The Ending I Want
Page 68
“Quite a few can. I can quote statistics, if you’d like?”
It’s his turn to frown. “I don’t care about other people. I care about you.”
He cares about me?
His hands leave mine, and he cups my face with them. “I thought I knew the meaning of the word bravery—until I met you. You’d stared death in the face, and you won. Nothing is more terrifying than that.”
If only you knew.
Facing death is terrifying when you don’t want to die. But when you do want to die…staring it in the face is freeing.
I’m staring at it right now.
Some see death as the Devil trying to take them.
I see death like an angel. Offering me the peace that nothing on earth would ever be able to give me.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.
I know I’m being stupid, not wanting to get on this plane. But that’s always been my problem—letting my fears get the better of me.
Knowing death is coming for me is liberating, and I should use that liberation to take risks.
I want to live before I die.
I think of the story that Liam told me on the roller coaster. What his grandpa had said to him…
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. Everyone feels fear. But the day you let your fear control you is the day you stop living.”
Very soon, my lungs won’t breathe anymore. My heart won’t beat. My mind will stop thinking. I’ll be no more. Just a memory that will eventually blur and fade in the mind of the one person who I do want to remember me as his life moves on.
Doing things you’re afraid of makes your breaths come faster. Your heart beats so hard that it feels like it’s bursting out of your chest. Your mind races so fast that it’s hard to keep up with the thoughts.
And I’m not just a memory to Liam yet. I’m here and real and solid and in his arms.
I feel his breath against my mouth before his lips touch mine.
“You’re brave and strong. You can do this, Boston.”
I blink open my eyes and stare into his. “You’re right. Let’s do this.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Let’s fly the fuck out of this plane.”
Liam smile is so bright that it blinds me, coating me like the warmth of the sun.
Taking me by the hand, he leads me to his plane, walking over the tarmac.
A guy climbs out of the plane as we approach. He is short, looks to be about fortyish, and has light-brown hair.
“Liam,” he greets him by shaking his hand. “She’s all ready for you.”
“Thanks, Henry. Henry, this is my friend Taylor.”
Henry smiles at me. “Nice to meet you.”
“Taylor’s going to be my copilot today.”
My eyes shoot to Liam as a gasp of shock leaves my mouth. “What?” I squeak.
“I’m kidding.” Liam slides me a look and laughs. “Taylor’s not so keen on flying,” he tells Henry.
“Well, you’re in safe hands with Liam. He’s an excellent pilot.”
I know it’s silly because it makes sense that Liam has his pilot’s license—considering what his company is—and he told me his grandpa used to take him out flying, but he’s never actually told me that he has his pilot’s license.
“Have a good flight,” Henry says to us before making his exit.
Liam walks over to the plane, and I follow.
“So, she’s yours then.”
“Yeah, I bought her new last year. I have a couple of other planes. Older ones.”
I wonder if he still has the plane in the photo with Kate. But I’m not going to ask. I don’t want Moody Liam to return.
“What do you think?” he asks, stopping by the plane.
“As planes go…it’s nice, I guess.”
His eyes narrow, a touch of humor in them. “As far as compliments go, I’ll take that as a big one from you.”
Liam gestures to the door of the cockpit that Henry left open for us. “Ladies first.”
I stand and stare at it, seeing the inside of the airplane.
It’s high up to get in. That’s not what’s stalling me. There’s a little metal fold-down ladder to aid me in. I’m stalling because my heart is beating faster from just looking at the cockpit. It looks small.
I can do this.
“Okay, babe?” Liam’s hand touches me on the shoulder.
I blow out a breath and glance back at him. “Yeah.”
I climb up the little stepladder and into the plane, shifting over to sit in the second seat, the one on the left, leaving the seat on the right to Liam.
Liam climbs in behind me. He pulls the stepladder in and folds it away. Then, he reaches out, and he pulls the door shut and locks it.
I glance over my shoulder.
It’s really nice inside.
There are four seats behind me, cream leather, as are the ones we’re sitting on. The four seats face each other, and there is a well-fitted table in the middle.
In front of me are screens and buttons, and on each side is a steering wheel–looking thing. I don’t know the fancy term for them. I just hope Liam isn’t expecting me to control one of them.
“Um…so, you were joking out there, right? I don’t have to control one of those things.” I gesture at the steering wheel thingy.
“The yoke.” Liam laughs. “And, no, babe. But you can, if you want, once we’re up in the air.”
“No. I’m good, thanks,” I cut that down quick, flashing a smile at him, making him chuckle.
Liam puts his seat belt on, so I put mine on.
It’s his turn to frown. “I don’t care about other people. I care about you.”
He cares about me?
His hands leave mine, and he cups my face with them. “I thought I knew the meaning of the word bravery—until I met you. You’d stared death in the face, and you won. Nothing is more terrifying than that.”
If only you knew.
Facing death is terrifying when you don’t want to die. But when you do want to die…staring it in the face is freeing.
I’m staring at it right now.
Some see death as the Devil trying to take them.
I see death like an angel. Offering me the peace that nothing on earth would ever be able to give me.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.
I know I’m being stupid, not wanting to get on this plane. But that’s always been my problem—letting my fears get the better of me.
Knowing death is coming for me is liberating, and I should use that liberation to take risks.
I want to live before I die.
I think of the story that Liam told me on the roller coaster. What his grandpa had said to him…
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. Everyone feels fear. But the day you let your fear control you is the day you stop living.”
Very soon, my lungs won’t breathe anymore. My heart won’t beat. My mind will stop thinking. I’ll be no more. Just a memory that will eventually blur and fade in the mind of the one person who I do want to remember me as his life moves on.
Doing things you’re afraid of makes your breaths come faster. Your heart beats so hard that it feels like it’s bursting out of your chest. Your mind races so fast that it’s hard to keep up with the thoughts.
And I’m not just a memory to Liam yet. I’m here and real and solid and in his arms.
I feel his breath against my mouth before his lips touch mine.
“You’re brave and strong. You can do this, Boston.”
I blink open my eyes and stare into his. “You’re right. Let’s do this.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Let’s fly the fuck out of this plane.”
Liam smile is so bright that it blinds me, coating me like the warmth of the sun.
Taking me by the hand, he leads me to his plane, walking over the tarmac.
A guy climbs out of the plane as we approach. He is short, looks to be about fortyish, and has light-brown hair.
“Liam,” he greets him by shaking his hand. “She’s all ready for you.”
“Thanks, Henry. Henry, this is my friend Taylor.”
Henry smiles at me. “Nice to meet you.”
“Taylor’s going to be my copilot today.”
My eyes shoot to Liam as a gasp of shock leaves my mouth. “What?” I squeak.
“I’m kidding.” Liam slides me a look and laughs. “Taylor’s not so keen on flying,” he tells Henry.
“Well, you’re in safe hands with Liam. He’s an excellent pilot.”
I know it’s silly because it makes sense that Liam has his pilot’s license—considering what his company is—and he told me his grandpa used to take him out flying, but he’s never actually told me that he has his pilot’s license.
“Have a good flight,” Henry says to us before making his exit.
Liam walks over to the plane, and I follow.
“So, she’s yours then.”
“Yeah, I bought her new last year. I have a couple of other planes. Older ones.”
I wonder if he still has the plane in the photo with Kate. But I’m not going to ask. I don’t want Moody Liam to return.
“What do you think?” he asks, stopping by the plane.
“As planes go…it’s nice, I guess.”
His eyes narrow, a touch of humor in them. “As far as compliments go, I’ll take that as a big one from you.”
Liam gestures to the door of the cockpit that Henry left open for us. “Ladies first.”
I stand and stare at it, seeing the inside of the airplane.
It’s high up to get in. That’s not what’s stalling me. There’s a little metal fold-down ladder to aid me in. I’m stalling because my heart is beating faster from just looking at the cockpit. It looks small.
I can do this.
“Okay, babe?” Liam’s hand touches me on the shoulder.
I blow out a breath and glance back at him. “Yeah.”
I climb up the little stepladder and into the plane, shifting over to sit in the second seat, the one on the left, leaving the seat on the right to Liam.
Liam climbs in behind me. He pulls the stepladder in and folds it away. Then, he reaches out, and he pulls the door shut and locks it.
I glance over my shoulder.
It’s really nice inside.
There are four seats behind me, cream leather, as are the ones we’re sitting on. The four seats face each other, and there is a well-fitted table in the middle.
In front of me are screens and buttons, and on each side is a steering wheel–looking thing. I don’t know the fancy term for them. I just hope Liam isn’t expecting me to control one of them.
“Um…so, you were joking out there, right? I don’t have to control one of those things.” I gesture at the steering wheel thingy.
“The yoke.” Liam laughs. “And, no, babe. But you can, if you want, once we’re up in the air.”
“No. I’m good, thanks,” I cut that down quick, flashing a smile at him, making him chuckle.
Liam puts his seat belt on, so I put mine on.
