The Forever Song
Page 35
The tricky part would be keeping him that way.
I won’t let you become a demon, I swore, gazing down at him. He lay motionless beside me, no slow breaths, no heartbeat, no warmth radiating from his skin. Thankfully, we had both healed from our deadly brush with the sun; no traces of burned flesh remained. Though I remembered looking down at my hand just before I fell asleep, and seeing that the tips of my fingers were black and charred. The memory made me shiver. I’d almost died last night, almost let the sun cook me alive, turn me into a smoldering pile of ashes.
I’ll do it again, if it means saving you.
Zeke slept on. I put a hand against his cheek, feeling the smooth, cold skin beneath my fingers. He was a corpse—a living corpse, like me, but we would deal with this together.
I promise, Zeke. You won’t become a monster. I’ll fight for both of us if I have to, I swear it.
A darkness invaded my thoughts then, the reality of my decision rising up to overshadow everything; I’d gone to face Zeke instead of continuing on toward Eden and the insane vampire hell-bent on destroying the world. Of two impossible decisions, I’d chosen to turn my back on my survival instincts…and follow my heart. A year ago, Allie the Fringer would’ve done anything to keep living. She would’ve mocked the attachments to the small group I now considered family, encouraged me to sever all ties to protect myself. But I couldn’t do that anymore.
I wonder if Kanin ever found Jackal?
Suddenly anxious and feeling a little guilty, I shifted to one knee, closed my eyes, and reached out for my kin.
The instant pulse through our blood tie nearly made me collapse in relief. They were there. Both of them. I felt Kanin’s presence, strong and steady, and another, fainter tug that had to be Jackal. I didn’t know where they were. I didn’t know if they were waiting for me outside Old Chicago, or had gone ahead to Eden. I just knew they were alive. That was enough.
If anything, the two of them could stop Sarren if I failed.
They’re all right. I relaxed, slumping back against the wall.
They’re alive. Even Jackal is alive. We’re all okay for now. I glanced at Zeke, still dead to the world, knowing he could wake at any moment. Now, we just have to get out of Old Chicago without being pumped full of lead.
The floorboards creaked beside me as Zeke stirred, coming out of sleep, and I tensed. I didn’t know what state of mind he’d be in when he woke up. If he was teetering on the edge of Blood Frenzy, I’d have to stop him from losing it. With his wounds, he had to be just as Hungry as me, and he had less practice in controlling himself.
I desperately hoped that he hadn’t woken with a new resolve to meet the sun or to have someone drive a stake through his chest, but the possibility hovered at the edge of my mind, dark and terrifying.
Zeke rose slowly, pushing himself to one elbow, then to his knees. I shifted behind him, not touching, just letting him know I was there, that I was close. But he didn’t make any attempt to get up. He wasn’t shaking, or crying, or hunched forward in misery. He just knelt there with his hands on his knees, staring at the floor, at nothing.
“It wasn’t a nightmare, then.”
I swallowed. His voice was low, flat. The tone used when you’re so numb you can’t feel anything anymore. When you’ve been so cut open from the inside, you’ve completely bled out, and there’s nothing left. Fear twisted my stomach. This was going to be hard. For Zeke, it might be impossible.
“No,” I told him simply. “It wasn’t.”
I waited, dreading his next words, that he might ask me to take my sword and end his life. Or that I leave so he could do it himself.
“Where are Jackal and Kanin?” he finally asked, surprising me. “Did you come here alone?”
I nodded. “Yes, but they’re okay. At least, I think they are.”
Briefly, I searched for them again, feeling two separate pulls, coming from the same direction. “I can feel both of them, through our blood tie. Jackal was pretty badly hurt when…when we fled the tower the first time, and we got separated.
Kanin went back to look for him.”
“So I didn’t manage to kill him after all,” Zeke muttered, and I couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed. I suspected the latter. I also suspected this stoic front Zeke was putting up was a horrible lie, that underneath he was a writhing mess of emotions, and it worried me.
“Are you all right?” I asked. My gaze flicked to the back of his shirt, and the tiny hole in it, right over his heart. Where I had shoved Kanin’s knife through his body. “How are you feeling?”
“Hungry.” Stated so bluntly that I shivered. This wasn’t right. I hadn’t expected Zeke to be perfectly fine when he woke up, far from it, but this utter lack of emotion wasn’t him.
I hoped it was just the shock, and he would eventually start acting more like himself again. Though now that he was a vampire, I didn’t know what “normal” was for him anymore.
I had the sudden, disconcerting thought that, maybe, this was the real Zeke now that he was a vampire. I certainly had changed from the time I’d become undead; maybe the old Zeke, the human Zeke, really was gone forever.
“Starving, actually,” Zeke went on, oblivious to my dark thoughts. “And that’s a problem, now that I don’t control the army anymore. Sarren put me in charge when he left, but I’m not their boss any longer. Once they find out I can’t give them what they want, they’ll try to kill me, too.”
“They don’t know that,” I said. “No one has been here, no one knows what happened last night. As far as anyone can tell, I entered the Pit and never came out again. They probably think you killed me.”
Zeke flinched. It was small, barely noticeable since he was turned away from me, but I saw it.
Sliding forward, I reached out and put a hand on his back.
“I’m still here,” I said softly. “We beat Sarren’s sick little game, and he has no hold on you anymore.”
I hope. I desperately hoped the compulsion was broken and Zeke was truly free. But if not, if Zeke fell under Sarren’s control again, then I would snap him out of it one more time. And again, and again. As often as I had to, until Sarren was dead.
“Allie.” Zeke bowed his head, and his shoulders trembled.
I felt him take a deep breath, as if to compose himself, a reflex left over from his time as a human. “I know we have to stop Sarren,” he continued, his voice a little stronger. “I know that’s the most important thing now, that putting an end to his plans takes precedence over everything else, even my own feelings. I know that, and I’m with you. Don’t worry about that part.” He shivered again, though his voice remained calm.
“I’ll go with you to Eden, and I don’t intend to stop fighting until I know Sarren is dead. But after that, after I’m sure everyone is safe and Sarren is gone…” Zeke paused, now uncertain. “I…I don’t know if I can do this. If I even want to try.” He hesitated again, then in a near whisper, added, “You might have to…”
“Stop it,” I growled at him. “You’ve asked me this before, and it nearly killed me to say yes. I won’t let you become a monster. I’ll fight it with you every step of the way. But I will not help you destroy yourself.”
I won’t let you become a demon, I swore, gazing down at him. He lay motionless beside me, no slow breaths, no heartbeat, no warmth radiating from his skin. Thankfully, we had both healed from our deadly brush with the sun; no traces of burned flesh remained. Though I remembered looking down at my hand just before I fell asleep, and seeing that the tips of my fingers were black and charred. The memory made me shiver. I’d almost died last night, almost let the sun cook me alive, turn me into a smoldering pile of ashes.
I’ll do it again, if it means saving you.
Zeke slept on. I put a hand against his cheek, feeling the smooth, cold skin beneath my fingers. He was a corpse—a living corpse, like me, but we would deal with this together.
I promise, Zeke. You won’t become a monster. I’ll fight for both of us if I have to, I swear it.
A darkness invaded my thoughts then, the reality of my decision rising up to overshadow everything; I’d gone to face Zeke instead of continuing on toward Eden and the insane vampire hell-bent on destroying the world. Of two impossible decisions, I’d chosen to turn my back on my survival instincts…and follow my heart. A year ago, Allie the Fringer would’ve done anything to keep living. She would’ve mocked the attachments to the small group I now considered family, encouraged me to sever all ties to protect myself. But I couldn’t do that anymore.
I wonder if Kanin ever found Jackal?
Suddenly anxious and feeling a little guilty, I shifted to one knee, closed my eyes, and reached out for my kin.
The instant pulse through our blood tie nearly made me collapse in relief. They were there. Both of them. I felt Kanin’s presence, strong and steady, and another, fainter tug that had to be Jackal. I didn’t know where they were. I didn’t know if they were waiting for me outside Old Chicago, or had gone ahead to Eden. I just knew they were alive. That was enough.
If anything, the two of them could stop Sarren if I failed.
They’re all right. I relaxed, slumping back against the wall.
They’re alive. Even Jackal is alive. We’re all okay for now. I glanced at Zeke, still dead to the world, knowing he could wake at any moment. Now, we just have to get out of Old Chicago without being pumped full of lead.
The floorboards creaked beside me as Zeke stirred, coming out of sleep, and I tensed. I didn’t know what state of mind he’d be in when he woke up. If he was teetering on the edge of Blood Frenzy, I’d have to stop him from losing it. With his wounds, he had to be just as Hungry as me, and he had less practice in controlling himself.
I desperately hoped that he hadn’t woken with a new resolve to meet the sun or to have someone drive a stake through his chest, but the possibility hovered at the edge of my mind, dark and terrifying.
Zeke rose slowly, pushing himself to one elbow, then to his knees. I shifted behind him, not touching, just letting him know I was there, that I was close. But he didn’t make any attempt to get up. He wasn’t shaking, or crying, or hunched forward in misery. He just knelt there with his hands on his knees, staring at the floor, at nothing.
“It wasn’t a nightmare, then.”
I swallowed. His voice was low, flat. The tone used when you’re so numb you can’t feel anything anymore. When you’ve been so cut open from the inside, you’ve completely bled out, and there’s nothing left. Fear twisted my stomach. This was going to be hard. For Zeke, it might be impossible.
“No,” I told him simply. “It wasn’t.”
I waited, dreading his next words, that he might ask me to take my sword and end his life. Or that I leave so he could do it himself.
“Where are Jackal and Kanin?” he finally asked, surprising me. “Did you come here alone?”
I nodded. “Yes, but they’re okay. At least, I think they are.”
Briefly, I searched for them again, feeling two separate pulls, coming from the same direction. “I can feel both of them, through our blood tie. Jackal was pretty badly hurt when…when we fled the tower the first time, and we got separated.
Kanin went back to look for him.”
“So I didn’t manage to kill him after all,” Zeke muttered, and I couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed. I suspected the latter. I also suspected this stoic front Zeke was putting up was a horrible lie, that underneath he was a writhing mess of emotions, and it worried me.
“Are you all right?” I asked. My gaze flicked to the back of his shirt, and the tiny hole in it, right over his heart. Where I had shoved Kanin’s knife through his body. “How are you feeling?”
“Hungry.” Stated so bluntly that I shivered. This wasn’t right. I hadn’t expected Zeke to be perfectly fine when he woke up, far from it, but this utter lack of emotion wasn’t him.
I hoped it was just the shock, and he would eventually start acting more like himself again. Though now that he was a vampire, I didn’t know what “normal” was for him anymore.
I had the sudden, disconcerting thought that, maybe, this was the real Zeke now that he was a vampire. I certainly had changed from the time I’d become undead; maybe the old Zeke, the human Zeke, really was gone forever.
“Starving, actually,” Zeke went on, oblivious to my dark thoughts. “And that’s a problem, now that I don’t control the army anymore. Sarren put me in charge when he left, but I’m not their boss any longer. Once they find out I can’t give them what they want, they’ll try to kill me, too.”
“They don’t know that,” I said. “No one has been here, no one knows what happened last night. As far as anyone can tell, I entered the Pit and never came out again. They probably think you killed me.”
Zeke flinched. It was small, barely noticeable since he was turned away from me, but I saw it.
Sliding forward, I reached out and put a hand on his back.
“I’m still here,” I said softly. “We beat Sarren’s sick little game, and he has no hold on you anymore.”
I hope. I desperately hoped the compulsion was broken and Zeke was truly free. But if not, if Zeke fell under Sarren’s control again, then I would snap him out of it one more time. And again, and again. As often as I had to, until Sarren was dead.
“Allie.” Zeke bowed his head, and his shoulders trembled.
I felt him take a deep breath, as if to compose himself, a reflex left over from his time as a human. “I know we have to stop Sarren,” he continued, his voice a little stronger. “I know that’s the most important thing now, that putting an end to his plans takes precedence over everything else, even my own feelings. I know that, and I’m with you. Don’t worry about that part.” He shivered again, though his voice remained calm.
“I’ll go with you to Eden, and I don’t intend to stop fighting until I know Sarren is dead. But after that, after I’m sure everyone is safe and Sarren is gone…” Zeke paused, now uncertain. “I…I don’t know if I can do this. If I even want to try.” He hesitated again, then in a near whisper, added, “You might have to…”
“Stop it,” I growled at him. “You’ve asked me this before, and it nearly killed me to say yes. I won’t let you become a monster. I’ll fight it with you every step of the way. But I will not help you destroy yourself.”
