The Dark Light of Day
Page 30
“Abby.” Jake reached out to grab my hand, but stopped himself. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans instead. “I want you to stay here. I meant it when I told her that.”
“Why? You don’t even know me.”
“You need a place to stay, and I have one. Problem solved as far as I’m concerned.”
“What do you…want from me?” I braced myself for some sort of perverted answer that would make me reach for my knife again.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He reached out and gently pulled my hood off my face, letting my hair fall around my shoulders.
My red face in full view.
“I don’t know anymore. It’s just that one minute I’m prepared to go to prison, and the next, I’m here in your apartment with you telling me I can stay with you.” I just shook my head. “It’s a little overwhelming.”
“Prison?” Jake asked. “I thought they wanted to take you to foster care?”
“And I told you I wasn’t going to go, no matter what.”
Jake looked at me with an understanding I’d never seen in anyone before.
“You sure you want me to stay?” I asked. “Knowing that I’m the type of person who was about to hurt someone else just to save herself?”
Jake took a deep breath. “Now more than ever.” He smiled. “And I just…” He hesitated. “I like the way you make the silence bearable.”
I knew instantly what he was talking about. I felt the same way.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll stay. But I’m going to sleep on the couch. I can’t let you give up your room for me.”
“No, you’re sleeping in my room.” He pointed to the door off the kitchen. He leaned in toward me, and my heart sped up. I braced myself for his touch. Instead, he leaned past me and flipped the switch behind my head, turning on the lamp next to the couch. “I’m sleeping there.”
“You can’t sleep on the couch while I take your bed. It’s not fair.” And it wasn’t. He was already doing too much for a girl he didn’t know.
“The couch pulls out, Abby, and it’s actually where I spend most nights anyway. I’ll be gone on a few trips over the next few months, so you’ll have the place to yourself for some of the time. Might as well get used to it being your room, anyway. Besides, I’m not giving you a choice in the matter.”
“What about rent?” I asked, “I can pay you—not much, but something, as soon as I can find a job.
“Rent is payable in ass and grass only, baby,” Jake answered. His eyes shone as he looked me up and down, biting his bottom lip between his teeth.
My mind told me to run, but my body wouldn’t budge.
After what seemed like forever, he laughed. “I’m fucking with you, Bee. The look on your face is fucking priceless, though.”
Was I so far gone that I didn’t know a joke when I heard one? I really needed to get out more. Or maybe not. “Come on. Let’s go get your shit off the driveway, and we can do details later.” Jake walked past me and through the front door.
I stood in the middle of the living room, too embarrassed to move. Jake had been teasing me, and I was just a huge moron who just kept embarrassing herself over and over again. It made me question even more why he’d take me in. For the first time in a long time a bit of something I was unfamiliar with crept up inside me.
If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought it was hope.
I wanted this arrangement to work out. I really did. What I didn’t want was to start acknowledging the very small voice in the back of my mind telling me that I wanted to get to know Jake better. I didn’t think it could possibly be worth the risk. I already knew I would have to work extra hard constructing my barriers around him.
What would I do if, for some reason, living there ended up not working out?
Well, I told myself. There’s always prison.
CHAPTER NINE
WE DIDN’T GET BACK ON JAKE’S BIKE. Instead, he drove us back to Nan’s in an old orange pickup truck. It took just under an hour to sort through and load up everything in the yard. That’s how little I had.
Jake and I worked in the comfortable silence I was starting to get used to when he was around. I didn’t even ask him where he expected to take everything. I wouldn’t have been surprised if we’d pulled up to a dumpster to unload.
Jake surprised me once we were back at the shop, by unloading my things into a white shed behind the mechanic bays. When we’d finished, he locked the shed and handed me a key. “All yours,” he said. I shaded my eyes with my hands from the brutal sun overhead.
“Why? You don’t even know me.”
“You need a place to stay, and I have one. Problem solved as far as I’m concerned.”
“What do you…want from me?” I braced myself for some sort of perverted answer that would make me reach for my knife again.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He reached out and gently pulled my hood off my face, letting my hair fall around my shoulders.
My red face in full view.
“I don’t know anymore. It’s just that one minute I’m prepared to go to prison, and the next, I’m here in your apartment with you telling me I can stay with you.” I just shook my head. “It’s a little overwhelming.”
“Prison?” Jake asked. “I thought they wanted to take you to foster care?”
“And I told you I wasn’t going to go, no matter what.”
Jake looked at me with an understanding I’d never seen in anyone before.
“You sure you want me to stay?” I asked. “Knowing that I’m the type of person who was about to hurt someone else just to save herself?”
Jake took a deep breath. “Now more than ever.” He smiled. “And I just…” He hesitated. “I like the way you make the silence bearable.”
I knew instantly what he was talking about. I felt the same way.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll stay. But I’m going to sleep on the couch. I can’t let you give up your room for me.”
“No, you’re sleeping in my room.” He pointed to the door off the kitchen. He leaned in toward me, and my heart sped up. I braced myself for his touch. Instead, he leaned past me and flipped the switch behind my head, turning on the lamp next to the couch. “I’m sleeping there.”
“You can’t sleep on the couch while I take your bed. It’s not fair.” And it wasn’t. He was already doing too much for a girl he didn’t know.
“The couch pulls out, Abby, and it’s actually where I spend most nights anyway. I’ll be gone on a few trips over the next few months, so you’ll have the place to yourself for some of the time. Might as well get used to it being your room, anyway. Besides, I’m not giving you a choice in the matter.”
“What about rent?” I asked, “I can pay you—not much, but something, as soon as I can find a job.
“Rent is payable in ass and grass only, baby,” Jake answered. His eyes shone as he looked me up and down, biting his bottom lip between his teeth.
My mind told me to run, but my body wouldn’t budge.
After what seemed like forever, he laughed. “I’m fucking with you, Bee. The look on your face is fucking priceless, though.”
Was I so far gone that I didn’t know a joke when I heard one? I really needed to get out more. Or maybe not. “Come on. Let’s go get your shit off the driveway, and we can do details later.” Jake walked past me and through the front door.
I stood in the middle of the living room, too embarrassed to move. Jake had been teasing me, and I was just a huge moron who just kept embarrassing herself over and over again. It made me question even more why he’d take me in. For the first time in a long time a bit of something I was unfamiliar with crept up inside me.
If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought it was hope.
I wanted this arrangement to work out. I really did. What I didn’t want was to start acknowledging the very small voice in the back of my mind telling me that I wanted to get to know Jake better. I didn’t think it could possibly be worth the risk. I already knew I would have to work extra hard constructing my barriers around him.
What would I do if, for some reason, living there ended up not working out?
Well, I told myself. There’s always prison.
CHAPTER NINE
WE DIDN’T GET BACK ON JAKE’S BIKE. Instead, he drove us back to Nan’s in an old orange pickup truck. It took just under an hour to sort through and load up everything in the yard. That’s how little I had.
Jake and I worked in the comfortable silence I was starting to get used to when he was around. I didn’t even ask him where he expected to take everything. I wouldn’t have been surprised if we’d pulled up to a dumpster to unload.
Jake surprised me once we were back at the shop, by unloading my things into a white shed behind the mechanic bays. When we’d finished, he locked the shed and handed me a key. “All yours,” he said. I shaded my eyes with my hands from the brutal sun overhead.
