The Blinding Knife
Page 82
Kip waved toward his desk where the stamped paper sat. “I already registered it with the head scribe. He said they have to query the Abornean satrap’s embassy to make sure there’s no liens on you, but with it countersigned by Andross Guile, he was sure there would be nothing wrong. He already entered it in the Chromeria’s books.”
Teia was still blinking like a child who’s fallen and can’t decide whether she’s hurt or not. Is the right response tears, or just getting back up and walking away? “You won me?” she asked again. “What… what are you going to do with me?”
Her eyes flicked to his bed, back to his eyes, then down.
“No!” Kip said. “Like you said, that’s forbidden for Blackguards. I…”
“For full Blackguards, not for scrubs,” she said quietly. “Not until you take the vows.”
No woman would ever take Kip to her bed willingly. Not for himself. He’d have to get a room slave to do it, or a prostitute. He was fat, a bastard, stupid, ugly, awkward, Tyrean, mixed-breed. He didn’t know how to talk to girls like other boys did. This was his only chance. Teia wasn’t exactly volunteering, but she didn’t seem disgusted by him either. Andross Guile was right.
He could always free her later. Or if they both became Blackguards, they would take the vows, and it would end there.
Kip would get something for himself for once. He’d earned it. All those hours studying, memorizing decks and strategies when he could have been studying drafting instead. He’d known that he shouldn’t use the black deck trick saving Teia. He should have held on to that to save himself. He was risking his own future for her. She owed him. Without Kip, she’d belong to Andross Guile. He’d saved her from that spider. What was so wrong with wanting a little gratitude in return?
Gratitude, huh? Is that what you’ve been fantasizing about, Kip?
Teia set her bag down. Her voice was distant, empty. “Do you want me to wash up first? Or I could bring up hot water and we could wash together. Or… I’m sorry, Kip. I mean, my lord. I’ve never done this before. I don’t—I didn’t expect my mistress to sell me. She seemed very set—I—I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”
And he had fantasized about Teia. And felt awful afterward.
Kip scrubbed his towel over his face. She was a slave. He hadn’t enslaved her; it was just how things were. All this wasn’t his idea, and he had to pay penalties for how things were, too. He hadn’t chosen to be a bastard, but he had to live with that, didn’t he? He took his lumps, it was only fair that he get some of the rewards. He deserved this. Besides, just because it was a duty didn’t mean it had to be unpleasant. Kip would be good to her. He would care about her. He would be better to her than any slave girl could hope a man would be.
Teia swallowed. “I’m a virgin, but the room slaves talked about their work—a lot.” She blushed. “I think I know what to do.” She swallowed again.
And really, what could she hope for that was better if he freed her? Did peasants have things so much better than slaves?
Temptation is a slow and subtle serpent.
I am the turtle-bear. I’m fat and ungainly and ridiculous, but at least I can be honest with myself. I want to take her because I’m terrified I’ll never get the chance to bed anyone ever again. And I’ll be nice to her because I don’t want to feel guilty afterward. It’s all lies.
Of course I want to sleep with you, Master. Of course you were good to me. Of course it’s better than a girl could have ever asked for. Of course you are kind and generous and wonderful.
If you’re not free to say no, your yes is meaningless.
“Have I displeased you?” Teia asked.
She wouldn’t be so attuned to my every mood and whim if I weren’t her master, would she?
She swallowed. “We don’t need to wash up first. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry. I’m all thumbs at this. I should shut up and—” She crossed her arms and grabbed the hem of her shirt.
Kip grabbed her arm before she could strip, stopping her. He ignored the bewildered look on her face, went to his desk, and grabbed the papers. He handed them to her, avoided her eyes.
“You’re free. I won’t be able to get it registered until the first transfer clears the embassy—I tried, but as far as I’m concerned, you don’t belong to me.” That sounded bad, for some reason. Kip rubbed his face with the towel. “No one had slaves where I grew up, so I don’t know how people usually do this, but… I don’t want to know how it works. The idea of compelling you to… to do the things that awful old man suggested… I hate myself enough already.”
“You haven’t been sleeping, have you?” Teia asked.
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“So you haven’t.”
Kip looked away. “I have… bad dreams.” Bad dreams. That was putting it mildly. “Whether I sleep or not, I’m more tired in the morning.”
“Go to bed, Kip. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
“I’m serious, Teia.”
“Me, too. To bed,” she said firmly.
“I thought I was the master around here,” Kip said. He regretted saying it immediately, but she laughed and swatted his butt. She’d laughed a little too hard, though, obviously at least as relieved as he was.
He went to bed and, miracle of miracles, slept.
In the morning, Kip felt ridiculously well. For ten seconds. He caught himself humming.
Then he thought about the dagger.
He sponged himself clean, put on fresh clothes, and then poked his head out of his door quickly. No spies, at least none that he noticed.
He used the stairs to go down to his old barracks level. He still didn’t have a plan, but he knew he couldn’t leave a priceless relic in some random chest forever. He slipped into the barracks and walked quickly down the rows.
The bed under which he’d hidden the dagger had been claimed. The chest was moved to the foot of the bed, like all the other occupied beds. Kip’s throat clamped shut.
He threw the chest open. A change of clothes, an extra blanket, a few coins. No dagger. Oh hell. Oh hell no. Dear Orholam no.
“What are you doing in my stuff?” a voice said from the latrine doorway. It was a new boy, someone Kip had never seen before. Pimply, scrawny, birthmark on his neck.
“I had some things in this chest,” Kip said. “Where are they? What have you done with them?”
“What are you talking about? There was just the standard blanket when I got the chest. Are you stealing from me?”
“Oh shut up,” Kip said.
“You’re Breaker, aren’t you?” the boy asked.
Great. Kip didn’t say anything. He left.
He went downstairs and got in a student line. He was here during lectures, so the line was empty. The secretary obviously knew Kip was skipping lectures, too. He took his time coming over.
Kip bit his tongue.
“Are you lost, young man?” the secretary asked him. The man was holding a steaming cup of kopi.
“No, but something of mine is. Do you have an area where you keep lost items?”
“Indeed,” the man said. “What have you lost?”
Teia was still blinking like a child who’s fallen and can’t decide whether she’s hurt or not. Is the right response tears, or just getting back up and walking away? “You won me?” she asked again. “What… what are you going to do with me?”
Her eyes flicked to his bed, back to his eyes, then down.
“No!” Kip said. “Like you said, that’s forbidden for Blackguards. I…”
“For full Blackguards, not for scrubs,” she said quietly. “Not until you take the vows.”
No woman would ever take Kip to her bed willingly. Not for himself. He’d have to get a room slave to do it, or a prostitute. He was fat, a bastard, stupid, ugly, awkward, Tyrean, mixed-breed. He didn’t know how to talk to girls like other boys did. This was his only chance. Teia wasn’t exactly volunteering, but she didn’t seem disgusted by him either. Andross Guile was right.
He could always free her later. Or if they both became Blackguards, they would take the vows, and it would end there.
Kip would get something for himself for once. He’d earned it. All those hours studying, memorizing decks and strategies when he could have been studying drafting instead. He’d known that he shouldn’t use the black deck trick saving Teia. He should have held on to that to save himself. He was risking his own future for her. She owed him. Without Kip, she’d belong to Andross Guile. He’d saved her from that spider. What was so wrong with wanting a little gratitude in return?
Gratitude, huh? Is that what you’ve been fantasizing about, Kip?
Teia set her bag down. Her voice was distant, empty. “Do you want me to wash up first? Or I could bring up hot water and we could wash together. Or… I’m sorry, Kip. I mean, my lord. I’ve never done this before. I don’t—I didn’t expect my mistress to sell me. She seemed very set—I—I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”
And he had fantasized about Teia. And felt awful afterward.
Kip scrubbed his towel over his face. She was a slave. He hadn’t enslaved her; it was just how things were. All this wasn’t his idea, and he had to pay penalties for how things were, too. He hadn’t chosen to be a bastard, but he had to live with that, didn’t he? He took his lumps, it was only fair that he get some of the rewards. He deserved this. Besides, just because it was a duty didn’t mean it had to be unpleasant. Kip would be good to her. He would care about her. He would be better to her than any slave girl could hope a man would be.
Teia swallowed. “I’m a virgin, but the room slaves talked about their work—a lot.” She blushed. “I think I know what to do.” She swallowed again.
And really, what could she hope for that was better if he freed her? Did peasants have things so much better than slaves?
Temptation is a slow and subtle serpent.
I am the turtle-bear. I’m fat and ungainly and ridiculous, but at least I can be honest with myself. I want to take her because I’m terrified I’ll never get the chance to bed anyone ever again. And I’ll be nice to her because I don’t want to feel guilty afterward. It’s all lies.
Of course I want to sleep with you, Master. Of course you were good to me. Of course it’s better than a girl could have ever asked for. Of course you are kind and generous and wonderful.
If you’re not free to say no, your yes is meaningless.
“Have I displeased you?” Teia asked.
She wouldn’t be so attuned to my every mood and whim if I weren’t her master, would she?
She swallowed. “We don’t need to wash up first. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry. I’m all thumbs at this. I should shut up and—” She crossed her arms and grabbed the hem of her shirt.
Kip grabbed her arm before she could strip, stopping her. He ignored the bewildered look on her face, went to his desk, and grabbed the papers. He handed them to her, avoided her eyes.
“You’re free. I won’t be able to get it registered until the first transfer clears the embassy—I tried, but as far as I’m concerned, you don’t belong to me.” That sounded bad, for some reason. Kip rubbed his face with the towel. “No one had slaves where I grew up, so I don’t know how people usually do this, but… I don’t want to know how it works. The idea of compelling you to… to do the things that awful old man suggested… I hate myself enough already.”
“You haven’t been sleeping, have you?” Teia asked.
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“So you haven’t.”
Kip looked away. “I have… bad dreams.” Bad dreams. That was putting it mildly. “Whether I sleep or not, I’m more tired in the morning.”
“Go to bed, Kip. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
“I’m serious, Teia.”
“Me, too. To bed,” she said firmly.
“I thought I was the master around here,” Kip said. He regretted saying it immediately, but she laughed and swatted his butt. She’d laughed a little too hard, though, obviously at least as relieved as he was.
He went to bed and, miracle of miracles, slept.
In the morning, Kip felt ridiculously well. For ten seconds. He caught himself humming.
Then he thought about the dagger.
He sponged himself clean, put on fresh clothes, and then poked his head out of his door quickly. No spies, at least none that he noticed.
He used the stairs to go down to his old barracks level. He still didn’t have a plan, but he knew he couldn’t leave a priceless relic in some random chest forever. He slipped into the barracks and walked quickly down the rows.
The bed under which he’d hidden the dagger had been claimed. The chest was moved to the foot of the bed, like all the other occupied beds. Kip’s throat clamped shut.
He threw the chest open. A change of clothes, an extra blanket, a few coins. No dagger. Oh hell. Oh hell no. Dear Orholam no.
“What are you doing in my stuff?” a voice said from the latrine doorway. It was a new boy, someone Kip had never seen before. Pimply, scrawny, birthmark on his neck.
“I had some things in this chest,” Kip said. “Where are they? What have you done with them?”
“What are you talking about? There was just the standard blanket when I got the chest. Are you stealing from me?”
“Oh shut up,” Kip said.
“You’re Breaker, aren’t you?” the boy asked.
Great. Kip didn’t say anything. He left.
He went downstairs and got in a student line. He was here during lectures, so the line was empty. The secretary obviously knew Kip was skipping lectures, too. He took his time coming over.
Kip bit his tongue.
“Are you lost, young man?” the secretary asked him. The man was holding a steaming cup of kopi.
“No, but something of mine is. Do you have an area where you keep lost items?”
“Indeed,” the man said. “What have you lost?”
