Summer Days
Page 33
“I see,” she said quietly. “Let me guess. There wasn’t any room for me in the new plan, either.”
He shifted on the chair, feeling guilty and uncomfortable.
“Heidi,” he began.
“No,” she told him. “You can’t talk your way out of this. As far as you’re concerned, I’m someone you slept with. Nothing more. You don’t care about me or what happens to me. You would be very content to toss me out.”
“That’s not true.”
“Okay, prove it. Show me where I fit in your plan. Point out one square inch of this ranch you had left for me.”
He stood. “I don’t have any details,” he hedged.
“You don’t have anything.”
She stared at him for a long time. He waited for her to start yelling, but instead, she was quiet. Her eyes grew sad.
“I was wrong,” she said quietly. “I accept that. I did what I did to protect my home, and while that’s not good enough, at least it’s a reason I can accept without feeling like a jerk. You did what you did for profit. You ignored everyone but yourself. Your mom is right. You force your will on everyone, consequences be damned. The reason you didn’t feel anything when your marriage ended is because you don’t know how to care about anyone but yourself. Using a matchmaker is a really good idea, Rafe. Just make sure Nina explains to your prospective bride that the man she’s marrying was born without a heart.”
* * *
RAFE HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT he had a pretty good handle on his world. He understood the rules, the consequences, and he played to win. Sometime in the last two days, he’d completely lost control. Heidi had lied to him and his mother, tricked the town and been outed by a reporter. But instead of anyone standing up and asking what the hell she’d been thinking, he had become the bad guy.
His mother had asked him to move out of the ranch and back to the hotel in town. He hadn’t seen Heidi, Glen wasn’t speaking to him and everywhere he went in Fool’s Gold, he was getting angry stares.
“People really hate you,” Dante said cheerfully, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
They were sitting in the bar at Ronan’s Folly. Rafe had moved back to a suite there, and Dante had joined him to wrap up a few business details. In a couple of days, they would both head to San Francisco. There was no reason to stay in Fool’s Gold. It wasn’t as if anyone wanted him around.
The situation was too pathetic for him to stand, he thought grimly, as he gripped his Scotch.
“It’s an interesting insight into human behavior,” his partner continued. “Technically, Heidi is the one who broke the rules. She deceived everyone. All you did was scratch out a few tentative plans for some houses. Yet she’s forgiven and you’re the devil.”
“Thanks for the recap.”
Dante looked around. “I like it here.”
“You’re a sick guy.”
“Maybe. But there’s a sense of community. Heidi’s the pretty, helpless woman done wrong by the big, bad developer.”
“I didn’t develop shit.”
“But you could have. And your sins would be much greater. I respect the sense of loyalty.”
“I hope you respect the lack of profits. There’s no way we’re going to be able to develop any houses around here.”
“Not on your mother’s land, no. But there might be other places. After all, the casino is still going to need to hire people.”
Rafe shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m done with Fool’s Gold.” His initial instincts had been right. He should never have come back.
“Then I might look around.”
“Help yourself.”
Rafe started to say more, only to be distracted by angry, stomping footsteps approaching. He looked around and spotted Shane headed toward him. His brother didn’t look happy.
“Brace yourself,” Rafe muttered.
He and Dante both stood as Shane came to a stop in front of them.
“You’re back,” Rafe said.
“Obviously.”
“This is Dante Jefferson, my business partner.”
Dante and Shane shook hands.
“Nice to meet you,” Dante said cheerfully.
“Are you as much of a jackass as my brother?” Shane asked.
Dante grinned. “No. Not even close.”
“Good.” Shane turned to Rafe. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Rafe sank back into the overstuffed chair. He understood his brother well enough to know Shane didn’t actually want an answer.
“You knew I wanted to bring my horses here,” Shane continued, taking the chair opposite, his dark eyes bright with fury. “I’ve put a bid on a hundred adjoining acres. I’m breeding horses, Rafe. I can’t have a development pushing up against my land. I’d already talked to Mom about leasing some of her land for grazing. We were going to grow hay, maybe some other crops. Where do you get off trying to destroy all of that?”
“Technically, he didn’t do anything,” Dante pointed out, his tone cheerful. “There were a few drawings, a couple of conversations.”
“You should stay out of this,” Shane told him.
Dante raised both his hands. “I’m just saying.”
“You didn’t tell me about your plans,” Rafe said, surprised Shane and May had decided so much between them.
“I didn’t want to hear why it wouldn’t work.”
Rafe frowned. “I wouldn’t say that. You know what you’re doing when it comes to horses.”
“Gee, thanks. I appreciate the endorsement, but you’ll have to forgive me for not expecting you to be supportive. If I remember correctly, you hounded me about college, even though I had no interest in going. When I was eighteen and took off to work on a ranch, you told me that if I failed, I was on my own. That you didn’t agree with my decision and that you wouldn’t be there for me.”
Rafe winced. “I didn’t mean it that way. I wanted the best for you.”
“You don’t get to decide what that is.”
“You’re right.”
“Too little, too late.” Shane leaned toward him. “You do this all the time, Rafe. You butt in, make pronouncements, demand action. You don’t ask, you decide. You’re not interested in our opinions. I guess you think we’re not bright enough to have figured it out for ourselves.”
“That’s not true.” Rafe was once again left wondering when he’d become the bad guy.
“Sure it is. You haven’t spoken to Clay or Evie in years. That’s not because of them. You think they’re wasting their lives. Sure, you worked hard to support all of us, and we appreciate that. But the price is too high. You expect ownership in return for what you did, and no one wants to give you that.”
Shane rose. “You’re not going to develop the ranch. Mom and Glen’s idea for the vacation homes is great, but there won’t be anything else. No housing development, no retail. Nothing. We’re keeping the rest of it for horses and farming. You got that?”
Rafe nodded.
Shane left.
Rafe leaned back in his chair. “Be grateful you’re an only child.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind having a family member or two.” He sipped on his Scotch. “Now what?”
“Hell if I know. I’m getting out of here in a couple of days. I’ll make sure the construction guys are finishing up the barn, and make sure everything else my mom needs is being handled, then I’m coming back to San Francisco.”
Dante raised his eyebrows. “No one would be surprised if you left her to deal with the construction on her own.”
“I probably should.” But he wouldn’t. Taking care of her and his siblings was too much a part of him. Even if it was a thankless job.
He thought about what Shane had said. That he pushed his own views and decided for others. While his brother had a point, Rafe wanted to protest that he’d done the best he could, raising all three of them, looking after Mom. He’d sacrificed plenty, had struggled to make sure they got to be kids, while he’d worried about their futures.
Now he would do things differently, but at ten or sixteen or twenty, he hadn’t known any better.
He wanted to talk to Heidi. To tell her what Shane had said and listen to her opinion, maybe get her advice. She had a way of seeing both sides of a problem. She would know what he should do next.
Only Heidi was avoiding him, and he doubted she would want anything to do with him, if they did run into each other. She’d been so angry with him.
He missed her. What could have been awkward—living in the same house together with his mother and her grandfather—had been fun. He’d enjoyed getting to know her, discovering her moods, what made her smile. He missed the sound of her voice, her laughter, the way she turned him on just by walking into a room.
She was what he would miss most when he was gone. She had shown him he didn’t want a perfect wife anymore. He wanted…
Heidi? Love?
The idea of being with her excited him and terrified him in equal measures. She would never accept a relationship based on shared values and friendship. She would hand over her whole heart and insist he give the same. There would be no safety net, no place to hide. And if she were to leave him, he would never be the same.
The idea of being with her, of having to put so much on the line, was too much. He pushed it away and reminded himself he had to stay in control. That was how he’d survived all these years, how he’d taken care of everyone around him. To give that up was to risk it all.
Something he would never do.
* * *
HEIDI PUT CURED AND WRAPPED bars of soap into the boxes in front of her. She was taking her first shipments for China to the post office that afternoon. They would be put on a cargo ship heading east, and in a few months she would know if she’d managed to break into the growing Asian market.
This was a big step for her business, and one that should make her happy. The problem was, lately she couldn’t seem to feel anything but sad. The carnival had moved on to their next stop, leaving the space around the house and barn looking empty. She hadn’t seen Rafe for days and hated how much she missed him. She was too embarrassed to go into town and visit with her friends, although she’d gotten several phone messages of support.
The truth was right now her life sucked, and she only had herself to blame.
“Are you all right?” May asked, walking into the mudroom.
“Tired,” Heidi admitted, putting down the soap and facing her friend. “It’s been a rough couple of days. How about you?”
“I’m working some things through.”
Heidi shoved her hands into her jeans, then pulled them out again. She and May had been friendly enough, but they’d continued to dance around the most important topic of all. No offense to Priscilla, but they were ignoring the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry for what I did,” Heidi told her. “And relieved to have been caught. I’m not the type to be very good at a life of crime.”
May smiled. “I’m happy to hear that. As for apologizing, you have, and I understand why you did what you did. Rafe didn’t leave you much choice.”
“He and I have a complicated relationship.” No way she was going to admit they’d slept together. May might be lovely and charming, but she was also Rafe’s mother. “I didn’t know how to talk to him, but I could have come to you. I should have.”
“I wish you had,” May admitted. “We could have worked something out. A compromise. I never wanted to hurt you or Glen.”
Heidi sighed. She was about to say maybe they could figure something out now, when a car pulled up to the house. She recognized it as belonging to the Fool’s Gold police department.
“What on earth?” May said, heading for the back door.
Heidi followed, and they found Police Chief Barns walking toward them.
“Mrs. Stryker,” Chief Barns said with a nod. “Heidi.”
“Hi.” Heidi’s stomach tightened. Rita would tell her she was experiencing a premonition. But it wasn’t that the police chief was going to inform her she’d won the lottery.
“Heidi Simpson, you are ordered to appear before Judge Loomis in the morning.” Alice handed her an envelope. Her stern expression turned sympathetic. “Just so you know, she’s mad. Don’t be late.”
Heidi took the envelope and swallowed. “She knows about the cave paintings?”
“She knows everything.”
* * *
LAST TIME HEIDI HAD SEEN the judge, she’d been in back with the observers, and Glen had been the one seated next to Trisha Wynn. Now Heidi was beside the lawyer and, despite the fact that she was sitting, she felt herself shaking all over.
“I’m not even speaking to you,” Trisha said in a low voice, as they waited for Judge Loomis to appear. “Of all the half-brained ideas. Why didn’t you come talk to me?”
“I don’t know. I just reacted.”
“You better hope that old saying about God helping fools is true.”
“I thought the saying was more like God didn’t suffer fools.”
“You really want to correct my English right now?”
“Sorry.”
“All rise.”
Heidi stood, clutching the table to keep from collapsing. She was more scared than she’d ever been. Last time, she’d been able to focus all her worry on Glen and what would happen to him. Now she was the one the judge wanted to see. Worse, she was in the wrong. When her actions were combined with what her grandfather had done, Judge Loomis was going to assume they were a family of criminals and thieves.
He shifted on the chair, feeling guilty and uncomfortable.
“Heidi,” he began.
“No,” she told him. “You can’t talk your way out of this. As far as you’re concerned, I’m someone you slept with. Nothing more. You don’t care about me or what happens to me. You would be very content to toss me out.”
“That’s not true.”
“Okay, prove it. Show me where I fit in your plan. Point out one square inch of this ranch you had left for me.”
He stood. “I don’t have any details,” he hedged.
“You don’t have anything.”
She stared at him for a long time. He waited for her to start yelling, but instead, she was quiet. Her eyes grew sad.
“I was wrong,” she said quietly. “I accept that. I did what I did to protect my home, and while that’s not good enough, at least it’s a reason I can accept without feeling like a jerk. You did what you did for profit. You ignored everyone but yourself. Your mom is right. You force your will on everyone, consequences be damned. The reason you didn’t feel anything when your marriage ended is because you don’t know how to care about anyone but yourself. Using a matchmaker is a really good idea, Rafe. Just make sure Nina explains to your prospective bride that the man she’s marrying was born without a heart.”
* * *
RAFE HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT he had a pretty good handle on his world. He understood the rules, the consequences, and he played to win. Sometime in the last two days, he’d completely lost control. Heidi had lied to him and his mother, tricked the town and been outed by a reporter. But instead of anyone standing up and asking what the hell she’d been thinking, he had become the bad guy.
His mother had asked him to move out of the ranch and back to the hotel in town. He hadn’t seen Heidi, Glen wasn’t speaking to him and everywhere he went in Fool’s Gold, he was getting angry stares.
“People really hate you,” Dante said cheerfully, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
They were sitting in the bar at Ronan’s Folly. Rafe had moved back to a suite there, and Dante had joined him to wrap up a few business details. In a couple of days, they would both head to San Francisco. There was no reason to stay in Fool’s Gold. It wasn’t as if anyone wanted him around.
The situation was too pathetic for him to stand, he thought grimly, as he gripped his Scotch.
“It’s an interesting insight into human behavior,” his partner continued. “Technically, Heidi is the one who broke the rules. She deceived everyone. All you did was scratch out a few tentative plans for some houses. Yet she’s forgiven and you’re the devil.”
“Thanks for the recap.”
Dante looked around. “I like it here.”
“You’re a sick guy.”
“Maybe. But there’s a sense of community. Heidi’s the pretty, helpless woman done wrong by the big, bad developer.”
“I didn’t develop shit.”
“But you could have. And your sins would be much greater. I respect the sense of loyalty.”
“I hope you respect the lack of profits. There’s no way we’re going to be able to develop any houses around here.”
“Not on your mother’s land, no. But there might be other places. After all, the casino is still going to need to hire people.”
Rafe shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m done with Fool’s Gold.” His initial instincts had been right. He should never have come back.
“Then I might look around.”
“Help yourself.”
Rafe started to say more, only to be distracted by angry, stomping footsteps approaching. He looked around and spotted Shane headed toward him. His brother didn’t look happy.
“Brace yourself,” Rafe muttered.
He and Dante both stood as Shane came to a stop in front of them.
“You’re back,” Rafe said.
“Obviously.”
“This is Dante Jefferson, my business partner.”
Dante and Shane shook hands.
“Nice to meet you,” Dante said cheerfully.
“Are you as much of a jackass as my brother?” Shane asked.
Dante grinned. “No. Not even close.”
“Good.” Shane turned to Rafe. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Rafe sank back into the overstuffed chair. He understood his brother well enough to know Shane didn’t actually want an answer.
“You knew I wanted to bring my horses here,” Shane continued, taking the chair opposite, his dark eyes bright with fury. “I’ve put a bid on a hundred adjoining acres. I’m breeding horses, Rafe. I can’t have a development pushing up against my land. I’d already talked to Mom about leasing some of her land for grazing. We were going to grow hay, maybe some other crops. Where do you get off trying to destroy all of that?”
“Technically, he didn’t do anything,” Dante pointed out, his tone cheerful. “There were a few drawings, a couple of conversations.”
“You should stay out of this,” Shane told him.
Dante raised both his hands. “I’m just saying.”
“You didn’t tell me about your plans,” Rafe said, surprised Shane and May had decided so much between them.
“I didn’t want to hear why it wouldn’t work.”
Rafe frowned. “I wouldn’t say that. You know what you’re doing when it comes to horses.”
“Gee, thanks. I appreciate the endorsement, but you’ll have to forgive me for not expecting you to be supportive. If I remember correctly, you hounded me about college, even though I had no interest in going. When I was eighteen and took off to work on a ranch, you told me that if I failed, I was on my own. That you didn’t agree with my decision and that you wouldn’t be there for me.”
Rafe winced. “I didn’t mean it that way. I wanted the best for you.”
“You don’t get to decide what that is.”
“You’re right.”
“Too little, too late.” Shane leaned toward him. “You do this all the time, Rafe. You butt in, make pronouncements, demand action. You don’t ask, you decide. You’re not interested in our opinions. I guess you think we’re not bright enough to have figured it out for ourselves.”
“That’s not true.” Rafe was once again left wondering when he’d become the bad guy.
“Sure it is. You haven’t spoken to Clay or Evie in years. That’s not because of them. You think they’re wasting their lives. Sure, you worked hard to support all of us, and we appreciate that. But the price is too high. You expect ownership in return for what you did, and no one wants to give you that.”
Shane rose. “You’re not going to develop the ranch. Mom and Glen’s idea for the vacation homes is great, but there won’t be anything else. No housing development, no retail. Nothing. We’re keeping the rest of it for horses and farming. You got that?”
Rafe nodded.
Shane left.
Rafe leaned back in his chair. “Be grateful you’re an only child.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind having a family member or two.” He sipped on his Scotch. “Now what?”
“Hell if I know. I’m getting out of here in a couple of days. I’ll make sure the construction guys are finishing up the barn, and make sure everything else my mom needs is being handled, then I’m coming back to San Francisco.”
Dante raised his eyebrows. “No one would be surprised if you left her to deal with the construction on her own.”
“I probably should.” But he wouldn’t. Taking care of her and his siblings was too much a part of him. Even if it was a thankless job.
He thought about what Shane had said. That he pushed his own views and decided for others. While his brother had a point, Rafe wanted to protest that he’d done the best he could, raising all three of them, looking after Mom. He’d sacrificed plenty, had struggled to make sure they got to be kids, while he’d worried about their futures.
Now he would do things differently, but at ten or sixteen or twenty, he hadn’t known any better.
He wanted to talk to Heidi. To tell her what Shane had said and listen to her opinion, maybe get her advice. She had a way of seeing both sides of a problem. She would know what he should do next.
Only Heidi was avoiding him, and he doubted she would want anything to do with him, if they did run into each other. She’d been so angry with him.
He missed her. What could have been awkward—living in the same house together with his mother and her grandfather—had been fun. He’d enjoyed getting to know her, discovering her moods, what made her smile. He missed the sound of her voice, her laughter, the way she turned him on just by walking into a room.
She was what he would miss most when he was gone. She had shown him he didn’t want a perfect wife anymore. He wanted…
Heidi? Love?
The idea of being with her excited him and terrified him in equal measures. She would never accept a relationship based on shared values and friendship. She would hand over her whole heart and insist he give the same. There would be no safety net, no place to hide. And if she were to leave him, he would never be the same.
The idea of being with her, of having to put so much on the line, was too much. He pushed it away and reminded himself he had to stay in control. That was how he’d survived all these years, how he’d taken care of everyone around him. To give that up was to risk it all.
Something he would never do.
* * *
HEIDI PUT CURED AND WRAPPED bars of soap into the boxes in front of her. She was taking her first shipments for China to the post office that afternoon. They would be put on a cargo ship heading east, and in a few months she would know if she’d managed to break into the growing Asian market.
This was a big step for her business, and one that should make her happy. The problem was, lately she couldn’t seem to feel anything but sad. The carnival had moved on to their next stop, leaving the space around the house and barn looking empty. She hadn’t seen Rafe for days and hated how much she missed him. She was too embarrassed to go into town and visit with her friends, although she’d gotten several phone messages of support.
The truth was right now her life sucked, and she only had herself to blame.
“Are you all right?” May asked, walking into the mudroom.
“Tired,” Heidi admitted, putting down the soap and facing her friend. “It’s been a rough couple of days. How about you?”
“I’m working some things through.”
Heidi shoved her hands into her jeans, then pulled them out again. She and May had been friendly enough, but they’d continued to dance around the most important topic of all. No offense to Priscilla, but they were ignoring the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry for what I did,” Heidi told her. “And relieved to have been caught. I’m not the type to be very good at a life of crime.”
May smiled. “I’m happy to hear that. As for apologizing, you have, and I understand why you did what you did. Rafe didn’t leave you much choice.”
“He and I have a complicated relationship.” No way she was going to admit they’d slept together. May might be lovely and charming, but she was also Rafe’s mother. “I didn’t know how to talk to him, but I could have come to you. I should have.”
“I wish you had,” May admitted. “We could have worked something out. A compromise. I never wanted to hurt you or Glen.”
Heidi sighed. She was about to say maybe they could figure something out now, when a car pulled up to the house. She recognized it as belonging to the Fool’s Gold police department.
“What on earth?” May said, heading for the back door.
Heidi followed, and they found Police Chief Barns walking toward them.
“Mrs. Stryker,” Chief Barns said with a nod. “Heidi.”
“Hi.” Heidi’s stomach tightened. Rita would tell her she was experiencing a premonition. But it wasn’t that the police chief was going to inform her she’d won the lottery.
“Heidi Simpson, you are ordered to appear before Judge Loomis in the morning.” Alice handed her an envelope. Her stern expression turned sympathetic. “Just so you know, she’s mad. Don’t be late.”
Heidi took the envelope and swallowed. “She knows about the cave paintings?”
“She knows everything.”
* * *
LAST TIME HEIDI HAD SEEN the judge, she’d been in back with the observers, and Glen had been the one seated next to Trisha Wynn. Now Heidi was beside the lawyer and, despite the fact that she was sitting, she felt herself shaking all over.
“I’m not even speaking to you,” Trisha said in a low voice, as they waited for Judge Loomis to appear. “Of all the half-brained ideas. Why didn’t you come talk to me?”
“I don’t know. I just reacted.”
“You better hope that old saying about God helping fools is true.”
“I thought the saying was more like God didn’t suffer fools.”
“You really want to correct my English right now?”
“Sorry.”
“All rise.”
Heidi stood, clutching the table to keep from collapsing. She was more scared than she’d ever been. Last time, she’d been able to focus all her worry on Glen and what would happen to him. Now she was the one the judge wanted to see. Worse, she was in the wrong. When her actions were combined with what her grandfather had done, Judge Loomis was going to assume they were a family of criminals and thieves.
