used to feel like I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, where I was going, and what I wanted. Until now.
And now, all those things seemed to be wrapped up in one person that I can’t have and shouldn’t want.
“I’m okay. Just ready to get this over with. Obviously, I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to keep the orchard with me and Jenna.”
“Well, it’s looking like the gods are in your favor.”
“And why is that?”
“Your aunt’s attorney contacted me this morning, shortly after I filed the inventory. It seems her husband has come into quite a bit of money and they’ll be leaving the county, which means she’d have to hire someone to run the operation here if she were to gain a controlling interest. Evidently, that just wasn’t very appealing to her, so she has submitted that she’d like to revert to an arrangement similar to what she enjoyed with your parents. Just a monthly sum that’ll be deposited into her account. No real say in the day-to-day operations.”
While that’s definitely good news, I hate to have her involved in this place in any way. Who’s to say she won’t pull this same stunt again if Turkey (her husband) loses his ass out there?
Nobody. So it’s up to me to do what I can to prevent it.
“I’m glad she’s found some other means of making money in life, but you’ll understand if I’m not comforted by her rash decision. She could just as easily come back at a future date and try this again.”
Bob nods. “Which is why I would suggest that you make an offer to buy her out with one lump sum. You’ve got some valuable assets that you could probably part with and not feel the sting of it quite so much, if you get what I mean.”
“Yes, I do. What did you have in mind?”
I glance back at Shane. He looks genuinely sympathetic.
“I feel like this is all my fault, Laney. I should never have believed Tori when she said it was just a prank we were pulling. I—”
“What? Tori did not tell you that!”
“She did! Hand to God,” he says, holding up his hand as if he’s swearing.
I shake my head. It’s all just too much right now. “It doesn’t matter now, Shane. It’s done. Over. No hard feelings, okay?”
He looks down as he takes my left hand in his and begins fiddling with my ring finger. “Is there any chance my ring will ever find its way back here again?”
I pull my hand away. “Shane,” I say, backing away. From him. From the crowd. From the pain. From this place. “I just can’t do this right now.”
And with that, I run. I just run.
TWENTY-SIX: Jake
I can feel sweat running down my chest as I sit, perched on the edge of the big boulder, gulping down a bottle of water.
“You’re gonna puke if you don’t slow down,” a familiar voice says from behind me. I turn to see Jenna walking casually up the path toward me. “And, dude! There’s no puking on my rock.”
“This isn’t your rock,” I argue good-naturedly. “This is family rock.”
“Which, in this family, means it’s mine.”
I shrug. “Yeah, pretty much. Spoiled brat.”
“Arrogant dickweed.”
She climbs up the back of the rock and scoots down to sit beside me facing the river. We used to sit like this when we were little. When we’d help in the orchard on hot summer days, we’d come here to swim in the river and cool off, then we’d get up on the rock to dry. We weren’t allowed in the water without Dad around, but we did it anyway. I was the only one who ever got in trouble for it, though. Of course. Dad would always catch me in my room later to give me the big lecture on how my carelessness had already cost him one family member, that he wouldn’t allow it to happen again.
“What’re you doing here? Finally get up enough balls to come home?” I ask, pushing against her shoulder with my own.
“Something like that,” she answers vaguely. “How’re things going with the estate?”
“The inventory is complete. I guess now we just wait on the hearing.”
Jenna nods. “God, I hope she doesn’t get this place. It would kill Daddy.”
“She won’t get it, Jenna. I told you I’d take care of it. Stop worrying.”
I’ve already decided that I’d use every dime of my savings to pay off our aunt if need be. She’s a money whore. I think that would be like speaking her language. But if that didn’t work, my next step would be to threaten her, which I’m not above doing if it means saving this place from her. But Jenna doesn’t need to know the details. She just needs to know it’s taken care of. And it will be. One way or the other.
She’s quiet for a few minutes before she changes the subject. “So what are you still doing here? I figured you’d get Einie and be gone the instant the lawyer’s people left.”
I shrug. I don’t know how to answer that. “I’m not sure what my next move is just yet.”
“What do you mean? You go back to your life. You live it just like you planned. What’s not to know?”
I shrug again. “Maybe it’s time for something different.”
“Such as . . .”
I shrug yet again. “I don’t know. Where I was just doesn’t hold a lot of appeal for me right now.”
“So move. Find another job in another town. Some place where there’s skydiving. And lots of girls. That’s all you seem to need.” I look at Jenna. She’s grinning.
I smile back. “Yeah, I’m pretty easy to figure out, huh?”
“Hell yeah! As long as there’s a fire to fight, a few skirts to chase, and something to jump off of, you’re a happy camper.” I say nothing, so she nudges my shoulder. “Right?” I shrug. Yet again. “I swear to God, I’m gonna slap the shit out of you if you shrug one more time. What is wrong with you?”
“Did you drive all the way down here just to harass me?” I snap.
“No. I drove all the way down here to see my brother. I’m afraid that after you leave here, I won’t ever see you again.”
Surprised, I frown down into her face. “Why would you think that?”
I see her chin tremble. This isn’t like Jenna at all.
“You’ve never been really . . . into family. And now with both Mom and Dad gone, and this place up in the air, I’m just afraid you’ll travel off to parts unknown and I’ll never see you again.” Jenna turns her dark eyes up to mine. They’re so much like I remember Mom’s being, especially now, glistening with tears. And a lot of love. “Jake, you’re all I have left. Absentee grandparents don’t count.”
I wrap my arm around Jenna’s shoulders and pull her in for a hug. “You’re all I’ve got, too. And I promise you’ll see me again. Hell, who knows. I might even end up here. Stranger things have happened.”
Jenna leans back to look at me. “What? Why the hell would you wanna do that?”
I shrug, and she slaps my arm. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting older, thinking about all the stuff I’ve missed out on all these years. Maybe it’s time to finally settle down. At least a little bit. I mean, it’s not like I can’t travel wherever I want to. You know, to jump off things.” I grin at her, and she grins back.
“As much as I’d never want to live here, it would make me really happy if you did. I won’t lie.”
“I’m not saying that’s gonna happen. I’m just telling you that, right now, I’m not sure where I’ll end up. But I promise to keep you in the loop, ’kay?”
“’Kay.”
Over the last couple of weeks, since that night at Lucky’s, I haven’t looked too deeply into my reasons for suddenly wanting to stick around Greenfield. I know one thing’s for sure: It can’t have anything to do with Laney. I mean, she’s got a life in another town, and for all I know could be marrying someone else. There would be no reason for me to stay here for her. But still, there’s something in me that’s just not ready to move on yet. A gut instinct. And, for a guy, I’m fairly intuitive, so I listen to my gut. And my gut’s telling me to stay. At least for a while.
TWENTY-SEVEN: Laney
Summerton. It was always the perfect place for me. It was far enough away from my parents, but not too far. It was bigger than Greenfield, but not too big. It had stuff to do, but was still a good place to raise a family. It had more job opportunities for me and for Shane, yet it wasn’t so big we could never move up in the world.
What a difference a few short months makes!
I unlock the door to the apartment I’ve barely stayed in. I rented it shortly after getting my first job. I signed the lease for one year thinking that I would only need it for a short time. I figured Shane and I would be getting married within that year and then moving into our first home together.
Now, I look around the cute space—the bright eggshell walls, the cheerful yellow curtains, the comfy ecru couch with its yellow and white throw pillows—and I feel nothing but disappointment. With . . . everything. Nothing turned out like I thought it would. Not that I’d really want that version of my life now.
It didn’t take me long to realize I didn’t love Shane. Not really. He seemed like everything I wanted. He fit the description to a T. The problem was that, until recently, I didn’t know who I was, much less how to go about finding what would make me happy. I’d still love a husband and a family and a home to take care of, but all that has shifted to encompass so much more. Laughter, excitement, passion. True love.
But it’s looking like I’ll never have any of that. At least not the vivacious version that I felt for a few short weeks. I might be able to find some watered-down version of it with a man that will . . . do. But what girl ever dreams about going through an entire lifetime with a person she settled for?
Not me.
For the thousandth time, I hold back tears. I’ve mourned Jake enough for three or four lifetimes. I need to move on.
The problem is, I don’t know how.
There was no real ending. No closure. We just . . . stopped.
Would I rather have spilled my guts and had to watch Jake awkwardly try not to further crush me? No. But in a way, that would’ve been preferable. At least it would feel over. Final. Not like it does now. Every day, I wake up like I’m in limbo. I go through the motions of living, but I’m not alive at all. Not really. It’s like I’m stuck back in those weeks with Jake, the weeks when life held so much promise.
Now it just seems bleak.
Hopeless.
Empty.
TWENTY-EIGHT: Jake
When the lawyer’s office called to tell me they were sending someone out, I should’ve asked who it was. But I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t want to expect Laney. Or maybe I didn’t want to not expect her. I’m not sure which is worse.
But now, waiting on the porch, I wish I’d asked. The anticipation is killing me.
I’ve thought of what I’ll say. I’ll congratulate her on her engagement and ask if they’ve set a date. That will tell me if it’s legit. Then I’ll ask if he makes her happy. If she says yes, I’ll move on. There’ll be no reason to ever think of Laney Holt again.
If only I can manage to get her out of my head. Out of my blood.
But what has me on pins and needles is wondering what I’ll say if she says no. What if he doesn’t make her happy? What if she’s reconsidered and realizes that she can’t live without me? Then what will I say? What will I do? Nothing has changed for me. Not really. I’m still bad for her. I’m still bad for anyone to get close to.
But damn, how I want to!
Never has my past haunted me like this. Like a demon. Like something I can’t shake no matter how hard I try.
Probably because I’ve never tried before. I’ve never wanted to be anything other than who I am. Who I was.
Until now.
Until Laney.
But that doesn’t seem to change anything, either.
Disappointment sets in when I see a shiny black sedan making its way along the driveway toward me. Even if Laney had gotten a new car, she’d never get something like this. This is an old, stuck-up, rich-guy car. And Laney is none of those things.
When it pulls to a stop in front of me, I’m already out of patience for the visit.
I guess I really should’ve asked if Laney would be coming.
Now, I’m just cranky.
The driver’s side opens and a tall, heavyset, white-haired man gets out, tugging on his vest then buttoning his jacket.
Pretentious.
He leans into his car and brings out his briefcase then closes the door and walks toward the porch. “You must be Jake. Robert Wilkins, but you can call me Bob.”
His handshake is firm, but his smile is pleasant. He’s much less of an as**ole than I expected. Nice surprise.
“Come on in,” I say, turning for the front door.
“We can stay out here if it’s all the same to you. There’s something about a big porch and fresh country air . . .” He inhales deeply and unbuttons his jacket as he lowers himself into one of the four straight-backed rockers. “So, young man, you’ve had a lot on your plate lately. How you holding up?”
I shrug, which aggravates the shit out of me. I never used to do that. I never used to feel like I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, where I was going, and what I wanted. Until now.
And now, all those things seemed to be wrapped up in one person that I can’t have and shouldn’t want.
“I’m okay. Just ready to get this over with. Obviously, I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to keep the orchard with me and Jenna.”
“Well, it’s looking like the gods are in your favor.”
“And why is that?”
“Your aunt’s attorney contacted me this morning, shortly after I filed the inventory. It seems her husband has come into quite a bit of money and they’ll be leaving the county, which means she’d have to hire someone to run the operation here if she were to gain a controlling interest. Evidently, that just wasn’t very appealing to her, so she has submitted that she’d like to revert to an arrangement similar to what she enjoyed with your parents. Just a monthly sum that’ll be deposited into her account. No real say in the day-to-day operations.”
While that’s definitely good news, I hate to have her involved in this place in any way. Who’s to say she won’t pull this same stunt again if Turkey (her husband) loses his ass out there?
Nobody. So it’s up to me to do what I can to prevent it.
“I’m glad she’s found some other means of making money in life, but you’ll understand if I’m not comforted by her rash decision. She could just as easily come back at a future date and try this again.”
Bob nods. “Which is why I would suggest that you make an offer to buy her out with one lump sum. You’ve got some valuable assets that you could probably part with and not feel the sting of it quite so much, if you get what I mean.”
“Yes, I do. What did you have in mind?”
