Sweetest Venom
Page 85
And I let him. I give him everything that he wants.
When we’re finished, he picks me up and carries me back to bed. His arms, strong like corded steel, come around me from behind, pulling me closer to him. We lie down in silence as our breathing slows down.
“I talked to Elly.”
I stroke the skin of his arm, smiling. “So that’s why you came after me, huh? And here I thought it was because you couldn’t live without me,” I tease.
“I can’t live without you, Blaire,” he states before nuzzling my neck. “But tell me why?”
“Why did I leave?” I sigh while I tell myself that he has every right to know, and the only way that we will have a chance at making it is to finally be honest with him. “I hope you’re not sleepy because it’s a long story.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He reaches for my hand, squeezing it. It’s such a small gesture, but it makes me feel like I’m not alone.
“Where should I start? There’s so much to tell.”
“Start at the beginning, babe.”
And I do. I tell him everything about my childhood, my life in New York City and all the men that came before him, why I left him, and what happened after that with Lawrence and my parents. There are no more barriers and walls left around us.
After I pour my heart out for what seems like hours, I’m embarrassed to even look at him. There’s no scarier feeling than opening yourself to someone, exposing every ugly and flawed piece of you, and hoping that they will love you, despite it all.
“You know, all my life I thought that it was my fault that my parents fought. That if I behaved like the perfect child, they would stay together, love each other and me. But I know now that it had nothing to do with me or with the love that they felt for me. The realization is …” I swallow, trying to soothe the ache in my chest. “Freeing.”
Letting me go, Ronan grabs me by my shoulder and turns me to face him. “Hey, hey,” he says gently. “Don’t hide from me, baby. Come here.” He embraces me in a hug so tight it’s hard to breathe. “Listen to me, Blaire … every sharp corner, every single scar that you have is mine to love. And I will help you heal because I’m a selfish bastard and I need you in my life to be complete.”
“I don’t deserve you.” My heart swells. I shake my head. “I’m not worthy of you.”
“Here, babe.” Placing a hand under my chin, he tips it up and makes me look at him. “We both made mistakes. I just wish I had fought harder for you. I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me so easily.”
“But I said all those things …”
“They wouldn’t have mattered.” He moves to lie on his back, bringing me with him. Ronan stares at the ceiling as he caresses my naked back with his fingers. If I were a cat, I would purr. “You know … in a way, I’m glad that I met Rachel and Carl. Because without them, I wouldn’t understand how easy it is to get carried away into a world where every luxury, every whim, and desire is within reach. I wouldn’t understand how easy it is to be seduced by their lifestyle.”
He sighs. “I liked it, Blaire. I loved the adoration I saw in their eyes, people wanting to know me, how easy it all seemed. So now you see I’m not perfect. Far fucking from it, actually.”
“But you are talented, Ronan. I’ve seen some of your photographs and I read the article. The reporter seemed very impressed.”
He smiles ruefully. “Am I? I guess we’ll find out soon. My first exhibit is next week.”
I kiss his chest. “It’s going to be a smashing hit.”
When we’re finished, he picks me up and carries me back to bed. His arms, strong like corded steel, come around me from behind, pulling me closer to him. We lie down in silence as our breathing slows down.
“I talked to Elly.”
I stroke the skin of his arm, smiling. “So that’s why you came after me, huh? And here I thought it was because you couldn’t live without me,” I tease.
“I can’t live without you, Blaire,” he states before nuzzling my neck. “But tell me why?”
“Why did I leave?” I sigh while I tell myself that he has every right to know, and the only way that we will have a chance at making it is to finally be honest with him. “I hope you’re not sleepy because it’s a long story.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He reaches for my hand, squeezing it. It’s such a small gesture, but it makes me feel like I’m not alone.
“Where should I start? There’s so much to tell.”
“Start at the beginning, babe.”
And I do. I tell him everything about my childhood, my life in New York City and all the men that came before him, why I left him, and what happened after that with Lawrence and my parents. There are no more barriers and walls left around us.
After I pour my heart out for what seems like hours, I’m embarrassed to even look at him. There’s no scarier feeling than opening yourself to someone, exposing every ugly and flawed piece of you, and hoping that they will love you, despite it all.
“You know, all my life I thought that it was my fault that my parents fought. That if I behaved like the perfect child, they would stay together, love each other and me. But I know now that it had nothing to do with me or with the love that they felt for me. The realization is …” I swallow, trying to soothe the ache in my chest. “Freeing.”
Letting me go, Ronan grabs me by my shoulder and turns me to face him. “Hey, hey,” he says gently. “Don’t hide from me, baby. Come here.” He embraces me in a hug so tight it’s hard to breathe. “Listen to me, Blaire … every sharp corner, every single scar that you have is mine to love. And I will help you heal because I’m a selfish bastard and I need you in my life to be complete.”
“I don’t deserve you.” My heart swells. I shake my head. “I’m not worthy of you.”
“Here, babe.” Placing a hand under my chin, he tips it up and makes me look at him. “We both made mistakes. I just wish I had fought harder for you. I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me so easily.”
“But I said all those things …”
“They wouldn’t have mattered.” He moves to lie on his back, bringing me with him. Ronan stares at the ceiling as he caresses my naked back with his fingers. If I were a cat, I would purr. “You know … in a way, I’m glad that I met Rachel and Carl. Because without them, I wouldn’t understand how easy it is to get carried away into a world where every luxury, every whim, and desire is within reach. I wouldn’t understand how easy it is to be seduced by their lifestyle.”
He sighs. “I liked it, Blaire. I loved the adoration I saw in their eyes, people wanting to know me, how easy it all seemed. So now you see I’m not perfect. Far fucking from it, actually.”
“But you are talented, Ronan. I’ve seen some of your photographs and I read the article. The reporter seemed very impressed.”
He smiles ruefully. “Am I? I guess we’ll find out soon. My first exhibit is next week.”
I kiss his chest. “It’s going to be a smashing hit.”
