The Ending I Want
Page 66
“I’ve had all the rest I need. I’ve slept for almost half a day. I want to go out and do something.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?” I frown.
“Because I don’t want what happened last night to happen again today.”
“Hunter”—I touch my fingertips to his face, tracing them up over his cheekbone and around the line of his brow—“I’m fine.”
He’s staring at me, and I can see from the look in his eyes that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m fine,” I reiterate, pressing the words home. “You know I get headaches from time to time.”
“That wasn’t your run-of-the-mill headache, Taylor. That was a full-fledged fucking migraine that made you puke your guts up. Does your doctor know that you still have headaches and that they affect you in this way?”
No.
“Yes.” I swallow past the lie. “Where do you think the headache pills come from? She prescribes them.”
A lie.
Well, sort of.
The pills are what were leftover from an old prescription I had when I had the first tumor. I just hope Liam doesn’t check the date on the pill bottle because it dates back years.
The pills were in the cabinet in the bathroom on the upper floor of my home where my bedroom was. I found them when I was let in the house after the fire department had deemed it safe to go inside.
The pills managed to survive the fire. My family didn’t, but a bottle of fucking pills and a bunch of other pointless things did.
Except for the picture of my family that used to sit on the nightstand in my bedroom. That survived, and that wasn’t pointless. It’s all I’ve had of them for the last four years.
But going in my home, seeing it covered in black and soot and knowing they’d died in there…it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.
Except for burying them. That was horrific, watching their caskets being lowered into the ground…and Tess’s was so small. Knowing they were all in there because of me…it was an unimaginable kind of pain.
All I wanted to do was climb in with them and have dirt thrown on top of me.
And, very soon, that wish will come true.
But not today.
Because, today, I’m spending with Liam.
“Tell me about it,” Liam says softly.
I turn my eyes to him. “Tell you about what?”
“Being sick…the tumor.”
I don’t want to tell him too many details because I don’t want to tip him off that I’m back in the same position now. Liam’s smart. One wrong word from me, and he’ll figure out what caused last night’s headache.
I exhale a breath, lifting my shoulder in a half-shrug. “I got sick. My mom took me to the doctor. The doctor knew something wasn’t right, so a scan was done on my brain. There was a shadow, which turned out to be a tumor. It was malignant. The tumor was operated on, but it couldn’t all be removed with surgery. So, I had to have radiation therapy to get rid of what was left.”
“And that worked?”
“Yes. I got the all-clear six months later.”
“Do you still have regular checkups to make sure everything is okay?”
“Yes. They were every month at first. But, now, they’re every six months.” And I missed the last appointment I was supposed to attend because I know it’s back.
“When was the last appointment?”
He’s starting to piece things together. I need to get his mind off this train of thought. I need to lie as much as necessary, so he doesn’t discover the truth.
“Two weeks before I got on the plane to come here.” Lie.
“And the results were fine?”
“All clear.” I smile. It hurts like a bitch, smiling through that lie.
But he’s still staring at me, like he’s not sure.
I need to make him sure.
So, I put a wall around that pain I feel from lying to him, and I tell him what he needs to hear to stop him from figuring out the truth.
“Hunter…are you worried that the tumor is back?”
Being so close to the truth like this…I feel like I’m treading land mines. But it’s the only way to halt this line of questioning. Tackle it head-on, and then lie my way back out.
He lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “It’s just…that headache last night…it wasn’t right, Boston. It’s not normal to suffer that much pain.”
“Maybe not to you. But it is to me. I had a brain tumor, Hunter. A cancerous growth on my brain. I managed to survive it. I’m lucky to be alive. The occasional headache is a small price to pay when it could have been so much worse.”
I could have died. I should have died back then. If I had, my family would still be alive right now.
I stare into Liam’s eyes, willing him to believe my lies.
He blows out a breath. “I guess when you put it like that…you’re right. It’s a small price to pay. But I still don’t like seeing you in pain, babe.”
He presses his fingertips to my lips. The tenderness of his touch and the care in his eyes…it takes everything in me not to cry.
I’m sorry, Hunter. I’m so very sorry.
“Going forward, just let me know when a headache is coming on, so I can help you.”
“I will,” I say through the thickness in my throat. Then, I force the best smile I can manage.
Liam replaces his fingers with his lips, softly brushing them over mine. He slides his fingers up into my hair as his tongue touches mine. As he runs his fingers over my scalp, I get the impression that he’s feeling for my scar.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?” I frown.
“Because I don’t want what happened last night to happen again today.”
“Hunter”—I touch my fingertips to his face, tracing them up over his cheekbone and around the line of his brow—“I’m fine.”
He’s staring at me, and I can see from the look in his eyes that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m fine,” I reiterate, pressing the words home. “You know I get headaches from time to time.”
“That wasn’t your run-of-the-mill headache, Taylor. That was a full-fledged fucking migraine that made you puke your guts up. Does your doctor know that you still have headaches and that they affect you in this way?”
No.
“Yes.” I swallow past the lie. “Where do you think the headache pills come from? She prescribes them.”
A lie.
Well, sort of.
The pills are what were leftover from an old prescription I had when I had the first tumor. I just hope Liam doesn’t check the date on the pill bottle because it dates back years.
The pills were in the cabinet in the bathroom on the upper floor of my home where my bedroom was. I found them when I was let in the house after the fire department had deemed it safe to go inside.
The pills managed to survive the fire. My family didn’t, but a bottle of fucking pills and a bunch of other pointless things did.
Except for the picture of my family that used to sit on the nightstand in my bedroom. That survived, and that wasn’t pointless. It’s all I’ve had of them for the last four years.
But going in my home, seeing it covered in black and soot and knowing they’d died in there…it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.
Except for burying them. That was horrific, watching their caskets being lowered into the ground…and Tess’s was so small. Knowing they were all in there because of me…it was an unimaginable kind of pain.
All I wanted to do was climb in with them and have dirt thrown on top of me.
And, very soon, that wish will come true.
But not today.
Because, today, I’m spending with Liam.
“Tell me about it,” Liam says softly.
I turn my eyes to him. “Tell you about what?”
“Being sick…the tumor.”
I don’t want to tell him too many details because I don’t want to tip him off that I’m back in the same position now. Liam’s smart. One wrong word from me, and he’ll figure out what caused last night’s headache.
I exhale a breath, lifting my shoulder in a half-shrug. “I got sick. My mom took me to the doctor. The doctor knew something wasn’t right, so a scan was done on my brain. There was a shadow, which turned out to be a tumor. It was malignant. The tumor was operated on, but it couldn’t all be removed with surgery. So, I had to have radiation therapy to get rid of what was left.”
“And that worked?”
“Yes. I got the all-clear six months later.”
“Do you still have regular checkups to make sure everything is okay?”
“Yes. They were every month at first. But, now, they’re every six months.” And I missed the last appointment I was supposed to attend because I know it’s back.
“When was the last appointment?”
He’s starting to piece things together. I need to get his mind off this train of thought. I need to lie as much as necessary, so he doesn’t discover the truth.
“Two weeks before I got on the plane to come here.” Lie.
“And the results were fine?”
“All clear.” I smile. It hurts like a bitch, smiling through that lie.
But he’s still staring at me, like he’s not sure.
I need to make him sure.
So, I put a wall around that pain I feel from lying to him, and I tell him what he needs to hear to stop him from figuring out the truth.
“Hunter…are you worried that the tumor is back?”
Being so close to the truth like this…I feel like I’m treading land mines. But it’s the only way to halt this line of questioning. Tackle it head-on, and then lie my way back out.
He lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “It’s just…that headache last night…it wasn’t right, Boston. It’s not normal to suffer that much pain.”
“Maybe not to you. But it is to me. I had a brain tumor, Hunter. A cancerous growth on my brain. I managed to survive it. I’m lucky to be alive. The occasional headache is a small price to pay when it could have been so much worse.”
I could have died. I should have died back then. If I had, my family would still be alive right now.
I stare into Liam’s eyes, willing him to believe my lies.
He blows out a breath. “I guess when you put it like that…you’re right. It’s a small price to pay. But I still don’t like seeing you in pain, babe.”
He presses his fingertips to my lips. The tenderness of his touch and the care in his eyes…it takes everything in me not to cry.
I’m sorry, Hunter. I’m so very sorry.
“Going forward, just let me know when a headache is coming on, so I can help you.”
“I will,” I say through the thickness in my throat. Then, I force the best smile I can manage.
Liam replaces his fingers with his lips, softly brushing them over mine. He slides his fingers up into my hair as his tongue touches mine. As he runs his fingers over my scalp, I get the impression that he’s feeling for my scar.
