Sustained
Page 55
Raymond stares aghast at the still-raving woman hanging down my back. “What’s wrong with Aunt Chelsea?”
“Oh . . . ,” I say, trying to play it off, as we walk down the hall, “she’s just lost her mind a little bit.”
• • •
By the time we make it out to the parking lot, Chelsea is a little quieter—slightly calmer. “Put me down, Jake! Right now—I mean it.”
I set her on her feet.
And she proceeds to walk around me, right back toward the school.
I plant myself in front of her. “A, I’ve already spent countless unbillable hours keeping members of your family out of jail.”
She marches forward, undeterred. I cut her off again. “B, CFSA will not look kindly on you assaulting the mother of your nephew’s classmate at his school.”
That does the trick. Chelsea looks up at me, eyes blazing with fury . . . and pain. “That woman is a heartless bitch!”
I move in closer, my voice dropping. “I couldn’t agree more. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” I rub her shoulder. “Are you good with that?”
Her breathing starts to level off. And she looks more like the noncrazy version of herself. “Yeah. I’m okay now.”
She turns around and heads toward her car, where Raymond stands. Her finger points at him. “You should’ve told me, Raymond!”
“I didn’t want to make it worse,” he says.
“I love you! It’s my job to protect you and I can’t protect you if you don’t tell me when someone is hurting you!”
“I told Jake,” Raymond yells, gesturing to me. “And he helped me. Everything will be better now.”
Chelsea looks at me sharply. Unhappily. And I get the distinct impression things won’t exactly be better for me.
She takes a deep breath. “Okay. We have to pick up the other kids. Let’s talk about this at home.”
Chelsea is rigid and silent on the drive home. She walks over to the neighbor’s house and thanks them for keeping an eye on the other kids. As they scatter inside the house, she frowns. “I need to talk to you in the kitchen, Jake. Now.”
As soon as we’re through the kitchen door, she turns on me. “How could you not tell me what was happening with Raymond?”
I really don’t understand why this is such a big deal with her.
“He asked me not to.”
Her arms swing out from her sides. “Two days ago, Rosaleen asked me to dye her hair three different colors! We don’t always have to do what they ask us! I thought I could depend on you—we’re supposed to be a team, Jake!”
I don’t know if it’s the fact that she’s yelling at me or the totally unrecognizable state that is now my life—but I start to get pissed.
“What does that mean?”
“What do you mean, what does that mean? It’s us against them—I’m already outnumbered; you’re supposed to be on my side.”
Then she looks at my face. And her beautiful eyes cloud over.
With uncertainty. Doubt.
“Aren’t you?”
Feelings of responsibility for all of them sit on my back like a bank vault. Of obligation and baggage—all the things I swore I’d never get mixed up in. And now she’s giving me shit? What the hell more does she want from me? Christ, isn’t it enough that I think about her—them—all the time? That I’m totally distracted? I go into work late and leave early at the drop of a hat, just to see them sooner.
For fuck’s sake it’s . . . it’s . . . terrifying.
I point to my chest. My words come out clipped and biting. “The only side I’m on is my own.” I rub my hand over my face. “Don’t get me wrong—you’re a good time and the kids are a trip, but I’m not Mr. fucking Mom here, Chelsea. This is not my life. I have priorities and plans that, believe it or not, have nothing to do with anyone in this house.”
I breathe hard after the words are out.
And Chelsea is . . . silent. Unusually still for several seconds. Then, without looking at me, she all but whispers, “My mistake. Thank you for clarifying that.”
She turns away stiffly and starts to take vegetables out of the refrigerator for dinner. As the quiet stretches, I think about my words and how . . . harsh they sounded.
I step toward her. “Chelsea, look, I—”
“Hey, Jake, you want to play Xbox?” Rory asks, sliding into the room.
Finally, Chelsea looks up and I see her eyes. They swim with hurt, shine with pain. And a terrible pressure squeezes my chest.
“Jake can’t play right now, Rory. He has to go back to his side of the field.”
Rory’s eyebrows draw together. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”
She may have been talking to Rory, but she was speaking to me.
“Rory, go in the other room,” I tell him, my eyes squarely on his aunt.
Miraculously, he does what I ask. And when he’s gone I snap. “Are you seriously gonna pull that shit? Put them in the middle? Holding them over my head?” My finger points hard. “That’s fucked up, Chelsea.”
She comes at me, eyes blazing. “I would never put them between us. Besides, there would have to be an ‘us’ in the first place, and according to you, there’s not! And me not wanting you around Rory right now has nothing to do with this discussion and everything to do with you acting like a dick!”
“Oh . . . ,” I say, trying to play it off, as we walk down the hall, “she’s just lost her mind a little bit.”
• • •
By the time we make it out to the parking lot, Chelsea is a little quieter—slightly calmer. “Put me down, Jake! Right now—I mean it.”
I set her on her feet.
And she proceeds to walk around me, right back toward the school.
I plant myself in front of her. “A, I’ve already spent countless unbillable hours keeping members of your family out of jail.”
She marches forward, undeterred. I cut her off again. “B, CFSA will not look kindly on you assaulting the mother of your nephew’s classmate at his school.”
That does the trick. Chelsea looks up at me, eyes blazing with fury . . . and pain. “That woman is a heartless bitch!”
I move in closer, my voice dropping. “I couldn’t agree more. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.” I rub her shoulder. “Are you good with that?”
Her breathing starts to level off. And she looks more like the noncrazy version of herself. “Yeah. I’m okay now.”
She turns around and heads toward her car, where Raymond stands. Her finger points at him. “You should’ve told me, Raymond!”
“I didn’t want to make it worse,” he says.
“I love you! It’s my job to protect you and I can’t protect you if you don’t tell me when someone is hurting you!”
“I told Jake,” Raymond yells, gesturing to me. “And he helped me. Everything will be better now.”
Chelsea looks at me sharply. Unhappily. And I get the distinct impression things won’t exactly be better for me.
She takes a deep breath. “Okay. We have to pick up the other kids. Let’s talk about this at home.”
Chelsea is rigid and silent on the drive home. She walks over to the neighbor’s house and thanks them for keeping an eye on the other kids. As they scatter inside the house, she frowns. “I need to talk to you in the kitchen, Jake. Now.”
As soon as we’re through the kitchen door, she turns on me. “How could you not tell me what was happening with Raymond?”
I really don’t understand why this is such a big deal with her.
“He asked me not to.”
Her arms swing out from her sides. “Two days ago, Rosaleen asked me to dye her hair three different colors! We don’t always have to do what they ask us! I thought I could depend on you—we’re supposed to be a team, Jake!”
I don’t know if it’s the fact that she’s yelling at me or the totally unrecognizable state that is now my life—but I start to get pissed.
“What does that mean?”
“What do you mean, what does that mean? It’s us against them—I’m already outnumbered; you’re supposed to be on my side.”
Then she looks at my face. And her beautiful eyes cloud over.
With uncertainty. Doubt.
“Aren’t you?”
Feelings of responsibility for all of them sit on my back like a bank vault. Of obligation and baggage—all the things I swore I’d never get mixed up in. And now she’s giving me shit? What the hell more does she want from me? Christ, isn’t it enough that I think about her—them—all the time? That I’m totally distracted? I go into work late and leave early at the drop of a hat, just to see them sooner.
For fuck’s sake it’s . . . it’s . . . terrifying.
I point to my chest. My words come out clipped and biting. “The only side I’m on is my own.” I rub my hand over my face. “Don’t get me wrong—you’re a good time and the kids are a trip, but I’m not Mr. fucking Mom here, Chelsea. This is not my life. I have priorities and plans that, believe it or not, have nothing to do with anyone in this house.”
I breathe hard after the words are out.
And Chelsea is . . . silent. Unusually still for several seconds. Then, without looking at me, she all but whispers, “My mistake. Thank you for clarifying that.”
She turns away stiffly and starts to take vegetables out of the refrigerator for dinner. As the quiet stretches, I think about my words and how . . . harsh they sounded.
I step toward her. “Chelsea, look, I—”
“Hey, Jake, you want to play Xbox?” Rory asks, sliding into the room.
Finally, Chelsea looks up and I see her eyes. They swim with hurt, shine with pain. And a terrible pressure squeezes my chest.
“Jake can’t play right now, Rory. He has to go back to his side of the field.”
Rory’s eyebrows draw together. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”
She may have been talking to Rory, but she was speaking to me.
“Rory, go in the other room,” I tell him, my eyes squarely on his aunt.
Miraculously, he does what I ask. And when he’s gone I snap. “Are you seriously gonna pull that shit? Put them in the middle? Holding them over my head?” My finger points hard. “That’s fucked up, Chelsea.”
She comes at me, eyes blazing. “I would never put them between us. Besides, there would have to be an ‘us’ in the first place, and according to you, there’s not! And me not wanting you around Rory right now has nothing to do with this discussion and everything to do with you acting like a dick!”
