Still Jaded
Page 45
I hit the access button and noted where Hoodum said the panic buttons were. There was one underneath every table and counter. He was right. They were placed all over my house, but I didn't think Leah was someone I needed to fear. When she got to the front door, I opened it and stepped back as she came in. She ran a hand through her wet hair and grinned ruefully. "Sorry. It was raining when I came over. Did you notice? It stopped a little bit ago, but it was downpour for a few minutes. Stupid me got caught in it."
I watched her for another minute and then asked, "What are you doing here?"
Leah's eyebrows shot up as she raked her fingers through her hair. She tried to straighten it. "I don't have an agenda if that's what you mean. I came over because the last time I was here you mentioned getting back at Cadence. Are you changing your mind?"
Oh. Right. Cadence.
I grinned. "I'd forgotten all about her. Sorry. Yes, I'm still planning on getting her back."
She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? I know we're not best friends, but…I know when someone's got something on their mind. I might be a bit of a whore, but I can be a good sounding board. Promise."
"You said it. Not me." Then I bit my lip and regretted my words instantly. "Sorry."
She shrugged. "It's true. You first met me when I was naked in a roomful of guys. I understand it. Hell, I am it. Or I was. I've been thinking a lot since you've been gone. I'm going to stop sleeping around. It's wrong. It…" She looked away as she hesitated.
I was detached from myself when I murmured, "It cheapens you. You can't force someone to respect you. You can't take it from them. You have to earn it to receive it, and I know that you only want their respect. You don't want them to just accept you. They accept dogs. Screwing them won't make them respect you. It'll make them look down on you. If you're lucky, you might get a treat afterwards. You're more than a pet."
She sucked in her breath and closed her eyes.
I knew my words stung, but they were true. People might've wanted to call me a whore, but I wasn't. I slept with two men in my life, and I loved one of them. No one would ever consider me his dog. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm…hell. I'm always this bitchy. If you can't handle the truth, or what I see as the truth, you might not want to hang out with me. I'm starting to realize that only strong people can handle me, or people with thick skin."
Leah shook her head and wiped a tear away. She tried to smile. "No. No. It's…you're right. It's just hard to hear when it's put like that. I'm…I care about those guys. I really do, but you're right. I just… How do you get people to respect you?"
"You fight for it." It was plain as day for me. No one respected someone who accepted less than the truth. "If people treat you like shit, you treat them like shit right back. They won't like it, but they'll respect it. It's a lonely road." Although, truth be told, I enjoyed being alone. Life was much clearer.
My gate buzzed again, and I cursed. "When did this become a social gathering?" Then I remembered it could be Corrigan and relaxed, but it wasn't him. I rolled my eyes when I saw who it was. As soon their feet hit the patio, I swung open the door and plastered a fake smile on. Grace faltered in her steps, but Cadence puffed up even more. She moved to hug me and gushed, "You poor thing! You've been through so much."
I stood stiff in her embrace, but it didn't deter her. She gestured towards the pans that Grace held. "The girls wanted to bring you a little something to help. We know you tend to forget to eat sometimes, that's what Corrigan mentioned, so we brought ready-made meals. I hope they help!" She plopped them in my arms and sauntered through the door. Grace held back and studied me for a moment. Her eyes were fearful, but there was something else in there. Maybe remorse? Remorse for what?
I asked, "What are you doing here?"
Grace looked down. "We came to see how you were. I heard you were back in town."
"Did Corrigan call you?"
She shook her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her hair. She always did that when she was nervous. "One of the fraternity guys is dating Sofia, one of our sisters. He said Corrigan was back so we figured you were back."
"No, Grace. What are you doing here?" I stepped closer. I wanted to see her eyes.
She glanced away. "You're my friend."
"No, I'm not." I grabbed her chin and turned it to me. I was forceful when I said, "We are not friends. I no longer trust you. You're one of them and they want to screw with me. So now you want to screw with me. You know what I do to people like that, right? You should remember from high school."
She paled, but she never argued. That damned her so much.
"This is your only warning. As soon as I march in there, all bets are off. Cadence doesn't know what she unleashed when she played with me. And I am pissed off right now. I am hurting, and I am furious. My perfect target just waltzed in here. I cared about you. I really did. I was the best friend that you'll ever have, but you gave it up. You threw me away because you don't know who to trust or who to turn to. You turned to the wrong people."
Grace didn't say anything. Then she turned her gaze and a tear fell from her eye. "You're probably right. I know that, and I'm still… I don't know what to do, Sheldon. I don't…"
"You're not strong enough to be my friend."
That was the truth. I should've seen it before, but I had thought she was strong. Hell, she had been. It's why we became friends, because she was strong in a different way, but now that old Grace was gone. The second the sorority sisters drew her in was the second I lost her.
When I walked into the kitchen to find Cadence and Leah, their body posture told me everything. Cadence held her shoulders back as if she was ready to attack. Leah was hunched over, but her chin was straight and lifted upwards. She was being attacked, but she'd fight back when the time came. I met her eyes for a brief second, and mine narrowed. I knew I was probably broadcasting my intent, but I didn't care. Cadence wasn't the 'somebody' she thought she was in her mind. She was just one more in a long line of nobodies. So I grinned. "What brought you to my doorstep?"
Leah straightened. She was a smart girl.
I watched her for another minute and then asked, "What are you doing here?"
Leah's eyebrows shot up as she raked her fingers through her hair. She tried to straighten it. "I don't have an agenda if that's what you mean. I came over because the last time I was here you mentioned getting back at Cadence. Are you changing your mind?"
Oh. Right. Cadence.
I grinned. "I'd forgotten all about her. Sorry. Yes, I'm still planning on getting her back."
She narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? I know we're not best friends, but…I know when someone's got something on their mind. I might be a bit of a whore, but I can be a good sounding board. Promise."
"You said it. Not me." Then I bit my lip and regretted my words instantly. "Sorry."
She shrugged. "It's true. You first met me when I was naked in a roomful of guys. I understand it. Hell, I am it. Or I was. I've been thinking a lot since you've been gone. I'm going to stop sleeping around. It's wrong. It…" She looked away as she hesitated.
I was detached from myself when I murmured, "It cheapens you. You can't force someone to respect you. You can't take it from them. You have to earn it to receive it, and I know that you only want their respect. You don't want them to just accept you. They accept dogs. Screwing them won't make them respect you. It'll make them look down on you. If you're lucky, you might get a treat afterwards. You're more than a pet."
She sucked in her breath and closed her eyes.
I knew my words stung, but they were true. People might've wanted to call me a whore, but I wasn't. I slept with two men in my life, and I loved one of them. No one would ever consider me his dog. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm…hell. I'm always this bitchy. If you can't handle the truth, or what I see as the truth, you might not want to hang out with me. I'm starting to realize that only strong people can handle me, or people with thick skin."
Leah shook her head and wiped a tear away. She tried to smile. "No. No. It's…you're right. It's just hard to hear when it's put like that. I'm…I care about those guys. I really do, but you're right. I just… How do you get people to respect you?"
"You fight for it." It was plain as day for me. No one respected someone who accepted less than the truth. "If people treat you like shit, you treat them like shit right back. They won't like it, but they'll respect it. It's a lonely road." Although, truth be told, I enjoyed being alone. Life was much clearer.
My gate buzzed again, and I cursed. "When did this become a social gathering?" Then I remembered it could be Corrigan and relaxed, but it wasn't him. I rolled my eyes when I saw who it was. As soon their feet hit the patio, I swung open the door and plastered a fake smile on. Grace faltered in her steps, but Cadence puffed up even more. She moved to hug me and gushed, "You poor thing! You've been through so much."
I stood stiff in her embrace, but it didn't deter her. She gestured towards the pans that Grace held. "The girls wanted to bring you a little something to help. We know you tend to forget to eat sometimes, that's what Corrigan mentioned, so we brought ready-made meals. I hope they help!" She plopped them in my arms and sauntered through the door. Grace held back and studied me for a moment. Her eyes were fearful, but there was something else in there. Maybe remorse? Remorse for what?
I asked, "What are you doing here?"
Grace looked down. "We came to see how you were. I heard you were back in town."
"Did Corrigan call you?"
She shook her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her hair. She always did that when she was nervous. "One of the fraternity guys is dating Sofia, one of our sisters. He said Corrigan was back so we figured you were back."
"No, Grace. What are you doing here?" I stepped closer. I wanted to see her eyes.
She glanced away. "You're my friend."
"No, I'm not." I grabbed her chin and turned it to me. I was forceful when I said, "We are not friends. I no longer trust you. You're one of them and they want to screw with me. So now you want to screw with me. You know what I do to people like that, right? You should remember from high school."
She paled, but she never argued. That damned her so much.
"This is your only warning. As soon as I march in there, all bets are off. Cadence doesn't know what she unleashed when she played with me. And I am pissed off right now. I am hurting, and I am furious. My perfect target just waltzed in here. I cared about you. I really did. I was the best friend that you'll ever have, but you gave it up. You threw me away because you don't know who to trust or who to turn to. You turned to the wrong people."
Grace didn't say anything. Then she turned her gaze and a tear fell from her eye. "You're probably right. I know that, and I'm still… I don't know what to do, Sheldon. I don't…"
"You're not strong enough to be my friend."
That was the truth. I should've seen it before, but I had thought she was strong. Hell, she had been. It's why we became friends, because she was strong in a different way, but now that old Grace was gone. The second the sorority sisters drew her in was the second I lost her.
When I walked into the kitchen to find Cadence and Leah, their body posture told me everything. Cadence held her shoulders back as if she was ready to attack. Leah was hunched over, but her chin was straight and lifted upwards. She was being attacked, but she'd fight back when the time came. I met her eyes for a brief second, and mine narrowed. I knew I was probably broadcasting my intent, but I didn't care. Cadence wasn't the 'somebody' she thought she was in her mind. She was just one more in a long line of nobodies. So I grinned. "What brought you to my doorstep?"
Leah straightened. She was a smart girl.
