Soulless
Page 34
He pulled me back in close and continued, “I went over to her place one day. She was always asking us to help her out with the garden and the trash and fixing light bulbs and shit, and honestly, I didn’t mind. I felt like I mattered when she told me to cut my nails or showed me the proper way to place a napkin on my lap when I ate, or rolled her eyes when I belched at the table.” His smile reached his eyes as he recalled that day. “On this one day, I went into her kitchen and there was an industrial-sized box of condoms on the table. Grace was sitting there with one of those green label makers in her hand, turning the dial and humming to herself. When she was done, she peeled off the label and slapped it on the box and handed it over to me.”
“What did it say?”
Bear laughed. “It was my name in big bold letters and under it she’d written BECAUSE MAMA GRACE CAN WAIT FOR GRANDKIDS A WHILE LONGER.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“She told me that she wasn’t a spring chicken, but that she was a pistol back in her day and that she knew what went on out there in ‘that club of yours,’” Bear said, attempting to mimic Grace’s voice and failing miserably. I passed the bottle back to him.
“She sounds amazing,” I said, trying not to engage the tear threatening to spill from the corner of my eye.
“She was amazing,” Bear said softly, staring at the dead TV screen across the room.
“Too bad you lied to her about the condom thing,” I said, feeling his smile against my hair.
“I never lied to Grace about that. Or about anything. I always wrapped up, every single time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and pull back to look at Bear’s face, who I’d have sworn would be laughing hysterically at his lie, but instead, he was sitting there straight faced. “I mean it, Ti. Never forgot a single time until you, and honestly, it wasn’t about forgetting. I needed to be as close as possible to you. I needed you to feel every single inch of what I was giving you,” he said, his voice dropping a couple octaves, making my skin come alive with awareness. “Still need to.”
“We should probably talk about what would happen if—” I started, but Bear cut me off.
“Ain’t nothing to talk about. Shit sucks right now because things are so uncertain with the Bastards, but Ti you gotta know that you carrying my kid ain’t gonna make me run. I’m a grown man. It’s not like I don’t know what can happen. What will happen if we keep going like this.” He tipped my chin up to him. “I want to keep going like this. I like the idea of you all fat with my kid.”
I playfully pushed on his chest. “She threatened me,” I announced, trying to change the subject and trying to get the hammering of my heart under control. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through me, but he humored me anyway.
“What?” he asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.
I pushed my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, it was the first time I met her actually. We weren’t even an us then.”
“She threatened Ray too, back in the day. It’s a good thing. It means she liked you,” Bear said. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Grace said if I hurt you she’d come after me,” I told him, “The way she said it, it still scares me.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“Yeah, but babe we just came back from her funeral,” Bear reminded me. “No reason to be scared now.”
I shook my head. “No, you heard her in the hospital. There was something in the way she said it that made me think that even death couldn’t stop her from making good on her threat.”
“I think you might be right on that one,” Bear said, planting a kiss on my jaw.
“I think so too,” I said. The lamp on the end table flickered.
“Promise me you’re not going anywhere. It sucks that Grace is gone, but I can handle it, or I will be able to handle it, because I knew it would happen someday. But if something happened to you…” Bear paused. “I don’t know if I could…no, I know that I couldn’t.”
“You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured him.
I made a promise and I’ll keep it. I will take care of him, I silently vowed to Grace.
I snuggled in closer to Bear who kissed me again, this time on my temple. I’d meant it. I’d take care of him with everything I had…or I’d die trying.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Thia
SILVER COLORED CLOUDS interfered with the normally unrelenting rays of the sun. With the clouds came a few moments of relief from the constant sweltering heat. A light breeze flowed in through the open windows of King’s truck as Ray and I made our way to Grace’s house to pack her entire life into boxes we’d gotten from the back alley of the Quick Stop. “What the hell are they even doing in there?” I asked Ray. It’d been almost twenty-four hours since King and Bear locked themselves in his tattoo shop. Rumbles of laughter, crashing, banging, breaking, and all sorts of loud music could all be heard from the room. The smell of weed and liquor permeated from underneath the door.
“Nothing good for them. I’m pretty sure they have enough booze and other shit in there to last them a week.”
“A week?” I asked.
“Yeah, but they obviously don’t have a week.” Ray was right. Chop and the Bastards would be back in just a couple of days. Gus had called to let us know the MC had started their trek back from the Carolinas. The war was on its way. “At least they have each other.”
“Yeah, that’s why even though you showed up in bad shape, I’m glad you came because if you didn’t, Bear would still be out there somewhere when he belongs here, at home. With family. You brought him home,” Ray said. “And you should have seen those two when Preppy died. They locked themselves away for what seemed like forever. But in the end, they came out better for it. Not healed. Not whole. Just…better.” Ray paused. “I told the kids about Grace¸” Ray added, taking a sharp corner without bothering to use the breaks. I held on to the handle on the headliner above the window in fear that I might fall out, suddenly very glad I remembered to wear my seatbelt. “Sorry,” she said after noticing either my white knuckles or the look of fear in my eyes. “I just recently got my license.”
“You’re doing so good,” I lied, releasing my death grip on the handle and dropping back into my seat after we settled onto a straight patch of road. “How did they take it? The kids?” I asked, as I looked in the rearview mirror to make sure Wolf and Munch were still behind us. Bear may have been having his moment with King, but he didn’t like the idea of us going over to Grace’s unprotected, especially after what had happened with Tretch.
“King and I talked to them for a while,” Ray said, keeping her hands at ten and two. “But all they got out of it was that Grandma Grace won’t be around to play with them anymore.” Her eyes never left the road. “That alone was enough to set them both to tears. Took us three hours to get Max to settle down. Both her and Sammy wound up sleeping in bed with us.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, knowing there wasn’t much else I could say that would make the situation any better for her. “I don’t know how you do it. Managing three kids. It’s like you’re not even human.”
“What did it say?”
Bear laughed. “It was my name in big bold letters and under it she’d written BECAUSE MAMA GRACE CAN WAIT FOR GRANDKIDS A WHILE LONGER.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“She told me that she wasn’t a spring chicken, but that she was a pistol back in her day and that she knew what went on out there in ‘that club of yours,’” Bear said, attempting to mimic Grace’s voice and failing miserably. I passed the bottle back to him.
“She sounds amazing,” I said, trying not to engage the tear threatening to spill from the corner of my eye.
“She was amazing,” Bear said softly, staring at the dead TV screen across the room.
“Too bad you lied to her about the condom thing,” I said, feeling his smile against my hair.
“I never lied to Grace about that. Or about anything. I always wrapped up, every single time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and pull back to look at Bear’s face, who I’d have sworn would be laughing hysterically at his lie, but instead, he was sitting there straight faced. “I mean it, Ti. Never forgot a single time until you, and honestly, it wasn’t about forgetting. I needed to be as close as possible to you. I needed you to feel every single inch of what I was giving you,” he said, his voice dropping a couple octaves, making my skin come alive with awareness. “Still need to.”
“We should probably talk about what would happen if—” I started, but Bear cut me off.
“Ain’t nothing to talk about. Shit sucks right now because things are so uncertain with the Bastards, but Ti you gotta know that you carrying my kid ain’t gonna make me run. I’m a grown man. It’s not like I don’t know what can happen. What will happen if we keep going like this.” He tipped my chin up to him. “I want to keep going like this. I like the idea of you all fat with my kid.”
I playfully pushed on his chest. “She threatened me,” I announced, trying to change the subject and trying to get the hammering of my heart under control. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through me, but he humored me anyway.
“What?” he asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.
I pushed my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, it was the first time I met her actually. We weren’t even an us then.”
“She threatened Ray too, back in the day. It’s a good thing. It means she liked you,” Bear said. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Grace said if I hurt you she’d come after me,” I told him, “The way she said it, it still scares me.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“Yeah, but babe we just came back from her funeral,” Bear reminded me. “No reason to be scared now.”
I shook my head. “No, you heard her in the hospital. There was something in the way she said it that made me think that even death couldn’t stop her from making good on her threat.”
“I think you might be right on that one,” Bear said, planting a kiss on my jaw.
“I think so too,” I said. The lamp on the end table flickered.
“Promise me you’re not going anywhere. It sucks that Grace is gone, but I can handle it, or I will be able to handle it, because I knew it would happen someday. But if something happened to you…” Bear paused. “I don’t know if I could…no, I know that I couldn’t.”
“You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured him.
I made a promise and I’ll keep it. I will take care of him, I silently vowed to Grace.
I snuggled in closer to Bear who kissed me again, this time on my temple. I’d meant it. I’d take care of him with everything I had…or I’d die trying.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Thia
SILVER COLORED CLOUDS interfered with the normally unrelenting rays of the sun. With the clouds came a few moments of relief from the constant sweltering heat. A light breeze flowed in through the open windows of King’s truck as Ray and I made our way to Grace’s house to pack her entire life into boxes we’d gotten from the back alley of the Quick Stop. “What the hell are they even doing in there?” I asked Ray. It’d been almost twenty-four hours since King and Bear locked themselves in his tattoo shop. Rumbles of laughter, crashing, banging, breaking, and all sorts of loud music could all be heard from the room. The smell of weed and liquor permeated from underneath the door.
“Nothing good for them. I’m pretty sure they have enough booze and other shit in there to last them a week.”
“A week?” I asked.
“Yeah, but they obviously don’t have a week.” Ray was right. Chop and the Bastards would be back in just a couple of days. Gus had called to let us know the MC had started their trek back from the Carolinas. The war was on its way. “At least they have each other.”
“Yeah, that’s why even though you showed up in bad shape, I’m glad you came because if you didn’t, Bear would still be out there somewhere when he belongs here, at home. With family. You brought him home,” Ray said. “And you should have seen those two when Preppy died. They locked themselves away for what seemed like forever. But in the end, they came out better for it. Not healed. Not whole. Just…better.” Ray paused. “I told the kids about Grace¸” Ray added, taking a sharp corner without bothering to use the breaks. I held on to the handle on the headliner above the window in fear that I might fall out, suddenly very glad I remembered to wear my seatbelt. “Sorry,” she said after noticing either my white knuckles or the look of fear in my eyes. “I just recently got my license.”
“You’re doing so good,” I lied, releasing my death grip on the handle and dropping back into my seat after we settled onto a straight patch of road. “How did they take it? The kids?” I asked, as I looked in the rearview mirror to make sure Wolf and Munch were still behind us. Bear may have been having his moment with King, but he didn’t like the idea of us going over to Grace’s unprotected, especially after what had happened with Tretch.
“King and I talked to them for a while,” Ray said, keeping her hands at ten and two. “But all they got out of it was that Grandma Grace won’t be around to play with them anymore.” Her eyes never left the road. “That alone was enough to set them both to tears. Took us three hours to get Max to settle down. Both her and Sammy wound up sleeping in bed with us.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, knowing there wasn’t much else I could say that would make the situation any better for her. “I don’t know how you do it. Managing three kids. It’s like you’re not even human.”
