Sweet Addiction

Page 32

Or maybe he’d even gone to a meeting while she’d been closeted in her office.
He rang off then put his phone down, turning his gaze on her. “Hey. You okay? You look tired.”
She pulled the journal away from her chest and placed it on the desk. “I finished.”
She pushed it toward him, suddenly nervous. What if he hated it? What if he didn’t see the parallels between the story played out in the pages of a children’s book and their own?
“You want me to read it?” he asked hesitantly.
She nodded. “It’s for you. I mean, this is. I always do my rough draft in a journal such as this and I keep them but I want you to have this one.”
“Is it okay if I read it now? I’ll call down for breakfast. You can go down and eat or I can have it brought up here. Entirely up to you.”
She nodded. “I’ll eat up here with you if that’s okay.”
He smiled. “I’d like that. Make yourself comfortable.”
Taking him at his word, she found the couch, but more than the comfort it offered, she wanted away from him where she couldn’t see his facial expressions as he read her story.
He leaned back in his chair and carefully opened the journal. She watched from the corner of her eye as he turned each page, his forehead creased in concentration.
A moment later, a knock sounded and the woman Cole employed to run his kitchen came in bearing a tray of breakfast for Ren. She set it on the coffee table in front of the couch where Ren sat and then backed away, disappearing as quickly as she’d come.
Ren smiled. All her favorites. A cup of hot chocolate. A toasted bagel with cream cheese with scrambled eggs and bacon piled on top.
She settled down to eat but she still kept subtle watch on Cole. When she finished, Cole was still deep in concentration, and she knew she couldn’t be here when he finished.
She rose and wiped her hands down her pants. “I’m, uhm …I’m going to go grab a shower. I’ve been up forever. Need to brush my teeth. Do all my girlie stuff.”
Cole looked up from the journal, blinking as if he’d forgotten she was there. “All right. I’ll find you later.”
She fled the room, grateful to have an excuse to leave. She did shower but did none of the girlie stuff she’d hinted at. She didn’t even dry her hair but rather combed it straight, dressed and then went outside into the garden.
There was a nip in the air and she breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of smoke either from burning leaves or perhaps a nearby chimney.
She wandered down one of the spiraling pathways to a fountain in the center of the garden. She sat on the bench and listened to the soothing bubble of water splashing over the rim.
She was finished. Another book done. With each project she completed, though there hadn’t been many yet, she always feared being able to duplicate the creativity that went into creating the story. What if she couldn’t do it again?
Lucas had laughed over her fear and told her that she was brilliant and that only brilliant people worried about not being brilliant any longer.
It hadn’t made sense to her but she liked the idea that someone found her intelligent. She didn’t always feel smart for some of the choices she’d made.
For how long she sat, soaking up the peace and tranquility around her, she wasn’t sure but she heard footsteps and looked up to see Cole walk toward her, the journal in his hand.
Her mouth went dry. Why did his opinion matter so much? She should be able to shrug it off. Subjectivity and all that jazz.
He sat beside her and for a long moment didn’t say anything at all. Then he turned to her, his eyes full of wonder.
“You’re amazing, Ren. I’m so damn proud of you.”
Her cheeks warmed and she went limp with relief. Joy shot through her veins like a dose of adrenaline.
“You liked it?”
“Liked it? I think like is way too tame of a word to describe my reaction. You’re so talented. The pictures, the way you turn a phrase. Your writing is very evocative. It’s very …nostalgic. God, it made me think of so many things in my childhood that are bittersweet.”
He reached up to touch her cheek, smoothing his thumb over her skin. “And it reminded me of us.”
Her chest ached and her throat knotted. “It was us. In a way. Perhaps a younger and more innocent us. A fledgling friendship but a relationship that meant the world to them as ours meant the world to us.”
“Yes, I could see that. Reading it made me ache, Ren. I’m so damn proud of you. It was an amazing story. I’ll treasure the draft you gave me always. And even when it’s worth millions of dollars because you’ve become rich and famous beyond words, I’ll still treasure my copy and keep it safe and private.”
She leaned into his side and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thank you. That means the world to me. For so many years I felt so …adrift. Only in the last year have I begun to think I know what I’m meant to do and be. It probably sounds silly and melodramatic but it’s taken me a long time to get to this point where I feel like I have direction.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I don’t think it’s silly at all. Sometimes it takes some longer than others to find their way. It doesn’t make their contribution any less valuable.”
She smiled and hugged him tighter. “I love you.”
“And I love you, darling Ren.”
She snuggled a little deeper into his arms and closed her eyes.
He let her remain there a moment longer before carefully prying her away. “What do you say I take you to bed now? You’ve been up well over twenty-four hours. You have to be exhausted.”
She nodded ruefully. “I am. I feel like I could sleep forever.”
He rose and then pulled her to her feet beside him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her back toward the house.
CHAPTER 33
“Lucas is here.”
Ren’s head shot up at the grim statement. She was sitting at her desk checking e-mails and taking care of things she’d let languish during the time she was with Cole and when she’d been working.
She wanted to be calm but her hands shook, betraying the turmoil that churned inside her. She stared at Cole who stood just inside the door, trying to get a read on him.
His features were impassive. There was no expression on his face. His eyes were shuttered.
She pushed herself upward and she walked haltingly toward the door to stand before Cole.
“Where?” she croaked.
“Outside.”
She pushed by Cole and walked down the stairs, her pace quickening with each step. By the time she arrived at the door she was nearly running. Her hand closed around the knob and she drew in steadying breaths as she tried to calm her raging emotions.
Then she flung the door open and stepped outside.
Lucas’s car was parked just a few yards away and he stood, leaning against the passenger door, looking as arrogant as ever. He seemed relaxed while she herself was a flaming mess.
He was here but now what? Was he saying good-bye? Had he come to bring her things?
And then he simply opened his arms and she flew across the gravel to launch herself into his embrace.
He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tightly. To her shock he shook against her. Every bit as much as she shook.
“You came,” she whispered. “You came.”
He hoisted her up in his arms until she straddled his waist and he was holding her up on eye level. “I’ll always come for you, Ren. Never doubt it.”
His dark eyes flashed with tenderness, clear affection, but this time there was something much stronger there. Something beyond sweet regard.
He pressed his lips to hers in a gesture so gentle it nearly undid her. There was no control or dominance in the kiss. It felt as unsure and as relieved as she’d been.
“I thought you were leaving,” she said in a cracked voice. “That this was your way of moving on. Of making sure I was taken care of. I thought you were tired of me.”
He cursed colorfully under his breath and gently lowered her to her feet. Then he tipped her chin up to meet his burning gaze.
“I did this for you, Ren. Only for you. I have no intention of leaving you. Ever. Do you understand that? Do you know what it is I’m really saying? Because I don’t think you do. These two weeks have been hell for me and I’ve counted every goddamn minute until I can come reclaim what is mine.”
She couldn’t seem to breathe right. The words registered but she didn’t know quite what to make of them. Relief stormed through her senses. Lucas was here. He hadn’t deserted her. He wanted her back.
Then her stomach dropped. Cole.
Oh God, Cole. Cole whom she loved. Cole who loved her. Cole who she wanted to be with every bit as much as she wanted to be with Lucas.
She turned, her every intention to go back in. To somehow find a way around this mess. But what? How? How could she possibly find a solution? What the hell was she supposed to do?
And then she saw him. Standing on the steps looking at her and Lucas.
Again with that impassive face. Those cool eyes. Barely flickering as his gaze passed over her. She made a sound like the cry of a wounded animal.
“I’ll arrange for your things to be delivered,” he said. “Good-bye, Ren.”
“Good-bye?” she whispered. “But Cole, you said …” She bit her lip painfully not wanting to make a fool of herself. But then what else was there for her? There was no pride in love. She’d already laid herself bare before him. Before both men. “Cole? You promised. You told me we’d find a way.”
But Cole wasn’t listening. He nodded in Lucas’s direction and then simply turned and walked back into the house. Ren’s mouth dropped open and hurt splintered through her, throwing jagged shards into her soul.
She started after him. She had to know why he’d lied. She wanted to know how he could do this again. Why?
Lucas caught her hand and tugged her back. “Come away, Ren. It’s over now.”
“But he said …He promised …,” she choked out in anguish. “I can’t go yet, Lucas. Please.”
She tugged against him, fighting him for the first time ever. Never before had she challenged his dominance. She turned back to the house, trying to get back to Cole even as she stared at the door he’d closed behind him.
Lucas gathered her gently into his arms and steered her toward the passenger seat of the car. He opened the door, got her into the seat and carefully buckled her seat belt. Then he brushed his lips over her forehead.
“I hate myself right now for what I’ve done to you. I never wanted to hurt you. It’s the very last thing I wanted to do. I’m sorry, Ren. Come home with me. Let me make this right.”
She sat numbly in the seat, her gaze fixed on the front door to Cole’s house. He’d come back, right? He’d realize what a terrible error he’d made. He’d remember his promise, wouldn’t he?
Lucas slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. It roared to life and he began to pull away. Ren turned so she could still see the door, tears streaming down both cheeks.
Please, please come back. Just open the door. I love you.
But it remained solidly shut as Lucas drove away and the door disappeared from view. She turned and bowed her head, allowing her hair to cover her face as she wept silent, aching tears.
Beside her, Lucas reached his hand over and tentatively curled his fingers around hers.
“It will be all right, Ren,” he said softly. “I swear to you, it will be all right.”
She shook her head because it would never be all right.
* * *
Cole stood in the upstairs window in brooding silence as he watched Lucas’s car pull away. Then he stared down at the journal in his hand. He had the sudden urge to hurl it across the room but he hugged it close to his chest instead. It was a precious gift and one he’d treasure always.
Ren was gone and she’d left behind a gaping hole in his soul. His heart. His mind. She’d taken the most essential part of himself with her. His love. Always his love.
He’d watched her with Lucas. Seen the relief and the ache in her eyes. Had seen how torn she was the moment she realized that Lucas hadn’t abandoned her. He knew then that he’d lost.
Ren would never choose between the two men and neither were going to let her go. But one of them had to. It was the only way. Ren would tear herself apart and above all, Cole wanted her to be happy.
So he’d made the decision for her. He’d sent her away because it was the only thing for him to do. If he stood and fought for her, even if he won, she’d never be happy with him because Lucas would always be between them.
If he let her go, eventually she’d get over her sense of betrayal, just as she’d done before and Lucas would be there every step of the way. She’d be happy again.
Together they’d both be miserable. Apart, only he would be miserable. It was a hell of a note and two days ago he’d have said that nothing on earth would keep him and Ren apart. But it was a selfish vow and an unrealistic one at that.