Sustained
Page 31
Which wouldn’t be a bad thing, normally. If I had met her in a bar, wearing that—before—I would’ve pulled out all the stops to get her to come home with me. It’s just the fact that she’s going out without me—where other pricks will be looking at her and thinking the same thing—that rubs me the wrong fucking way.
She leads me into the kitchen, rattling off Ronan’s feeding schedule and bedtime. Things I already know by now. When she stops talking, her eyes rise from the floor to meet mine.
“I’m sorry about dinner.”
“Don’t be.”
“Jake, I . . .” She licks her lips, shifts her feet indecisively. “I haven’t seen them in two months. I didn’t know . . .” She pauses again, then seems to find the words she wants to say. “Are you mad at me?”
And her eyes look so hopeful. So . . . vulnerable. My voice softens. “No, I’m not mad at you.”
Her douchebag friends, however—that’s another story.
“And you’re okay with this? Watching the kids for me?”
In trial law, you learn very quickly that words have meaning. Your questions, your answers, are posed carefully and with forethought, because so much of what is said could be open to interpretation. It’s made me very good at sidestepping—a useful skill at the moment.
“I planned on being here all night anyway.”
And then I think about that hamster wheel again. All the giving of herself she’s done, never taking. My hand reaches out, covering hers. “You should go out with your friends, Chelsea. Have fun.” No matter how much I hate the idea. “The kids and I will be fine.”
She smiles, like a weight has been lifted. And I feel just a little less miserable.
• • •
Robert and Rachel McQuaid’s bedroom is on the third floor of the house. The staircase to their room begins at the end of the second-floor hallway. Privacy was obviously important to them. And romance—they did have six fucking kids, after all. The room is huge: a sitting area, a spa-like bath, his-and-hers closets as big as some apartment kitchens. The walls are a tasteful red, the furniture dark wood. There’s a fireplace in the corner with their wedding portrait above it—they look happy and young, and so eager to start their lives together. On the dresser are pictures of their children—tender, candid shots of first baths, Christmas mornings, days at the beach, and sleeping cuddles.
The kids are quiet when they first walk in, almost like the room is a shrine. But after a few minutes, their natural exuberance and easy comfort with the space take over. They remind me of puppies in a box as they climb on their parents’ California-king bed—bumping into each other, lying over one another, until they’re all finally settled and comfortable. Riley holds Regan on her lap. Judging by the way Regan’s sucking her thumb and her far-off stare, she’ll be lucky if she’s awake past the opening credits. Raymond scoops Cousin It into his arms like a security blanket, and Rosaleen pats the empty space in the center of the bed.
“Come on, Jake, there’s room for you.”
I don’t know the rules about a grown man lying in bed with kids he’s not related to, but their collective, comfortably expectant expressions puts my mind at ease. I slip the movie into the DVD player, grab the remote, and pounce on the mattress, making them all bounce and giggle.
Later, around the time the Goonies tell Troy and his bucket to go screw himself, Rosaleen asks, “Where did Aunt Chelsea go?”
I tense, thinking about exactly where Chelsea is—and who she’s gone there with.
“She went out with her friends,” I answer, trying to keep the scowl out of my voice.
“I didn’t like them,” Riley whispers, so as not to wake the sleeping bundle of two-year-old on her lap. “They were smoking weed in the backyard.”
“Is that what that smell was?” Rosaleen asks.
“Yep.”
My fists clench. Of all the selfish, irresponsible . . . I was young once too, but twenty-six isn’t that goddamn young. It’s too old to be an excuse for sheer fucking stupidity.
“They were dicks,” Rory offers.
I don’t even chastise him for the language, ’cause I couldn’t agree more.
Then we go back to watching the movie.
• • •
“That was awesome,” Raymond declares as Cyndi Lauper sings over the rolling credits.
“Is there a part two?” Riley asks.
“Nope.” I yawn. “In the eighties they knew not to mess with perfection.”
Rosaleen jumps on my lap, making me grunt. Then she grabs my face with both little hands, sliding one side down and pushing the other up. “You’re kinda like that Sloth guy, Jake. You’re big and loud.” She gazes down at me thoughtfully. “But you’re not as ugly as him.”
I’ll take what I can get. “Thanks,” I murmur though squashed lips.
The kids climb off the bed, stretching and bleary eyed. Rory asks, “Do we have to brush our teeth?”
I walk with them down the stairs to the second floor. “Nah, I think your teeth will survive one night without it. Just go to sleep.”
The boys head into their room, and Riley emerges from Regan’s after successfully laying her down. She pins me with her judgmental teenage stare, then gives me the smallest of smiles. “This was fun. Thanks.”
And a weird, warm feeling tingles in my chest. “It was. You’re welcome.”
She leads me into the kitchen, rattling off Ronan’s feeding schedule and bedtime. Things I already know by now. When she stops talking, her eyes rise from the floor to meet mine.
“I’m sorry about dinner.”
“Don’t be.”
“Jake, I . . .” She licks her lips, shifts her feet indecisively. “I haven’t seen them in two months. I didn’t know . . .” She pauses again, then seems to find the words she wants to say. “Are you mad at me?”
And her eyes look so hopeful. So . . . vulnerable. My voice softens. “No, I’m not mad at you.”
Her douchebag friends, however—that’s another story.
“And you’re okay with this? Watching the kids for me?”
In trial law, you learn very quickly that words have meaning. Your questions, your answers, are posed carefully and with forethought, because so much of what is said could be open to interpretation. It’s made me very good at sidestepping—a useful skill at the moment.
“I planned on being here all night anyway.”
And then I think about that hamster wheel again. All the giving of herself she’s done, never taking. My hand reaches out, covering hers. “You should go out with your friends, Chelsea. Have fun.” No matter how much I hate the idea. “The kids and I will be fine.”
She smiles, like a weight has been lifted. And I feel just a little less miserable.
• • •
Robert and Rachel McQuaid’s bedroom is on the third floor of the house. The staircase to their room begins at the end of the second-floor hallway. Privacy was obviously important to them. And romance—they did have six fucking kids, after all. The room is huge: a sitting area, a spa-like bath, his-and-hers closets as big as some apartment kitchens. The walls are a tasteful red, the furniture dark wood. There’s a fireplace in the corner with their wedding portrait above it—they look happy and young, and so eager to start their lives together. On the dresser are pictures of their children—tender, candid shots of first baths, Christmas mornings, days at the beach, and sleeping cuddles.
The kids are quiet when they first walk in, almost like the room is a shrine. But after a few minutes, their natural exuberance and easy comfort with the space take over. They remind me of puppies in a box as they climb on their parents’ California-king bed—bumping into each other, lying over one another, until they’re all finally settled and comfortable. Riley holds Regan on her lap. Judging by the way Regan’s sucking her thumb and her far-off stare, she’ll be lucky if she’s awake past the opening credits. Raymond scoops Cousin It into his arms like a security blanket, and Rosaleen pats the empty space in the center of the bed.
“Come on, Jake, there’s room for you.”
I don’t know the rules about a grown man lying in bed with kids he’s not related to, but their collective, comfortably expectant expressions puts my mind at ease. I slip the movie into the DVD player, grab the remote, and pounce on the mattress, making them all bounce and giggle.
Later, around the time the Goonies tell Troy and his bucket to go screw himself, Rosaleen asks, “Where did Aunt Chelsea go?”
I tense, thinking about exactly where Chelsea is—and who she’s gone there with.
“She went out with her friends,” I answer, trying to keep the scowl out of my voice.
“I didn’t like them,” Riley whispers, so as not to wake the sleeping bundle of two-year-old on her lap. “They were smoking weed in the backyard.”
“Is that what that smell was?” Rosaleen asks.
“Yep.”
My fists clench. Of all the selfish, irresponsible . . . I was young once too, but twenty-six isn’t that goddamn young. It’s too old to be an excuse for sheer fucking stupidity.
“They were dicks,” Rory offers.
I don’t even chastise him for the language, ’cause I couldn’t agree more.
Then we go back to watching the movie.
• • •
“That was awesome,” Raymond declares as Cyndi Lauper sings over the rolling credits.
“Is there a part two?” Riley asks.
“Nope.” I yawn. “In the eighties they knew not to mess with perfection.”
Rosaleen jumps on my lap, making me grunt. Then she grabs my face with both little hands, sliding one side down and pushing the other up. “You’re kinda like that Sloth guy, Jake. You’re big and loud.” She gazes down at me thoughtfully. “But you’re not as ugly as him.”
I’ll take what I can get. “Thanks,” I murmur though squashed lips.
The kids climb off the bed, stretching and bleary eyed. Rory asks, “Do we have to brush our teeth?”
I walk with them down the stairs to the second floor. “Nah, I think your teeth will survive one night without it. Just go to sleep.”
The boys head into their room, and Riley emerges from Regan’s after successfully laying her down. She pins me with her judgmental teenage stare, then gives me the smallest of smiles. “This was fun. Thanks.”
And a weird, warm feeling tingles in my chest. “It was. You’re welcome.”
