Soulless
Page 17
Buck looked at me with an eyebrow raised and his jaw resting thoughtfully on his hand. “I get it. I do. But…” He paused and looked out the front windshield as if there was something out there to see besides the dumpster and the back wall of the diner. “Why him? Why you think that this guy is your hero or something? I hate to say it Thia, but in a way, don’t you feel like you’re betraying your parents by being with this guy? Like maybe you’re only with him because you’re pissed that they’re dead and this is your way to get back at them.”
“Buck,” I started, as calmly as I possibly could, trying to ignore what he’d just said about Bear being some sort of post mortem rebellion. “You can ask me all this and I can answer you, but can we do that while we drive to Dr. Hurley’s office? Please. I’m begging you.”
“I told you I’d help you and I will but answer me first,” Buck demanded. “Don’t you think if your parents could see you now that they’d be pissed at what you’re doing…with him?” He scrunched his nose and said him as if he’d gotten a whiff of skunk spray.
Any control over my calmness I had snapped.
“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air. “Do you want me to tell you that I wish I’d just died with my parents? Because I won’t. My father used to be a great man, but for the last few years he’d been everything but great. He fell apart because my mom fell apart. He was weak because she was weak. And when they faded away and I was working three jobs to try and hold it all together, I had NOBODY. Tell me Buck, where were you then? Because I don’t remember you coming to my rescue.” Buck opened his mouth but I wasn’t done. “I’m not like them. I won’t crumble. I won’t make excuses. I refuse to wish away my life because they didn’t know how to live theirs, without yielding under the weight of their own bullshit. And I’ll tell you something else, I lived through the most horrible night of my life, because I was strong and I’ll survive this now because I’m strong.”
“Thia—” Bucky started, regret written all over his face.
“You’re wrong about one other thing too,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “I don’t think Bear is my hero. I don’t need him to be my hero. Love isn’t about wanting a hero, it’s about wanting to be one for the other person.”
I made a move to get out of the car but Buck reached over and held onto my arm. “I want to be yours,” he said, taking me by complete surprise. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“What?”
“Ever since we were kids I thought it would be me and you in the end. Then suddenly it was like you got that ring”—more skunk smell—“and at first, I thought it was a silly kid thing like when you had that weird crush on Al Pacino and wall papered your room with posters from Scarface and The Godfather. But then he showed up here, and I knew it was him right away. That’s when I knew I’d lost you.”
“Bucky,” I said, sympathetically placing my hand over his which was still on my arm. “We can start over. Be friends again,” I offered, hoping it would be enough.
Buck shook his head, and although I took my hand off of his, he didn’t release my arm. “Thia, that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
I sighed. “That’s why you stopped coming around,” I said, realizing the reason for the gradual rift in our friendship wasn’t because he couldn’t handle my family’s drama or hardship but because he wanted to be more than just my friend. Which only managed to piss me off. “Wait, let me get this straight. You wanted to be more than my friend and you knew that wasn’t what I wanted, so you decided that our friendship wasn’t worth it?”
Buck nodded. “Yeah, and I’m sorry, it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what to do.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Oh, you knew what to do all right. You abandoned me during the hardest time in my life because you had a crush. How noble of you.” I rolled my eyes and made another move to get out, but Buck’s hand tightened around my arm. “If you’re not going to help me get him out then I’ll just do it myself. He’s in trouble Buck, I have to go so stop—”
“Thia,” Bucky interrupted, putting his hand up.
“What?” I asked, blowing out a frustrated breath at his interruption.
He quirked an eyebrow at me and searched my face. “You really don’t know, do you?” Buck asked.
“Know what?”
“This whole time I thought you were lying to me. Trying to get me to do something for you but I couldn’t figure out what. I didn’t think you didn’t know though.”
“Know what, Buck?” I repeated.
“Bear, or whatever you call him. He’s not in jail. He’s out. He’s been out.”
“What?” A weight started to lift off my shoulders…until it crashed back down on me with more force than ever. “No, that can’t be true. He would of…”
“It’s true. And he didn’t,” Buck quipped, cutting me off. He leaned back, the leather seat creaking underneath him.
I wanted nothing more than to punch the smug look off his face.
“How long?” I asked, my disappointment quickly turning to anger. I tightened my grip on the door handle once more. Any harder and I’d be snapping it off.
Buck shrugged. “Just about two weeks or so. Case was dismissed. The DA botched the paperwork. The signed confession went missing along with pretty much all of the evidence collected at the scene. Finger prints, even the two guns. Something tells me that lawyer lady had something to do with it. I did some research on her. This wasn’t the first case she was involved in where evidence magically disappeared and it’s not like…”
Buck’s voice faded off into the distance. The only words I registered were playing over and over again in my head. An echo of TWO WEEKS. I was going to be sick.
Bear was out. Free.
He was okay.
I took a deep breath.
He hadn’t come for me.
My chest tightened.
The realization I came to next was dizzying.
Bear wasn’t coming for me.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely registered Buck taking my hand in his or how close he’d shifted over to me, or even the arm he’d slung over my shoulder. I didn’t notice a damn thing while I tried to process how I was feeling when he lurched forward and pressed his cracked thin lips on mine. His cold tongue attempted to snake its way into my mouth.
I froze. My eyes open, witnessing the horror that was Buck kissing me. It only took a few seconds for me to remember my limbs and what I could use them for. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move. I shouted against his mouth, but he still didn’t budge. I pulled my knees up between us and kicked on his chest. That seemed to do the trick because suddenly the door flew open and Buck was gone.
I was strong, but there was no way I was that strong.
I shifted over to the driver’s seat and spied a very frightened looking Buck on his butt in the dirt. A very large, very blue eyed, very shirtless, very muscular, very tattooed, and VERY angry man was attached to that gun.
“Buck,” I started, as calmly as I possibly could, trying to ignore what he’d just said about Bear being some sort of post mortem rebellion. “You can ask me all this and I can answer you, but can we do that while we drive to Dr. Hurley’s office? Please. I’m begging you.”
“I told you I’d help you and I will but answer me first,” Buck demanded. “Don’t you think if your parents could see you now that they’d be pissed at what you’re doing…with him?” He scrunched his nose and said him as if he’d gotten a whiff of skunk spray.
Any control over my calmness I had snapped.
“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air. “Do you want me to tell you that I wish I’d just died with my parents? Because I won’t. My father used to be a great man, but for the last few years he’d been everything but great. He fell apart because my mom fell apart. He was weak because she was weak. And when they faded away and I was working three jobs to try and hold it all together, I had NOBODY. Tell me Buck, where were you then? Because I don’t remember you coming to my rescue.” Buck opened his mouth but I wasn’t done. “I’m not like them. I won’t crumble. I won’t make excuses. I refuse to wish away my life because they didn’t know how to live theirs, without yielding under the weight of their own bullshit. And I’ll tell you something else, I lived through the most horrible night of my life, because I was strong and I’ll survive this now because I’m strong.”
“Thia—” Bucky started, regret written all over his face.
“You’re wrong about one other thing too,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “I don’t think Bear is my hero. I don’t need him to be my hero. Love isn’t about wanting a hero, it’s about wanting to be one for the other person.”
I made a move to get out of the car but Buck reached over and held onto my arm. “I want to be yours,” he said, taking me by complete surprise. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“What?”
“Ever since we were kids I thought it would be me and you in the end. Then suddenly it was like you got that ring”—more skunk smell—“and at first, I thought it was a silly kid thing like when you had that weird crush on Al Pacino and wall papered your room with posters from Scarface and The Godfather. But then he showed up here, and I knew it was him right away. That’s when I knew I’d lost you.”
“Bucky,” I said, sympathetically placing my hand over his which was still on my arm. “We can start over. Be friends again,” I offered, hoping it would be enough.
Buck shook his head, and although I took my hand off of his, he didn’t release my arm. “Thia, that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
I sighed. “That’s why you stopped coming around,” I said, realizing the reason for the gradual rift in our friendship wasn’t because he couldn’t handle my family’s drama or hardship but because he wanted to be more than just my friend. Which only managed to piss me off. “Wait, let me get this straight. You wanted to be more than my friend and you knew that wasn’t what I wanted, so you decided that our friendship wasn’t worth it?”
Buck nodded. “Yeah, and I’m sorry, it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what to do.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Oh, you knew what to do all right. You abandoned me during the hardest time in my life because you had a crush. How noble of you.” I rolled my eyes and made another move to get out, but Buck’s hand tightened around my arm. “If you’re not going to help me get him out then I’ll just do it myself. He’s in trouble Buck, I have to go so stop—”
“Thia,” Bucky interrupted, putting his hand up.
“What?” I asked, blowing out a frustrated breath at his interruption.
He quirked an eyebrow at me and searched my face. “You really don’t know, do you?” Buck asked.
“Know what?”
“This whole time I thought you were lying to me. Trying to get me to do something for you but I couldn’t figure out what. I didn’t think you didn’t know though.”
“Know what, Buck?” I repeated.
“Bear, or whatever you call him. He’s not in jail. He’s out. He’s been out.”
“What?” A weight started to lift off my shoulders…until it crashed back down on me with more force than ever. “No, that can’t be true. He would of…”
“It’s true. And he didn’t,” Buck quipped, cutting me off. He leaned back, the leather seat creaking underneath him.
I wanted nothing more than to punch the smug look off his face.
“How long?” I asked, my disappointment quickly turning to anger. I tightened my grip on the door handle once more. Any harder and I’d be snapping it off.
Buck shrugged. “Just about two weeks or so. Case was dismissed. The DA botched the paperwork. The signed confession went missing along with pretty much all of the evidence collected at the scene. Finger prints, even the two guns. Something tells me that lawyer lady had something to do with it. I did some research on her. This wasn’t the first case she was involved in where evidence magically disappeared and it’s not like…”
Buck’s voice faded off into the distance. The only words I registered were playing over and over again in my head. An echo of TWO WEEKS. I was going to be sick.
Bear was out. Free.
He was okay.
I took a deep breath.
He hadn’t come for me.
My chest tightened.
The realization I came to next was dizzying.
Bear wasn’t coming for me.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely registered Buck taking my hand in his or how close he’d shifted over to me, or even the arm he’d slung over my shoulder. I didn’t notice a damn thing while I tried to process how I was feeling when he lurched forward and pressed his cracked thin lips on mine. His cold tongue attempted to snake its way into my mouth.
I froze. My eyes open, witnessing the horror that was Buck kissing me. It only took a few seconds for me to remember my limbs and what I could use them for. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move. I shouted against his mouth, but he still didn’t budge. I pulled my knees up between us and kicked on his chest. That seemed to do the trick because suddenly the door flew open and Buck was gone.
I was strong, but there was no way I was that strong.
I shifted over to the driver’s seat and spied a very frightened looking Buck on his butt in the dirt. A very large, very blue eyed, very shirtless, very muscular, very tattooed, and VERY angry man was attached to that gun.
