The Beast
Page 64
“I wouldn’t change a thing.” As he spoke the words, he felt . . . free. “Nothing. I wouldn’t change anything.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
“Well, I don’t.” He stroked his way up her calves, pulling on her legs so she’d look at him. “I don’t at all.”
Mary took a deep breath. And then that smile of hers came out, her lips turning up at the corners, those eyes of hers re-lighting. “Really?”
“Truly.”
Rhage got to his feet and sat down next to her, mirroring her pose, except his legs were so long, his soles were flat on the floor. Taking her hand, he bumped her with his shoulder once. Twice. Until she giggled and bumped him back.
“You know, you’re right,” he said. “Talking helps.”
“Funny, I was just thinking that was a load of bullcrap.”
He shook his head. “It’s amazing how everything depends on how you frame it.”
“What are you, married to a therapist or something?” As they laughed a little, she shrugged. “You know, I never really thought about children. I was busy getting through college, and then my mom got sick. Then I got sick. By the time I might have started wondering about them, it was too late for me—and there was no dwelling on any kind of loss in my mind. I guess because I always knew the cancer was going to come back. I just knew it. And I was right.”
“And then you mated a vampire.”
“I did.” Except his Mary frowned. “I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
She turned his hand over, tracing the lines that crossed his palm. “I am glad we’re talking—I’m mean, it was inevitable that this was going to come up, and really, in retrospect, I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate it better. And even though this is tough stuff for both of us, I’m very glad it’s on the table and I’m happy you feel better. I just . . . you should be aware that something like this is not going to be fixed in a single conversation.”
He wasn’t so sure about that. He’d been feeling like his gears weren’t meshing, but now? Everything was as smooth as it used to be—and seemed even stronger. “Maybe.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you to be surprised or feel bad if your feelings of disappointment come back. The next time you see Wrath and L.W., the next time Z walks in holding Nalla? You’re probably going to get those pangs again.”
As he pictured his King and his brother, he shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. But you know what? I’m just going to remind myself that I have you, and that wouldn’t be possible under different circumstances. That’s going to wipe the slate clean again, I promise.”
“Just remember, denial is not a viable long-term strategy, not if you’re looking for mental health.”
“Ah, but perspective is very much a long-term strategy. And so is being grateful for everything you have.”
She smiled again. “Touché. But please talk to me? I’m not going to break, and I’d rather know where you are.”
Lifting his hand, he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Mary, you’re the strongest person I know.”
“Sometimes I’m not so sure about that.” With a shift and stretch up, she kissed him on the mouth. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, however.”
“I guess it was just such a surprise,” he murmured. “I didn’t expect anything like having young or not having them to ever bother me.”
“You never know what life’s going to throw at you.” Now, she was the one shrugging. “And I guess that’s the good news and the bad news.”
“I meant what I said to you way back when. If you want a young, I’ll find one for you. Even if it’s human.”
Because God knew that vampire young were nearly impossible to adopt. They were too rare, too precious.
Mary shook her head after a moment. “No, I don’t think that’s ever going to be me. My maternal instinct gets expressed through my work.” She glanced over at him. “I would have liked to be a parent with you, though. That would have been a lot of fun. You’d be a wonderful father.”
Rhage took her face in his hands, and felt all the love he had for her course through him. He hated that she hurt over this. Would have done absolutely anything to keep her from knowing any pain, whatsoever.
Except sacrifice their love.
“Oh, my Mary, you would have been the most amazing mother.” He stroked her lower lip with his thumb. “But you are no less a female in my eyes. You are, and will always remain, the most perfect mate on earth, and the single best thing that ever happened to me.”
As her eyes teared up again, she smiled. “How is it possible . . . that you always make me feel so beautiful?”
He kissed her once, and then again. “I’m just reflecting back what I see and know to be true. I’m nothing but a mirror, Mary mine. Now will you let me kiss you again? Mmmmmmm . . .”
TWENTY-FIVE
“You’re sure. You’re absolutely sure.”
As Layla spoke, she had a death grip on the sheet that was pulled down around her hips. “I mean, you’re completely, totally sure.”
Doc Jane smiled and hit some button on the ultrasound machine. As a whumpa-whumpa-whumpa filled the dark examination room, the physician turned the monitor toward Layla and sat back.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
“Well, I don’t.” He stroked his way up her calves, pulling on her legs so she’d look at him. “I don’t at all.”
Mary took a deep breath. And then that smile of hers came out, her lips turning up at the corners, those eyes of hers re-lighting. “Really?”
“Truly.”
Rhage got to his feet and sat down next to her, mirroring her pose, except his legs were so long, his soles were flat on the floor. Taking her hand, he bumped her with his shoulder once. Twice. Until she giggled and bumped him back.
“You know, you’re right,” he said. “Talking helps.”
“Funny, I was just thinking that was a load of bullcrap.”
He shook his head. “It’s amazing how everything depends on how you frame it.”
“What are you, married to a therapist or something?” As they laughed a little, she shrugged. “You know, I never really thought about children. I was busy getting through college, and then my mom got sick. Then I got sick. By the time I might have started wondering about them, it was too late for me—and there was no dwelling on any kind of loss in my mind. I guess because I always knew the cancer was going to come back. I just knew it. And I was right.”
“And then you mated a vampire.”
“I did.” Except his Mary frowned. “I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
She turned his hand over, tracing the lines that crossed his palm. “I am glad we’re talking—I’m mean, it was inevitable that this was going to come up, and really, in retrospect, I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate it better. And even though this is tough stuff for both of us, I’m very glad it’s on the table and I’m happy you feel better. I just . . . you should be aware that something like this is not going to be fixed in a single conversation.”
He wasn’t so sure about that. He’d been feeling like his gears weren’t meshing, but now? Everything was as smooth as it used to be—and seemed even stronger. “Maybe.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you to be surprised or feel bad if your feelings of disappointment come back. The next time you see Wrath and L.W., the next time Z walks in holding Nalla? You’re probably going to get those pangs again.”
As he pictured his King and his brother, he shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right. But you know what? I’m just going to remind myself that I have you, and that wouldn’t be possible under different circumstances. That’s going to wipe the slate clean again, I promise.”
“Just remember, denial is not a viable long-term strategy, not if you’re looking for mental health.”
“Ah, but perspective is very much a long-term strategy. And so is being grateful for everything you have.”
She smiled again. “Touché. But please talk to me? I’m not going to break, and I’d rather know where you are.”
Lifting his hand, he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Mary, you’re the strongest person I know.”
“Sometimes I’m not so sure about that.” With a shift and stretch up, she kissed him on the mouth. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, however.”
“I guess it was just such a surprise,” he murmured. “I didn’t expect anything like having young or not having them to ever bother me.”
“You never know what life’s going to throw at you.” Now, she was the one shrugging. “And I guess that’s the good news and the bad news.”
“I meant what I said to you way back when. If you want a young, I’ll find one for you. Even if it’s human.”
Because God knew that vampire young were nearly impossible to adopt. They were too rare, too precious.
Mary shook her head after a moment. “No, I don’t think that’s ever going to be me. My maternal instinct gets expressed through my work.” She glanced over at him. “I would have liked to be a parent with you, though. That would have been a lot of fun. You’d be a wonderful father.”
Rhage took her face in his hands, and felt all the love he had for her course through him. He hated that she hurt over this. Would have done absolutely anything to keep her from knowing any pain, whatsoever.
Except sacrifice their love.
“Oh, my Mary, you would have been the most amazing mother.” He stroked her lower lip with his thumb. “But you are no less a female in my eyes. You are, and will always remain, the most perfect mate on earth, and the single best thing that ever happened to me.”
As her eyes teared up again, she smiled. “How is it possible . . . that you always make me feel so beautiful?”
He kissed her once, and then again. “I’m just reflecting back what I see and know to be true. I’m nothing but a mirror, Mary mine. Now will you let me kiss you again? Mmmmmmm . . .”
TWENTY-FIVE
“You’re sure. You’re absolutely sure.”
As Layla spoke, she had a death grip on the sheet that was pulled down around her hips. “I mean, you’re completely, totally sure.”
Doc Jane smiled and hit some button on the ultrasound machine. As a whumpa-whumpa-whumpa filled the dark examination room, the physician turned the monitor toward Layla and sat back.
