Straddling the Line

Page 33

She had no more answers today than she had yesterday when she’d arrived. She was still smarting from Trevor asking her to leave and didn’t know what to do about it. Her heart hurt, and it was an awful feeling she simply didn’t want to have. She wanted it all to go away.
She had to get back to work. She’d already spent way too much time mourning her father. She wasn’t going to let herself live in this state of hurt again. Burying herself in work was the solution to all her problems.
“So now that you know Trevor’s secret, what are you going to do about it?” her mom asked as they stood side by side at the kitchen counter.
Haven paused, knife in her hand. “What am I going to do about it? Nothing.”
Her mother slid her a look.
“What? He threw me out of his house. I begged him over and over again to talk to me. I offered to help over and over again, too. And still, he told me to leave. He threw me out.”
“Haven. He’s hurt. And obviously scared.”
She wasn’t buying it. She was hurt, too. “He had ample opportunity to talk to me, Mom. The bottom line is, he doesn’t trust me.”
Her mother laid down the paring knife she’d been using and leaned her hip against the counter. “I know you’re hurt. You care about him, so you’re lettin’ your emotions cloud your judgment. You worked with people like Trevor when you were in school. You know how defensive they got when forced to face what they felt were inadequacies. Don’t you think that’s exactly what Trevor did when you backed him up against the wall and forced him to face the truth about himself?”
“I didn’t—” But she had. She’d pushed him and pushed him until she’d made him admit a secret he’d held on to for his entire life. He’d been angry and upset and he’d lashed out at her. She’d seen it time and time again during her undergraduate studies, when she’d worked with people who had literacy issues. They got angry and defensive, a lot of times with the people they cared about the most who were only trying to help them.
Haven sighed. “This is hard. I care about him. But I can’t help him if he won’t let me in his life.”
“Do you want to help him?”
“Of course I do.”
Her mom picked up the knife and resumed chopping carrots. “Then you’ll figure out a way. If anyone can, Haven, it’s you. I’ve never known anyone more tenacious.”
She thought about it as they prepped and then ate dinner, and long after her mom had gone to bed.
She’d let her own hurt and her own needs get in the way. She loved him, and she hadn’t told him that. Would it have made a difference? She didn’t know, but she should have tried. She’d walked away when she should have stood her ground and stayed. She should have been a support system to him, not a hindrance.
But maybe this break was good for both of them. Not for long, though.
She had to go back, had to make him understand that she would be there for him if and when he decided he wanted help. Because she could help him.
If anyone could, she could.
She wasn’t going to give up on him.
And this time, she wasn’t going to let him push her away.
THIRTY-THREE
THE GAME AT DALLAS HAD GONE OKAY. THEY’D WON, but only by a field goal. And they hadn’t won because of anything Trevor had done. In fact, he’d downright sucked balls in this game. He’d dropped two passes, caught one for short yardage, and otherwise would have done better acting as the water boy on the sidelines for all the contributions he’d made to the team.
Fortunately, his teammates had more than made up for his deficiencies, allowing them to at least stay in the game.
He felt like shit. He’d felt like shit before the game started, and the two days before, when he’d come out of his room to find that Haven had left.
Not that it should have surprised him to find her gone. He was the one who’d asked her to leave. No. He hadn’t even asked. He’d told her to leave. Hell, he’d tossed her out, so what had he expected her to do? And then, like a little boy, he’d run up to his room and locked himself inside, scared and afraid that the world was going to find out his secret.
He was such an asshole. For someone who always claimed to be big and bad and fearless, he hadn’t shown any of that when he’d told Haven his secret. Instead, he’d hurled accusations at her and hurt her.
He’d blamed her, as if his problem had been her fault. And then he’d hidden away like a goddamned child.
Some big and bad he was.
He missed her. Just like it had been since she’d first shown up in his life to do the interview, whenever she was gone, he missed her absence. It was like there was a part of himself missing whenever she wasn’t around.
He’d never let anything affect his game play. But losing Haven had an effect on his concentration. All he’d thought about during the game was her. It had shown in his performance today, too. Even now, after the game, he wondered where she was—how she was feeling.
He wanted to call her, to talk to her, but he couldn’t. Not after all the things he’d said. Not after he’d kicked her out of his life.
And he had his friends here today. Garrett and Alicia had come down to Dallas to see the game, and his friend Gray Preston was here, since he’d had an auto race in Dallas yesterday. Drew Hogan was here as well, since he’d flown in to see Gray’s race. They were meeting up for dinner tonight.
Right now he didn’t want to see anyone, but these were his college roommates, his best friends. He had to honor his commitments. Besides, they would help take his mind off Haven.
Garrett and Alicia were waiting for him outside the stadium. He grinned when he saw them.
“That was a decent game,” Garrett said.
Trevor laughed. “That’s a nice way of saying we sucked.”
“At least you won.” Alicia gave him a hug.
“We did win. Barely, but we won.”
“One in the W column. That’s all that counts,” Garrett said.
“Considering how badly I played, I’ll take the W.”
“You can’t always be the superstar, stud.”
Trevor stopped and stared at Garrett. “Of course I can. It’s my trademark.”
Garrett shook his head, then led them to his rental car.
“So where’s dinner tonight?”
“Del Frisco’s. For steak.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Gray and Drew are meeting us there.”
The steak house looked fantastic from the outside, and smelled even better inside. Trevor was hungry, and he smiled as he saw Drew and his fiancée, Carolina, and Gray and his wife, Evelyn, waiting for them. He shook the guys’ hands and hugged the women.
“It’s good to see you. Thanks for coming to the game.”
“It was a good game,” Evelyn said after they took their seats. The hostess put them in a private room. Obviously Gray had connections. Gray always had connections. Everywhere.
“It was a shit game, but thanks for being nice about it, Evelyn. And I’m surprised you traveled without Lucas.”
She sighed. “It’s hard to leave a new baby, but he has a great nanny, and I wanted to see the race. Believe me, I’m on the Preston jet tonight back home to him.”
“It’s been a whirlwind year for you, two, hasn’t it?”
Gray put his arm around Evelyn. “It’s been like that ever since I met this woman. As if I wasn’t crazy busy all the time as it was with racing in a different city every weekend during the season. Then I met Evelyn, and we fell in love, got married, and now we have a son together. She keeps me on my toes.”
Evelyn swiped her fingers over Gray’s chin and smiled up at him. “As it should be. And don’t forget that small thing about your dad becoming the vice president of the United States. That kind of busy, too.”
Gray grinned. “Right. That, too.”
“But enough about us. Let’s talk about your game. Thanks for the tickets,” Evelyn said.
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I couldn’t put on a better show for you.”
“Oh, come on, Trevor. You played good. You only dropped two passes,” Carolina said with a wink. “I’ve seen you play worse.”
Trevor laughed. “Thanks.”
“You did seem distracted. And you have played better,” Gray said. “Something on your mind?”
“Nah. Just not on my game today.”
“Where’s Haven?” Evelyn asked. “I heard she was doing a big interview and feature story about you. I thought she’d be here.”
“She . . . left.”
“Oh. So the interview’s finished?”
He stared at his water glass before lifting his gaze to Evelyn. “Yeah.”
“I’m so disappointed. I was really hoping to see her again.”
“Me, too,” Alicia said. “Besides, I kind of thought you two would end up together.”
He looked at Alicia, then noticed they were all staring at him. “Why would you think that?”
Alicia gave him a gentle smile. “Isn’t it obvious? You were perfect together. I saw it. Liz saw it. You had to feel it.”
His stomach tightened and he felt a pang of regret. “Yeah, well, I guess we weren’t.”
“Uh-oh. What happened?”
“Alicia,” Garrett said, laying his hand over hers.
“Sorry. Not my business. But I really liked her, Trevor.”
Trevor nodded. “I did, too.”
“Okay, so what happened between you and Haven?” Evelyn asked. “Did you have a thing?”
Trevor shook his head. Leave it to the women to blurt it out. “Yeah. We had a thing.”
“Interesting,” Drew said, cocking a grin. “Now I want to hear about it. And why she isn’t here.”
Might as well get it out in the open. “I asked her to leave when we were still in Tampa.”
“Why?” Carolina asked. “Did you two have a fight?”
“Sort of. I mean, not really, but sort of.”
Alicia rolled her eyes. “That’s man-speak for you acted like an ass and did something wrong.”
“Hey,” Garrett said, looking at Alicia.
Alicia puckered up her lips and blew a kiss at Garrett. “I wasn’t talking about you. This time.”
“So is it true?” Gray asked. “Did you screw this up?”
“Probably. Yes. Definitely.”
“Then I guess the bigger question is, how are you going to fix it?” Evelyn asked. “Do you want to fix it?”
That was the big question. He already knew the answer. “Yes. I want to fix it. But I hurt her.”
“Guys do that. Because we’re thoughtless assholes,” Drew said.
Carolina nodded. “This is true.”
Drew laughed. “We think with the wrong head all the time, and we hurt the people we love the most.” He picked up Carolina’s hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Fortunately, the women we love tend to be the most forgiving.”
Carolina smiled at Drew, then turned to Trevor. “What Drew’s trying to tell you, Trevor, is that whatever you’ve done, ask for forgiveness. That’s the first step. And be honest and open about your feelings.”
Something he’d never done before. He hadn’t been honest about anything. “You’re right. I have a lot to talk to her about. And she has a lot to forgive. I don’t know if she will.”
“If she loves you, she will,” Garrett said. “And if she’s worth it, she’s worth getting down on your knees and begging.”
“Awww, begging?” Alicia asked.
“Yeah.” Garrett looked at him. “Love’s worth it, man. I never thought it was, until I met the right woman. But trust me, it really is worth it.”
Trevor looked at Garrett. At Drew. At Gray. His friends, who not so long ago had sworn to him that being single and carefree was the most important thing in their lives. Now, they sat with the loves of their lives at their sides.
And they were happy.
Could he hope to have that kind of happiness?
He loved Haven. He was almost afraid to hope. He didn’t deserve it, not after what he’d done.
He had a lot of work ahead of him.
THIRTY-FOUR
HAVEN KNEW SHE WAS TAKING A RISK SITTING INSIDE Trevor’s house in Tampa. But she’d forgotten to leave her key, and she knew he was due home today.
So here she was, with all her books and notes and the research she’d done spread out on his table.
He could try to throw her out, but this time, she was going to put up a fight.
And even if he insisted she leave—which he certainly could, because this was his house—she was going to leave the material for him to look over. It could help him, and that was the only thing she wanted.
No, that wasn’t true. She wanted him, missed him, loved him. But if he rejected her, then she wanted him to be happy.
She heard the garage door open and her chest squeezed tight. He’d know someone was at the house, because her rental car was parked in the driveway.
“Hello?” he said as he opened the door from the garage.
She stood. “It’s me, Trevor.”
He came in and laid his practice bag down. “Haven.”
She was practically shaking, her nerves getting the best of her as she made her way toward him. “I still have a key.” She held it out for him.
He ignored her outstretched hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I’d like to talk to you.”