Sugar Rush
Page 21
“They are,” he agrees with a rueful smile. “They’re nothing like your parents. They had your back all the way, didn’t they?”
I lower my eyes to my coffee cup and remember fondly their almost-perfect handling of a brutalized daughter. Outrage over what happened to me, validation I did nothing wrong—although I was loath to ever believe that—protectiveness to make me feel safe, and an open, honest environment in which I could process my feelings.
“They were amazing,” is all I can say to Beck about them.
“Well, my parents aren’t worth a fucking damn and Caroline’s glad to be rid of them.”
“If you don’t mind, could you tell me what happened to Caroline? The experience has also affected you, given you a better understanding of what I went through, but I’d like to know just what happened.”
Beck leans forward and puts his elbows on the table. His eyes are clear with honesty but no less clouded with pain. “I don’t think she’d mind me telling you. It might be good for you two to talk.”
I nod quickly because I’m feeling all kinds of bad that Caroline didn’t have the support she needed.
“It happened almost five years ago about this time of year. My parents were having their annual Christmas party, and both of us were attending as dutiful children. Caroline had just turned twenty the month before.”
I hold a hand out, do some mental calculation on my fingers, and say, “So Caroline is a year younger than me.”
Beck nods. “We left the party after only a few hours, but Caroline was drunk, because that’s really the only way to get through being around my parents. This guy she had brought as a date drove her home so I figured she’d be okay, you know?”
His voice has taken on a guilt-filled tone, which causes my hand to fly out to grab his. I squeeze hard…painfully hard until his eyes focus on me. “Don’t. Don’t even go there. You couldn’t have known and it could have happened anywhere.”
Without acknowledging my words but giving me a return squeeze, which causes my grip to loosen slightly, he continues. “She doesn’t really remember much about it. Doesn’t remember the drive home, or getting into her apartment. Just that she woke up the next morning, and she…well, could tell she’d had rough sex and that protection wasn’t used. She had bruises on her throat and wrists; all over her legs and she was bleeding between…well, you know.”
“God…I am so sorry,” I whisper.
“She called me right away and I went over to her apartment,” Beck says, pulling his hand from mine so he can take another sip of coffee. “Her memory was spotty, she was drunk, and she wasn’t sure if it was consensual. She felt—”
“Responsible,” I supply automatically.
“Yes…blamed herself. But given her condition, I didn’t think it was consensual and I asked Caroline point-blank if she was the type to give it up on the first date.”
“That was the first time she’d been out with that guy?”
“Michael Schaefer is his name. She’d met him at school. He was the exact opposite of the type of guy my parents would approve of, which is exactly why she brought him.”
My memory of seeing the folder in Beck’s office as I was searching it slams into me. It had SCHAEFER INVESTIGATION written on the tab. “He was arrested?”
“She didn’t want to report it at first because she couldn’t be a hundred percent sure it was rape. She didn’t want to ruin him if it was consensual, but I kept after her. She wanted to take a shower, get cleaned up, but I wouldn’t let her. It was awful, knowing what happened to her and arguing with her to keep that fucker’s semen inside of her so we could go to the police with it.”
I can’t control the sudden wave of tears that fill my eyes. I know exactly what it feels like to have your rapist’s semen on you, and it’s the most disgusting thing you could ever imagine. Even now, nausea roils my stomach, threatening to curdle my Viennese coffee.
“What got her to change her mind?” I ask as I blink my eyes hastily.
“I felt the need to get our parents involved, hoping they’d help to encourage her to report it,” he says with a disdainful laugh.
And I know what he’s going to say, so I say it instead with all the disgust I can muster. “Let me guess…they did the opposite. Told her not to report it because it would bring shame on the family. They made her feel fucking shame, didn’t they?”
“Yup,” Beck says as he points a finger at me and nods. “But it only goes to show you they didn’t know their daughter. Caroline took that as a challenge, and it actually strengthened her spirit. She and I always banded together against our parents, so the minute they staked their position in opposition to me, she was spitting nails and eager to report it.”
“What happened?”
“They picked up Michael Schaefer and interviewed him. He denied it, stating he dropped her off at her apartment. Didn’t walk her to her door…just pulled up in front and then took off.”
“A real gentleman,” I grumble.
“It’s why she chose him to go to my parents’ party. He was a lowlife. But he wasn’t a rapist.”
My eyebrows shoot up. I wasn’t expecting that. “He wasn’t?”
“He volunteered DNA and it excluded him.”
“So someone got her at her apartment?”
Beck nods, his lips flat and eyes glinting with menace. “We assume she was ambushed.”
“That’s horrific. I’m just…I don’t even know what to say.”
He doesn’t respond, but picks off a piece of croissant and nibbles on it.
“So that’s why Caroline has nothing to do with your parents,” I continue. “They didn’t believe her; made her feel shameful, and she cut them out.”
“It’s part of it,” Beck says, pulling off another piece of croissant. He waves it at me as he says, “But it more has to do with the fact that once Caroline found out she was pregnant, they wanted her to get an abortion.”
At this, my jaw drops open in astonishment. “Ally…was conceived by the rape?”
“She was,” he says, and his eyes grow soft at just the mention of her. “Caroline refused a morning-after pill at the hospital. She wasn’t going to take the chance of killing a life if she was pregnant. My parents went berserk when they found out. Really tried to strong-arm her into aborting her own daughter, but Caroline would never, ever do that. They were wasting their energy and ensuring that Caroline would forever be gone from their life.”
I lower my eyes to my coffee cup and remember fondly their almost-perfect handling of a brutalized daughter. Outrage over what happened to me, validation I did nothing wrong—although I was loath to ever believe that—protectiveness to make me feel safe, and an open, honest environment in which I could process my feelings.
“They were amazing,” is all I can say to Beck about them.
“Well, my parents aren’t worth a fucking damn and Caroline’s glad to be rid of them.”
“If you don’t mind, could you tell me what happened to Caroline? The experience has also affected you, given you a better understanding of what I went through, but I’d like to know just what happened.”
Beck leans forward and puts his elbows on the table. His eyes are clear with honesty but no less clouded with pain. “I don’t think she’d mind me telling you. It might be good for you two to talk.”
I nod quickly because I’m feeling all kinds of bad that Caroline didn’t have the support she needed.
“It happened almost five years ago about this time of year. My parents were having their annual Christmas party, and both of us were attending as dutiful children. Caroline had just turned twenty the month before.”
I hold a hand out, do some mental calculation on my fingers, and say, “So Caroline is a year younger than me.”
Beck nods. “We left the party after only a few hours, but Caroline was drunk, because that’s really the only way to get through being around my parents. This guy she had brought as a date drove her home so I figured she’d be okay, you know?”
His voice has taken on a guilt-filled tone, which causes my hand to fly out to grab his. I squeeze hard…painfully hard until his eyes focus on me. “Don’t. Don’t even go there. You couldn’t have known and it could have happened anywhere.”
Without acknowledging my words but giving me a return squeeze, which causes my grip to loosen slightly, he continues. “She doesn’t really remember much about it. Doesn’t remember the drive home, or getting into her apartment. Just that she woke up the next morning, and she…well, could tell she’d had rough sex and that protection wasn’t used. She had bruises on her throat and wrists; all over her legs and she was bleeding between…well, you know.”
“God…I am so sorry,” I whisper.
“She called me right away and I went over to her apartment,” Beck says, pulling his hand from mine so he can take another sip of coffee. “Her memory was spotty, she was drunk, and she wasn’t sure if it was consensual. She felt—”
“Responsible,” I supply automatically.
“Yes…blamed herself. But given her condition, I didn’t think it was consensual and I asked Caroline point-blank if she was the type to give it up on the first date.”
“That was the first time she’d been out with that guy?”
“Michael Schaefer is his name. She’d met him at school. He was the exact opposite of the type of guy my parents would approve of, which is exactly why she brought him.”
My memory of seeing the folder in Beck’s office as I was searching it slams into me. It had SCHAEFER INVESTIGATION written on the tab. “He was arrested?”
“She didn’t want to report it at first because she couldn’t be a hundred percent sure it was rape. She didn’t want to ruin him if it was consensual, but I kept after her. She wanted to take a shower, get cleaned up, but I wouldn’t let her. It was awful, knowing what happened to her and arguing with her to keep that fucker’s semen inside of her so we could go to the police with it.”
I can’t control the sudden wave of tears that fill my eyes. I know exactly what it feels like to have your rapist’s semen on you, and it’s the most disgusting thing you could ever imagine. Even now, nausea roils my stomach, threatening to curdle my Viennese coffee.
“What got her to change her mind?” I ask as I blink my eyes hastily.
“I felt the need to get our parents involved, hoping they’d help to encourage her to report it,” he says with a disdainful laugh.
And I know what he’s going to say, so I say it instead with all the disgust I can muster. “Let me guess…they did the opposite. Told her not to report it because it would bring shame on the family. They made her feel fucking shame, didn’t they?”
“Yup,” Beck says as he points a finger at me and nods. “But it only goes to show you they didn’t know their daughter. Caroline took that as a challenge, and it actually strengthened her spirit. She and I always banded together against our parents, so the minute they staked their position in opposition to me, she was spitting nails and eager to report it.”
“What happened?”
“They picked up Michael Schaefer and interviewed him. He denied it, stating he dropped her off at her apartment. Didn’t walk her to her door…just pulled up in front and then took off.”
“A real gentleman,” I grumble.
“It’s why she chose him to go to my parents’ party. He was a lowlife. But he wasn’t a rapist.”
My eyebrows shoot up. I wasn’t expecting that. “He wasn’t?”
“He volunteered DNA and it excluded him.”
“So someone got her at her apartment?”
Beck nods, his lips flat and eyes glinting with menace. “We assume she was ambushed.”
“That’s horrific. I’m just…I don’t even know what to say.”
He doesn’t respond, but picks off a piece of croissant and nibbles on it.
“So that’s why Caroline has nothing to do with your parents,” I continue. “They didn’t believe her; made her feel shameful, and she cut them out.”
“It’s part of it,” Beck says, pulling off another piece of croissant. He waves it at me as he says, “But it more has to do with the fact that once Caroline found out she was pregnant, they wanted her to get an abortion.”
At this, my jaw drops open in astonishment. “Ally…was conceived by the rape?”
“She was,” he says, and his eyes grow soft at just the mention of her. “Caroline refused a morning-after pill at the hospital. She wasn’t going to take the chance of killing a life if she was pregnant. My parents went berserk when they found out. Really tried to strong-arm her into aborting her own daughter, but Caroline would never, ever do that. They were wasting their energy and ensuring that Caroline would forever be gone from their life.”
