The Forever Song
Page 27
“Allison.”
Kanin’s voice echoed somewhere close, soft with relief. A piece of shadow melted off the wall as the Master vampire rose from where he’d been sitting in the far corner. His head nearly brushed the ceiling as he approached and knelt beside me, the dark gaze searching and intense.
I blinked. Up close, his face was lined with worry, his expression grave. That ominous memory stirred again, brushing my consciousness, but it slipped away before I could grasp it.
“Kanin,” I gritted out, my voice strangely hoarse and raspy.
“Where are we? What happened? I—” My chest throbbed, and I winced. Kanin put a hand on my arm.
“Easy. Don’t move around just yet. It will be a couple hours, now that you’re awake, for your body to heal completely after the damage it sustained. Here, this will help. Try to drink it slowly.” He handed me a cracked bowl, filled with something that smelled hot and thick, and the Hunger flared up with a roar. I downed the blood, not knowing where Kanin had gotten it and not caring, and warmth seeped through my veins. The ache eased somewhat, though not completely.
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, shifting against the wall. It sent a tiny jolt through my center, and I clenched my teeth, almost angry at the pain. “Why haven’t I healed yet?”
“Allison.” Kanin turned a dark, agonized gaze on me. “It’s been two days. You went into hibernation for a little while.”
He paused, letting the gravity of that statement sink in before continuing. “I’ve been working to bring you out of it, but until now, I wasn’t certain you would revive. It’s extremely lucky that such a young vampire would wake up at all, after being staked right through the heart.”
“Staked?” Gingerly, I prodded my chest at the point where the ache originated. It was sore, but there was no indication I’d had a long piece of wood shoved through me. “What happened?” I asked again. “I don’t remember… .”
“Jackal’s tower,” Kanin said softly. “We went there to find Sarren.”
Jackal’s tower. Fragments of that night came back to me.
The silent walkways. The journey underwater to reach the building. Fighting raiders and being separated from Jackal and Kanin. The long flight of stairs, leading to the top floor of the tower and…
My hand went to my mouth as the darkest piece of the night emerged from my subconscious, horrific and terrifying.
“Zeke,” I whispered. “He’s…he’s a vampire. Sarren Turned him. And…”
And he tried to kill me. He nearly succeeded, too. God, what happened to him? Why would he turn on us? It was like he was a completely different person.
“I’m sorry, Allison.” Kanin’s voice was grim. “I underestimated Sarren. I didn’t expect him to Turn Ezekiel like that.” He sighed, briefly closing his eyes. “I should have predicted this.”
I was numb with misery, from remembering that fight, where Zeke had come after me with pure, ruthless intent, his eyes hard. So Kanin’s words took a moment to register.
“What do you mean?” I choked out. “That Sarren would Turn Zeke?”
“Yes,” Kanin said slowly, “but it is more than that. Sarren did not simply Turn Ezekiel, as I did you. No, he went further. He made him a childer.”
“I don’t know what that is, Kanin.”
“It’s when a vampire—and only a Master can do this— creates a spawn in his own image. He wipes his mind clean, destroys all memories of his life before, and shapes a new personality based on what he wants that childer to be. Sometimes he will force a mind compulsion on the childer—think of it as a stronger version of the blood bond we share—to make certain his offspring does what he wants. In ancient times, many old Masters created their covens this way, making sure their childer would not rise up or betray them. But it is such an invasive, barbaric practice, it is frowned upon by nearly all our kind and used only in rare, extreme cases.”
“So, that…really wasn’t Zeke?” I snatched at the only ray of hope I could find in this horrible situation. “He didn’t act like that because he wanted to?”
“Yes and no.” Kanin sighed. “It depends on his state of mind, and how strong the compulsion is. It could be that Ezekiel’s memories have been repressed, that he is fighting the compulsion. That somewhere deep inside, he still retains a sense of who he is. Or…” Kanin paused, then went on in a grim voice. “Or it could be that Sarren shattered his mind completely, drove him to madness, and remade him into the vampire you saw in the tower. If that is the case, then you won’t be able to reach him, because there is nothing left of the boy you once knew.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as stupid bloody tears stung the corners and leaked from under my lids. “But…there could be a chance, right?” I whispered, looking back up at Kanin, who regarded me with pity and not much hope. I didn’t care. I refused to believe Zeke was gone. “I won’t leave him like that, Kanin,” I said stubbornly. “Now that I know he’s alive…”
“What would you do, even if you could reach him?” the Master vampire asked gently. “Ezekiel never wanted to be a vampire. He would have rather died than Turn. Even if his mind is still intact and you somehow manage to break the compulsion, what then? Do you think he could live as one of us, feeding on humans, preying on those around him? It would destroy him, Allison. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.” His voice softened even more, though I hated him for saying it, knowing he was right. “If you do face Ezekiel again, I think you know what you have to do.”
I turned away from my sire and rose, unable to look at him anymore. Despair weighed me down, heavy and suffocating, and I pressed my forehead to the stone wall, trying to keep the awful rage and grief in check. Dammit! What did Kanin want from me? I’d followed his rules. I’d tried to find the balance between human and monster. I’d done everything I could think of to fight the demon, to not give in, to keep some semblance of humanity. Even though it was hard, it hurt like hell, and all I had to show for it was a broken heart.
I’d promised Zeke I would keep fighting the monster. And I would. But now, Kanin was asking me to destroy the one thing that kept me human, the only thing I had ever truly wanted for myself.
But, even through the anger and grief, and the stubborn voice inside me shouting protests, I knew he was right. Zeke had never wanted to be a vampire. And as shocking and confusing as my own Turning had been, I couldn’t imagine what it must be like having Sarren for a sire. I remembered those first few days with Kanin, his careful, patient lessons as he taught me how to be a vampire, and that had still been terrifying even when I’d chosen to Turn. There was no telling what Sarren had done to Zeke, what he’d made him do. Maybe Sarren had twisted his mind beyond repair, and the Zeke I’d known was truly gone, replaced with that cold, ruthless killer I’d seen in the tower. A spawn in Sarren’s own image.
If that was the case, if Zeke really was lost…then he’d be better off dead. I thought of everything I’d had to learn as a vampire: the feeding, the bloodlust, the constant struggle with the Hunger. It had been hard, and there had been many nights when I’d questioned my decision to become a monster, knowing I would struggle with my choice for eternity. I tried to imagine Zeke—gentle, compassionate, selfless Zeke— forcing himself to hunt and kill his once fellow humans…and couldn’t. Kanin was, as always, right. The most merciful thing would be to destroy Zeke now. He would want it that way.
Kanin’s voice echoed somewhere close, soft with relief. A piece of shadow melted off the wall as the Master vampire rose from where he’d been sitting in the far corner. His head nearly brushed the ceiling as he approached and knelt beside me, the dark gaze searching and intense.
I blinked. Up close, his face was lined with worry, his expression grave. That ominous memory stirred again, brushing my consciousness, but it slipped away before I could grasp it.
“Kanin,” I gritted out, my voice strangely hoarse and raspy.
“Where are we? What happened? I—” My chest throbbed, and I winced. Kanin put a hand on my arm.
“Easy. Don’t move around just yet. It will be a couple hours, now that you’re awake, for your body to heal completely after the damage it sustained. Here, this will help. Try to drink it slowly.” He handed me a cracked bowl, filled with something that smelled hot and thick, and the Hunger flared up with a roar. I downed the blood, not knowing where Kanin had gotten it and not caring, and warmth seeped through my veins. The ache eased somewhat, though not completely.
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, shifting against the wall. It sent a tiny jolt through my center, and I clenched my teeth, almost angry at the pain. “Why haven’t I healed yet?”
“Allison.” Kanin turned a dark, agonized gaze on me. “It’s been two days. You went into hibernation for a little while.”
He paused, letting the gravity of that statement sink in before continuing. “I’ve been working to bring you out of it, but until now, I wasn’t certain you would revive. It’s extremely lucky that such a young vampire would wake up at all, after being staked right through the heart.”
“Staked?” Gingerly, I prodded my chest at the point where the ache originated. It was sore, but there was no indication I’d had a long piece of wood shoved through me. “What happened?” I asked again. “I don’t remember… .”
“Jackal’s tower,” Kanin said softly. “We went there to find Sarren.”
Jackal’s tower. Fragments of that night came back to me.
The silent walkways. The journey underwater to reach the building. Fighting raiders and being separated from Jackal and Kanin. The long flight of stairs, leading to the top floor of the tower and…
My hand went to my mouth as the darkest piece of the night emerged from my subconscious, horrific and terrifying.
“Zeke,” I whispered. “He’s…he’s a vampire. Sarren Turned him. And…”
And he tried to kill me. He nearly succeeded, too. God, what happened to him? Why would he turn on us? It was like he was a completely different person.
“I’m sorry, Allison.” Kanin’s voice was grim. “I underestimated Sarren. I didn’t expect him to Turn Ezekiel like that.” He sighed, briefly closing his eyes. “I should have predicted this.”
I was numb with misery, from remembering that fight, where Zeke had come after me with pure, ruthless intent, his eyes hard. So Kanin’s words took a moment to register.
“What do you mean?” I choked out. “That Sarren would Turn Zeke?”
“Yes,” Kanin said slowly, “but it is more than that. Sarren did not simply Turn Ezekiel, as I did you. No, he went further. He made him a childer.”
“I don’t know what that is, Kanin.”
“It’s when a vampire—and only a Master can do this— creates a spawn in his own image. He wipes his mind clean, destroys all memories of his life before, and shapes a new personality based on what he wants that childer to be. Sometimes he will force a mind compulsion on the childer—think of it as a stronger version of the blood bond we share—to make certain his offspring does what he wants. In ancient times, many old Masters created their covens this way, making sure their childer would not rise up or betray them. But it is such an invasive, barbaric practice, it is frowned upon by nearly all our kind and used only in rare, extreme cases.”
“So, that…really wasn’t Zeke?” I snatched at the only ray of hope I could find in this horrible situation. “He didn’t act like that because he wanted to?”
“Yes and no.” Kanin sighed. “It depends on his state of mind, and how strong the compulsion is. It could be that Ezekiel’s memories have been repressed, that he is fighting the compulsion. That somewhere deep inside, he still retains a sense of who he is. Or…” Kanin paused, then went on in a grim voice. “Or it could be that Sarren shattered his mind completely, drove him to madness, and remade him into the vampire you saw in the tower. If that is the case, then you won’t be able to reach him, because there is nothing left of the boy you once knew.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as stupid bloody tears stung the corners and leaked from under my lids. “But…there could be a chance, right?” I whispered, looking back up at Kanin, who regarded me with pity and not much hope. I didn’t care. I refused to believe Zeke was gone. “I won’t leave him like that, Kanin,” I said stubbornly. “Now that I know he’s alive…”
“What would you do, even if you could reach him?” the Master vampire asked gently. “Ezekiel never wanted to be a vampire. He would have rather died than Turn. Even if his mind is still intact and you somehow manage to break the compulsion, what then? Do you think he could live as one of us, feeding on humans, preying on those around him? It would destroy him, Allison. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.” His voice softened even more, though I hated him for saying it, knowing he was right. “If you do face Ezekiel again, I think you know what you have to do.”
I turned away from my sire and rose, unable to look at him anymore. Despair weighed me down, heavy and suffocating, and I pressed my forehead to the stone wall, trying to keep the awful rage and grief in check. Dammit! What did Kanin want from me? I’d followed his rules. I’d tried to find the balance between human and monster. I’d done everything I could think of to fight the demon, to not give in, to keep some semblance of humanity. Even though it was hard, it hurt like hell, and all I had to show for it was a broken heart.
I’d promised Zeke I would keep fighting the monster. And I would. But now, Kanin was asking me to destroy the one thing that kept me human, the only thing I had ever truly wanted for myself.
But, even through the anger and grief, and the stubborn voice inside me shouting protests, I knew he was right. Zeke had never wanted to be a vampire. And as shocking and confusing as my own Turning had been, I couldn’t imagine what it must be like having Sarren for a sire. I remembered those first few days with Kanin, his careful, patient lessons as he taught me how to be a vampire, and that had still been terrifying even when I’d chosen to Turn. There was no telling what Sarren had done to Zeke, what he’d made him do. Maybe Sarren had twisted his mind beyond repair, and the Zeke I’d known was truly gone, replaced with that cold, ruthless killer I’d seen in the tower. A spawn in Sarren’s own image.
If that was the case, if Zeke really was lost…then he’d be better off dead. I thought of everything I’d had to learn as a vampire: the feeding, the bloodlust, the constant struggle with the Hunger. It had been hard, and there had been many nights when I’d questioned my decision to become a monster, knowing I would struggle with my choice for eternity. I tried to imagine Zeke—gentle, compassionate, selfless Zeke— forcing himself to hunt and kill his once fellow humans…and couldn’t. Kanin was, as always, right. The most merciful thing would be to destroy Zeke now. He would want it that way.
