The Darkest Minds
Page 121
“He needs antiseptic,” Chubs said, “bandages, something—”
“If you two come with me,” Olivia replied, “I’ll walk you to the supply room. No one will be out to bother us.”
“I’m not going to leave him,” I said, still crouched beside Liam on my knees.
“It’s all right.” I barely felt Chubs’s hand on my shoulder as he brushed by.
The screen door creaked open and shut behind us; I waited until I heard the shuffling footsteps of the other kid follow them out before I looked back down at Liam’s face. I moved my fingers, feather-light across his face, as gently as I could. When I came to his nose, he let out a sharp hiss, but he didn’t try to twist away until I brushed his swollen split lip.
I don’t know if I had ever cried as much as I had in the past month. I had never been like the other girls in my cabin at Thurmond, who cried every night, and then again every morning when they realized their nightmare had been real. I wasn’t even a crier as a kid. But there was no way to hold them back now.
“Do I…look as pretty as I feel?” His words were slurred. I tried to get him to open his mouth, to make sure all of his teeth were still there, but his jaw was too tender for me to touch it. I leaned forward to press my lips against where my hands had been.
“Don’t,” he said, one eye just barely cracked open. “Not unless you mean it.”
“You shouldn’t have gone after him.”
“Had to,” he managed to mumble out.
“I’ll kill him,” I said, anger flaring up inside of me. “I’ll kill him.”
Liam started to chuckle again. “Ah…there she is. There’s Ruby.”
“I’ll get you out of here,” I promised. “You and Chubs. I’ll talk to Clancy, I’ll—”
“No,” he said. “Stop—it’ll make things worse.”
“How could things possibly get any worse?” I asked. “I messed everything up for you. I ruined everything.”
“God.” He shook his head, mouth twisting into a shadow of a smile. “Did you know…you make me so happy that sometimes I actually forget to breathe? I’ll be looking at you, and my chest will get so tight…and it’s like, the only thought in my head is how much I want to reach over and kiss you.” He blew out a shaky breath. “So don’t talk about getting me out of here, because I’m not leaving, not unless you’re part of the package, too.”
“I can’t go with you,” I said. “I won’t put you in that kind of danger.”
“Bull,” he said. “Nothing’s going to be worse than being apart.”
“You don’t understand—”
“Then make me,” Liam said. “Ruby, give me one reason why we can’t be together, and I’ll give you a hundred why we can. We can go anywhere you want. I’m not your parents. I’m not going to abandon you or send you away, not ever.”
“They didn’t abandon me. What happened to them was my fault.” The secret had slipped out of me like a long exhale, and I’m not sure which of us was more surprised by the admission.
Liam settled into silence, waiting for me to continue. It occurred to me then that this was it. This was really the moment I was going to lose him. And all I could think about was how much I wished I had kissed him one last time before he started fearing me for what I was.
I leaned my head down on the cushion beside his. In a whisper, because I wasn’t brave enough to say it any louder, I told him about going to bed the night before my tenth birthday, about how I woke up expecting my usual birthday pancakes. About the way they locked me in the garage like some wild animal. And when that story was over, I told him about Sam. How I had been her Chubs until I wasn’t, until I was nothing at all.
My throat burned when I was finished. Liam turned his face toward mine. We weren’t even a breath apart.
“Never,” he said after awhile. “Never, never, never. I am never going to forget you.”
“You won’t have a choice,” I said. “Clancy said I won’t ever be able to control it.”
“Well I think he’s full of it,” Liam said. “Listen, what I saw in the woods, when you…”
“When I kissed you.”
“Right. That…that really happened, didn’t it? What he—what that ass**le—did. That happened to you. He kept you there, frozen, like he did to me.”
Yes, but also no. Because a small part of me had wanted Clancy to do it. Or had he only made me want him, played my emotions with a single touch? I nodded, finally, my insides still squirming with revulsion at the memory of his skin against mine.
“Come here,” said Liam softly. I felt his fingers’ light touch run along the crown of my head, feather-soft as they came down to cup my cheek. When I lifted my face, he met me halfway and kissed me. I was careful not to touch his face, only his shoulder and arm. When he pulled back, I seemed to follow, my lips searching for his.
“You want to be with me, right?” he whispered. “Then be with me. We’ll figure it out. If nothing else, I trust you. You can look inside my head and that’s all you’ll see.”
His warm breath spread over my cheek like another kiss. “Mike worked it out. He’s going to try and find a way to sneak us out, and then you, me, and Chubs? We’re gonna hit the road. We’re going to find Jack’s father, we’re going to find a way for Chubs to reach his parents, and then we’re going to talk about what we want to do.”
“If you two come with me,” Olivia replied, “I’ll walk you to the supply room. No one will be out to bother us.”
“I’m not going to leave him,” I said, still crouched beside Liam on my knees.
“It’s all right.” I barely felt Chubs’s hand on my shoulder as he brushed by.
The screen door creaked open and shut behind us; I waited until I heard the shuffling footsteps of the other kid follow them out before I looked back down at Liam’s face. I moved my fingers, feather-light across his face, as gently as I could. When I came to his nose, he let out a sharp hiss, but he didn’t try to twist away until I brushed his swollen split lip.
I don’t know if I had ever cried as much as I had in the past month. I had never been like the other girls in my cabin at Thurmond, who cried every night, and then again every morning when they realized their nightmare had been real. I wasn’t even a crier as a kid. But there was no way to hold them back now.
“Do I…look as pretty as I feel?” His words were slurred. I tried to get him to open his mouth, to make sure all of his teeth were still there, but his jaw was too tender for me to touch it. I leaned forward to press my lips against where my hands had been.
“Don’t,” he said, one eye just barely cracked open. “Not unless you mean it.”
“You shouldn’t have gone after him.”
“Had to,” he managed to mumble out.
“I’ll kill him,” I said, anger flaring up inside of me. “I’ll kill him.”
Liam started to chuckle again. “Ah…there she is. There’s Ruby.”
“I’ll get you out of here,” I promised. “You and Chubs. I’ll talk to Clancy, I’ll—”
“No,” he said. “Stop—it’ll make things worse.”
“How could things possibly get any worse?” I asked. “I messed everything up for you. I ruined everything.”
“God.” He shook his head, mouth twisting into a shadow of a smile. “Did you know…you make me so happy that sometimes I actually forget to breathe? I’ll be looking at you, and my chest will get so tight…and it’s like, the only thought in my head is how much I want to reach over and kiss you.” He blew out a shaky breath. “So don’t talk about getting me out of here, because I’m not leaving, not unless you’re part of the package, too.”
“I can’t go with you,” I said. “I won’t put you in that kind of danger.”
“Bull,” he said. “Nothing’s going to be worse than being apart.”
“You don’t understand—”
“Then make me,” Liam said. “Ruby, give me one reason why we can’t be together, and I’ll give you a hundred why we can. We can go anywhere you want. I’m not your parents. I’m not going to abandon you or send you away, not ever.”
“They didn’t abandon me. What happened to them was my fault.” The secret had slipped out of me like a long exhale, and I’m not sure which of us was more surprised by the admission.
Liam settled into silence, waiting for me to continue. It occurred to me then that this was it. This was really the moment I was going to lose him. And all I could think about was how much I wished I had kissed him one last time before he started fearing me for what I was.
I leaned my head down on the cushion beside his. In a whisper, because I wasn’t brave enough to say it any louder, I told him about going to bed the night before my tenth birthday, about how I woke up expecting my usual birthday pancakes. About the way they locked me in the garage like some wild animal. And when that story was over, I told him about Sam. How I had been her Chubs until I wasn’t, until I was nothing at all.
My throat burned when I was finished. Liam turned his face toward mine. We weren’t even a breath apart.
“Never,” he said after awhile. “Never, never, never. I am never going to forget you.”
“You won’t have a choice,” I said. “Clancy said I won’t ever be able to control it.”
“Well I think he’s full of it,” Liam said. “Listen, what I saw in the woods, when you…”
“When I kissed you.”
“Right. That…that really happened, didn’t it? What he—what that ass**le—did. That happened to you. He kept you there, frozen, like he did to me.”
Yes, but also no. Because a small part of me had wanted Clancy to do it. Or had he only made me want him, played my emotions with a single touch? I nodded, finally, my insides still squirming with revulsion at the memory of his skin against mine.
“Come here,” said Liam softly. I felt his fingers’ light touch run along the crown of my head, feather-soft as they came down to cup my cheek. When I lifted my face, he met me halfway and kissed me. I was careful not to touch his face, only his shoulder and arm. When he pulled back, I seemed to follow, my lips searching for his.
“You want to be with me, right?” he whispered. “Then be with me. We’ll figure it out. If nothing else, I trust you. You can look inside my head and that’s all you’ll see.”
His warm breath spread over my cheek like another kiss. “Mike worked it out. He’s going to try and find a way to sneak us out, and then you, me, and Chubs? We’re gonna hit the road. We’re going to find Jack’s father, we’re going to find a way for Chubs to reach his parents, and then we’re going to talk about what we want to do.”
