Souls Unfractured
Page 69
Flame lifted his hand and took hold of mine. He moved them slowly to his arm still at my side. Taking my fingers, he pressed my fingernails into the flesh on his forearm, and dragged my nails down his skin.
Flame hissed and I felt his length swell within me as my nails marked his skin. Color burst on his cheeks, and with his eyes still closed, he released my hand and demanded harshly, “Again. Do it again.”
With a timid hand, I moved my fingers to the top of Flame’s arm and dragged my fingers down to his wrist in a slow, hard motion. Flame’s hips bucked harshly inside of me, an aggressive cry leaving his lips.
I tensed in fear. I froze on the mattress, my hands dropping to my sides. I tried to breathe, but it seemed out of my reach.
Flame’s eyes opened, just as a tear trickled down the side of my face. He watched the droplet fall into my hair and he reared back his chest.
“Maddie?” he rasped. “You’re crying.”
I glanced to the scratches I had made on his arms, the skin red and raised, and I felt sick. I shook my head on the pillow. “I cannot Flame,” I said barely making a sound. “I cannot have pain involved in this act. Not between us.” I cast Moses’ face from my head, and meeting Flame’s pained eyes said, “I want this with you. I want this with you, so badly. But I cannot. I cannot cause you pain. It is not within me… it is not how our joining should be. We need this to mean more. We need this to be just us, not about our pasts.” I swallowed back the emotion threatening to take hold.
The hard muscles on Flame’s chest tensed and flinched then, devastated, he said, “I can’t fucking do it without the pain. I’m fucked up and need the pain.” His expression fell, and with large lost eyes, he whispered, “Maddie… how do we do this? I want it so fucking bad… but I don’t think… FUCK!” Flame’s teeth gritted and his hands fisted the linen sheets.
Inhaling deep, I lifted my hands to lie on his dark bearded cheeks. Flame sighed as in defeat, his broad shoulders sagging. His eyes would not meet mine, his eyes were forever on mine, and his avoidance shattered my heart.
“Flame?” I said softly. “Look at me.” Flame looked up at me through lowered long black lashes, and I said, “We have to do this. We both have to do this to move on. No fear. No demons. Just us. You and Me. Flame and his Maddie.”
“Maddie,” he responded gruffly, almost painfully. “I don’t know… I can’t… the pain, I need it—”
“You have me,” I interrupted, feeling the strength of that statement resonate in my every cell. Flame stilled, watching me with a profound intensity. Boldly, rolling my hips, I said, “We need to make this our first time. We need to make this the first act of love we have ever known. This is the night we lose our innocence, without the pain.” Another tear fell from my eye, and I added, “We have been lonely too long.”
“I don’t know how to do this without pain,” Flame said in a desperate tone.
Pulling his head down, his forehead met mine. “Focus on me. Make me your one thought. Replace the pain with thoughts of my face. My touch… my love…”
Flame’s lips pressed a whisper of a kiss to the side of my mouth. And desperate to see this through, I moved to run a hand down his arm over the scratches I had made. Guilt engulfed me, and I hushed, “Your pain causes me pain. Your distress causes me distress.”
Flame froze, and glancing down at my hand, he said, “I don’t want to cause you pain. I couldn’t fucking stand causing you pain. Not you.”
Hope filled my heart, and I pushed, “Then try. Try to make love to me without the scratches or the blades… without the hurtful memories of your past. Just… me and you.”
Flame’s eyes closed, his body deathly still, then threading his fingers through mine, he began to move.
And the tears fell.
Flame’s head had tucked into my neck, and at the sound of my gentle sobs, he looked up and, pouring from his eyes, were tears too. My heart broke at the sight of this man becoming so undone.
And then he moved, expelling painful frustrated groans, my name slipping from his lips. Eleven times. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…” A sob followed as he gradually built up speed, his hand gripping mine so impossibly tight.
And the tears did not stop. They did not stop as Flame’s groans of pain gave way to groans of pleasure. They increased in tandem with mine, his fullness within me igniting something in my blood, a build-up, a build-up of whispers under my skin, of a light shining behind my eyes.
Flame’s breathing changed, and as he looked down at me, his face wearing an expression of disbelief, my finger stroked along his bearded cheek.
“Maddie!” he growled, his hips rolling faster as his large arms lifted to cage me on the bed, our fingers still entwined. My pulse increased when the sparks in my blood surged with heat. Unable to keep from closing my eyes, a cry came from my lips as a feeling so intense took hold of my body. My back arched, guiding my breasts to brush against Flame’s hard chest. I panicked at the unfamiliar sensation, but all I could feel was Flame—before me, above me… inside me… within me…
Just as my eyes fluttered open, Flame’s large body tensed, and releasing a deafening roar, he jerked within me. Heat filled my body… Flame’s heat.
Just Flame.
No pain.
Flame hissed and I felt his length swell within me as my nails marked his skin. Color burst on his cheeks, and with his eyes still closed, he released my hand and demanded harshly, “Again. Do it again.”
With a timid hand, I moved my fingers to the top of Flame’s arm and dragged my fingers down to his wrist in a slow, hard motion. Flame’s hips bucked harshly inside of me, an aggressive cry leaving his lips.
I tensed in fear. I froze on the mattress, my hands dropping to my sides. I tried to breathe, but it seemed out of my reach.
Flame’s eyes opened, just as a tear trickled down the side of my face. He watched the droplet fall into my hair and he reared back his chest.
“Maddie?” he rasped. “You’re crying.”
I glanced to the scratches I had made on his arms, the skin red and raised, and I felt sick. I shook my head on the pillow. “I cannot Flame,” I said barely making a sound. “I cannot have pain involved in this act. Not between us.” I cast Moses’ face from my head, and meeting Flame’s pained eyes said, “I want this with you. I want this with you, so badly. But I cannot. I cannot cause you pain. It is not within me… it is not how our joining should be. We need this to mean more. We need this to be just us, not about our pasts.” I swallowed back the emotion threatening to take hold.
The hard muscles on Flame’s chest tensed and flinched then, devastated, he said, “I can’t fucking do it without the pain. I’m fucked up and need the pain.” His expression fell, and with large lost eyes, he whispered, “Maddie… how do we do this? I want it so fucking bad… but I don’t think… FUCK!” Flame’s teeth gritted and his hands fisted the linen sheets.
Inhaling deep, I lifted my hands to lie on his dark bearded cheeks. Flame sighed as in defeat, his broad shoulders sagging. His eyes would not meet mine, his eyes were forever on mine, and his avoidance shattered my heart.
“Flame?” I said softly. “Look at me.” Flame looked up at me through lowered long black lashes, and I said, “We have to do this. We both have to do this to move on. No fear. No demons. Just us. You and Me. Flame and his Maddie.”
“Maddie,” he responded gruffly, almost painfully. “I don’t know… I can’t… the pain, I need it—”
“You have me,” I interrupted, feeling the strength of that statement resonate in my every cell. Flame stilled, watching me with a profound intensity. Boldly, rolling my hips, I said, “We need to make this our first time. We need to make this the first act of love we have ever known. This is the night we lose our innocence, without the pain.” Another tear fell from my eye, and I added, “We have been lonely too long.”
“I don’t know how to do this without pain,” Flame said in a desperate tone.
Pulling his head down, his forehead met mine. “Focus on me. Make me your one thought. Replace the pain with thoughts of my face. My touch… my love…”
Flame’s lips pressed a whisper of a kiss to the side of my mouth. And desperate to see this through, I moved to run a hand down his arm over the scratches I had made. Guilt engulfed me, and I hushed, “Your pain causes me pain. Your distress causes me distress.”
Flame froze, and glancing down at my hand, he said, “I don’t want to cause you pain. I couldn’t fucking stand causing you pain. Not you.”
Hope filled my heart, and I pushed, “Then try. Try to make love to me without the scratches or the blades… without the hurtful memories of your past. Just… me and you.”
Flame’s eyes closed, his body deathly still, then threading his fingers through mine, he began to move.
And the tears fell.
Flame’s head had tucked into my neck, and at the sound of my gentle sobs, he looked up and, pouring from his eyes, were tears too. My heart broke at the sight of this man becoming so undone.
And then he moved, expelling painful frustrated groans, my name slipping from his lips. Eleven times. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…” A sob followed as he gradually built up speed, his hand gripping mine so impossibly tight.
And the tears did not stop. They did not stop as Flame’s groans of pain gave way to groans of pleasure. They increased in tandem with mine, his fullness within me igniting something in my blood, a build-up, a build-up of whispers under my skin, of a light shining behind my eyes.
Flame’s breathing changed, and as he looked down at me, his face wearing an expression of disbelief, my finger stroked along his bearded cheek.
“Maddie!” he growled, his hips rolling faster as his large arms lifted to cage me on the bed, our fingers still entwined. My pulse increased when the sparks in my blood surged with heat. Unable to keep from closing my eyes, a cry came from my lips as a feeling so intense took hold of my body. My back arched, guiding my breasts to brush against Flame’s hard chest. I panicked at the unfamiliar sensation, but all I could feel was Flame—before me, above me… inside me… within me…
Just as my eyes fluttered open, Flame’s large body tensed, and releasing a deafening roar, he jerked within me. Heat filled my body… Flame’s heat.
Just Flame.
No pain.
