The Exhibitionist
Page 34
“Mind-fuck disguised as humiliation.”
“And you were never going to cane me?” I asked.
“Of course not. If you’d done something horribly insulting or disrespectful, I’d have let Nathaniel deal with it.”
I twisted in Nathaniel’s arms. “It seemed so real at the time.”
“Ah,” Nathaniel said. “Now, there’s where you’re wrong. It didn’t just seem real. It was.”
“Right now I feel like it was a play I wasn’t given the script for.”
“Don’t you see?” Cole asked. “If you knew what was going to happen, that would have been an act.”
“If you want,” Nathaniel said, “I can have you bend back over the chair. The cane’s still around here somewhere.”
“No!” I held up a hand. “That’s okay.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “If you’re certain?”
“Very, Master.”
Cole checked his watch. “I have a call to make. Nathaniel, I’ll call you tomorrow. Abby, thank you. You did really well for someone not experienced with mental play.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
Nathaniel waited until the door closed behind Cole before talking again. “So, tell me, how was doing a mental scene in front of a group compared to a physical one?”
“You mean, did the scene we just did turn me on like the ones we normally do?”
“Yes.”
“Mmm.” I leaned farther into his arms. “I was turned on kneeling and waiting. And then again, just a little, when I was bent over the chair. Even though it was Cole and not you. But during the actual thinking part? No, that didn’t turn me on at all.”
“Interesting. I wondered if it was enough to be in front of the group or if there had to be a physical or sexual component involved.”
His words gave me momentary pause. He’d thought that much and that deep about what I needed and got out of a scene. But as soon as that thought popped into my head, it was replaced with of course he does.
I cleared my throat. “What do you think it means that the mental play in front of others didn’t turn me on like the physical?”
“First of all, I’m not surprised that’s how you feel.”
“You’re not?”
“No, remember the day in Wilmington when I had you be, what were your words, a coffee table?”
I’d been horribly bored, I remembered that. In my mind, I’d sat on the couch for hours balancing two glasses on my legs. Then when Nathaniel mentioned it was time for something else, I’d snorted. He hadn’t been amused.
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day.”
“There was mental play in that scene, too, and you weren’t excited or turned on by it.” He smiled, faintly, but still a smile. “In fact, I believe your exact words were ‘What’s hot about a coffee table?’”
“Nothing,” I answered. “There’s nothing hot about a coffee table. But you didn’t answer the part about what it means.”
He framed my face with his hands, making sure I kept my eyes on his. “It means mental play in front of people doesn’t turn you on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just how you’re wired.”
I stroked his hand, touched by his words, and thankful that it did help me realize there wasn’t anything abnormal about me. “You always know how to make me feel better. Thank you.”
He shifted me so I could snuggle against his chest, and rested his chin on my head. “Every part of you, no matter how small or big or how it’s wired, is what makes you the person you are. And that’s the person I love. I won’t have you thinking negative things about her.”
I lifted my head for a kiss. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
NATHANIEL
Abby didn’t speak much on the drive back to Wilmington. Normally after a scene, she grew tired and would sleep, but apparently that was not the case when the scene was totally mental. It was almost as if I could see her brain working, still trying to process her time with Cole.
We had never done very many mental scenes. I thought to do one with the Partners in Play Dominants because it was different from what was normally demoed and I thought it would appeal to Abby’s intellectual side. And, if I was being honest with myself, I was starting to grow a bit concerned about her seemingly increasing need for public displays. Would it stop, or would it keep escalating? What if one day being with me suddenly wasn’t enough?
And what did it mean that she was turned on when she bent over for Cole? Did she want to be with another Dom?
I couldn’t even think about that. I didn’t know how I would handle it.
“Are you okay?” I asked when I heard her sigh deeply.
“Yes, Master,” she said. “I’m still just thinking.”
“Not tired?”
“No, Master. My mind is going in so many directions it won’t calm down long enough to get tired. It’s different this time from how it is after a physical scene. After being flogged or something, my mind is still in that fuzzy subspace hangover for a while. This mind stuff isn’t the same.”
“Was it something you wouldn’t want to do again or that you might not mind doing again?”
“I wouldn’t say I hated it. It’s just so different.” She laughed. “It’s like my brain’s been flogged.”
“I think that’s a very accurate description.”
She looked out the passenger-side window as we approached our house. Still thinking, it appeared. And while I loved her intellect, I wanted to play with other parts of her tonight.
I pulled into the garage and told her, “Upstairs in the playroom. Naked. I’ll let Apollo out and then I’ll meet you there.”
She looked sharply at me, obviously not expecting another scene. I didn’t have any plans to go crazy tonight, but I needed her. Needed to control her pleasure. Needed her waiting for my commands.
She must have sensed how I felt because even though she pressed her lips together and seemed to want to argue or suggest something else, she nodded. “Yes, Master.”
I took my time letting Apollo out and climbing the stairs, wanting to allow her time to prepare mentally.
She was waiting in the middle of the room for me and I let that sink in. For me. She was waiting for me. No one else. No people to watch. No demos to teach. This was her and me. Dominant and submissive. Coming together because it was what we wanted and what we needed from each other.
“And you were never going to cane me?” I asked.
“Of course not. If you’d done something horribly insulting or disrespectful, I’d have let Nathaniel deal with it.”
I twisted in Nathaniel’s arms. “It seemed so real at the time.”
“Ah,” Nathaniel said. “Now, there’s where you’re wrong. It didn’t just seem real. It was.”
“Right now I feel like it was a play I wasn’t given the script for.”
“Don’t you see?” Cole asked. “If you knew what was going to happen, that would have been an act.”
“If you want,” Nathaniel said, “I can have you bend back over the chair. The cane’s still around here somewhere.”
“No!” I held up a hand. “That’s okay.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “If you’re certain?”
“Very, Master.”
Cole checked his watch. “I have a call to make. Nathaniel, I’ll call you tomorrow. Abby, thank you. You did really well for someone not experienced with mental play.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
Nathaniel waited until the door closed behind Cole before talking again. “So, tell me, how was doing a mental scene in front of a group compared to a physical one?”
“You mean, did the scene we just did turn me on like the ones we normally do?”
“Yes.”
“Mmm.” I leaned farther into his arms. “I was turned on kneeling and waiting. And then again, just a little, when I was bent over the chair. Even though it was Cole and not you. But during the actual thinking part? No, that didn’t turn me on at all.”
“Interesting. I wondered if it was enough to be in front of the group or if there had to be a physical or sexual component involved.”
His words gave me momentary pause. He’d thought that much and that deep about what I needed and got out of a scene. But as soon as that thought popped into my head, it was replaced with of course he does.
I cleared my throat. “What do you think it means that the mental play in front of others didn’t turn me on like the physical?”
“First of all, I’m not surprised that’s how you feel.”
“You’re not?”
“No, remember the day in Wilmington when I had you be, what were your words, a coffee table?”
I’d been horribly bored, I remembered that. In my mind, I’d sat on the couch for hours balancing two glasses on my legs. Then when Nathaniel mentioned it was time for something else, I’d snorted. He hadn’t been amused.
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day.”
“There was mental play in that scene, too, and you weren’t excited or turned on by it.” He smiled, faintly, but still a smile. “In fact, I believe your exact words were ‘What’s hot about a coffee table?’”
“Nothing,” I answered. “There’s nothing hot about a coffee table. But you didn’t answer the part about what it means.”
He framed my face with his hands, making sure I kept my eyes on his. “It means mental play in front of people doesn’t turn you on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just how you’re wired.”
I stroked his hand, touched by his words, and thankful that it did help me realize there wasn’t anything abnormal about me. “You always know how to make me feel better. Thank you.”
He shifted me so I could snuggle against his chest, and rested his chin on my head. “Every part of you, no matter how small or big or how it’s wired, is what makes you the person you are. And that’s the person I love. I won’t have you thinking negative things about her.”
I lifted my head for a kiss. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
NATHANIEL
Abby didn’t speak much on the drive back to Wilmington. Normally after a scene, she grew tired and would sleep, but apparently that was not the case when the scene was totally mental. It was almost as if I could see her brain working, still trying to process her time with Cole.
We had never done very many mental scenes. I thought to do one with the Partners in Play Dominants because it was different from what was normally demoed and I thought it would appeal to Abby’s intellectual side. And, if I was being honest with myself, I was starting to grow a bit concerned about her seemingly increasing need for public displays. Would it stop, or would it keep escalating? What if one day being with me suddenly wasn’t enough?
And what did it mean that she was turned on when she bent over for Cole? Did she want to be with another Dom?
I couldn’t even think about that. I didn’t know how I would handle it.
“Are you okay?” I asked when I heard her sigh deeply.
“Yes, Master,” she said. “I’m still just thinking.”
“Not tired?”
“No, Master. My mind is going in so many directions it won’t calm down long enough to get tired. It’s different this time from how it is after a physical scene. After being flogged or something, my mind is still in that fuzzy subspace hangover for a while. This mind stuff isn’t the same.”
“Was it something you wouldn’t want to do again or that you might not mind doing again?”
“I wouldn’t say I hated it. It’s just so different.” She laughed. “It’s like my brain’s been flogged.”
“I think that’s a very accurate description.”
She looked out the passenger-side window as we approached our house. Still thinking, it appeared. And while I loved her intellect, I wanted to play with other parts of her tonight.
I pulled into the garage and told her, “Upstairs in the playroom. Naked. I’ll let Apollo out and then I’ll meet you there.”
She looked sharply at me, obviously not expecting another scene. I didn’t have any plans to go crazy tonight, but I needed her. Needed to control her pleasure. Needed her waiting for my commands.
She must have sensed how I felt because even though she pressed her lips together and seemed to want to argue or suggest something else, she nodded. “Yes, Master.”
I took my time letting Apollo out and climbing the stairs, wanting to allow her time to prepare mentally.
She was waiting in the middle of the room for me and I let that sink in. For me. She was waiting for me. No one else. No people to watch. No demos to teach. This was her and me. Dominant and submissive. Coming together because it was what we wanted and what we needed from each other.
