Still Jaded
Page 22
Corrigan sucked in his breath.
Bryce turned on him. "And you! You let her get that drunk? Are you kidding me? You hand her the bottle when you know I'm trying to stop her? Are you helping or hurting her?"
Grace's eyes widened and she looked out the window.
Not me. I held Bryce's gaze steady. I wasn't at fighting strength, but I'd be damned if he mistook a Marcus flashback for something worse. "You're not stupid. Don't start acting like it right now. I was bleeding, but I heard Corrigan and a part of me went back to that night when he was the one bleeding. I remembered that awful feeling. God forbid, but I didn't want him to feel the same way I had that night. So don't get your panties all twisted up. There's nothing going on with me and Corrigan. The opposite, actually. We're barely friends, and now you're coming in with all these accusations? You can't give me five minutes to get some morphine?" I was starting to hate him. I was starting to hate him so much…even though I loved him so damn much. That was the problem…
Regret flashed in his eyes, but he looked away. Then Corrigan cleared his throat as he looked between us. "I'll be going if you're okay, Sheldon."
There was nothing in me. I was drained as I gave him a weak nod. He shouldn't have to go, but I was too tired to argue.
Grace squeezed my arm one last time and gathered her purse. "I should be going too… Unless you want me to stay? I can stay. I can stay all night if you want."
I shook my head.
After she left, it was just me and Bryce. He sighed and took the spot by my bed. He didn't pat my arm like Grace did. He stared at me, long and hard, like he always did when he wanted answers. "You need to tell me the truth about you and Corrigan. Don't try some bullshit on me that nothing's going on. I know something happened, and I want to know what."
CHAPTER TEN
The doctors came and went; the nurses followed suit, and finally, a nurse aide brought me some food. She tripped in the doorway when she saw Bryce, but after the tray was put on the lap table, she hurried out. It would've been laughable if I hadn't known I was about to face a firing squad. Bryce fumed behind me. He hadn't moved since everyone left. Now he circled the bed to stare at me from the end.
I let out a slow dramatic breath. It was time for the talk. To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. A part of me knew I'd been lying to myself about a lot of things, but another part of me didn't want to deal with this.
"You're not funny." Apparently Bryce could read my thoughts.
"I wasn't trying to be." I reached for the pudding. "What nutritional value does this have? I'm in a hospital. Aren't they supposed to be about health and wellness? I doubt I'm going to get my daily dose of vitamins from vanilla pudding."
"Shut up. Just…shut up." Bryce groaned as he held his head in his hands. He bent forward and cursed. "Why are you always like this? Why does everything have to be such a fight with you? Why can't you tell me what I want to know?"
I dropped the pudding and regarded him. "You want me to be honest? Are you sure?" Once that gate was open, everything would flood out. I doubted he wanted to hear it.
Bryce lifted grave eyes to me. They were so clear and blue that they took my breath away. I loved his eyes. At times I felt they were the only ones that could see the real me. Sometimes I didn't think he could handle the real me.
He stared at me, long and hard, and then sighed. "Why do I feel so distant from you?"
"Because there is distance."
That was the beginning of the truth. I had wanted to deny it for so long, but it was there. I pushed Corrigan away because I wanted to pull Bryce back in, but I couldn't force it anymore.
"How did this happen?"
I looked at him with hope for once. It was so glimmering, so slight, but it was there. But so much needed to be said, and I didn't think Bryce could cope with it all. I didn't even know if I could cope with it all. "Europe. Soccer. I needed you and you couldn't handle me—"
"—Corrigan was there."
I nodded. My throat had closed off.
"Can you please tell me what happened with you and Corrigan? Did you have sex with him?"
I looked at him. I really did. I gazed into those crystal blue eyes that seared me to the depths. This time I needed to see inside of him. When I did, I didn't like what I saw.
He raked a hand through his hair. "I know things haven't been normal, but we're trying. I'm trying. You're trying. I moved back. You're getting help for your anger, but I really feel like something's going on with you and Corrigan. I want to know what happened between you two."
He really felt? He wanted to know? He was all hard and badass when people were in the room, when Corrigan was in the room. Now that we both acknowledged feeling distant from each other, he was different. He pu**yfooted around the truth. Who was this guy? That's when I really looked at him, and I saw that he wanted to hold onto his lies as much as he wanted to hear mine. Everything he said was bullshit, and that enraged me.
I launched out of the bed at him. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.
"What the hell, Sheldon? Sheldon! Stop!" Bryce batted me back down and held me off.
I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. He was right. We were distant, but it was more than that. Once I acknowledged the first truth in my head, everything flooded me. I couldn't stand him any longer. "You don't want to know the f**king truth. You can't handle it." I panted and struggled against his hold, but he kept me down. "The truth is that we broke up when I came back here. It's why I came back, but a month later you called and pretended nothing had happened. That's the truth. You dumped me, Bryce, and now you're asking why we have distance? Are you kidding me?!"
Bryce let me go abruptly, and I fell back onto the bed. He looked horrified. "I didn't dump you. You left me. You dumped me."
I shook my head. "I didn't. You found out what I did to that reporter with that underage girl and blew up at me. You told me to leave. I left, Bryce. You told me we couldn't be together if I was going to do stuff like that. Well, I'm sorry, but I went crazy. You weren't there for me. You were always playing soccer. Corrigan had been there, but he left. I had no one. I'm supposed to suddenly make friends that I trust? Are you kidding? Do you know me? And then all those people following us, all the women. I went crazy when that reporter taped us."
Bryce turned on him. "And you! You let her get that drunk? Are you kidding me? You hand her the bottle when you know I'm trying to stop her? Are you helping or hurting her?"
Grace's eyes widened and she looked out the window.
Not me. I held Bryce's gaze steady. I wasn't at fighting strength, but I'd be damned if he mistook a Marcus flashback for something worse. "You're not stupid. Don't start acting like it right now. I was bleeding, but I heard Corrigan and a part of me went back to that night when he was the one bleeding. I remembered that awful feeling. God forbid, but I didn't want him to feel the same way I had that night. So don't get your panties all twisted up. There's nothing going on with me and Corrigan. The opposite, actually. We're barely friends, and now you're coming in with all these accusations? You can't give me five minutes to get some morphine?" I was starting to hate him. I was starting to hate him so much…even though I loved him so damn much. That was the problem…
Regret flashed in his eyes, but he looked away. Then Corrigan cleared his throat as he looked between us. "I'll be going if you're okay, Sheldon."
There was nothing in me. I was drained as I gave him a weak nod. He shouldn't have to go, but I was too tired to argue.
Grace squeezed my arm one last time and gathered her purse. "I should be going too… Unless you want me to stay? I can stay. I can stay all night if you want."
I shook my head.
After she left, it was just me and Bryce. He sighed and took the spot by my bed. He didn't pat my arm like Grace did. He stared at me, long and hard, like he always did when he wanted answers. "You need to tell me the truth about you and Corrigan. Don't try some bullshit on me that nothing's going on. I know something happened, and I want to know what."
CHAPTER TEN
The doctors came and went; the nurses followed suit, and finally, a nurse aide brought me some food. She tripped in the doorway when she saw Bryce, but after the tray was put on the lap table, she hurried out. It would've been laughable if I hadn't known I was about to face a firing squad. Bryce fumed behind me. He hadn't moved since everyone left. Now he circled the bed to stare at me from the end.
I let out a slow dramatic breath. It was time for the talk. To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. A part of me knew I'd been lying to myself about a lot of things, but another part of me didn't want to deal with this.
"You're not funny." Apparently Bryce could read my thoughts.
"I wasn't trying to be." I reached for the pudding. "What nutritional value does this have? I'm in a hospital. Aren't they supposed to be about health and wellness? I doubt I'm going to get my daily dose of vitamins from vanilla pudding."
"Shut up. Just…shut up." Bryce groaned as he held his head in his hands. He bent forward and cursed. "Why are you always like this? Why does everything have to be such a fight with you? Why can't you tell me what I want to know?"
I dropped the pudding and regarded him. "You want me to be honest? Are you sure?" Once that gate was open, everything would flood out. I doubted he wanted to hear it.
Bryce lifted grave eyes to me. They were so clear and blue that they took my breath away. I loved his eyes. At times I felt they were the only ones that could see the real me. Sometimes I didn't think he could handle the real me.
He stared at me, long and hard, and then sighed. "Why do I feel so distant from you?"
"Because there is distance."
That was the beginning of the truth. I had wanted to deny it for so long, but it was there. I pushed Corrigan away because I wanted to pull Bryce back in, but I couldn't force it anymore.
"How did this happen?"
I looked at him with hope for once. It was so glimmering, so slight, but it was there. But so much needed to be said, and I didn't think Bryce could cope with it all. I didn't even know if I could cope with it all. "Europe. Soccer. I needed you and you couldn't handle me—"
"—Corrigan was there."
I nodded. My throat had closed off.
"Can you please tell me what happened with you and Corrigan? Did you have sex with him?"
I looked at him. I really did. I gazed into those crystal blue eyes that seared me to the depths. This time I needed to see inside of him. When I did, I didn't like what I saw.
He raked a hand through his hair. "I know things haven't been normal, but we're trying. I'm trying. You're trying. I moved back. You're getting help for your anger, but I really feel like something's going on with you and Corrigan. I want to know what happened between you two."
He really felt? He wanted to know? He was all hard and badass when people were in the room, when Corrigan was in the room. Now that we both acknowledged feeling distant from each other, he was different. He pu**yfooted around the truth. Who was this guy? That's when I really looked at him, and I saw that he wanted to hold onto his lies as much as he wanted to hear mine. Everything he said was bullshit, and that enraged me.
I launched out of the bed at him. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.
"What the hell, Sheldon? Sheldon! Stop!" Bryce batted me back down and held me off.
I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. He was right. We were distant, but it was more than that. Once I acknowledged the first truth in my head, everything flooded me. I couldn't stand him any longer. "You don't want to know the f**king truth. You can't handle it." I panted and struggled against his hold, but he kept me down. "The truth is that we broke up when I came back here. It's why I came back, but a month later you called and pretended nothing had happened. That's the truth. You dumped me, Bryce, and now you're asking why we have distance? Are you kidding me?!"
Bryce let me go abruptly, and I fell back onto the bed. He looked horrified. "I didn't dump you. You left me. You dumped me."
I shook my head. "I didn't. You found out what I did to that reporter with that underage girl and blew up at me. You told me to leave. I left, Bryce. You told me we couldn't be together if I was going to do stuff like that. Well, I'm sorry, but I went crazy. You weren't there for me. You were always playing soccer. Corrigan had been there, but he left. I had no one. I'm supposed to suddenly make friends that I trust? Are you kidding? Do you know me? And then all those people following us, all the women. I went crazy when that reporter taped us."
