Stealing Harper
Page 63
“Don’t make this harder for either of us; you know how I feel. Let’s give it a few days, and we’ll see if we can start again as friends. No matter what happens to us, Chase, I want you in his life.”
But I wanted to be in her life, too. My world meant nothing if it didn’t have both of them in it. My stomach churned, and my vision blurred as I realized this was it, the moment I’d always wanted her to find but had always dreaded—when she realized she was better off without me. “I love you, Princess,” I whispered before kissing her one more time and walking out the door.
My body shook brutally with a new round of sobs as soon as I was in my truck, and I slumped against the steering wheel. This is what she needed, but I couldn’t let this happen. I was too selfish to let her go; I needed her more than she could ever imagine. Before I met her, I’d thought my life was perfect. But, in reality, it was meaningless, and would go back to being just that if she was gone. Every ounce of my being was yelling at me to go back into my parents’ house, pull her into my arms, and make her forget about what had happened. But if I was to ever get her back, I needed to give her the space I knew she needed. I scrubbed my hands down my face and cranked the engine over, I had to get out of there before the idea of kissing her senseless started sounding better and better.
While I drove, I thought about everything that had happened in the last year with her, and I couldn’t believe one girl had changed me so completely. My chest rose and fell quickly as I thought about everything I’d done wrong when it came to her, wishing I hadn’t wasted so much time being an ass**le to her, and at the same time wishing I had continued to push her away. But how do you continue to push away your reason for staying on this earth? My chest tightened as my heart and mind continued to fight for two different outcomes. I didn’t know which side was winning out. I just knew I wanted her—and I wanted her forever.
Thoughts of my conversation with Brandon in the morning kept creeping back, and though I wanted to push them away, I knew he was right. I knew he was what was best for her. Hadn’t I always been the one saying that? To her—to everyone? Brandon wouldn’t do this to her, he wouldn’t crush her over and over again, but I didn’t know if I had the strength to leave her for good. She was mine—she would always be mine.
I lifted my hips slightly to reach for my phone in my back pocket. When I didn’t feel it, I started going through all my other pockets. Nothing. Where was my phone? I needed to call her. Even if she didn’t answer, I needed to tell her I loved her and that I wasn’t giving up on us, I never would. I felt around on the passenger seat, again turning up nothing. I looked in the rearview mirror and out the windshield. No cars around me, and the light up ahead was still green. Leaning over, I ran my hand over the floor on the passenger side but didn’t feel anything. I swear I had just—Trish . . . I threw my phone against the wall. Fuck, I’d left it at Mom’s. I sat up quickly, deciding it was a sign, and I needed to go back and take Harper into my arms and talk everything out.
I saw the lights out of the corner of my eye before I heard the horn. My eyes darted up to see the red light before I turned my head just in time to have my entire body rocked and the sound of crunching metal fill my world.
MY EYELIDS FEEL heavy as I slowly blink them open. There is a heavy ringing filling my ears, and it feels like a crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I try to lift my arms up to my chest to remove whatever it is, but I can’t make them move. Slowly, things start coming to me. The sound of a continuous horn, searing pain throughout my body, the smell of smoke, and something that smells close to rust and salt filling my nose. My head falls forward, and I realize I’ve closed my eyes again. Forcing them open, I see my blue shirt covered in blood. Why am I covered in blood? I start to panic; my chest heaves up and down roughly once, and the movement forces me to cough out a cry of pain—blood trickling past my lips and onto my lap.
I try to take a steady breath in, but it feels wrong, it feels like I’m breathing in fluid. Choking—I’m choking on blood. Another cough, and more blood falls past my lips. I somehow lift my head enough to see a massive grill where my window and door are supposed to be. Flashes of a red light, bright headlights, and a loud horn. Oh God. God no, please no. Tears form quickly, and I shut my eyes against the blurred grill and pain that is slowly leaving. I don’t want the pain to leave because in its place I feel nothing at all. Please, God—please I’ll take the pain, just don’t take me. I don’t want to die. Don’t take me from Harper and our baby.
“You’ll always have my heart, Chase Grayson.”
“Princess? God, Harper—what have I done? I don’t want to leave you and GB. God, please don’t make me leave them. I’ll do anything.”
“One of these days, Princess, I promise you.”
“I would never be desperate enough to want you.”
“We’ll see.”
“I love you, Princess, I’ll always love you.”
“No. I don’t deserve you, either. You need someone who will cherish you, protect you, and take care of you. Someone that realizes they’d never be able to find another you in the world, no matter how hard they looked.”
“Chase . . .”
“That first night, I did realize I would never meet another girl like you. But you deserve someone who has waited for you as long as you have waited for them. And no matter how much I wish I could be that guy, I can’t, Harper.”
But I wanted to be in her life, too. My world meant nothing if it didn’t have both of them in it. My stomach churned, and my vision blurred as I realized this was it, the moment I’d always wanted her to find but had always dreaded—when she realized she was better off without me. “I love you, Princess,” I whispered before kissing her one more time and walking out the door.
My body shook brutally with a new round of sobs as soon as I was in my truck, and I slumped against the steering wheel. This is what she needed, but I couldn’t let this happen. I was too selfish to let her go; I needed her more than she could ever imagine. Before I met her, I’d thought my life was perfect. But, in reality, it was meaningless, and would go back to being just that if she was gone. Every ounce of my being was yelling at me to go back into my parents’ house, pull her into my arms, and make her forget about what had happened. But if I was to ever get her back, I needed to give her the space I knew she needed. I scrubbed my hands down my face and cranked the engine over, I had to get out of there before the idea of kissing her senseless started sounding better and better.
While I drove, I thought about everything that had happened in the last year with her, and I couldn’t believe one girl had changed me so completely. My chest rose and fell quickly as I thought about everything I’d done wrong when it came to her, wishing I hadn’t wasted so much time being an ass**le to her, and at the same time wishing I had continued to push her away. But how do you continue to push away your reason for staying on this earth? My chest tightened as my heart and mind continued to fight for two different outcomes. I didn’t know which side was winning out. I just knew I wanted her—and I wanted her forever.
Thoughts of my conversation with Brandon in the morning kept creeping back, and though I wanted to push them away, I knew he was right. I knew he was what was best for her. Hadn’t I always been the one saying that? To her—to everyone? Brandon wouldn’t do this to her, he wouldn’t crush her over and over again, but I didn’t know if I had the strength to leave her for good. She was mine—she would always be mine.
I lifted my hips slightly to reach for my phone in my back pocket. When I didn’t feel it, I started going through all my other pockets. Nothing. Where was my phone? I needed to call her. Even if she didn’t answer, I needed to tell her I loved her and that I wasn’t giving up on us, I never would. I felt around on the passenger seat, again turning up nothing. I looked in the rearview mirror and out the windshield. No cars around me, and the light up ahead was still green. Leaning over, I ran my hand over the floor on the passenger side but didn’t feel anything. I swear I had just—Trish . . . I threw my phone against the wall. Fuck, I’d left it at Mom’s. I sat up quickly, deciding it was a sign, and I needed to go back and take Harper into my arms and talk everything out.
I saw the lights out of the corner of my eye before I heard the horn. My eyes darted up to see the red light before I turned my head just in time to have my entire body rocked and the sound of crunching metal fill my world.
MY EYELIDS FEEL heavy as I slowly blink them open. There is a heavy ringing filling my ears, and it feels like a crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I try to lift my arms up to my chest to remove whatever it is, but I can’t make them move. Slowly, things start coming to me. The sound of a continuous horn, searing pain throughout my body, the smell of smoke, and something that smells close to rust and salt filling my nose. My head falls forward, and I realize I’ve closed my eyes again. Forcing them open, I see my blue shirt covered in blood. Why am I covered in blood? I start to panic; my chest heaves up and down roughly once, and the movement forces me to cough out a cry of pain—blood trickling past my lips and onto my lap.
I try to take a steady breath in, but it feels wrong, it feels like I’m breathing in fluid. Choking—I’m choking on blood. Another cough, and more blood falls past my lips. I somehow lift my head enough to see a massive grill where my window and door are supposed to be. Flashes of a red light, bright headlights, and a loud horn. Oh God. God no, please no. Tears form quickly, and I shut my eyes against the blurred grill and pain that is slowly leaving. I don’t want the pain to leave because in its place I feel nothing at all. Please, God—please I’ll take the pain, just don’t take me. I don’t want to die. Don’t take me from Harper and our baby.
“You’ll always have my heart, Chase Grayson.”
“Princess? God, Harper—what have I done? I don’t want to leave you and GB. God, please don’t make me leave them. I’ll do anything.”
“One of these days, Princess, I promise you.”
“I would never be desperate enough to want you.”
“We’ll see.”
“I love you, Princess, I’ll always love you.”
“No. I don’t deserve you, either. You need someone who will cherish you, protect you, and take care of you. Someone that realizes they’d never be able to find another you in the world, no matter how hard they looked.”
“Chase . . .”
“That first night, I did realize I would never meet another girl like you. But you deserve someone who has waited for you as long as you have waited for them. And no matter how much I wish I could be that guy, I can’t, Harper.”
