The Angel
Page 99
“Chérie…” he’d whispered, whipping a swath of sweat-soaked hair off her forehead. “What have we done?”
“I think we know,” she’d whispered in reply, her voice hoarse from the force of her retching. She didn’t need any tests, any doctor’s visits. She simply knew. And so did Kingsley.
“I’ll call le prêtre.” Kingsley started to rise off the floor.
Nora pulled her mind out of the past.
“I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was to pull myself off that floor, Michael,” Nora said. “I was so sick and so tired…every muscle in my body was shaking. But I did. I stood up and looked Kingsley in the eye and I told him…”
Nora exhaled and the past reached out and took her in its arms against her will.
“Don’t, King. Don’t call him.”
Kingsley lifted his proud chin. “I must and you know it, Elle.”
“If you call him…if you tell him, then he’ll decide. Yes or no, it’ll be on him. I can’t do that to him. I can’t make him make this decision.”
She remembered the cold, hard certainty that she’d felt at that moment, the certainty that letting Søren decide would be a mistake. If he told her to keep it, it would ruin their life together. Twenty-seven years old…a job in a bookstore that paid almost nothing, and she was the mistress of a Catholic priest. Not ideal conditions for raising a child. But if he said to end it…a Catholic priest…she couldn’t let him make that decision. She had to do it. She had to do it alone. Not for her sake, but for his.
“You ever heard of the Fortunate Fall, Angel?” Nora asked, coming to the present yet again.
Michael shook his head.
“It’s a theological concept that Adam and Eve in the Garden were supposed to eat the fruit. That they were supposed to fall. That it was God’s plan all along. Søren thinks it’s bullshit. I’m inclined to disagree. That day when I had to make that decision without him… You have to understand, Angel, your priest made all my decisions for me and had for almost ten years. He owned me. He owned my body. I didn’t cut my hair without getting his permission.”
Michael whistled. “That’s intense.”
“Welcome to the world of being owned. You’ll like it. Until you hate it,” she said and winked at him. “Søren…I loved him too much to force him to make this decision for me. Either choice would break his heart. So for the first time in years, I made my own decision. I didn’t want to lose Søren and what we had. I couldn’t for one second imagine bringing up a child in the world I lived in—threesomes with Søren and Kingsley, parties at S&M clubs, slave auctions. Not a family-friendly atmosphere in our world. I went to the doctor, got the magic pills and took them. And the second I took them, it was like the Fortunate Fall. I had tasted the fruit of knowledge…but not of good and evil. The knowledge of freedom, of making my own decisions. And it tasted so sweet it scared me. I went to the rectory and waited for Søren. He came home and found me on his bathroom floor in absolute agony. I spent a lot of time on bathroom floors that week.”
“Did it hurt?”
Nora wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand.
“Yes, Angel, it hurt like f**k. And in the midst of a horrible cramp, your priest found me. I told him everything immediately. It all came out in one big rush. The antibiotics and the pregnancy and Kingsley and how I loved him too much to make him decide. Oh, my God, I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him what I’d done, told him why I was in a ball of agony on his bathroom floor.”
“What? Was he angry?”
Nora reached out and took Michael’s hand in hers.
“No…he looked at me and…” She stopped to take a breath. “He said, ‘Little one, I’m so sorry…’ And he’d never looked at me before with such love or such compassion. He wasn’t angry at all. The opposite really. Goddammit, he’s a good priest, isn’t he?”
Michael bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah. He really is. The best.”
“He wrapped me up in those crazy-strong arms of his and held me close to his chest. And then he gave me the one order he’s ever given me that I couldn’t obey.”
“What?”
Nora smiled.
“He ordered me to marry him.”
Michael actually gasped and Nora laughed at his shock.
“Yes. Romantic, isn’t he? Well, we kinksters can never do anything the normal way. I think he thought that’s what I needed—more supervision, more time with him. He said he would leave the priesthood and we would get married. Nothing like this would ever happen again. I would never have to go through anything like this alone ever again.”
“And you said no?”
“I said no. And then he got angry. I wasn’t afraid of him. I’ve never in my life been afraid of him. But I couldn’t stay, not a minute longer. What he offered, I wanted it so much I could taste it. But I had that other taste on my tongue, the taste of freedom. So I got up and walked out. And when I couldn’t walk anymore, I crawled. And your priest didn’t see me again for over a year.”
“A year?” Michael repeated in shock.
“A year. I found a place to hide out. A place he couldn’t follow. And believe me, he tried. And after a year there I went back to the city and back to Kingsley. And we buried Eleanor Schreiber in the past, and Nora Sutherlin was born to take her place.”
“I think we know,” she’d whispered in reply, her voice hoarse from the force of her retching. She didn’t need any tests, any doctor’s visits. She simply knew. And so did Kingsley.
“I’ll call le prêtre.” Kingsley started to rise off the floor.
Nora pulled her mind out of the past.
“I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was to pull myself off that floor, Michael,” Nora said. “I was so sick and so tired…every muscle in my body was shaking. But I did. I stood up and looked Kingsley in the eye and I told him…”
Nora exhaled and the past reached out and took her in its arms against her will.
“Don’t, King. Don’t call him.”
Kingsley lifted his proud chin. “I must and you know it, Elle.”
“If you call him…if you tell him, then he’ll decide. Yes or no, it’ll be on him. I can’t do that to him. I can’t make him make this decision.”
She remembered the cold, hard certainty that she’d felt at that moment, the certainty that letting Søren decide would be a mistake. If he told her to keep it, it would ruin their life together. Twenty-seven years old…a job in a bookstore that paid almost nothing, and she was the mistress of a Catholic priest. Not ideal conditions for raising a child. But if he said to end it…a Catholic priest…she couldn’t let him make that decision. She had to do it. She had to do it alone. Not for her sake, but for his.
“You ever heard of the Fortunate Fall, Angel?” Nora asked, coming to the present yet again.
Michael shook his head.
“It’s a theological concept that Adam and Eve in the Garden were supposed to eat the fruit. That they were supposed to fall. That it was God’s plan all along. Søren thinks it’s bullshit. I’m inclined to disagree. That day when I had to make that decision without him… You have to understand, Angel, your priest made all my decisions for me and had for almost ten years. He owned me. He owned my body. I didn’t cut my hair without getting his permission.”
Michael whistled. “That’s intense.”
“Welcome to the world of being owned. You’ll like it. Until you hate it,” she said and winked at him. “Søren…I loved him too much to force him to make this decision for me. Either choice would break his heart. So for the first time in years, I made my own decision. I didn’t want to lose Søren and what we had. I couldn’t for one second imagine bringing up a child in the world I lived in—threesomes with Søren and Kingsley, parties at S&M clubs, slave auctions. Not a family-friendly atmosphere in our world. I went to the doctor, got the magic pills and took them. And the second I took them, it was like the Fortunate Fall. I had tasted the fruit of knowledge…but not of good and evil. The knowledge of freedom, of making my own decisions. And it tasted so sweet it scared me. I went to the rectory and waited for Søren. He came home and found me on his bathroom floor in absolute agony. I spent a lot of time on bathroom floors that week.”
“Did it hurt?”
Nora wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand.
“Yes, Angel, it hurt like f**k. And in the midst of a horrible cramp, your priest found me. I told him everything immediately. It all came out in one big rush. The antibiotics and the pregnancy and Kingsley and how I loved him too much to make him decide. Oh, my God, I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him what I’d done, told him why I was in a ball of agony on his bathroom floor.”
“What? Was he angry?”
Nora reached out and took Michael’s hand in hers.
“No…he looked at me and…” She stopped to take a breath. “He said, ‘Little one, I’m so sorry…’ And he’d never looked at me before with such love or such compassion. He wasn’t angry at all. The opposite really. Goddammit, he’s a good priest, isn’t he?”
Michael bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah. He really is. The best.”
“He wrapped me up in those crazy-strong arms of his and held me close to his chest. And then he gave me the one order he’s ever given me that I couldn’t obey.”
“What?”
Nora smiled.
“He ordered me to marry him.”
Michael actually gasped and Nora laughed at his shock.
“Yes. Romantic, isn’t he? Well, we kinksters can never do anything the normal way. I think he thought that’s what I needed—more supervision, more time with him. He said he would leave the priesthood and we would get married. Nothing like this would ever happen again. I would never have to go through anything like this alone ever again.”
“And you said no?”
“I said no. And then he got angry. I wasn’t afraid of him. I’ve never in my life been afraid of him. But I couldn’t stay, not a minute longer. What he offered, I wanted it so much I could taste it. But I had that other taste on my tongue, the taste of freedom. So I got up and walked out. And when I couldn’t walk anymore, I crawled. And your priest didn’t see me again for over a year.”
“A year?” Michael repeated in shock.
“A year. I found a place to hide out. A place he couldn’t follow. And believe me, he tried. And after a year there I went back to the city and back to Kingsley. And we buried Eleanor Schreiber in the past, and Nora Sutherlin was born to take her place.”
