Steadfast
Page 82
“Momma’s spell worked?” Faye grinned at the group of them; Nadia suspected she would have liked to join in. “I’m so glad.”
“The spell worked.” Nadia’s words were muffled until she pulled back from Verlaine. “But it didn’t stop Elizabeth.”
And as she told them the rest—the price she’d had to pay—she could only watch as Faye’s and Verlaine’s faces fell. Even Mateo winced as he heard Nadia finish: “As of my oath, I’m the same as Elizabeth. I’m a Sorceress.”
Verlaine found her voice first. “Does this mean you’re here to kill us?”
“No! God, no. Never. I would never do that.” Nadia ran one hand through her damp hair, trying not to give in to tears. “But I took a binding oath. From now on, I’m tied to Elizabeth. I just hope I can use the connection. Turn it to our advantage.”
“You’re a fool.” Faye’s words hit Nadia like a slap. “You think you can use darkness? Trust me, it always winds up using you.”
“I didn’t have any other choice,” Nadia said. “Everyone would have died.”
“Then you should have let them die.” Faye grabbed her satchel and walked up to them, clearly heading for the door. She said, “My mother’s Book of Shadows is still at La Catrina. I’m taking it back. Don’t try to stop me. I may not be a witch, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Test me and you’ll find out.”
Nadia protested, “We’re not enemies.”
Faye shook her head. “If you’re sworn to the One Beneath? We most certainly are.” With that she stalked outside.
Verlaine twisted the length of her silvery hair, a gesture that by now Nadia knew meant she was nervous. “We’re not enemies,” she said, “but I have to admit I’m kind of freaked out at the moment.”
“Me too,” Nadia confessed.
“I’m gonna—I need to collapse for about two days straight right now,” Verlaine said. “And I’ll think about the rest later.”
Nadia nodded. “Okay.”
“So I’ll see you at school. I guess we’ll have school again, now that everybody’s gotten better.” Verlaine went for the door, then paused. “Do you still get to go to school, and live at home, and do, uh, normal human stuff?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Nadia nodded. “At least, as far as I know.”
“Then I’ll see you at school,” Verlaine repeated more steadily, and then she went out and left them alone.
They stayed together as long as they could that night, until Mr. Perez texted that he was on his way home. Nadia hated to leave Mateo—hated the thought of being separated from him for even a moment. She needed the people she loved more than ever now. They were her best defense against the darkness. Maybe her only defense. Whatever hope she had of ultimately defeating Elizabeth lay with them.
She remembered her mother’s voice in her head: Love is the only thing that makes life worth living.
And yet a price had to be paid.
Mateo walked with her out on the beach. Already the sky was almost clear; many of the stars shone through the scanty clouds. Neither of them spoke for a long time, until Mateo finally said, “We have to break the Steadfast bond, don’t we?”
He’d glimpsed part of this, at least, but it didn’t make what Nadia had to say any easier. “No. We can’t. It’s like I told you—at this point, for us to break that bond, I would have to sever my connection to magic, completely and forever.”
“I thought maybe—maybe you felt like you had to do that.”
She wrapped her hand around his. “I don’t have the right to do that anymore. I’m sworn to the One Beneath. If I even tried it, I’d die.”
It might come to that, in the end. But Nadia knew better than to say so to Mateo. That knowledge was too terrible to burden him with, at least until there was no other choice.
“But I make you stronger,” Mateo said. “Just by being near you. And now, if you have to do things for the One Beneath, I’ll be making him stronger.”
She nodded. “Just by being near me.”
He understood then. His steps faltered, but he didn’t let go of her hand. The pain she saw in Mateo’s eyes cut her to the quick—but worse by far was the compassion she saw there. The total commitment. Mateo knew why she had to do this, and he was strong enough not to hate her for it.
Nadia only hoped she was strong enough not to hate herself.
“If we’re together, you’ll make me too strong,” she said. “You’ll make me too useful to the One Beneath. I always draw power from you—you always make me stronger, always. But we have to minimize that as much as we can. That means staying apart as much as possible. Besides—” By now her voice shook, and her throat ached with unshed tears. “From now on, every moment is dangerous. Every step I take could go wrong. I need to know you’re safe, Mateo. Otherwise I don’t think I can do this. I can only do it without you.”
She could see the anguish in his eyes, but when he spoke, none of the pain came through. Only the love. “You’re going to come back to me, Nadia. You will. You’re going to take them down from the inside, Elizabeth and the One Beneath. And then you’re coming back to me.” Mateo pulled her into his arms. “Promise me.”
How could she promise what might not be possible? But that was exactly why she had to promise, Nadia realized. She had to promise it before she could believe it, and if she couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t make it real. “I promise, Mateo. I promise.”
“The spell worked.” Nadia’s words were muffled until she pulled back from Verlaine. “But it didn’t stop Elizabeth.”
And as she told them the rest—the price she’d had to pay—she could only watch as Faye’s and Verlaine’s faces fell. Even Mateo winced as he heard Nadia finish: “As of my oath, I’m the same as Elizabeth. I’m a Sorceress.”
Verlaine found her voice first. “Does this mean you’re here to kill us?”
“No! God, no. Never. I would never do that.” Nadia ran one hand through her damp hair, trying not to give in to tears. “But I took a binding oath. From now on, I’m tied to Elizabeth. I just hope I can use the connection. Turn it to our advantage.”
“You’re a fool.” Faye’s words hit Nadia like a slap. “You think you can use darkness? Trust me, it always winds up using you.”
“I didn’t have any other choice,” Nadia said. “Everyone would have died.”
“Then you should have let them die.” Faye grabbed her satchel and walked up to them, clearly heading for the door. She said, “My mother’s Book of Shadows is still at La Catrina. I’m taking it back. Don’t try to stop me. I may not be a witch, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Test me and you’ll find out.”
Nadia protested, “We’re not enemies.”
Faye shook her head. “If you’re sworn to the One Beneath? We most certainly are.” With that she stalked outside.
Verlaine twisted the length of her silvery hair, a gesture that by now Nadia knew meant she was nervous. “We’re not enemies,” she said, “but I have to admit I’m kind of freaked out at the moment.”
“Me too,” Nadia confessed.
“I’m gonna—I need to collapse for about two days straight right now,” Verlaine said. “And I’ll think about the rest later.”
Nadia nodded. “Okay.”
“So I’ll see you at school. I guess we’ll have school again, now that everybody’s gotten better.” Verlaine went for the door, then paused. “Do you still get to go to school, and live at home, and do, uh, normal human stuff?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Nadia nodded. “At least, as far as I know.”
“Then I’ll see you at school,” Verlaine repeated more steadily, and then she went out and left them alone.
They stayed together as long as they could that night, until Mr. Perez texted that he was on his way home. Nadia hated to leave Mateo—hated the thought of being separated from him for even a moment. She needed the people she loved more than ever now. They were her best defense against the darkness. Maybe her only defense. Whatever hope she had of ultimately defeating Elizabeth lay with them.
She remembered her mother’s voice in her head: Love is the only thing that makes life worth living.
And yet a price had to be paid.
Mateo walked with her out on the beach. Already the sky was almost clear; many of the stars shone through the scanty clouds. Neither of them spoke for a long time, until Mateo finally said, “We have to break the Steadfast bond, don’t we?”
He’d glimpsed part of this, at least, but it didn’t make what Nadia had to say any easier. “No. We can’t. It’s like I told you—at this point, for us to break that bond, I would have to sever my connection to magic, completely and forever.”
“I thought maybe—maybe you felt like you had to do that.”
She wrapped her hand around his. “I don’t have the right to do that anymore. I’m sworn to the One Beneath. If I even tried it, I’d die.”
It might come to that, in the end. But Nadia knew better than to say so to Mateo. That knowledge was too terrible to burden him with, at least until there was no other choice.
“But I make you stronger,” Mateo said. “Just by being near you. And now, if you have to do things for the One Beneath, I’ll be making him stronger.”
She nodded. “Just by being near me.”
He understood then. His steps faltered, but he didn’t let go of her hand. The pain she saw in Mateo’s eyes cut her to the quick—but worse by far was the compassion she saw there. The total commitment. Mateo knew why she had to do this, and he was strong enough not to hate her for it.
Nadia only hoped she was strong enough not to hate herself.
“If we’re together, you’ll make me too strong,” she said. “You’ll make me too useful to the One Beneath. I always draw power from you—you always make me stronger, always. But we have to minimize that as much as we can. That means staying apart as much as possible. Besides—” By now her voice shook, and her throat ached with unshed tears. “From now on, every moment is dangerous. Every step I take could go wrong. I need to know you’re safe, Mateo. Otherwise I don’t think I can do this. I can only do it without you.”
She could see the anguish in his eyes, but when he spoke, none of the pain came through. Only the love. “You’re going to come back to me, Nadia. You will. You’re going to take them down from the inside, Elizabeth and the One Beneath. And then you’re coming back to me.” Mateo pulled her into his arms. “Promise me.”
How could she promise what might not be possible? But that was exactly why she had to promise, Nadia realized. She had to promise it before she could believe it, and if she couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t make it real. “I promise, Mateo. I promise.”
