The Friend Zone
Page 83
“I can’t.”
He winces but doesn’t take his eyes off me. “Why?”
He says it so reasonably, as if I’d refused another cup of cocoa. A choked laugh leaves me. “Ah. Because we’re twenty-two, for one thing.”
“Pretty sure lots of twenty-two-year-olds get married, Mac.”
Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I know why he wants to marry me. I love him for it. And I hate him for it. Grinding my teeth, I struggle to think of something to say to make him understand. “You’re the best college tight end I’ve ever seen.”
Gray cocks his head to the side. “Okay, not what I was expecting. Is there a point to this?”
“You could go number one.”
“I hope so.” His bronze brow lifts as if I’ve lost my nut. “Again, your point?”
“That’s a lot to take in. Worrying about a wife shouldn’t be part of it.”
With a curse, Gray looks off, his glare focused on the yellow uprights down the field. When his gaze returns to me, his focus is so intense, I feel it in my belly. “Were you planning to dump me, Ivy? When I’m thrust into this so-called awesome life?”
His anger vibrates through me. “No. Of course not.”
“Then why bring this up? And what about your wants and needs?”
“I am thinking about that.” I don’t want to be proposed to for the wrong reasons.
“So you don’t want me in your life come Draft Day?” he shoots back, his eyes wide and hurt.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then tell me what you do mean, Ivy.”
“I was a mistake,” I blurt out.
Gray blinks, his expression pinched. “A mistake? What? You think I view you as a mistake?”
“No.” I take a breath. “I was an accidental pregnancy. My parents were only dating when Mom became pregnant. She was supposed to go back to England, not stay here. They got married because of me.” The irony is a twist in my guts.
For a second, Gray just stares. Then he reaches for me and I’m cuddled tight against his chest. “Honey, no. No.”
Burrowing closer, I clutch his waist. “How can you say no when you don’t even understand what I mean?”
“Because I know you.” He leans back a little to look me in the eye. “You think we’re like them? That I’m asking you because I feel obligated? Fuck no.” His fingers trace my jaw. “We’re nothing like them. First off, we’re not dating.” His mouth twists like it’s an ugly word. “We’re together, as in I wake up every morning and think, ‘Thank fuck, Ivy wants me. How can I persuade her to keep me forever?’”
I snort and lean my head against his chest. “I do want you,” I whisper. “But that doesn’t mean we have to get married. Don’t ask me because of this pregnancy. That would be the very worst way to start a marriage. You’ll regret it, Gray. Trust me.”
Gray blows out a frustrated breath. “Did your dad ever say why he cheated?”
Caught off guard, the answer tumbles out of me. “He said he felt like it was his due. Women and fame.”
“Well, that’s not me. I’ve had that already and just…” He shakes his head. “No. I’m twenty-two and I feel like an old man with that shit. The thought of fooling around like that again exhausts me, makes me ill. I haven’t even looked at another woman since we started texting. Because I only want you. With or without a baby, I want you, Mac. Just you.”
“But you’re asking me to marry you, Gray.”
“Uh, yeah, and you keep rejecting me, damn it.” He laughs, but the vulnerability in his voice guts me.
My palm spreads over his heart. “Are you going to tell me that you’d have asked if I wasn’t pregnant?”
His chest lifts on a sigh, and he peers down at me, his blue eyes dark. “Ivy, you woke me up. I thought I was living each day to the fullest but it was bullshit. I was playing a part, being a joker. And I didn’t know it.”
“That’s not an answer.”
He frowns. “You think I’d planned to let you go? That was never going to happen. Yeah, I’m asking sooner because of this. Because it gives me an excuse to do it. Fuck, Ivy, deep down I knew you were it for me from the beginning. Only I’d look crazy if I said it so soon.”
My smile is wobbly. “Not crazy.”
Gray cups my cheeks and presses his forehead against mine. “So say yes.”
“Gray… The first year of marriage is supposed to be the hardest. And that’s without the pressure of caring for a baby. It’s a recipe for disaster.”
“I like a challenge.” Gray gives my shoulders a squeeze. “If anything, I should be worried. You’ve only had one crap experience and then me. Who’s to say you aren’t the one who gets bored?”
“I find that idea laughable. I’m never bored when I’m with you.”
His smile is crooked. “Yeah, well, same here.” Gray leans a little closer, bringing his warmth. “I told you we’d be so fucking good together. And I’m never wrong about these things.”
I can’t help drawing closer, nipping the clean curve of his jaw. “Know-it-all.”
“You know it,” he murmurs as his mouth chases mine. His kiss is tender.
When he pulls back, we grin at each other. But the shaky, nervous feeling returns, and I take a breath. “But, Gray, marriage? I can barely get past this whole being-knocked-up thing and, hell, I don’t know…”
He winces but doesn’t take his eyes off me. “Why?”
He says it so reasonably, as if I’d refused another cup of cocoa. A choked laugh leaves me. “Ah. Because we’re twenty-two, for one thing.”
“Pretty sure lots of twenty-two-year-olds get married, Mac.”
Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I know why he wants to marry me. I love him for it. And I hate him for it. Grinding my teeth, I struggle to think of something to say to make him understand. “You’re the best college tight end I’ve ever seen.”
Gray cocks his head to the side. “Okay, not what I was expecting. Is there a point to this?”
“You could go number one.”
“I hope so.” His bronze brow lifts as if I’ve lost my nut. “Again, your point?”
“That’s a lot to take in. Worrying about a wife shouldn’t be part of it.”
With a curse, Gray looks off, his glare focused on the yellow uprights down the field. When his gaze returns to me, his focus is so intense, I feel it in my belly. “Were you planning to dump me, Ivy? When I’m thrust into this so-called awesome life?”
His anger vibrates through me. “No. Of course not.”
“Then why bring this up? And what about your wants and needs?”
“I am thinking about that.” I don’t want to be proposed to for the wrong reasons.
“So you don’t want me in your life come Draft Day?” he shoots back, his eyes wide and hurt.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then tell me what you do mean, Ivy.”
“I was a mistake,” I blurt out.
Gray blinks, his expression pinched. “A mistake? What? You think I view you as a mistake?”
“No.” I take a breath. “I was an accidental pregnancy. My parents were only dating when Mom became pregnant. She was supposed to go back to England, not stay here. They got married because of me.” The irony is a twist in my guts.
For a second, Gray just stares. Then he reaches for me and I’m cuddled tight against his chest. “Honey, no. No.”
Burrowing closer, I clutch his waist. “How can you say no when you don’t even understand what I mean?”
“Because I know you.” He leans back a little to look me in the eye. “You think we’re like them? That I’m asking you because I feel obligated? Fuck no.” His fingers trace my jaw. “We’re nothing like them. First off, we’re not dating.” His mouth twists like it’s an ugly word. “We’re together, as in I wake up every morning and think, ‘Thank fuck, Ivy wants me. How can I persuade her to keep me forever?’”
I snort and lean my head against his chest. “I do want you,” I whisper. “But that doesn’t mean we have to get married. Don’t ask me because of this pregnancy. That would be the very worst way to start a marriage. You’ll regret it, Gray. Trust me.”
Gray blows out a frustrated breath. “Did your dad ever say why he cheated?”
Caught off guard, the answer tumbles out of me. “He said he felt like it was his due. Women and fame.”
“Well, that’s not me. I’ve had that already and just…” He shakes his head. “No. I’m twenty-two and I feel like an old man with that shit. The thought of fooling around like that again exhausts me, makes me ill. I haven’t even looked at another woman since we started texting. Because I only want you. With or without a baby, I want you, Mac. Just you.”
“But you’re asking me to marry you, Gray.”
“Uh, yeah, and you keep rejecting me, damn it.” He laughs, but the vulnerability in his voice guts me.
My palm spreads over his heart. “Are you going to tell me that you’d have asked if I wasn’t pregnant?”
His chest lifts on a sigh, and he peers down at me, his blue eyes dark. “Ivy, you woke me up. I thought I was living each day to the fullest but it was bullshit. I was playing a part, being a joker. And I didn’t know it.”
“That’s not an answer.”
He frowns. “You think I’d planned to let you go? That was never going to happen. Yeah, I’m asking sooner because of this. Because it gives me an excuse to do it. Fuck, Ivy, deep down I knew you were it for me from the beginning. Only I’d look crazy if I said it so soon.”
My smile is wobbly. “Not crazy.”
Gray cups my cheeks and presses his forehead against mine. “So say yes.”
“Gray… The first year of marriage is supposed to be the hardest. And that’s without the pressure of caring for a baby. It’s a recipe for disaster.”
“I like a challenge.” Gray gives my shoulders a squeeze. “If anything, I should be worried. You’ve only had one crap experience and then me. Who’s to say you aren’t the one who gets bored?”
“I find that idea laughable. I’m never bored when I’m with you.”
His smile is crooked. “Yeah, well, same here.” Gray leans a little closer, bringing his warmth. “I told you we’d be so fucking good together. And I’m never wrong about these things.”
I can’t help drawing closer, nipping the clean curve of his jaw. “Know-it-all.”
“You know it,” he murmurs as his mouth chases mine. His kiss is tender.
When he pulls back, we grin at each other. But the shaky, nervous feeling returns, and I take a breath. “But, Gray, marriage? I can barely get past this whole being-knocked-up thing and, hell, I don’t know…”
