Sweet Hope
Page 50
“And I gave him up to our rivals to save Aust and Lev… I still ain’t made peace with that. Don’t think I ever will. I’ve never had anyone that close to me since, doubt I ever will again.”
I heard Ally sniffing, and when I looked into her teary eyes, I felt every bit of sadness leak out of me that I’d kept locked away for so long over losing my friend.
I was guilty of killing the guy that saved my life to save the blood of my blood.
“And the scar?” Ally suddenly prompted. “On your neck.”
I shrugged. “A fight broke out in the yard. Alessio and the rest of the Heighters used it as cover to come at me.” I winced, still seeing them all approaching, fucking eight of them against me. “I fought them off as best I could, but two of the fuckers pinned me against the fence. Alessio pulled the knife out and, just as the guards started filling the yard, he sliced the knife down my neck.” I gripped tighter onto Aliyana’s hand, for some reason, needing the damn support. “They ran while I dropped to the floor and started bleeding out.”
“My God…” Aliyana said. “How did you not die?”
My chest tightened. “It was close. Had surgery and spent weeks and weeks in the infirmary.”
“Christ, Axel… And Austin and Levi? Why were they not told? I can’t believe they wouldn’t care.”
My vision lost focus as I stared at nothing.
“Axel, please,” Aliyana pushed. Seeing her face needing the answers, I cussed under my breath.
“When I found out Alessio was being sent down, I cut off all ties to my brothers. Claimed I had no next of kin to the prison, everything.”
“I don’t understand?” Aliyana said. Her cute ass face was all scrunched up. Lifting my hand I ran my tattooed finger down her cheek, circling a deep dimple and said, “Alessio is a sadistic asshole, one seriously crazy motherfucker. Killed for more than just turf, that bastard killed for fun. And I’d got his boy, his little brother, shot. That guy was gonna be coming for me, in any way he could.”
“Austin and Levi…” she trailed off, getting why I did what I did.
“Lev had stopped coming to see me by then, he was just a kid and hated me, but Austin was still coming whenever he could. I knew him and Levi and Lexi were living a good fucking life in Cisco. Lev was at a good school, Austin was starting for the 49ers, Lexi was eating better and started her own treatment center…” Water filled my eyes and I coughed to straighten my voice. “I was so damn proud.”
“Oh Axel,” Aliyana said and kissed my shoulder.
Gripping onto Aliyana’s hair, I finished. “There was no way I was gonna compromise all that they had now, the life my mamma wanted for them, so I cut all ties. Alessio and his fucking boys wouldn’t get any chance to get at my brothers unless they crossed the country and I knew the fuckers didn’t have the funds to go that far. If they got my brothers, it’d be when they were coming to see me. That shit wasn’t gonna fly.”
“So Austin never knew you stopped seeing him to save them?”
I shook my head to indicate ‘no’.
“They also never knew you were harmed… that you could have died?”
“No, and they never will,” I said sternly.
Edging closer, Aliyana pressed her lips to mine, kissing me three times. Lifting just above my face, she asked, “They should know what you went through to save them, Axel. If they only knew, if Lev knew—”
“I didn’t save them, Aliyana, I condemned them. When they were kids, I made deals with the Heighters to get them fighting beside me in the street war, thinking it was fucking important. Like a damn piece of shit trailer park was ever fucking important. But my brothers, nah, they weren’t like me. They were smart, they were talented… they were going somewhere in life. That is, once they got the hell away from me.”
Aliyana’s face darkened. “Axel, you’re the most talented person I know, look at what you create,” she said. I had to fight a smile at the conviction in her voice as she pointed to my work in progress.
But that smile quickly dropped when I cupped her cheeks and said, “I’m not a good person, Aliyana. I’m fucked up. I’ve got a real dark soul and more sins piled at my door than the Devil himself. You should be running away from me, not willingly running into the darkness holding my fucking hand.”
“It’s too late,” she said quietly, “You’ve already consumed me. There is no turning back from you, not now. My hand’s never letting go of yours, eternal darkness or not.”
“Then I pity you.”
Aliyana’s mouth parted and she sucked in a sharp breath. I pulled the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip and said, “I’ve killed people. Do you get that? I’ve put men in hospital. I’ve ruined lives… ain’t no redemption out there for me. There’s no beauty, no fairytale to be found by being fused to me.”
Aliyana shook her head and a determined look spread on her face. But then, something passed over her face as she looked to my marble boy crying bullets, and facing me again, she said softly, “The most beautiful art is often born from the most desperate of circumstances.” And in that one sentence, she obliterated my stone heart to pieces.
“Fuck, girl,” I growled, fighting over-emotion, but Aliyana pressed her finger on my lips before I could say anything else.
“Your art is your redemption, Axel. Elpidio is your rebirth, your second chance at life. You are a victim of circumstance, not a sinner by choice.”
I heard Ally sniffing, and when I looked into her teary eyes, I felt every bit of sadness leak out of me that I’d kept locked away for so long over losing my friend.
I was guilty of killing the guy that saved my life to save the blood of my blood.
“And the scar?” Ally suddenly prompted. “On your neck.”
I shrugged. “A fight broke out in the yard. Alessio and the rest of the Heighters used it as cover to come at me.” I winced, still seeing them all approaching, fucking eight of them against me. “I fought them off as best I could, but two of the fuckers pinned me against the fence. Alessio pulled the knife out and, just as the guards started filling the yard, he sliced the knife down my neck.” I gripped tighter onto Aliyana’s hand, for some reason, needing the damn support. “They ran while I dropped to the floor and started bleeding out.”
“My God…” Aliyana said. “How did you not die?”
My chest tightened. “It was close. Had surgery and spent weeks and weeks in the infirmary.”
“Christ, Axel… And Austin and Levi? Why were they not told? I can’t believe they wouldn’t care.”
My vision lost focus as I stared at nothing.
“Axel, please,” Aliyana pushed. Seeing her face needing the answers, I cussed under my breath.
“When I found out Alessio was being sent down, I cut off all ties to my brothers. Claimed I had no next of kin to the prison, everything.”
“I don’t understand?” Aliyana said. Her cute ass face was all scrunched up. Lifting my hand I ran my tattooed finger down her cheek, circling a deep dimple and said, “Alessio is a sadistic asshole, one seriously crazy motherfucker. Killed for more than just turf, that bastard killed for fun. And I’d got his boy, his little brother, shot. That guy was gonna be coming for me, in any way he could.”
“Austin and Levi…” she trailed off, getting why I did what I did.
“Lev had stopped coming to see me by then, he was just a kid and hated me, but Austin was still coming whenever he could. I knew him and Levi and Lexi were living a good fucking life in Cisco. Lev was at a good school, Austin was starting for the 49ers, Lexi was eating better and started her own treatment center…” Water filled my eyes and I coughed to straighten my voice. “I was so damn proud.”
“Oh Axel,” Aliyana said and kissed my shoulder.
Gripping onto Aliyana’s hair, I finished. “There was no way I was gonna compromise all that they had now, the life my mamma wanted for them, so I cut all ties. Alessio and his fucking boys wouldn’t get any chance to get at my brothers unless they crossed the country and I knew the fuckers didn’t have the funds to go that far. If they got my brothers, it’d be when they were coming to see me. That shit wasn’t gonna fly.”
“So Austin never knew you stopped seeing him to save them?”
I shook my head to indicate ‘no’.
“They also never knew you were harmed… that you could have died?”
“No, and they never will,” I said sternly.
Edging closer, Aliyana pressed her lips to mine, kissing me three times. Lifting just above my face, she asked, “They should know what you went through to save them, Axel. If they only knew, if Lev knew—”
“I didn’t save them, Aliyana, I condemned them. When they were kids, I made deals with the Heighters to get them fighting beside me in the street war, thinking it was fucking important. Like a damn piece of shit trailer park was ever fucking important. But my brothers, nah, they weren’t like me. They were smart, they were talented… they were going somewhere in life. That is, once they got the hell away from me.”
Aliyana’s face darkened. “Axel, you’re the most talented person I know, look at what you create,” she said. I had to fight a smile at the conviction in her voice as she pointed to my work in progress.
But that smile quickly dropped when I cupped her cheeks and said, “I’m not a good person, Aliyana. I’m fucked up. I’ve got a real dark soul and more sins piled at my door than the Devil himself. You should be running away from me, not willingly running into the darkness holding my fucking hand.”
“It’s too late,” she said quietly, “You’ve already consumed me. There is no turning back from you, not now. My hand’s never letting go of yours, eternal darkness or not.”
“Then I pity you.”
Aliyana’s mouth parted and she sucked in a sharp breath. I pulled the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip and said, “I’ve killed people. Do you get that? I’ve put men in hospital. I’ve ruined lives… ain’t no redemption out there for me. There’s no beauty, no fairytale to be found by being fused to me.”
Aliyana shook her head and a determined look spread on her face. But then, something passed over her face as she looked to my marble boy crying bullets, and facing me again, she said softly, “The most beautiful art is often born from the most desperate of circumstances.” And in that one sentence, she obliterated my stone heart to pieces.
“Fuck, girl,” I growled, fighting over-emotion, but Aliyana pressed her finger on my lips before I could say anything else.
“Your art is your redemption, Axel. Elpidio is your rebirth, your second chance at life. You are a victim of circumstance, not a sinner by choice.”
