The Essence
Page 14
I forced a glare for them both, warning them each in turn to behave . . . and knowing that neither would listen unless he chose to. Then I allowed Max to show me to my place at the table.
As I did, I passed Angelina, who looked tired, bruised circles outlining the nearly translucent skin beneath her eyes. Guilt coursed through me.
Guilt and that other thing. That sensation I had yet to identify.
It took a moment for her to meet my gaze fully, for her eyes to stop fluttering nervously away from mine. But when she did, when I had her attention at last, my face fell into a remorseful frown.
I’m sorry, I mouthed. I desperately hoped she understood me.
It took a moment, but the sliver of a smile that dusted her lips made my heart flutter.
Of course she’d understood me. Angelina always understood me.
Xander and Max were already waiting for me in the library after dinner. I’d gone up to Angelina’s bedchamber with my mother to put my little sister to bed, where I’d whispered silent assurances to Angelina that I wouldn’t be waking her again. I couldn’t bear to see the dark smudges of strain on my sister’s face.
But it was more than just that. I needed to get away from Niko Bartolo too, from the strange buzzing I felt whenever I’d looked his way. The strange tingling, just beneath the surface of my skin, whenever my mind wandered to thoughts of touching him.
I was glad he’d be leaving in the morning. Glad I wouldn’t have to see him again until the summit.
Assuming I could convince Max the invitation was a good idea.
“It’s a great opportunity,” Xander said, looking up as Zafir and I entered the room. Then he turned pointedly back to Max, “For her and for Ludania.”
“I disagree,” Max said through gritted teeth. “She’s not ready. She’s only just begun learning what her role entails within the boundaries of Ludania. Sending her to the summit now would be like setting her loose in a den of lions. They’d eat her alive.”
I wandered to the sofa and, instead of sitting down, leaned against the arm. “She is right here,” I reminded them, crossing my arms. “Besides, Xander’s right, this could be the opportunity we need, Max. My chance to appeal to the other queens, to reestablish the trade Sabara had abolished. We could use their assistance. Ludania needs access to new technologies and medicines. We need access to energy sources. Maybe I can reestablish fuel trade, or bargain for electric power. I don’t want to miss this opportunity.”
“You don’t understand, Charlie,” Max said, dropping onto the sofa beside where I was perched. He sighed, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “It’s not just about duty. You’re talking about trying to go toe to toe with women who were born into their positions, bred to wear their crowns. These women were groomed as queens. They live and breathe the rules of decorum. They were raised learning the etiquette and protocols of each and every queendom they might ever come into contact with.”
“I have to agree. You’d have a lot to learn if you were to go,” Xander interjected, with a laugh. “And we all know how much you love your lessons.” He winked at me, and I wondered if Baxter had told him how difficult I’d been that day.
I wondered too what he’d say if I told him it was Sabara’s fault.
Inwardly I sagged, but I couldn’t give up that easily. If what Niko Bartolo had said was true, then Sabara had been turning down invitations from the other queens to attend the summit for more than a century . . . since long before she’d inhabited her last body.
I envisioned Sabara’s reluctance to attend, confused by her reluctance to see her country progress and evolve. That would have meant that she’d have had to evolve too, to acquiesce to the fact that there are better ways than the old ones, I supposed. Something Sabara still refused to do.
I couldn’t let my people be left behind simply because I was afraid to face the challenge ahead. “But they’re still people,” I argued. “Surely they’ll understand our plight. Surely they’ll understand that I can’t know the things that they do, that my situation is . . .” I searched for the right word, but there was only one. “Unique.”
Max reached for me then, no longer caring about convention and rules now that we were alone—just he and Xander and Zafir and I. He pulled me onto his lap and let his lips rest against the top of my head. “Ludania is only just getting to know you, Charlie. Are you sure you should be leaving so soon? After everything you’ve worked so hard on? One class? One language?” His mouth moved down, brushing my cheek now and I no longer cared that every eye must surely be upon us. His lips were soft and enticing and begged for me to pay attention to them. “Do you really want to leave now?”
Zafir, still standing near the door, cleared his throat, reminding me that Max and I weren’t alone. I jerked back, bumping into the sofa arm behind me, and Xander laughed. “You know your duty ends at guarding her, don’t you, Zafir? You act more and more like her father every day.”
“There’s nothing wrong with decorum,” Zafir responded, unruffled by Xander’s ribbing.
I glanced sheepishly at Zafir. He was right, of course, I hadn’t meant to get distracted. There were more important matters than Max’s lips. “Who would rule in my absence?” I asked them, not really sure of the protocol.
Xander answered first. “Someone will have to stay, and since Max knows the realm better than anyone else, he’s the obvious choice. Of course”—his silver eyes flashed, glinting wickedly—“I’m happy to stay in his place. I’ve always wanted to sit on the throne.”
As I did, I passed Angelina, who looked tired, bruised circles outlining the nearly translucent skin beneath her eyes. Guilt coursed through me.
Guilt and that other thing. That sensation I had yet to identify.
It took a moment for her to meet my gaze fully, for her eyes to stop fluttering nervously away from mine. But when she did, when I had her attention at last, my face fell into a remorseful frown.
I’m sorry, I mouthed. I desperately hoped she understood me.
It took a moment, but the sliver of a smile that dusted her lips made my heart flutter.
Of course she’d understood me. Angelina always understood me.
Xander and Max were already waiting for me in the library after dinner. I’d gone up to Angelina’s bedchamber with my mother to put my little sister to bed, where I’d whispered silent assurances to Angelina that I wouldn’t be waking her again. I couldn’t bear to see the dark smudges of strain on my sister’s face.
But it was more than just that. I needed to get away from Niko Bartolo too, from the strange buzzing I felt whenever I’d looked his way. The strange tingling, just beneath the surface of my skin, whenever my mind wandered to thoughts of touching him.
I was glad he’d be leaving in the morning. Glad I wouldn’t have to see him again until the summit.
Assuming I could convince Max the invitation was a good idea.
“It’s a great opportunity,” Xander said, looking up as Zafir and I entered the room. Then he turned pointedly back to Max, “For her and for Ludania.”
“I disagree,” Max said through gritted teeth. “She’s not ready. She’s only just begun learning what her role entails within the boundaries of Ludania. Sending her to the summit now would be like setting her loose in a den of lions. They’d eat her alive.”
I wandered to the sofa and, instead of sitting down, leaned against the arm. “She is right here,” I reminded them, crossing my arms. “Besides, Xander’s right, this could be the opportunity we need, Max. My chance to appeal to the other queens, to reestablish the trade Sabara had abolished. We could use their assistance. Ludania needs access to new technologies and medicines. We need access to energy sources. Maybe I can reestablish fuel trade, or bargain for electric power. I don’t want to miss this opportunity.”
“You don’t understand, Charlie,” Max said, dropping onto the sofa beside where I was perched. He sighed, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “It’s not just about duty. You’re talking about trying to go toe to toe with women who were born into their positions, bred to wear their crowns. These women were groomed as queens. They live and breathe the rules of decorum. They were raised learning the etiquette and protocols of each and every queendom they might ever come into contact with.”
“I have to agree. You’d have a lot to learn if you were to go,” Xander interjected, with a laugh. “And we all know how much you love your lessons.” He winked at me, and I wondered if Baxter had told him how difficult I’d been that day.
I wondered too what he’d say if I told him it was Sabara’s fault.
Inwardly I sagged, but I couldn’t give up that easily. If what Niko Bartolo had said was true, then Sabara had been turning down invitations from the other queens to attend the summit for more than a century . . . since long before she’d inhabited her last body.
I envisioned Sabara’s reluctance to attend, confused by her reluctance to see her country progress and evolve. That would have meant that she’d have had to evolve too, to acquiesce to the fact that there are better ways than the old ones, I supposed. Something Sabara still refused to do.
I couldn’t let my people be left behind simply because I was afraid to face the challenge ahead. “But they’re still people,” I argued. “Surely they’ll understand our plight. Surely they’ll understand that I can’t know the things that they do, that my situation is . . .” I searched for the right word, but there was only one. “Unique.”
Max reached for me then, no longer caring about convention and rules now that we were alone—just he and Xander and Zafir and I. He pulled me onto his lap and let his lips rest against the top of my head. “Ludania is only just getting to know you, Charlie. Are you sure you should be leaving so soon? After everything you’ve worked so hard on? One class? One language?” His mouth moved down, brushing my cheek now and I no longer cared that every eye must surely be upon us. His lips were soft and enticing and begged for me to pay attention to them. “Do you really want to leave now?”
Zafir, still standing near the door, cleared his throat, reminding me that Max and I weren’t alone. I jerked back, bumping into the sofa arm behind me, and Xander laughed. “You know your duty ends at guarding her, don’t you, Zafir? You act more and more like her father every day.”
“There’s nothing wrong with decorum,” Zafir responded, unruffled by Xander’s ribbing.
I glanced sheepishly at Zafir. He was right, of course, I hadn’t meant to get distracted. There were more important matters than Max’s lips. “Who would rule in my absence?” I asked them, not really sure of the protocol.
Xander answered first. “Someone will have to stay, and since Max knows the realm better than anyone else, he’s the obvious choice. Of course”—his silver eyes flashed, glinting wickedly—“I’m happy to stay in his place. I’ve always wanted to sit on the throne.”
