Stupid Boy
Page 57
I shook my head. “I don’t’ blame him,” I said. “I was an idiot.”
Olivia placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled kindly at me. “Just give it some time, Harper,” she offered. “These things have a way of working themselves out.” Then she turned and crossed the lot to Brax’s bike, climbed on the back and pulled her helmet on, and they left. I watched Brax’s single tail light as it disappeared. I stood beneath the lamp light in the Delta’s yard. The night air surrounded me, and although people were milling about—even the Kappas’ rowdy music poured out of their house—I still felt completely and utterly alone.
I stayed there, outside, letting the chilled December air nip at my cheeks, my hands, for some time. How dumb could I be? I should’ve told Kane a long time ago about the Dare. At the very least, I should have told him about my reservations, and about calling it off. Instead I’d put it behind me. I’d greedily allowed my newfound joy with Kane to consume me in a way that I’d let my guard down. About everything.
How could I have hurt Kane like that? I knew he’d been through pain, like me. Yet I’d just added to it. Was Olivia right? Would this work itself out? For some nauseating reason, I didn’t think it would. Kane was the kind of guy who gave someone one chance to earn his trust. When you earned it, you truly earned it.
When you lost it? That was it. The trust was gone.
Just like it would be with me.
Tears came to my eyes and I let them fall freely. I couldn’t help it.
I’d just shredded everything Kane and I had gained to bits.
Finally, I ambled back inside to Delta house, and climbed the stairs to my room. Any hunger pangs I might have had earlier were gone. I readied for bed, climbed beneath my covers, and turned on my side.
In my heart I felt as though I’d just seen the last of Kane McCarthy.
Closing my eyes, I cried myself to sleep.
* * *
Three days passed by and not once did I see Kane’s truck on campus. He’d packed up his business and if he were still in town, he wasn’t at the school anymore. I’d wandered from class to class, meeting to meeting, once again on auto-pilot. I’d tried to call him, but he wouldn’t answer. I tried texting, too, but he didn’t respond to that, either. It was the longest three days of my life. The newfound freedom I’d acquired with Kane slowly started slipping away, and my old ways and old fears returned. Without my consent. They just…returned. Maybe even worse now. My appetite had fled, and sometimes I wouldn’t even finish the one meal I’d chosen for the day. I felt cold inside. Empty. Empty, without Kane. I missed him. And my heart ached knowing that I’d hurt him. His words haunted me; during the day, but mostly at night.
I. Trusted. You.
He’d laid his soul open to me; more than he had anyone, probably. And I’d yanked the rug out from under him. Guilt swamped me, and I had a difficult time keeping up the mask I’d carefully worn for two years at Winston. Three days. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Finally, I got the nerve up to go over to Brax’s. Inside, my stomach was a massive ball of rabid butterflies, all flapping around at once. The thought of facing Kane now scared me. But I had to do it.
When I pulled up to Brax’s apartment, my heart sank. Kane’s truck wasn’t there, but Brax and Olivia both were. Before I made it to the door to knock, they’d both stepped outside.
“He’s gone, sweetheart,” Brax said to me. “He’s pretty hurt, but I guess you know that.”
I nodded, and tears stung my eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
Olivia’s hand found mine. “Brax must be forgetting what it’s like being in your shoes,” she said gently. “Right, Brax?”
Brax sighed, rubbed his head with his hand. “Look, Harper,” he said, not too rough. “I know my brother. He doesn’t let people in. He lets them in just so far.” Fah. He shook his head. “But he let you in. You got to him. So it makes the hurt that much worse.” He pulled Olivia close, tucking her head beneath his chin. “And yeah—I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. It fuckin’ sucks.”
A tear slipped past my lid. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” I said, then looked at first Olivia, then Brax. “Did…he leave Texas?”
“I’m pretty sure he did,” Brax said. “Can’t say for sure. Kane’s his own man. He answers to no one.” Brax surprised me then and pulled me into a fierce bear hug. “Give him some time, sweetheart,” he advised, then kissed the top of my head. “See what happens.”
I nodded. “Thanks.” My eyes then found his. “I didn’t know him then. I thought he was just some…random bad boy who needed reforming.”
A crooked smile tilted Brax’s mouth. “Well, that’s not too far off the mark now, is it?”
“Only he’s anything but random,” I said. Then, I looked at Olivia. “I’m sorry.”
She hugged me. “It’s okay, Harper. I understand why you did it.”
“He won’t answer my calls,” I said, and my voice cracked. “I’m just…so sorry.”
Olivia’s kind gaze sought mine. “If it’s true, and it’s meant to be,” she said, giving me a soft smile. “It will be. Trust that, if anything.”
I looked into Olivia’s wise eyes, and grateful for her friendship, I gave a nod. “Thanks, Olivia.”
Olivia placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled kindly at me. “Just give it some time, Harper,” she offered. “These things have a way of working themselves out.” Then she turned and crossed the lot to Brax’s bike, climbed on the back and pulled her helmet on, and they left. I watched Brax’s single tail light as it disappeared. I stood beneath the lamp light in the Delta’s yard. The night air surrounded me, and although people were milling about—even the Kappas’ rowdy music poured out of their house—I still felt completely and utterly alone.
I stayed there, outside, letting the chilled December air nip at my cheeks, my hands, for some time. How dumb could I be? I should’ve told Kane a long time ago about the Dare. At the very least, I should have told him about my reservations, and about calling it off. Instead I’d put it behind me. I’d greedily allowed my newfound joy with Kane to consume me in a way that I’d let my guard down. About everything.
How could I have hurt Kane like that? I knew he’d been through pain, like me. Yet I’d just added to it. Was Olivia right? Would this work itself out? For some nauseating reason, I didn’t think it would. Kane was the kind of guy who gave someone one chance to earn his trust. When you earned it, you truly earned it.
When you lost it? That was it. The trust was gone.
Just like it would be with me.
Tears came to my eyes and I let them fall freely. I couldn’t help it.
I’d just shredded everything Kane and I had gained to bits.
Finally, I ambled back inside to Delta house, and climbed the stairs to my room. Any hunger pangs I might have had earlier were gone. I readied for bed, climbed beneath my covers, and turned on my side.
In my heart I felt as though I’d just seen the last of Kane McCarthy.
Closing my eyes, I cried myself to sleep.
* * *
Three days passed by and not once did I see Kane’s truck on campus. He’d packed up his business and if he were still in town, he wasn’t at the school anymore. I’d wandered from class to class, meeting to meeting, once again on auto-pilot. I’d tried to call him, but he wouldn’t answer. I tried texting, too, but he didn’t respond to that, either. It was the longest three days of my life. The newfound freedom I’d acquired with Kane slowly started slipping away, and my old ways and old fears returned. Without my consent. They just…returned. Maybe even worse now. My appetite had fled, and sometimes I wouldn’t even finish the one meal I’d chosen for the day. I felt cold inside. Empty. Empty, without Kane. I missed him. And my heart ached knowing that I’d hurt him. His words haunted me; during the day, but mostly at night.
I. Trusted. You.
He’d laid his soul open to me; more than he had anyone, probably. And I’d yanked the rug out from under him. Guilt swamped me, and I had a difficult time keeping up the mask I’d carefully worn for two years at Winston. Three days. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Finally, I got the nerve up to go over to Brax’s. Inside, my stomach was a massive ball of rabid butterflies, all flapping around at once. The thought of facing Kane now scared me. But I had to do it.
When I pulled up to Brax’s apartment, my heart sank. Kane’s truck wasn’t there, but Brax and Olivia both were. Before I made it to the door to knock, they’d both stepped outside.
“He’s gone, sweetheart,” Brax said to me. “He’s pretty hurt, but I guess you know that.”
I nodded, and tears stung my eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
Olivia’s hand found mine. “Brax must be forgetting what it’s like being in your shoes,” she said gently. “Right, Brax?”
Brax sighed, rubbed his head with his hand. “Look, Harper,” he said, not too rough. “I know my brother. He doesn’t let people in. He lets them in just so far.” Fah. He shook his head. “But he let you in. You got to him. So it makes the hurt that much worse.” He pulled Olivia close, tucking her head beneath his chin. “And yeah—I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. It fuckin’ sucks.”
A tear slipped past my lid. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” I said, then looked at first Olivia, then Brax. “Did…he leave Texas?”
“I’m pretty sure he did,” Brax said. “Can’t say for sure. Kane’s his own man. He answers to no one.” Brax surprised me then and pulled me into a fierce bear hug. “Give him some time, sweetheart,” he advised, then kissed the top of my head. “See what happens.”
I nodded. “Thanks.” My eyes then found his. “I didn’t know him then. I thought he was just some…random bad boy who needed reforming.”
A crooked smile tilted Brax’s mouth. “Well, that’s not too far off the mark now, is it?”
“Only he’s anything but random,” I said. Then, I looked at Olivia. “I’m sorry.”
She hugged me. “It’s okay, Harper. I understand why you did it.”
“He won’t answer my calls,” I said, and my voice cracked. “I’m just…so sorry.”
Olivia’s kind gaze sought mine. “If it’s true, and it’s meant to be,” she said, giving me a soft smile. “It will be. Trust that, if anything.”
I looked into Olivia’s wise eyes, and grateful for her friendship, I gave a nod. “Thanks, Olivia.”
