The Friend Zone
Page 79
“What’s wrong?” My lips are stiff, my heart pounding, but I’m not running this time. “Tell me.”
“The thing is, Gray…” She takes a deep breath. “It’s not cancer, but— Fuck.”
“Mac!”
She stops in front of me and grips her hands until her knuckles turn white, and I’m rooted to the stop.
“You’re scaring the hell out of me, honey.” My voice is a rasp in the tense quiet. “Whatever it is I’m—”
“It was hormones. The lump.” She waves a hand, kind of flailing around. “I have fibrous breasts, which really just means that hormones can cause non-cancerous lumps. Such as excess hormones due to…shit. Shit.”
I find my feet and stand, reaching for her.
Mac’s eyes fill. “I’m pregnant.”
A whoosh of sound fills my ears and everything goes still, heavy. Numb.
Mac curses, takes a step, then stops and steps the other way as if she doesn’t know where to go but just wants to escape. I have to move. To talk. But I’m frozen and the ringing in my ears grows. From a distance, I hear myself speak. “Pregnant?”
“Yes.” She clears her throat. “It’s early. So early, I wouldn’t have noticed yet, except they took some tests. I… It’s all my fault.” Blinking fiercely, she looks down at her toes.
I find myself smiling, though it feels wobbly and uncomfortable, because my heart has decided to race and my fingers are cold. “Pretty sure this is a fifty-fifty kind of culpability deal here, honey.”
Her head snaps up and she looks lost, her eyes round and scared. “Yeah, but I didn’t… I was so stupid. I forgot about the whole antibiotics-weakens-the-effectiveness-of-the-pill thing. Talk about hubris. My sixteen-year-old self was more informed. But no, I take one look at your dick and become a moron.”
If it were any other time, I’d laugh at that. I’m certainly just as susceptible to her charms. But I need to calm her down now. “Well, I didn’t even know that was an issue.” I make another attempt at a smile. “Condom man, here.”
She snorts and then bursts into tears.
“Hey,” I whisper, pulling her close. “Hey, now. Don’t cry.”
Mac just sobs harder as I lead her to the bed. I curl up with her at the head of it and hug her close. Christ, I left her to deal with this alone. I can barely think right now, and she’s been carrying this knowledge around. Alone.
Wincing, I burrow my face into her fragrant hair, not knowing how to apologize enough. But somehow she’s the one apologizing.
“I’m sorry, Gray. I’m such an idiot. You trusted me and—”
“Ivy Mac, if you say another word of apology, I’m going to be pissed.”
Her hand clutches my neck as she half-laughs, half-sobs. I kiss her temple, rub her shaking back. “Now calm down. Breathe. Again. You can do better than that, Special Sauce. Deep breaths.”
“Okay.” It’s a pathetic whimper of a response, but she’s calming. Her wet cheeks press against my heart, and I close my eyes and keep stroking her.
I hold her until she settles and becomes soft and relaxed against me, and I realize that, despite all the thoughts racing through my mind, the one thing I’m not doing is freaking out.
* * *
Ivy
“What are we going to do?” My voice is a raw whisper in the silence.
The room is dark. Every inch of me feels battered and heavy with fatigue. But I’m in Gray’s arms, and he’s idly running his long fingers through my hair, making it a struggle to keep my eyes open. Beneath my cheek, his chest rises on a breath and his heartbeat increases.
“I don’t know,” he says quietly. “I guess that’s up to you.”
I stiffen and lift my head to look at him. “Why me?”
Gray’s blue eyes are solemn. “It’s your body. Your choice. Isn’t it?”
He says it so matter-of-factly, so sincerely, that I kiss his chest before answering. “I don’t want to be the only one with any say. Your opinion matters.”
The corner of Gray’s mouth curls as he traces a line down my cheek. “Okay. But, Mac, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield here.”
“Coward,” I tease, giving his side a nudge.
“Yep,” he says, unapologetic. His grin sparks then fades. “Honey, just tell me how you feel, and I’ll listen.”
Sighing, I rest my chin on his chest and wrap an arm around his waist as if holding onto his body can anchor me and stop the fluttery feelings of panic that keep coming and going. “I don’t know. We’re so young. We have barely begun to live our lives. The idea of having a baby…” I press my lips against his firm skin. “It just seems like we’re setting ourselves up for disaster.”
Gray is silent for a second then his big hand engulfs the back of my head. His touch is warm, secure. “Okay, true. But we’re also way ahead of most people our age. Barring unforeseen calamities—and I really want to knock on wood—I’m going to be making a ridiculous amount of money in less than a year. And even if something did happen, we both have excellent educations and our massively impressive brains…” I grin at him, and he wags his brows. “So we’re not going to be hurting for money. Not to mention that your parents are loaded—”
“Gray!”
He holds up a hand, but a smile lingers in his eyes. “I’m just saying that we wouldn’t be suffering for funds.”
“The thing is, Gray…” She takes a deep breath. “It’s not cancer, but— Fuck.”
“Mac!”
She stops in front of me and grips her hands until her knuckles turn white, and I’m rooted to the stop.
“You’re scaring the hell out of me, honey.” My voice is a rasp in the tense quiet. “Whatever it is I’m—”
“It was hormones. The lump.” She waves a hand, kind of flailing around. “I have fibrous breasts, which really just means that hormones can cause non-cancerous lumps. Such as excess hormones due to…shit. Shit.”
I find my feet and stand, reaching for her.
Mac’s eyes fill. “I’m pregnant.”
A whoosh of sound fills my ears and everything goes still, heavy. Numb.
Mac curses, takes a step, then stops and steps the other way as if she doesn’t know where to go but just wants to escape. I have to move. To talk. But I’m frozen and the ringing in my ears grows. From a distance, I hear myself speak. “Pregnant?”
“Yes.” She clears her throat. “It’s early. So early, I wouldn’t have noticed yet, except they took some tests. I… It’s all my fault.” Blinking fiercely, she looks down at her toes.
I find myself smiling, though it feels wobbly and uncomfortable, because my heart has decided to race and my fingers are cold. “Pretty sure this is a fifty-fifty kind of culpability deal here, honey.”
Her head snaps up and she looks lost, her eyes round and scared. “Yeah, but I didn’t… I was so stupid. I forgot about the whole antibiotics-weakens-the-effectiveness-of-the-pill thing. Talk about hubris. My sixteen-year-old self was more informed. But no, I take one look at your dick and become a moron.”
If it were any other time, I’d laugh at that. I’m certainly just as susceptible to her charms. But I need to calm her down now. “Well, I didn’t even know that was an issue.” I make another attempt at a smile. “Condom man, here.”
She snorts and then bursts into tears.
“Hey,” I whisper, pulling her close. “Hey, now. Don’t cry.”
Mac just sobs harder as I lead her to the bed. I curl up with her at the head of it and hug her close. Christ, I left her to deal with this alone. I can barely think right now, and she’s been carrying this knowledge around. Alone.
Wincing, I burrow my face into her fragrant hair, not knowing how to apologize enough. But somehow she’s the one apologizing.
“I’m sorry, Gray. I’m such an idiot. You trusted me and—”
“Ivy Mac, if you say another word of apology, I’m going to be pissed.”
Her hand clutches my neck as she half-laughs, half-sobs. I kiss her temple, rub her shaking back. “Now calm down. Breathe. Again. You can do better than that, Special Sauce. Deep breaths.”
“Okay.” It’s a pathetic whimper of a response, but she’s calming. Her wet cheeks press against my heart, and I close my eyes and keep stroking her.
I hold her until she settles and becomes soft and relaxed against me, and I realize that, despite all the thoughts racing through my mind, the one thing I’m not doing is freaking out.
* * *
Ivy
“What are we going to do?” My voice is a raw whisper in the silence.
The room is dark. Every inch of me feels battered and heavy with fatigue. But I’m in Gray’s arms, and he’s idly running his long fingers through my hair, making it a struggle to keep my eyes open. Beneath my cheek, his chest rises on a breath and his heartbeat increases.
“I don’t know,” he says quietly. “I guess that’s up to you.”
I stiffen and lift my head to look at him. “Why me?”
Gray’s blue eyes are solemn. “It’s your body. Your choice. Isn’t it?”
He says it so matter-of-factly, so sincerely, that I kiss his chest before answering. “I don’t want to be the only one with any say. Your opinion matters.”
The corner of Gray’s mouth curls as he traces a line down my cheek. “Okay. But, Mac, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield here.”
“Coward,” I tease, giving his side a nudge.
“Yep,” he says, unapologetic. His grin sparks then fades. “Honey, just tell me how you feel, and I’ll listen.”
Sighing, I rest my chin on his chest and wrap an arm around his waist as if holding onto his body can anchor me and stop the fluttery feelings of panic that keep coming and going. “I don’t know. We’re so young. We have barely begun to live our lives. The idea of having a baby…” I press my lips against his firm skin. “It just seems like we’re setting ourselves up for disaster.”
Gray is silent for a second then his big hand engulfs the back of my head. His touch is warm, secure. “Okay, true. But we’re also way ahead of most people our age. Barring unforeseen calamities—and I really want to knock on wood—I’m going to be making a ridiculous amount of money in less than a year. And even if something did happen, we both have excellent educations and our massively impressive brains…” I grin at him, and he wags his brows. “So we’re not going to be hurting for money. Not to mention that your parents are loaded—”
“Gray!”
He holds up a hand, but a smile lingers in his eyes. “I’m just saying that we wouldn’t be suffering for funds.”
