The Best Kind of Trouble
Page 76
“It comes with the territory. Like booze and drugs and getting ripped off by industry people. I can manage to avoid all that other stuff. You can trust me to avoid the former, too.”
She got out of the shower and he followed, catching the towel she threw to him. “You poke at me to be honest, and when I am, you punish me. That’s an unwinnable situation, and next time I’m going to think twice before I answer.”
He dried off, watching as she headed into the bedroom, naked while she rooted through her bag for her clothes.
He was crazy, but fighting with her turned him on. So stupid. She was angry, and he’d pushed her to that place. Worse, she was right. He couldn’t ask for her trust and then punish her for giving it to him.
“You have no idea what it’s like, Patrick.” She turned, pulling a long-sleeved sleep shirt on and then stepping into panties. He groaned slightly when she put pants on over that. “You’ve never had to. Put yourself into that place, I mean. But try. For one moment, imagine if really hot men propositioned me multiple times every day. If I did a job where I got all worked up, and they were in my path, and I was away from you. How would you feel?”
“I’d trust you to remember what we have. And that’s what I’m asking you to do.”
“I do trust you. Asshole. I just said I did. I didn’t flip out at the club. Or even just now. I came over here. I’m still with you. You kept at it, and I told you I hated it and didn’t know what to do with it. Me being mad now is about your reaction.”
Oh.
He sucked in a breath. And then he remembered, and heard the apology she’d given while they were still in the shower. “You’re right. But I love you. I’m with you. I don’t want anyone else. When I’m away from you, I’ll still love you and I’ll still be with you and I’ll still only want you. It’s a three-month tour. Come out whenever you want. I’ll leave it open for you to show up. Always have credentials waiting. Hell, take a leave and come with us like Mary will.” Mary would probably kick his ass if he did anything stupid, anyway. Ha. Probably. More like definitely.
“Ugh. I don’t want to be with you if I feel like I have to check up on you. I don’t think you’ll cheat on me. It’s just gross and uncomfortable and it makes me unhappy. But it’s part of the world you inhabit, so I just need to figure out how to process it. I do want to come out when I can, but not because I don’t trust you. Because if I can’t trust you, this isn’t worth the energy. But I can’t just take a leave. It doesn’t work that way. I have vacation time, and I can shift around a little here and there with my coworkers, but that’s what I’ve got to work with.”
He sighed. He wanted to say—and wisely did not—that she could quit her job and hang with him. Wanted to ask her to move in with him. She could volunteer and do her own thing and not have to hold down a regular job. Hell, she had the means to do just that.
But she loved her job, and working to make her way meant something to her, so he kept his mouth shut.
Natalie took him in, clearly torn between annoyance and amusement. “If you’re looking for an easy woman, you’re with the wrong one. This isn’t a problem that’s ever really going away, so we just have to figure a way to deal with it.”
He took a risk to get closer, and when she didn’t maim him, he pulled her into a hug. “Okay. We’ll just have to do this step by step.”
“The only way we can is if we’re honest. And I can’t be honest if I can’t trust you not to be mad when I tell you how I’m feeling. It’s hard enough to admit being jealous.”
He got that, too. It had taken him until that very moment as he held her, the warmth of her seeping into him, to truly understand a few things.
She had given him her trust. Every time she let him take control, control he knew she held on to like a security object.
It was a continued reminder to be careful with it. To deserve it.
“I’m sorry I reacted that way. I just... I’ve never done this before. Never been with anyone like I am with you. I can’t help what stuff comes along with my life sometimes. You seemed okay about it when it happened in Portland. I just...I’m sorry. I do want you to trust me. So we step carefully.”
She nodded. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t trust you. As for Portland?” She pulled away, and he would have complained but she looked back over her shoulder. “You promised food.”
He laughed, taking her hand, relieved when that connection zinged between them again.
“Sit, and I’ll toss something together.” He pointed to a chair at the kitchen island.
“Want me to do any media checking while you do?”
“My iPad is there. Check the fan club site first. They’ll be the best source for now.”
She watched him work because he wore no more than low-slung sleep pants. So low slung the blades of his hips showed. Natalie shivered before she turned to the task she’d just volunteered to do.
She scrolled through, smiling at the comments in the live show forums. “They have a forum started for tonight’s show and already have one for the new album, as well. Everyone thinks Ezra looked and sounded fantastic. Lots of you’re so lucky comments from people who weren’t there. They’re very dedicated to be on this so fast.”
The show had only been over for hours, and there were already a hundred posts. Including pictures.
She got out of the shower and he followed, catching the towel she threw to him. “You poke at me to be honest, and when I am, you punish me. That’s an unwinnable situation, and next time I’m going to think twice before I answer.”
He dried off, watching as she headed into the bedroom, naked while she rooted through her bag for her clothes.
He was crazy, but fighting with her turned him on. So stupid. She was angry, and he’d pushed her to that place. Worse, she was right. He couldn’t ask for her trust and then punish her for giving it to him.
“You have no idea what it’s like, Patrick.” She turned, pulling a long-sleeved sleep shirt on and then stepping into panties. He groaned slightly when she put pants on over that. “You’ve never had to. Put yourself into that place, I mean. But try. For one moment, imagine if really hot men propositioned me multiple times every day. If I did a job where I got all worked up, and they were in my path, and I was away from you. How would you feel?”
“I’d trust you to remember what we have. And that’s what I’m asking you to do.”
“I do trust you. Asshole. I just said I did. I didn’t flip out at the club. Or even just now. I came over here. I’m still with you. You kept at it, and I told you I hated it and didn’t know what to do with it. Me being mad now is about your reaction.”
Oh.
He sucked in a breath. And then he remembered, and heard the apology she’d given while they were still in the shower. “You’re right. But I love you. I’m with you. I don’t want anyone else. When I’m away from you, I’ll still love you and I’ll still be with you and I’ll still only want you. It’s a three-month tour. Come out whenever you want. I’ll leave it open for you to show up. Always have credentials waiting. Hell, take a leave and come with us like Mary will.” Mary would probably kick his ass if he did anything stupid, anyway. Ha. Probably. More like definitely.
“Ugh. I don’t want to be with you if I feel like I have to check up on you. I don’t think you’ll cheat on me. It’s just gross and uncomfortable and it makes me unhappy. But it’s part of the world you inhabit, so I just need to figure out how to process it. I do want to come out when I can, but not because I don’t trust you. Because if I can’t trust you, this isn’t worth the energy. But I can’t just take a leave. It doesn’t work that way. I have vacation time, and I can shift around a little here and there with my coworkers, but that’s what I’ve got to work with.”
He sighed. He wanted to say—and wisely did not—that she could quit her job and hang with him. Wanted to ask her to move in with him. She could volunteer and do her own thing and not have to hold down a regular job. Hell, she had the means to do just that.
But she loved her job, and working to make her way meant something to her, so he kept his mouth shut.
Natalie took him in, clearly torn between annoyance and amusement. “If you’re looking for an easy woman, you’re with the wrong one. This isn’t a problem that’s ever really going away, so we just have to figure a way to deal with it.”
He took a risk to get closer, and when she didn’t maim him, he pulled her into a hug. “Okay. We’ll just have to do this step by step.”
“The only way we can is if we’re honest. And I can’t be honest if I can’t trust you not to be mad when I tell you how I’m feeling. It’s hard enough to admit being jealous.”
He got that, too. It had taken him until that very moment as he held her, the warmth of her seeping into him, to truly understand a few things.
She had given him her trust. Every time she let him take control, control he knew she held on to like a security object.
It was a continued reminder to be careful with it. To deserve it.
“I’m sorry I reacted that way. I just... I’ve never done this before. Never been with anyone like I am with you. I can’t help what stuff comes along with my life sometimes. You seemed okay about it when it happened in Portland. I just...I’m sorry. I do want you to trust me. So we step carefully.”
She nodded. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t trust you. As for Portland?” She pulled away, and he would have complained but she looked back over her shoulder. “You promised food.”
He laughed, taking her hand, relieved when that connection zinged between them again.
“Sit, and I’ll toss something together.” He pointed to a chair at the kitchen island.
“Want me to do any media checking while you do?”
“My iPad is there. Check the fan club site first. They’ll be the best source for now.”
She watched him work because he wore no more than low-slung sleep pants. So low slung the blades of his hips showed. Natalie shivered before she turned to the task she’d just volunteered to do.
She scrolled through, smiling at the comments in the live show forums. “They have a forum started for tonight’s show and already have one for the new album, as well. Everyone thinks Ezra looked and sounded fantastic. Lots of you’re so lucky comments from people who weren’t there. They’re very dedicated to be on this so fast.”
The show had only been over for hours, and there were already a hundred posts. Including pictures.
