Souls Unfractured
Page 31
“Our hands can’t ever touch. I can’t… I couldn’t do it.”
Maddie’s lips pulled into a half smile, but water filled her eyes and her voice hitched.
“Why are your eyes filling with water? Why is your voice breaking?” I asked, confused. I had to understand what she was thinking. What she was feeling. I didn’t know, and I had to.
“I am sad, Flame. It makes me sad to know that we can never touch.”
The muscles in my stomach pulled tight with the knowledge that I’d made her sad. Then that warm feeling I’d felt cooled and I no longer felt good. “I don’t want to make you sad. Not you. I just can’t be touched. It makes the flames worse. I can’t touch you.”
“It is okay, Flame,” Maddie said in response. She looked up at me and added, “Because I cannot be touched by a man either. But I dream about it regardless.”
I took a deep breath as I looked around my cabin. It was different. My things had been moved. It was clean. And… Maddie? No one ever came inside. But Maddie was inside now. And she wasn’t running away. No one ever wanted to stay.
They always left.
I was always here alone.
“Why’re you in here, Maddie?”
Maddie’s body tensed, as she replied, “You have not been well and I came to try and make you better.” Her head tilted to the side and she asked, “Do you not remember?”
I tried to search my mind, but all I could hear were screams and shouts. I could hear bullets. Then I could feel people tying me down.
“I don’t remember. I just woke up to you. Woke up tired but seeing him standing behind you. And I had to save you.”
Maddie stared at our hands and whispered, “You always save me.”
“I have to.”
Maddie stopped breathing, then asked, “Why?”
I searched my head for the answer, then said, “Because I think about you all the time. You look at me in a way no one else does. I think about what those men in that fucking cult did to you, and I can’t stand it. I need to make sure no one touches you like that again. And…” I sucked in a breath seeing an image in my head.
“And what?” Maddie asked.
“And you touched me,” I hushed out. In my head I saw her wrap her arms around my waist in that commune. “And I touched you back. And you weren’t hurt by me. The flames didn’t burn too hot under my skin at your touch and make my head full of noise.”
“And I did not fear you,” she replied. “I fear a man’s touch. I find it abhorrent. But not yours. I wanted to embrace you that day. I needed to. Even if we cannot ever embrace again.”
My chest tightened as she told me she didn’t fear me. She wasn’t scared of me.
I tried to lift my head, but I couldn’t find the strength. And I was cold. I was so cold. My eyes began to close, but I didn’t want to sleep. I thought of him in my sleep. It hurt when I slept. I wanted to stay here with Maddie. I needed to stay awake.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice forced my eyes to open. “You need to drink. You are dehydrated. Severely dehydrated.” I watched her as she got to her feet. My body twitched, bracing to stand when I thought she was leaving, but she just walked to the kitchen and filled up a glass with water.
Maddie brought it over to me and sat down. “Can you lift your head?”
I forced my head to lift. Carefully, Maddie brought the glass to my lips. And I stared at her the whole time. I drank the entire glass and Maddie placed it beside her.
“You should sleep,” she said soothingly, but my body twitched. Maddie jumped at my sudden movement, her eyes widening. “What is wrong?”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Maddie took a deep breath, and she blushed again.
“Why do you blush at things I say?” I asked, as her cheeks turned pink. I had to fight to breathe at the sight. It made my heart beat harder.
Maddie dipped her head. “Because I like what you say. It makes me feel… I do not know… special, when I am with you? It…” She held her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I feel it right here.”
“You are special to me,” I answered honestly.
Maddie glanced away, then when she stared down at me again, she was smiling. I liked it when she smiled. She didn’t smile much at all.
“I will stay, Flame. While you sleep, I shall stay.” She stood and walked to my bed. It had been moved into the middle of the bedroom. I watched her pull off the linen, linen covered in blood, and leave it by the door. She looked around, then asked, “Where do you keep the linen for the bed? I will dress the bed so you can sleep on clean sheets.”
“I sleep here,” I said. Maddie cautiously walked forward. Her forehead was pulled down again.
“You sleep on this floor?” she asked quietly. “Over this hatch?” Her voice had lost strength.
“Yeah.”
“Every night?”
“Yeah,” I answered again.
“Without linen or bedding? Just you on this floor?”
“Yeah.”
Her face straightened and turning, she said, “Okay.”
Maddie moved to the only chair in the room and pulled the old blanket off the top. She walked back to me and held it out. “May I cover you with this? Your skin is shivering because you are exhausted. You need to be warm.”
“I’m always cold when I sleep,” I told her. Maddie’s hand tightened into fists on the blanket. “I’ve always slept in the cold.”
Maddie’s lips pulled into a half smile, but water filled her eyes and her voice hitched.
“Why are your eyes filling with water? Why is your voice breaking?” I asked, confused. I had to understand what she was thinking. What she was feeling. I didn’t know, and I had to.
“I am sad, Flame. It makes me sad to know that we can never touch.”
The muscles in my stomach pulled tight with the knowledge that I’d made her sad. Then that warm feeling I’d felt cooled and I no longer felt good. “I don’t want to make you sad. Not you. I just can’t be touched. It makes the flames worse. I can’t touch you.”
“It is okay, Flame,” Maddie said in response. She looked up at me and added, “Because I cannot be touched by a man either. But I dream about it regardless.”
I took a deep breath as I looked around my cabin. It was different. My things had been moved. It was clean. And… Maddie? No one ever came inside. But Maddie was inside now. And she wasn’t running away. No one ever wanted to stay.
They always left.
I was always here alone.
“Why’re you in here, Maddie?”
Maddie’s body tensed, as she replied, “You have not been well and I came to try and make you better.” Her head tilted to the side and she asked, “Do you not remember?”
I tried to search my mind, but all I could hear were screams and shouts. I could hear bullets. Then I could feel people tying me down.
“I don’t remember. I just woke up to you. Woke up tired but seeing him standing behind you. And I had to save you.”
Maddie stared at our hands and whispered, “You always save me.”
“I have to.”
Maddie stopped breathing, then asked, “Why?”
I searched my head for the answer, then said, “Because I think about you all the time. You look at me in a way no one else does. I think about what those men in that fucking cult did to you, and I can’t stand it. I need to make sure no one touches you like that again. And…” I sucked in a breath seeing an image in my head.
“And what?” Maddie asked.
“And you touched me,” I hushed out. In my head I saw her wrap her arms around my waist in that commune. “And I touched you back. And you weren’t hurt by me. The flames didn’t burn too hot under my skin at your touch and make my head full of noise.”
“And I did not fear you,” she replied. “I fear a man’s touch. I find it abhorrent. But not yours. I wanted to embrace you that day. I needed to. Even if we cannot ever embrace again.”
My chest tightened as she told me she didn’t fear me. She wasn’t scared of me.
I tried to lift my head, but I couldn’t find the strength. And I was cold. I was so cold. My eyes began to close, but I didn’t want to sleep. I thought of him in my sleep. It hurt when I slept. I wanted to stay here with Maddie. I needed to stay awake.
“Flame?” Maddie’s voice forced my eyes to open. “You need to drink. You are dehydrated. Severely dehydrated.” I watched her as she got to her feet. My body twitched, bracing to stand when I thought she was leaving, but she just walked to the kitchen and filled up a glass with water.
Maddie brought it over to me and sat down. “Can you lift your head?”
I forced my head to lift. Carefully, Maddie brought the glass to my lips. And I stared at her the whole time. I drank the entire glass and Maddie placed it beside her.
“You should sleep,” she said soothingly, but my body twitched. Maddie jumped at my sudden movement, her eyes widening. “What is wrong?”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Maddie took a deep breath, and she blushed again.
“Why do you blush at things I say?” I asked, as her cheeks turned pink. I had to fight to breathe at the sight. It made my heart beat harder.
Maddie dipped her head. “Because I like what you say. It makes me feel… I do not know… special, when I am with you? It…” She held her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I feel it right here.”
“You are special to me,” I answered honestly.
Maddie glanced away, then when she stared down at me again, she was smiling. I liked it when she smiled. She didn’t smile much at all.
“I will stay, Flame. While you sleep, I shall stay.” She stood and walked to my bed. It had been moved into the middle of the bedroom. I watched her pull off the linen, linen covered in blood, and leave it by the door. She looked around, then asked, “Where do you keep the linen for the bed? I will dress the bed so you can sleep on clean sheets.”
“I sleep here,” I said. Maddie cautiously walked forward. Her forehead was pulled down again.
“You sleep on this floor?” she asked quietly. “Over this hatch?” Her voice had lost strength.
“Yeah.”
“Every night?”
“Yeah,” I answered again.
“Without linen or bedding? Just you on this floor?”
“Yeah.”
Her face straightened and turning, she said, “Okay.”
Maddie moved to the only chair in the room and pulled the old blanket off the top. She walked back to me and held it out. “May I cover you with this? Your skin is shivering because you are exhausted. You need to be warm.”
“I’m always cold when I sleep,” I told her. Maddie’s hand tightened into fists on the blanket. “I’ve always slept in the cold.”
