Sustain
Page 27
One of his arms wound underneath us, and he hugged me to him.
I felt his heart start to slow, felt his body began to cool off, as mine did as well. We lay there like that for another moment. Then it started to trickle back to me.
I had come to him.
I had begged him.
I had stripped myself open to him.
I bit down on my lip. What next? Would he leave? I wanted to grab the blanket and cover myself, but then Luke did that. He covered both of us after tossing the condom into the trash, and he moved beside me. “You want coffee?”
Coffee.
He asked about coffee.
I blinked rapidly. “That’d be nice.”
“Okay.” Slipping out from the covers, he tucked them back in place behind me, and I could hear him pulling on his jeans. I was lying on my side, so I didn’t turn over to watch what else he was doing, but he crossed to my side of the room where the thermostat was.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t look back at me, but his shoulder muscles shifted under his skin. His thumb touched something on the thermostat. He glanced over his shoulder to me. “It’s cold in here. I’m turning the heat up.”
“Oh.”
“Are you cold?”
I heard his question, but I was distracted by his tattoos. I’d gotten a peek at them earlier, and I saw them last night, but I hadn’t really looked. Sitting up, wrapping the blanket better around me, I inspected them now. They were birds. I counted three of them, and they ascended up his bicep and over his shoulder. It looked like they were flying off him. On the inside of his side, under his arm, a large tribal tattoo was there.
I pointed at them. “What do they mean?”
He’d been waiting for my response, but a frown graced his features. The atmosphere in the room shifted. It’d been light, intimate, but it was tense and distant now. Not knowing why, I held my tongue. My instincts were warning me to tread lightly here, then I heard Luke answer in a quiet voice, “Each bird stands for someone who has left me.” He came over and sat next to me. Lifting his arm, he pointed at each bird. “My mom. My dad.” His eyes fell to my lips as he pointed at the last one. “You.”
My stomach flipped over on itself. Why would he want to remember who had left him?
“They’re reminders that no matter who leaves you, you keep going. You persevere. No matter what, but.” He shook his head as a laugh left him, sounding regretful. He raked a hand over his head. “Anyway, that’s too heavy for now. How about coffee? Did you still want some?”
“Yes.” My throat was dry. He had a tattoo for when I left him. I…hated that.
“Okay. I’ll get some from upstairs quick.”
“Wait.” He started to stand. My hand caught his and tugged him back down. “We’re at Rowdy’s.”
He nodded. The sight of his smile transformed his entire face. Luke had a mesmerizing beauty to him, and as he smiled, it had the same effect that I witnessed the night before. It kicked up his charisma. It’s what pulled people in.
He sighed, shaking his head as he stood. “No one will be around. I’ve stayed the night here before.”
With other women. Reality crashed back down on me. Luke wasn’t mine. He hadn’t been in so long. He’d been with others, and I knew there would be so many more.
I moved back. “Right. What was I thinking?”
He moved to the door. “You were thinking we’d be caught, but no one’s here this time of day. Kelly always locks up around three in the morning. She won’t be back in until eleven, ten at the earliest.”
“Yes, you’re right.”
He paused before slipping out the door. “You okay?”
“Of course.”
He stared at me, his eyes squinting, and he raked a hand through his hair. His head tilted at an angle. “Listen,” he hesitated. His hand grabbed a fistful of his hair. “Things are weird with us. Getting that phone call pissed me off. The one you made from the police station.”
What? I sat up, readjusting the sheet so I was still covered. That’d been a while ago. “Why?” I could almost feel my heart pausing. Luke kept so much from me. We had sex, but I knew there was a cement wall around his heart. I’d once been lucky to be allowed past that wall.
Was he going to let me back in?
His hand grabbed the doorframe above his head. Leaning there, that pose accentuated how lean he was. He was the image of a panther stretching. “I know it’s dumb, but Turner got you in trouble. You finally called for help. I know you were calling your brother, but I was here, and he wasn’t. I was happy, but I was damn mad at you. Mad at him, too, for putting you in that position. A lot of the shit inside me from the past few years came out, and I’ve been a dick since then. I kept waiting for you to go back to him, but you didn’t, and I don’t know.” He let go, and his arm dropped back to his side. He was lost in thought, and his hand raked through his hair again. “I’m sorry. For everything. I should’ve shut down Emerson more than I did. I should’ve done a lot of things.”
My hands curled into the blanket, pulling it tighter around me. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was…my heart was right there, pressed against my chest. My throat swelled up, and I managed out, “Thank you.”
He let his arm drop a second time. “Yeah. I know I said a while back it was sex or nothing, and you’ve been nice, really nice, actually.”
“What are you saying?” I sat further upright. The blanket was wrapped so tightly around me now, but I pulled even harder on it. A red mark was going to stretch across my chest soon.
“Nothing really.” He gave me a half-grin. “It doesn’t have to be just sex or nothing. I don’t know if that’s why you followed me here last night. I don’t want you to feel…I have no idea what I’m saying. I just wanted to apologize for being an asshole since you came back around.”
Now I was really confused. “Luke.” I shook my head. “We just had sex.”
“I know.”
“A lot of sex.”
The other corner of his mouth twitched up. “I’m aware.”
“I didn’t fuck you so you’d be nice to me.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I know. I know. I’m not saying—Bri. I’m not saying that.”
I felt his heart start to slow, felt his body began to cool off, as mine did as well. We lay there like that for another moment. Then it started to trickle back to me.
I had come to him.
I had begged him.
I had stripped myself open to him.
I bit down on my lip. What next? Would he leave? I wanted to grab the blanket and cover myself, but then Luke did that. He covered both of us after tossing the condom into the trash, and he moved beside me. “You want coffee?”
Coffee.
He asked about coffee.
I blinked rapidly. “That’d be nice.”
“Okay.” Slipping out from the covers, he tucked them back in place behind me, and I could hear him pulling on his jeans. I was lying on my side, so I didn’t turn over to watch what else he was doing, but he crossed to my side of the room where the thermostat was.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t look back at me, but his shoulder muscles shifted under his skin. His thumb touched something on the thermostat. He glanced over his shoulder to me. “It’s cold in here. I’m turning the heat up.”
“Oh.”
“Are you cold?”
I heard his question, but I was distracted by his tattoos. I’d gotten a peek at them earlier, and I saw them last night, but I hadn’t really looked. Sitting up, wrapping the blanket better around me, I inspected them now. They were birds. I counted three of them, and they ascended up his bicep and over his shoulder. It looked like they were flying off him. On the inside of his side, under his arm, a large tribal tattoo was there.
I pointed at them. “What do they mean?”
He’d been waiting for my response, but a frown graced his features. The atmosphere in the room shifted. It’d been light, intimate, but it was tense and distant now. Not knowing why, I held my tongue. My instincts were warning me to tread lightly here, then I heard Luke answer in a quiet voice, “Each bird stands for someone who has left me.” He came over and sat next to me. Lifting his arm, he pointed at each bird. “My mom. My dad.” His eyes fell to my lips as he pointed at the last one. “You.”
My stomach flipped over on itself. Why would he want to remember who had left him?
“They’re reminders that no matter who leaves you, you keep going. You persevere. No matter what, but.” He shook his head as a laugh left him, sounding regretful. He raked a hand over his head. “Anyway, that’s too heavy for now. How about coffee? Did you still want some?”
“Yes.” My throat was dry. He had a tattoo for when I left him. I…hated that.
“Okay. I’ll get some from upstairs quick.”
“Wait.” He started to stand. My hand caught his and tugged him back down. “We’re at Rowdy’s.”
He nodded. The sight of his smile transformed his entire face. Luke had a mesmerizing beauty to him, and as he smiled, it had the same effect that I witnessed the night before. It kicked up his charisma. It’s what pulled people in.
He sighed, shaking his head as he stood. “No one will be around. I’ve stayed the night here before.”
With other women. Reality crashed back down on me. Luke wasn’t mine. He hadn’t been in so long. He’d been with others, and I knew there would be so many more.
I moved back. “Right. What was I thinking?”
He moved to the door. “You were thinking we’d be caught, but no one’s here this time of day. Kelly always locks up around three in the morning. She won’t be back in until eleven, ten at the earliest.”
“Yes, you’re right.”
He paused before slipping out the door. “You okay?”
“Of course.”
He stared at me, his eyes squinting, and he raked a hand through his hair. His head tilted at an angle. “Listen,” he hesitated. His hand grabbed a fistful of his hair. “Things are weird with us. Getting that phone call pissed me off. The one you made from the police station.”
What? I sat up, readjusting the sheet so I was still covered. That’d been a while ago. “Why?” I could almost feel my heart pausing. Luke kept so much from me. We had sex, but I knew there was a cement wall around his heart. I’d once been lucky to be allowed past that wall.
Was he going to let me back in?
His hand grabbed the doorframe above his head. Leaning there, that pose accentuated how lean he was. He was the image of a panther stretching. “I know it’s dumb, but Turner got you in trouble. You finally called for help. I know you were calling your brother, but I was here, and he wasn’t. I was happy, but I was damn mad at you. Mad at him, too, for putting you in that position. A lot of the shit inside me from the past few years came out, and I’ve been a dick since then. I kept waiting for you to go back to him, but you didn’t, and I don’t know.” He let go, and his arm dropped back to his side. He was lost in thought, and his hand raked through his hair again. “I’m sorry. For everything. I should’ve shut down Emerson more than I did. I should’ve done a lot of things.”
My hands curled into the blanket, pulling it tighter around me. I wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was…my heart was right there, pressed against my chest. My throat swelled up, and I managed out, “Thank you.”
He let his arm drop a second time. “Yeah. I know I said a while back it was sex or nothing, and you’ve been nice, really nice, actually.”
“What are you saying?” I sat further upright. The blanket was wrapped so tightly around me now, but I pulled even harder on it. A red mark was going to stretch across my chest soon.
“Nothing really.” He gave me a half-grin. “It doesn’t have to be just sex or nothing. I don’t know if that’s why you followed me here last night. I don’t want you to feel…I have no idea what I’m saying. I just wanted to apologize for being an asshole since you came back around.”
Now I was really confused. “Luke.” I shook my head. “We just had sex.”
“I know.”
“A lot of sex.”
The other corner of his mouth twitched up. “I’m aware.”
“I didn’t fuck you so you’d be nice to me.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I know. I know. I’m not saying—Bri. I’m not saying that.”
