Sustain
Page 9
“It’s none of your business.”
He laughed at that, but the sound bordered on being bitter. “It’s not, but I’m curious. I’m roadkill on the Luke and Bri Road.”
“Stop, Eli.”
He didn’t comment, but started laughing again a moment later. “Every girl I’m going to screw this week will be a one-time deal. They won’t be the same. No, Bri.” He drew in a breath and let it back out slowly. “You’re going from a three year deal to that. Skeet’s been crawling into your bed since you were nine, whether or not you two were screwing. He’s always been just there.”
“Are we done? Are we officially broken up now?”
I felt the shift then. Looking up, I saw the rage barely blanketed in his eyes; this was the same guy who was going to jump out of his second-story window and run from the police. It was like someone had snapped a whip. A shiver ran up my back as I remembered how dangerous Elijah was known to be. He had never been with me. I knew he wouldn’t, but this was that guy now.
He spat out, “You think this is a joke? That I’m here out of the goodness of my heart? You left me in there, Bria—Bri—Bria. You left me in there all day, and I get out to hear this shit. It was only a few hours.” His voice rose.
“Stop, Eli.”
He tossed his unfinished cigarette and rounded on me, raising his voice as he continued, “I feel fucking used. This whole time, why weren’t you with him? It’s obvious you love the guy…”
I couldn’t listen to another word; I’d had enough. I started for the door, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “Stop,” I snapped before shoving him away. He backed off, holding both of his hands in the air with a snarl on his face. “Shut up, Elijah. You can’t say a word.”
“About what?” His anger went down a notch, but it was there. It was right under the surface. He crowded me, looming over me as my back hit the wall. “You’re going to preach to me now?”
“Better than you mocking me.”
The corner of his mouth lifted into a half-grin. “You think you’re so badass, Bria. You’re not. You’re a little girl that was broken a long time ago.”
My head went down, and my voice lowered. “Stop it.”
He didn’t. “Your dad left you guys. You blame yourself, for some stupid reason. It wasn’t you that pushed him away. No kid sends a parent off…” He frowned as he trailed off.
“Except your dad took off and your mom’s a mess.”
“Shut up.”
The tables had turned. I moved from the wall, facing him now. My jaw hardened. “Your mom’s a joke. Your best friend is an asshole, your roommate is a shut-in, and your girlfriend...” I gave him a sickening grin. “Scratch that. Your ex-girlfriend has officially left you.”
“Stop, Bri.”
I snorted as my voice rose. “How many nights a week do you scrape your mom off some bar floor? How many afternoons do you find her in her own puke on the kitchen floor? However you want to spin it—that I’m a broken little girl, whatever. Fuck you. You’re just as broken. It’s why we were together.”
“No, it’s not.”
I stilled, hearing the softness in his voice.
He murmured, “I did care about you.” The green in his eyes grew warm. “I do care about you.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “You want me to feel sorry for you? Why? Because I dumped your ass? You sell drugs for a living. Everyone told me, but I didn’t believe them. I turned my back on my family and friends for you.” Liar, a voice inside my head called me. “It’s because of you my cousin went to rehab last summer, wasn’t it? You’re the one who sold him the drugs. He never said who it was, but it was you.”
“It wasn’t.”
“It was.” I knew it. It made sense now. At the thought of it, my anger started to rise again. “What kind of friend are you? Giving drugs to your best friend? To your girlfriend’s cousin?”
“I didn’t sell him drugs!” He pushed me back before I realized I had crowded him.
I blinked at his hands that had forced me away from him. Then a laugh gurgled up from the bottom of my throat, and I bent over and clutched my stomach, unable to stop laughing. This was what we did. We fought, and then we screwed. We never had a real relationship. Who was I fooling? I had no reason to feel guilty for breaking up with him. It was time to move on. It was time I became better.
“Stop it.” He had grown quiet again. His head hung as he shoved his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders hunched forward. “I didn’t come here to fight with you, whether you believe me or not.”
“You and me.” I shook my head, everything growing hard inside me again. “We are not good together.”
He let out a deep breath.
“You know it, and I know it.”
“Yeah.” His eyes were haunted once more. He looked away, straightening from the wall. “I have to go. Take care…Bri.”
He moved around me, but I grabbed his arm and wheeled him back around. “What’s going on? What are you doing?”
A different Elijah looked down at me. The passion wasn’t there. The cold anger wasn’t either. Instead, he looked at me with politeness. I let go of him as if his arm had burned me. I backed away, but asked, “What’s going on?”
“‘What’s going on?’” He flashed me a smile, though his eyes were dead. “This is when we break up. There are no ties anymore. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to screw the guy you love now. We’re done.”
“Eli, don’t do anything stupid.”
“Like what?” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he added, “Like sell drugs for money?” He started walking backwards, moving away from me, and he touched two of his fingers to his head in a salute. His lips twitched, mocking me. “Not your problem anymore, Bri. See you around.”
A scream built inside me, twisting its way up from the bottom of my feet and gaining speed with so many damned emotions attached to it. It wanted to rip from me, to let loose all the frustration, all the sadness, pain, bitterness, everything with it. I didn’t let it out, though. I swallowed it and shoved it right back down, and then, smoothing a hand over my pants, I went back inside.
He laughed at that, but the sound bordered on being bitter. “It’s not, but I’m curious. I’m roadkill on the Luke and Bri Road.”
“Stop, Eli.”
He didn’t comment, but started laughing again a moment later. “Every girl I’m going to screw this week will be a one-time deal. They won’t be the same. No, Bri.” He drew in a breath and let it back out slowly. “You’re going from a three year deal to that. Skeet’s been crawling into your bed since you were nine, whether or not you two were screwing. He’s always been just there.”
“Are we done? Are we officially broken up now?”
I felt the shift then. Looking up, I saw the rage barely blanketed in his eyes; this was the same guy who was going to jump out of his second-story window and run from the police. It was like someone had snapped a whip. A shiver ran up my back as I remembered how dangerous Elijah was known to be. He had never been with me. I knew he wouldn’t, but this was that guy now.
He spat out, “You think this is a joke? That I’m here out of the goodness of my heart? You left me in there, Bria—Bri—Bria. You left me in there all day, and I get out to hear this shit. It was only a few hours.” His voice rose.
“Stop, Eli.”
He tossed his unfinished cigarette and rounded on me, raising his voice as he continued, “I feel fucking used. This whole time, why weren’t you with him? It’s obvious you love the guy…”
I couldn’t listen to another word; I’d had enough. I started for the door, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “Stop,” I snapped before shoving him away. He backed off, holding both of his hands in the air with a snarl on his face. “Shut up, Elijah. You can’t say a word.”
“About what?” His anger went down a notch, but it was there. It was right under the surface. He crowded me, looming over me as my back hit the wall. “You’re going to preach to me now?”
“Better than you mocking me.”
The corner of his mouth lifted into a half-grin. “You think you’re so badass, Bria. You’re not. You’re a little girl that was broken a long time ago.”
My head went down, and my voice lowered. “Stop it.”
He didn’t. “Your dad left you guys. You blame yourself, for some stupid reason. It wasn’t you that pushed him away. No kid sends a parent off…” He frowned as he trailed off.
“Except your dad took off and your mom’s a mess.”
“Shut up.”
The tables had turned. I moved from the wall, facing him now. My jaw hardened. “Your mom’s a joke. Your best friend is an asshole, your roommate is a shut-in, and your girlfriend...” I gave him a sickening grin. “Scratch that. Your ex-girlfriend has officially left you.”
“Stop, Bri.”
I snorted as my voice rose. “How many nights a week do you scrape your mom off some bar floor? How many afternoons do you find her in her own puke on the kitchen floor? However you want to spin it—that I’m a broken little girl, whatever. Fuck you. You’re just as broken. It’s why we were together.”
“No, it’s not.”
I stilled, hearing the softness in his voice.
He murmured, “I did care about you.” The green in his eyes grew warm. “I do care about you.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “You want me to feel sorry for you? Why? Because I dumped your ass? You sell drugs for a living. Everyone told me, but I didn’t believe them. I turned my back on my family and friends for you.” Liar, a voice inside my head called me. “It’s because of you my cousin went to rehab last summer, wasn’t it? You’re the one who sold him the drugs. He never said who it was, but it was you.”
“It wasn’t.”
“It was.” I knew it. It made sense now. At the thought of it, my anger started to rise again. “What kind of friend are you? Giving drugs to your best friend? To your girlfriend’s cousin?”
“I didn’t sell him drugs!” He pushed me back before I realized I had crowded him.
I blinked at his hands that had forced me away from him. Then a laugh gurgled up from the bottom of my throat, and I bent over and clutched my stomach, unable to stop laughing. This was what we did. We fought, and then we screwed. We never had a real relationship. Who was I fooling? I had no reason to feel guilty for breaking up with him. It was time to move on. It was time I became better.
“Stop it.” He had grown quiet again. His head hung as he shoved his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders hunched forward. “I didn’t come here to fight with you, whether you believe me or not.”
“You and me.” I shook my head, everything growing hard inside me again. “We are not good together.”
He let out a deep breath.
“You know it, and I know it.”
“Yeah.” His eyes were haunted once more. He looked away, straightening from the wall. “I have to go. Take care…Bri.”
He moved around me, but I grabbed his arm and wheeled him back around. “What’s going on? What are you doing?”
A different Elijah looked down at me. The passion wasn’t there. The cold anger wasn’t either. Instead, he looked at me with politeness. I let go of him as if his arm had burned me. I backed away, but asked, “What’s going on?”
“‘What’s going on?’” He flashed me a smile, though his eyes were dead. “This is when we break up. There are no ties anymore. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to screw the guy you love now. We’re done.”
“Eli, don’t do anything stupid.”
“Like what?” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he added, “Like sell drugs for money?” He started walking backwards, moving away from me, and he touched two of his fingers to his head in a salute. His lips twitched, mocking me. “Not your problem anymore, Bri. See you around.”
A scream built inside me, twisting its way up from the bottom of my feet and gaining speed with so many damned emotions attached to it. It wanted to rip from me, to let loose all the frustration, all the sadness, pain, bitterness, everything with it. I didn’t let it out, though. I swallowed it and shoved it right back down, and then, smoothing a hand over my pants, I went back inside.
