The Best Kind of Trouble
Page 91
Paddy wouldn’t admit it, but Natalie knew him, knew he was lonely, knew, too, that his family filled that need inside him. If he didn’t have that when he was out there on the road, he would have been adrift.
She pulled out her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting Paddy.”
Stop being mad at Ezra and make up with him.
He replied. Really, Nats? Silence for a f**king week and when you finally say something you lecture me? Since you’re obviously so close to him these days, why don’t you tell him to make up with me instead?
Really, Patrick? What exactly are you saying here?
Nothing. Everything. You left.
I tried to stay. You told me to go, and I left with your back turned. You said I ruined everything in your marketing plan. Anyway, it’s done. Ezra loves you and you love him and you need him. Call him. Text him. Don’t let another day end with you two not talking.
What about us? You done licking your wounds?
It makes me sad that you see this in those terms.
So gut up, Natalie, and tell me what you feel! How can I know if you don’t tell me? You say nothing for a whole week and I’m supposed to be psychic?
I tried. I came to you. I took time off work and got on a plane and I came to you. I opened myself up, my past, and I showed you that interview. I trusted you, and you accused me of f**king up your marketing plan. You accused me of betraying you by finding out from someone else, as if I could control that even if it did make a difference. How do you think that makes me feel?
I was angry. You should have trusted me to fix that situation with your dad.
I did! I told you, I got on a plane and I came to you. I put my heart in your hands. And you threw a tantrum because what? I couldn’t bend space time and have you tell me instead of Ezra? And I’ve replayed exactly what you said in my head over and over and over again. You need to practice some introspection.
I have to go. It’s showtime.
She didn’t reply for a bit. Have a good show. Talk to your brother. You need each other.
She started to tuck the phone back in her bag when she got one last text. Don’t give up on us.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
AFTER THE SHOW, he took Mary aside. “I know you’re mad at me. But I love you just the same.”
She rolled her eyes but allowed him to kiss her cheek. “You have a lot of making up to do. My being mad at you is the least of your problems.”
“There’s less than two weeks left. I need to finish and go home, and then I can fix it.”
They walked together through a gauntlet of people. Damien in front of Mary, Vaughan on one side and Paddy behind her. She was tired, and the last thing any of them wanted was her getting jostled.
Vaughan flirted as they went, but it was more automatic than genuine. Paddy had noticed his brother had been a little melancholy, but he’d been so wrapped up in his own stuff, he hadn’t reached out. Being without Natalie, the silence that had yawned open where there’d been so much intensity of connection had done his head in.
And the text exchange they’d had right before he’d walked onstage...
Like he had every night since she’d gone, he headed straight back to the hotel. But instead of grabbing a bottle, he took a shower, and after he’d gotten out, he picked up his phone and listened to the series of voice mails from Ezra that he’d been ignoring.
And then he called.
“What?”
“Jesus, Ez, that’s what you’ve got to say?”
“After a week and five voice mails to you that have gone unanswered, you’re lucky that’s all I said. I tried to help. She came to you. I’m sorry you think I should have circumvented her to give you a link when you were on tour on the other side of the damned country.”
“I’m sorry. I’m... Fuck. I’m sorry, Ezra. Having her trust me and rely on me was this badge of honor, I guess. Something I’d worked hard for and earned. It made me proud. I messed up.” All his life, it had been Ezra everyone thought was the responsible one. When his brother kicked, it was that Ezra was so strong. Finally, Paddy had felt responsible. “She made me feel important in a way I never have before.”
“Because she loves you. You f**ked up big-time.”
“I’m sorry I said all that stuff to you about trying to do my job.”
“You know I’d never step in between you and her. Asshole. Have you made things right with her? I talked to Tuesday. She told me every night Natalie holes up in her room listening to weepy music, crying and writing in her journal.”
His stomach hurt just thinking about it. “She texted me today. Told me to make up with you. That I needed you.” And she’d been right. Ezra was his compass in many ways. “She accused me of saying she f**ked up my marketing plan.”
“You did. Well, you accused her of f**king up the marketing plan because the tabloids were making her out to be a dope-addled skank, and if that story got legs, it would mess everything up. You said her need to control everything screwed things up.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did. I yelled at you to shut up over and over, but you refused to listen. That’s when she hung up and tried to get you to listen to her. Then you accused her of taking my side. I don’t even know what came over you, Paddy, but you did some damage. You’re lucky she loves you. You can make this right. Don’t leave it undone.”
She’d been away from him, alone as she had to process all the stuff he’d said. Yes, she’d hurt him, but he’d hurt her, too. He’d hurt her worse because he had thought it was a dumb fight they’d make up from, and she’d been thinking he’d broken things off.
She pulled out her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting Paddy.”
Stop being mad at Ezra and make up with him.
He replied. Really, Nats? Silence for a f**king week and when you finally say something you lecture me? Since you’re obviously so close to him these days, why don’t you tell him to make up with me instead?
Really, Patrick? What exactly are you saying here?
Nothing. Everything. You left.
I tried to stay. You told me to go, and I left with your back turned. You said I ruined everything in your marketing plan. Anyway, it’s done. Ezra loves you and you love him and you need him. Call him. Text him. Don’t let another day end with you two not talking.
What about us? You done licking your wounds?
It makes me sad that you see this in those terms.
So gut up, Natalie, and tell me what you feel! How can I know if you don’t tell me? You say nothing for a whole week and I’m supposed to be psychic?
I tried. I came to you. I took time off work and got on a plane and I came to you. I opened myself up, my past, and I showed you that interview. I trusted you, and you accused me of f**king up your marketing plan. You accused me of betraying you by finding out from someone else, as if I could control that even if it did make a difference. How do you think that makes me feel?
I was angry. You should have trusted me to fix that situation with your dad.
I did! I told you, I got on a plane and I came to you. I put my heart in your hands. And you threw a tantrum because what? I couldn’t bend space time and have you tell me instead of Ezra? And I’ve replayed exactly what you said in my head over and over and over again. You need to practice some introspection.
I have to go. It’s showtime.
She didn’t reply for a bit. Have a good show. Talk to your brother. You need each other.
She started to tuck the phone back in her bag when she got one last text. Don’t give up on us.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
AFTER THE SHOW, he took Mary aside. “I know you’re mad at me. But I love you just the same.”
She rolled her eyes but allowed him to kiss her cheek. “You have a lot of making up to do. My being mad at you is the least of your problems.”
“There’s less than two weeks left. I need to finish and go home, and then I can fix it.”
They walked together through a gauntlet of people. Damien in front of Mary, Vaughan on one side and Paddy behind her. She was tired, and the last thing any of them wanted was her getting jostled.
Vaughan flirted as they went, but it was more automatic than genuine. Paddy had noticed his brother had been a little melancholy, but he’d been so wrapped up in his own stuff, he hadn’t reached out. Being without Natalie, the silence that had yawned open where there’d been so much intensity of connection had done his head in.
And the text exchange they’d had right before he’d walked onstage...
Like he had every night since she’d gone, he headed straight back to the hotel. But instead of grabbing a bottle, he took a shower, and after he’d gotten out, he picked up his phone and listened to the series of voice mails from Ezra that he’d been ignoring.
And then he called.
“What?”
“Jesus, Ez, that’s what you’ve got to say?”
“After a week and five voice mails to you that have gone unanswered, you’re lucky that’s all I said. I tried to help. She came to you. I’m sorry you think I should have circumvented her to give you a link when you were on tour on the other side of the damned country.”
“I’m sorry. I’m... Fuck. I’m sorry, Ezra. Having her trust me and rely on me was this badge of honor, I guess. Something I’d worked hard for and earned. It made me proud. I messed up.” All his life, it had been Ezra everyone thought was the responsible one. When his brother kicked, it was that Ezra was so strong. Finally, Paddy had felt responsible. “She made me feel important in a way I never have before.”
“Because she loves you. You f**ked up big-time.”
“I’m sorry I said all that stuff to you about trying to do my job.”
“You know I’d never step in between you and her. Asshole. Have you made things right with her? I talked to Tuesday. She told me every night Natalie holes up in her room listening to weepy music, crying and writing in her journal.”
His stomach hurt just thinking about it. “She texted me today. Told me to make up with you. That I needed you.” And she’d been right. Ezra was his compass in many ways. “She accused me of saying she f**ked up my marketing plan.”
“You did. Well, you accused her of f**king up the marketing plan because the tabloids were making her out to be a dope-addled skank, and if that story got legs, it would mess everything up. You said her need to control everything screwed things up.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did. I yelled at you to shut up over and over, but you refused to listen. That’s when she hung up and tried to get you to listen to her. Then you accused her of taking my side. I don’t even know what came over you, Paddy, but you did some damage. You’re lucky she loves you. You can make this right. Don’t leave it undone.”
She’d been away from him, alone as she had to process all the stuff he’d said. Yes, she’d hurt him, but he’d hurt her, too. He’d hurt her worse because he had thought it was a dumb fight they’d make up from, and she’d been thinking he’d broken things off.
