The Best Goodbye
Page 50
“It’s time for you to get dressed for school,” Addy said when Franny got to a stopping point.
“OK, but can Dad take me?” she asked, looking from her mother to me hopefully.
“I’d love to take you,” I said, before Addy could respond. Hearing Franny call me Dad so easily made my chest swell.
Addy nodded. “That’s fine with me. Now, hurry so he doesn’t have to rush to get you there on time.”
“I will!” she said, jumping up from her chair and hurrying back to the bedroom.
I turned my attention to Addy, who was clearing the table before Franny had even completely left the room.
“You’re not even going to look at me?” I asked, needing her eyes on me so she could see how fucking sincere I was about this situation.
“No reason to,” was her response.
“Addy, please,” I begged.
She paused from picking up Franny’s plate and finally lifted her eyes to meet mine. “What?”
I had her attention now, and not fucking it up was more pressure than I expected. It was like I had five seconds to keep her attention, and the heat was on. “When I tell you she’s an old friend, I mean it. She’s in town with another friend of mine. A guy. They’re together. They had some info for me regarding my old job. That’s it.”
I was more than positive that Cope and Alexa had fucked around. So it wasn’t a complete lie. I was insinuating that they were more, but it was the best thing I could come up with, and from the look in Addy’s eyes, she seemed to be buying it, so I kept going.
“I thought I’d see you leave. When I realized your car was gone, I started calling, but then you wouldn’t answer. I was worried, and I wanted to see you, so I came here. Sleeping outside was the only way I could find any peace. I needed to hear your voice.”
“Can I wear this?” Franny asked.
Addy blinked and moved away from the table to turn and look at our daughter. “Yes, that’s good. Why don’t you wear your white tennis shoes with it?”
Franny nodded and hurried back to the room.
“Can I come back here after I take her to school?”
She didn’t look at me but instead stared straight ahead. “I don’t know, Captain.”
“Addy, you’ve got to believe me.”
She turned to look at me, and there was obvious fear in her eyes. She was scared to trust me. “She needs you. I want you in our life. But I’m scared to need you, too.”
I had stood up and started to move toward her when Franny came skipping into the room with her book bag on her shoulder. “Ready!”
Addy went back to cleaning up. “Don’t forget your lunchbox in the fridge.”
Franny ran over to the fridge and got out a pink polka-dot lunchbox, then went over to Addy and wrapped her arms around her waist.
Addy turned and bent down to pull her in for a hug. “Have a wonderful day. Make it matter,” she said.
Franny nodded. “I got this,” she assured her mother. They released each other, and Franny walked over to me. “Let’s go.”
Addy’s gaze met mine, and she gave me a simple nod. That was all the encouragement I needed.
Addy
I had done it again. I had jumped to conclusions. I didn’t let him explain. When had I stopped trusting? When had I gotten so negative? I asked myself these questions and more while I cleaned the kitchen and took a shower before Captain returned.
The fact that he had slept outside simply because I wouldn’t answer his calls was proof enough that he cared and I was being an asshole. After all this time, I was still so incredibly jealous and insecure with him. I didn’t want to be that way. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, back then or now. I had to stop it.
By the time I was out of the shower and dressed, Captain was knocking on my door. I had some apologizing to do, and this would be the last time I did this. Next time, I was asking him if I saw something, not sulking and getting upset.
When I opened the door, Captain walked in, his gaze intent on me. “You gotta stop doing this to me, Addy. After everything that’s happened over the past two days and everything I’ve said to you, I would think you’d know where my head and my heart are. Where they have always been.”
“I know,” I agreed.
He opened his mouth to say something and stopped when my response sank in.
“I won’t do it again,” I assured him.
He took a step closer. “I don’t like thinking you’re upset with me.”
I took a step back, not sure what he was doing. But he took another step, closing the distance. “Can’t love anyone but you.” His frown faded into something deeper. Something intense.
My heart squeezed at his words, and it was hard to think of anything else. When his hands wrapped around my waist and tugged me close, I went willingly. This was my River. The boy who stole my heart and never gave it back.
“Come here,” he said softly, before his mouth pressed against mine.
I slipped my hands up his chest and held on to his shoulders while standing on my tiptoes. It was as high as I could reach.
“So tiny,” he murmured against my lips, then picked me up and walked us over to the bar. He set me on it so that my mouth was level with his. “I always wanted to hold you close and protect you. I couldn’t. But God, I wanted to. I failed you so many times. For ten years, I was empty . . . broken.” He stopped and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. “I thought I’d lost you. I lived without you, fighting demons I couldn’t kill.”
“OK, but can Dad take me?” she asked, looking from her mother to me hopefully.
“I’d love to take you,” I said, before Addy could respond. Hearing Franny call me Dad so easily made my chest swell.
Addy nodded. “That’s fine with me. Now, hurry so he doesn’t have to rush to get you there on time.”
“I will!” she said, jumping up from her chair and hurrying back to the bedroom.
I turned my attention to Addy, who was clearing the table before Franny had even completely left the room.
“You’re not even going to look at me?” I asked, needing her eyes on me so she could see how fucking sincere I was about this situation.
“No reason to,” was her response.
“Addy, please,” I begged.
She paused from picking up Franny’s plate and finally lifted her eyes to meet mine. “What?”
I had her attention now, and not fucking it up was more pressure than I expected. It was like I had five seconds to keep her attention, and the heat was on. “When I tell you she’s an old friend, I mean it. She’s in town with another friend of mine. A guy. They’re together. They had some info for me regarding my old job. That’s it.”
I was more than positive that Cope and Alexa had fucked around. So it wasn’t a complete lie. I was insinuating that they were more, but it was the best thing I could come up with, and from the look in Addy’s eyes, she seemed to be buying it, so I kept going.
“I thought I’d see you leave. When I realized your car was gone, I started calling, but then you wouldn’t answer. I was worried, and I wanted to see you, so I came here. Sleeping outside was the only way I could find any peace. I needed to hear your voice.”
“Can I wear this?” Franny asked.
Addy blinked and moved away from the table to turn and look at our daughter. “Yes, that’s good. Why don’t you wear your white tennis shoes with it?”
Franny nodded and hurried back to the room.
“Can I come back here after I take her to school?”
She didn’t look at me but instead stared straight ahead. “I don’t know, Captain.”
“Addy, you’ve got to believe me.”
She turned to look at me, and there was obvious fear in her eyes. She was scared to trust me. “She needs you. I want you in our life. But I’m scared to need you, too.”
I had stood up and started to move toward her when Franny came skipping into the room with her book bag on her shoulder. “Ready!”
Addy went back to cleaning up. “Don’t forget your lunchbox in the fridge.”
Franny ran over to the fridge and got out a pink polka-dot lunchbox, then went over to Addy and wrapped her arms around her waist.
Addy turned and bent down to pull her in for a hug. “Have a wonderful day. Make it matter,” she said.
Franny nodded. “I got this,” she assured her mother. They released each other, and Franny walked over to me. “Let’s go.”
Addy’s gaze met mine, and she gave me a simple nod. That was all the encouragement I needed.
Addy
I had done it again. I had jumped to conclusions. I didn’t let him explain. When had I stopped trusting? When had I gotten so negative? I asked myself these questions and more while I cleaned the kitchen and took a shower before Captain returned.
The fact that he had slept outside simply because I wouldn’t answer his calls was proof enough that he cared and I was being an asshole. After all this time, I was still so incredibly jealous and insecure with him. I didn’t want to be that way. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, back then or now. I had to stop it.
By the time I was out of the shower and dressed, Captain was knocking on my door. I had some apologizing to do, and this would be the last time I did this. Next time, I was asking him if I saw something, not sulking and getting upset.
When I opened the door, Captain walked in, his gaze intent on me. “You gotta stop doing this to me, Addy. After everything that’s happened over the past two days and everything I’ve said to you, I would think you’d know where my head and my heart are. Where they have always been.”
“I know,” I agreed.
He opened his mouth to say something and stopped when my response sank in.
“I won’t do it again,” I assured him.
He took a step closer. “I don’t like thinking you’re upset with me.”
I took a step back, not sure what he was doing. But he took another step, closing the distance. “Can’t love anyone but you.” His frown faded into something deeper. Something intense.
My heart squeezed at his words, and it was hard to think of anything else. When his hands wrapped around my waist and tugged me close, I went willingly. This was my River. The boy who stole my heart and never gave it back.
“Come here,” he said softly, before his mouth pressed against mine.
I slipped my hands up his chest and held on to his shoulders while standing on my tiptoes. It was as high as I could reach.
“So tiny,” he murmured against my lips, then picked me up and walked us over to the bar. He set me on it so that my mouth was level with his. “I always wanted to hold you close and protect you. I couldn’t. But God, I wanted to. I failed you so many times. For ten years, I was empty . . . broken.” He stopped and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. “I thought I’d lost you. I lived without you, fighting demons I couldn’t kill.”
