Stumbling into Love
Page 15
I can’t do this. I can’t do this again. I can’t lose anyone else.
“Medical is on their way up now,” one of the SWAT officers says as he gets down on his knees across from me. “Do you want me to take over?”
Shaking my head, I keep my eyes on my hands—they’re covered in blood.
“Medic’s here.”
I lift my head and watch four EMTs come into the apartment, carrying a stretcher and bags with them.
“We got it,” one of the female EMTs says.
But I don’t move. I can’t.
“You can’t let him die.” I swallow over the lump in my throat, and her hand covers mine.
“I promise we will take care of him, but you have to let us do our job.” She gives me a reassuring smile.
I look from her back to Levi.
“Thank you.” I stand back and watch them go to work on my partner, my friend.
Once they slow the bleeding and make sure he’s stable, they lift the gurney up off the floor and start pushing him out of the apartment and into the hall. He doesn’t look as pale as he was a few minutes ago, but his skin is still clammy, and his eyes won’t stay open for longer than a few seconds.
“It will be okay, man.” I follow him and the EMTs toward the elevators.
“Don’t worry about me. Just call Fawn. Tell her I’ll be okay.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Take my phone.” He tries to reach for his cell, but one of the EMTs stops him as we all get in the elevator.
Reaching around the EMT—and ignoring the look she gives me—I take his phone and shove it into my pocket.
“I’ll meet you at the hospital,” I tell him when the elevator comes to a stop on the first floor.
“Just call Fawn.”
“I’ll call,” I assure him.
I rub the back of my neck as I watch the EMTs put him into the ambulance parked at the curb, the lights flashing. Dropping my eyes to my boots, I tighten my fingers around his phone before putting it to my ear. I head for Levi’s SUV, wishing I didn’t have to make this call.
MAC
Holding Fawn’s hand tightly, I watch Wesley pace at the end of the hall. Back and forth, back and forth, with his hands on his hips and his eyes on the swinging doors. When we arrived at the hospital, Wesley took my hand and led us up here, to a waiting area just outside the surgical unit. He said that Levi was stable when the ambulance left with him, and that the doctors assured him when he arrived that Levi would be okay. I know none of that information has really put Fawn’s mind at ease.
When Wesley called Fawn and told her that Levi had been shot, I felt my heart crack open—because I knew that he had been with Levi. I knew in my gut that he could have been hurt as well. If something had happened to him, I would have hated myself for being an idiot. For trying to deny this thing between us. For constantly pushing him away these last few days, when I should have remembered how short life is.
“You should go to him,” Fawn says.
I pull my gaze from Wesley to look at her tearstained face and worry-filled eyes. Over dinner earlier tonight, I had told her and Libby about Wesley. I had told them how we met and what had happened since then. They didn’t think I was an idiot for liking him or thinking that he liked me—but they did think I was an idiot for hiding it.
“I will, when the doctors come out and tell us that Levi is doing okay.” I squeeze her fingers.
She shakes her head. “Please go to him now.” She closes her eyes, and pain fills my chest as I watch a tear fall down her cheek.
I know she didn’t think that tonight would end up like this. That the same night she admitted to me and Libby she’s in love with Levi, she almost lost him.
“Please.” She opens her eyes. “Please.”
With a jerky nod, I lean over and kiss her cheek. I stand and wipe my hand down the front of my slacks as I walk slowly toward Wesley.
Once I’m close enough to touch him, I reach out and place my hand on his back. I watch his body shudder. I don’t even have time to prepare—he turns around and pulls me against his chest, holding me so tight that it’s almost hard to breathe. Squeezing my eyes closed, I rest my ear over his heart and listen to it pound behind his rib cage.
“I’m sorry, I . . . I’m so, so sorry,” I whisper, holding him as tight as I can.
He presses his face into my neck. His pain is palpable, and I know that what happened tonight has brought whatever hurt him in his past back to the present.
“It’s going to be okay.” I turn my head and press a kiss over his heart.
His arms tighten before he lets me go and takes a step back, shoving his hands in the front pocket of his jeans.
“Go be with your sisters.”
“I—”
“Go. Fawn needs you.” He jerks his chin toward Fawn as he takes another step back. Those few feet between us feel like thousands of miles. “Go!” he says gruffly.
My heart lurches when he turns his back on me. I want to refuse to go. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him, but I can tell by the set of his shoulders that he doesn’t want me. Biting the inside of my cheek, I try and fight back the pain in my chest. I take my seat next to Fawn again, who is now resting her head on Libby’s shoulder with her eyes closed.
“It will be okay,” Libby says.
I know she’s talking to me, but I don’t acknowledge her comment because my heart is splintering into a million pieces inside my chest. I can only sit there in a daze and stare at Wesley’s back.
Finally, the doctors come out and tell us that Levi is doing okay.
“Do you want more?” Libby asks, holding out a bag of M&M’s in my direction. My stomach revolts against the offer by gurgling.
Three hours ago, after the doctor came out to tell us that Levi was in his own room and Fawn followed him back, Wesley left to talk to the other officers who had also been waiting for word on Levi. Not long after that, our parents showed up, and Levi’s family arrived. Libby and I have been hanging out in here in the waiting room since.
“So, do you?” Libby jiggles the bag of M&M’s in front of my face.
“No, thanks.” I shake my head.
“Your loss.” She shoves another handful into her mouth before looking at me once more. “Are you going to talk to Wesley after we leave here?”
“I don’t know. I really think I ruined things between us,” I admit while wrapping my arms around my middle. “I . . . I hurt him. I honestly didn’t think that after the way we started that he would want anything more than one night—despite him showing me otherwise time and again. I’ve been so afraid to put myself out there with him that I pushed him away before he could do it first.”
“You should have talked to me and Fawn before Thanksgiving. If you had, none of this would have happened! We could have saved you from all this drama. We could have told you that you were being ridiculous and helped you to remember that any guy would be lucky to have you,” she says.
I feel my face get soft. “You’re probably right.”
“I’m always right.”
“Whatever.” I shake my head.
She gets up and walks across the empty waiting room to the vending machine. She puts in a dollar, then presses the buttons for a soda.
“All I’m saying is that you should talk to him. Tell him the truth about what happened. Tell him that you were worried that he wouldn’t want you, and scared that you would end up hurt.”
“That’s what Miss Ina said.” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.
“I still can’t believe that you stayed the night with her—and that she didn’t suffocate you in your sleep.”
“She’s actually really nice,” I admit. Libby’s eyes go wide, making me smile. “I think I actually might like her.” I laugh and she snorts, which makes me laugh harder.
“What are you two laughing about?”
Hearing my dad’s voice, I jump out of my chair and rush across the room into his arms. They wrap around me tightly. I close my eyes, soaking in the feeling for a moment. Even though it’s only been a few days since I saw him, I’ve missed my dad and his ability to make everything better.
“Medical is on their way up now,” one of the SWAT officers says as he gets down on his knees across from me. “Do you want me to take over?”
Shaking my head, I keep my eyes on my hands—they’re covered in blood.
“Medic’s here.”
I lift my head and watch four EMTs come into the apartment, carrying a stretcher and bags with them.
“We got it,” one of the female EMTs says.
But I don’t move. I can’t.
“You can’t let him die.” I swallow over the lump in my throat, and her hand covers mine.
“I promise we will take care of him, but you have to let us do our job.” She gives me a reassuring smile.
I look from her back to Levi.
“Thank you.” I stand back and watch them go to work on my partner, my friend.
Once they slow the bleeding and make sure he’s stable, they lift the gurney up off the floor and start pushing him out of the apartment and into the hall. He doesn’t look as pale as he was a few minutes ago, but his skin is still clammy, and his eyes won’t stay open for longer than a few seconds.
“It will be okay, man.” I follow him and the EMTs toward the elevators.
“Don’t worry about me. Just call Fawn. Tell her I’ll be okay.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Take my phone.” He tries to reach for his cell, but one of the EMTs stops him as we all get in the elevator.
Reaching around the EMT—and ignoring the look she gives me—I take his phone and shove it into my pocket.
“I’ll meet you at the hospital,” I tell him when the elevator comes to a stop on the first floor.
“Just call Fawn.”
“I’ll call,” I assure him.
I rub the back of my neck as I watch the EMTs put him into the ambulance parked at the curb, the lights flashing. Dropping my eyes to my boots, I tighten my fingers around his phone before putting it to my ear. I head for Levi’s SUV, wishing I didn’t have to make this call.
MAC
Holding Fawn’s hand tightly, I watch Wesley pace at the end of the hall. Back and forth, back and forth, with his hands on his hips and his eyes on the swinging doors. When we arrived at the hospital, Wesley took my hand and led us up here, to a waiting area just outside the surgical unit. He said that Levi was stable when the ambulance left with him, and that the doctors assured him when he arrived that Levi would be okay. I know none of that information has really put Fawn’s mind at ease.
When Wesley called Fawn and told her that Levi had been shot, I felt my heart crack open—because I knew that he had been with Levi. I knew in my gut that he could have been hurt as well. If something had happened to him, I would have hated myself for being an idiot. For trying to deny this thing between us. For constantly pushing him away these last few days, when I should have remembered how short life is.
“You should go to him,” Fawn says.
I pull my gaze from Wesley to look at her tearstained face and worry-filled eyes. Over dinner earlier tonight, I had told her and Libby about Wesley. I had told them how we met and what had happened since then. They didn’t think I was an idiot for liking him or thinking that he liked me—but they did think I was an idiot for hiding it.
“I will, when the doctors come out and tell us that Levi is doing okay.” I squeeze her fingers.
She shakes her head. “Please go to him now.” She closes her eyes, and pain fills my chest as I watch a tear fall down her cheek.
I know she didn’t think that tonight would end up like this. That the same night she admitted to me and Libby she’s in love with Levi, she almost lost him.
“Please.” She opens her eyes. “Please.”
With a jerky nod, I lean over and kiss her cheek. I stand and wipe my hand down the front of my slacks as I walk slowly toward Wesley.
Once I’m close enough to touch him, I reach out and place my hand on his back. I watch his body shudder. I don’t even have time to prepare—he turns around and pulls me against his chest, holding me so tight that it’s almost hard to breathe. Squeezing my eyes closed, I rest my ear over his heart and listen to it pound behind his rib cage.
“I’m sorry, I . . . I’m so, so sorry,” I whisper, holding him as tight as I can.
He presses his face into my neck. His pain is palpable, and I know that what happened tonight has brought whatever hurt him in his past back to the present.
“It’s going to be okay.” I turn my head and press a kiss over his heart.
His arms tighten before he lets me go and takes a step back, shoving his hands in the front pocket of his jeans.
“Go be with your sisters.”
“I—”
“Go. Fawn needs you.” He jerks his chin toward Fawn as he takes another step back. Those few feet between us feel like thousands of miles. “Go!” he says gruffly.
My heart lurches when he turns his back on me. I want to refuse to go. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him, but I can tell by the set of his shoulders that he doesn’t want me. Biting the inside of my cheek, I try and fight back the pain in my chest. I take my seat next to Fawn again, who is now resting her head on Libby’s shoulder with her eyes closed.
“It will be okay,” Libby says.
I know she’s talking to me, but I don’t acknowledge her comment because my heart is splintering into a million pieces inside my chest. I can only sit there in a daze and stare at Wesley’s back.
Finally, the doctors come out and tell us that Levi is doing okay.
“Do you want more?” Libby asks, holding out a bag of M&M’s in my direction. My stomach revolts against the offer by gurgling.
Three hours ago, after the doctor came out to tell us that Levi was in his own room and Fawn followed him back, Wesley left to talk to the other officers who had also been waiting for word on Levi. Not long after that, our parents showed up, and Levi’s family arrived. Libby and I have been hanging out in here in the waiting room since.
“So, do you?” Libby jiggles the bag of M&M’s in front of my face.
“No, thanks.” I shake my head.
“Your loss.” She shoves another handful into her mouth before looking at me once more. “Are you going to talk to Wesley after we leave here?”
“I don’t know. I really think I ruined things between us,” I admit while wrapping my arms around my middle. “I . . . I hurt him. I honestly didn’t think that after the way we started that he would want anything more than one night—despite him showing me otherwise time and again. I’ve been so afraid to put myself out there with him that I pushed him away before he could do it first.”
“You should have talked to me and Fawn before Thanksgiving. If you had, none of this would have happened! We could have saved you from all this drama. We could have told you that you were being ridiculous and helped you to remember that any guy would be lucky to have you,” she says.
I feel my face get soft. “You’re probably right.”
“I’m always right.”
“Whatever.” I shake my head.
She gets up and walks across the empty waiting room to the vending machine. She puts in a dollar, then presses the buttons for a soda.
“All I’m saying is that you should talk to him. Tell him the truth about what happened. Tell him that you were worried that he wouldn’t want you, and scared that you would end up hurt.”
“That’s what Miss Ina said.” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.
“I still can’t believe that you stayed the night with her—and that she didn’t suffocate you in your sleep.”
“She’s actually really nice,” I admit. Libby’s eyes go wide, making me smile. “I think I actually might like her.” I laugh and she snorts, which makes me laugh harder.
“What are you two laughing about?”
Hearing my dad’s voice, I jump out of my chair and rush across the room into his arms. They wrap around me tightly. I close my eyes, soaking in the feeling for a moment. Even though it’s only been a few days since I saw him, I’ve missed my dad and his ability to make everything better.
