Sweet Reckoning
Page 91
“You’re a good boy,” Kaidan said to him.
Then my heart officially melted.
Kaidan earned major hot points with me that day.
When a new group of kids came into the room, one of the little girls stood at the door and stared at us. Specifically, she stared at Kaidan. She looked about three years, no older than four, with thick braids.
“Would you like one?” I asked her, holding out a lollipop.
She eyed the candy, considering, but then her eyes went back to Kaidan and she shook her head.
The auras of children were always interesting jumbles, because they couldn’t process all those emotions. But this girl’s were pretty clear and unwavering. Underneath, stirring like a low storm, were dark emotions. When I opened myself to her I felt fear, and it made me gasp. I pulled back and watched her, surprised. Because on top of that fear was pure, light pink love, swirled with light gray apprehension, and sparks of orange excitement. It was the love she was so clearly feeling as she stared at Kaidan that I couldn’t quite understand. Zania and Kope came back into the room after some time, and they noticed the girl right away. They looked back and forth between her and Kaidan, who hadn’t noticed what was happening yet.
“Are you all right?” Zania asked, crouching next to her.
She looked up at Zania with big, dark eyes and nodded, then looked back at Kai. Something strange was going on.
“Kai,” I said softly. “I think someone wants to meet you.”
He sat up from where he’d been lying, playing, and his eyes went to the girl. He looked confused as he took in her colors, but he smiled at her.
“Hi there. What’s your name?”
Her voice was soft but rich when she answered, “Bambo.”
We looked at Zania, who appeared perplexed, and she looked up at Kope.
He crouched down now, too.
“Her name is Alile.” He said it like Ah-LEE-leh. “It means ‘she weeps.’”
She weeps. What a sad, beautiful name.
“Alile,” Kopano said to the girl. “Zikuyenda bwanji?”
Z whispered to Kaidan and me, “She speaks Chichewa.”
Alile gave Kope a small smile, but didn’t answer. In that moment her guardian angel leaned down to whisper, and her apprehension disappeared, which showed me she was very in tune with her angel. In slow movements she went to Kaidan. He stayed very still as she touched his face and searched his eyes. In fact, he was searching hers in return. And then she sat right in his lap as if it were her home. She looked up at Kai and again said, “Bambo.” The moment felt delicate and precious. Kaidan stayed very still with his palms on the floor next to him as if afraid to touch her.
“What does bambo mean?” I whispered.
The four of us stared at one another, still crouching.
“It’s a word for ‘father,’” Kopano said.
Kaidan’s chest rose and fell faster as he looked down at the girl in his lap.
And then Zania signed to us, She came to us from another orphanage that shut down because of sexual abuse.
Kaidan looked at me with big eyes, and I knew the same appalling feelings coursed through us both. What had this poor girl been through? I watched Kaidan’s jaw clench, just thinking about it.
Kopano spoke to her again in Chichewa. I heard him say Kaidan’s name.
“He tells her Kaidan is his friend and wants to know why she calls him father,” Z whispered.
The girl answered, causing Kope and Z to go still.
“What did she say?” I asked. Kaidan was looking a little green, like he’d rather not know at this point.
Kope cleared his throat. “She says, ‘In my dream, he was my daddy.’”
Goose bumps broke out across my skin.
Kaidan’s eyes met mine and we stared.
And then something happened that I thought I’d never see. Kaidan and I had been through so much together, but one thing he’d never, ever done was cry.
At that moment, as he looked down at Alile, and his arms circled her, pulling her closer, I watched the first tear streak down Kaidan’s cheek, followed by another. His face grew serious and his entire demeanor surrounding Alile shouted fierce protectiveness.
No daughters, Kaidan had told me so many years ago. Over the years I learned that having a girl would force him to face down his invisible demons who whispered of inadequacy. But I knew at that moment that Alile would be our daughter, and Kai would beat his fears. Nobody would ever hurt this little girl again and get away with it. Because she had a daddy now.
I reached out for Kaidan’s hand and he took it, holding it tight.
Life could be so cruel, so ugly. And then, in the midst of all the madness, a precious gift would be placed in your lap.
Because life could also be so sweet.
Then my heart officially melted.
Kaidan earned major hot points with me that day.
When a new group of kids came into the room, one of the little girls stood at the door and stared at us. Specifically, she stared at Kaidan. She looked about three years, no older than four, with thick braids.
“Would you like one?” I asked her, holding out a lollipop.
She eyed the candy, considering, but then her eyes went back to Kaidan and she shook her head.
The auras of children were always interesting jumbles, because they couldn’t process all those emotions. But this girl’s were pretty clear and unwavering. Underneath, stirring like a low storm, were dark emotions. When I opened myself to her I felt fear, and it made me gasp. I pulled back and watched her, surprised. Because on top of that fear was pure, light pink love, swirled with light gray apprehension, and sparks of orange excitement. It was the love she was so clearly feeling as she stared at Kaidan that I couldn’t quite understand. Zania and Kope came back into the room after some time, and they noticed the girl right away. They looked back and forth between her and Kaidan, who hadn’t noticed what was happening yet.
“Are you all right?” Zania asked, crouching next to her.
She looked up at Zania with big, dark eyes and nodded, then looked back at Kai. Something strange was going on.
“Kai,” I said softly. “I think someone wants to meet you.”
He sat up from where he’d been lying, playing, and his eyes went to the girl. He looked confused as he took in her colors, but he smiled at her.
“Hi there. What’s your name?”
Her voice was soft but rich when she answered, “Bambo.”
We looked at Zania, who appeared perplexed, and she looked up at Kope.
He crouched down now, too.
“Her name is Alile.” He said it like Ah-LEE-leh. “It means ‘she weeps.’”
She weeps. What a sad, beautiful name.
“Alile,” Kopano said to the girl. “Zikuyenda bwanji?”
Z whispered to Kaidan and me, “She speaks Chichewa.”
Alile gave Kope a small smile, but didn’t answer. In that moment her guardian angel leaned down to whisper, and her apprehension disappeared, which showed me she was very in tune with her angel. In slow movements she went to Kaidan. He stayed very still as she touched his face and searched his eyes. In fact, he was searching hers in return. And then she sat right in his lap as if it were her home. She looked up at Kai and again said, “Bambo.” The moment felt delicate and precious. Kaidan stayed very still with his palms on the floor next to him as if afraid to touch her.
“What does bambo mean?” I whispered.
The four of us stared at one another, still crouching.
“It’s a word for ‘father,’” Kopano said.
Kaidan’s chest rose and fell faster as he looked down at the girl in his lap.
And then Zania signed to us, She came to us from another orphanage that shut down because of sexual abuse.
Kaidan looked at me with big eyes, and I knew the same appalling feelings coursed through us both. What had this poor girl been through? I watched Kaidan’s jaw clench, just thinking about it.
Kopano spoke to her again in Chichewa. I heard him say Kaidan’s name.
“He tells her Kaidan is his friend and wants to know why she calls him father,” Z whispered.
The girl answered, causing Kope and Z to go still.
“What did she say?” I asked. Kaidan was looking a little green, like he’d rather not know at this point.
Kope cleared his throat. “She says, ‘In my dream, he was my daddy.’”
Goose bumps broke out across my skin.
Kaidan’s eyes met mine and we stared.
And then something happened that I thought I’d never see. Kaidan and I had been through so much together, but one thing he’d never, ever done was cry.
At that moment, as he looked down at Alile, and his arms circled her, pulling her closer, I watched the first tear streak down Kaidan’s cheek, followed by another. His face grew serious and his entire demeanor surrounding Alile shouted fierce protectiveness.
No daughters, Kaidan had told me so many years ago. Over the years I learned that having a girl would force him to face down his invisible demons who whispered of inadequacy. But I knew at that moment that Alile would be our daughter, and Kai would beat his fears. Nobody would ever hurt this little girl again and get away with it. Because she had a daddy now.
I reached out for Kaidan’s hand and he took it, holding it tight.
Life could be so cruel, so ugly. And then, in the midst of all the madness, a precious gift would be placed in your lap.
Because life could also be so sweet.
