The Goddess Legacy
Page 49
I shook my head. The idea of Hera being in love with Hades was ridiculous. “I don’t believe you. She might love him, but that doesn’t mean she’s in love with him. He’s a nice guy, and Zeus isn’t. No wonder she ran down here to get away from him.”
Aphrodite inspected her nails. “If that’s what you want to believe, so be it. I could be wrong.”
“You are,” I said. “And even if you aren’t, Hades loves me.”
She arched an eyebrow. “So although you don’t love him, you relish the fact that he loves you.”
“Not relish.” The word sounded bitter on my tongue. “Just—it’s a fact. He does.”
“Yes, he does,” she conceded. “More than he’s loved anyone. And this is hurting him as much as it’s hurting you—”
“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped, my temper frayed. Whether it was from her spreading lies about Hera or the way she treated all of this like a game, I didn’t know. Maybe it was jealousy. But either way, the thought of accepting her offer made me sick to my stomach. “I don’t need your help, Aphrodite. If this is going to happen, it won’t be because you decide it should.”
She frowned. “That’s not how—”
“I don’t care, all right? All I want is my life back. And if you can’t give that to me—if the only other alternative is tricking me into feeling like I love him even though I don’t—then no thank you. I don’t want to be a slave to illusion.”
Two pink spots appeared on her cheeks. “Fine. If you’re not even open to the idea, then there’s no point.”
“You’re right, there isn’t.”
Huffing, she stood and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m going back to Olympus. Hermes, are you coming?”
“Go on. I’ll catch up,” he said, and though he’d been quiet for most of the argument, he took my hand again.
Aphrodite stormed out of the room, and as soon as the door clicked behind her, a dam broke inside me. All of the frustration and anger and despair I’d swallowed since the day I’d married Hades flooded out, and I burst into tears.
After a moment’s hesitation, Hermes pulled me into an awkward hug, and I buried my face in his chest. It wasn’t fair. Aphrodite thought she had it all figured out, but she wasn’t stuck down here. She could leave whenever she wanted, and she had a husband she loved as much as he loved her. Her arranged marriage had worked.
But mine was failing. I’d tried everything—forcing myself to love Hades, letting myself grow into it, and everything in between. Nothing was working, and I was never going to have the chance to live the life I wanted.
And of course it was Zeus’s fault. Everything was. I’d never been ashamed to be his daughter before, but now, knowing what he’d been willing to do in order to protect his own interests, to keep Hera as caged as I was—
“Hey,” said Hermes. “You’re all right. Everything will be okay.”
But no matter how many times he repeated it, he was wrong, and neither of us could change a thing. “This can’t be my eternity, Hermes.”
“It won’t be. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure it isn’t.”
I held him tighter, my shoulders shaking with sobs. I wasn’t supposed to break down like this. Mother had raised me better—she’d raised me to adapt, to accept that not everything would go my way, but I couldn’t be that girl right now. Somewhere in the middle of that bitterness and pain, I’d given up on her, and now the only person I could be was me.
At last I managed to stop crying, and he kissed the top of my head. “You’re my best friend,” he said. “You matter to me. You matter to all of us, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Don’t forget that, all right?”
I nodded. Even when everything else was falling to pieces, Hermes would be there. I was sure of it.
Once he left, I took a shaky breath and righted myself, gazing out across the cavern. The River Styx flowed through the stone, carving a path older than all of us. What would it be like to be on the other side? To live knowing there would be an end someday? Mortals didn’t all know about the Underworld, and those who did only suspected, really. They believed, but they’d never been down here, and once they died, they never left to tell their family and friends about it. What would it be like to face that inevitable unknown?
In a way, I envied them. No matter how terrible their lives were, they would have a chance to escape it in the end. I wouldn’t.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift. I couldn’t stomach going back to the happy couple in the woods, so instead I focused on someone I wanted to see—Hermes. I slipped into a vision, viewing the present as it was happening, and my heart skipped a beat. Hermes stood in the throne room, empty except for Hades, and he stared my so-called husband straight in the eye.
“If you don’t let her go, she’s going to wither. You know that. You see it every day. So why delay the inevitable?”
Hades frowned. “You speak as if you know exactly what is happening.”
“I know you love her so much that you’re in agony,” said Hermes. “I know she doesn’t love you, but she’s trying to force herself to anyway because she knows how much it’s hurting you. I know you’re doing everything you possibly can to make her happy, and I know despite that, she feels trapped down here. And I suspect that you feel caged, too.”
Aphrodite inspected her nails. “If that’s what you want to believe, so be it. I could be wrong.”
“You are,” I said. “And even if you aren’t, Hades loves me.”
She arched an eyebrow. “So although you don’t love him, you relish the fact that he loves you.”
“Not relish.” The word sounded bitter on my tongue. “Just—it’s a fact. He does.”
“Yes, he does,” she conceded. “More than he’s loved anyone. And this is hurting him as much as it’s hurting you—”
“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped, my temper frayed. Whether it was from her spreading lies about Hera or the way she treated all of this like a game, I didn’t know. Maybe it was jealousy. But either way, the thought of accepting her offer made me sick to my stomach. “I don’t need your help, Aphrodite. If this is going to happen, it won’t be because you decide it should.”
She frowned. “That’s not how—”
“I don’t care, all right? All I want is my life back. And if you can’t give that to me—if the only other alternative is tricking me into feeling like I love him even though I don’t—then no thank you. I don’t want to be a slave to illusion.”
Two pink spots appeared on her cheeks. “Fine. If you’re not even open to the idea, then there’s no point.”
“You’re right, there isn’t.”
Huffing, she stood and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m going back to Olympus. Hermes, are you coming?”
“Go on. I’ll catch up,” he said, and though he’d been quiet for most of the argument, he took my hand again.
Aphrodite stormed out of the room, and as soon as the door clicked behind her, a dam broke inside me. All of the frustration and anger and despair I’d swallowed since the day I’d married Hades flooded out, and I burst into tears.
After a moment’s hesitation, Hermes pulled me into an awkward hug, and I buried my face in his chest. It wasn’t fair. Aphrodite thought she had it all figured out, but she wasn’t stuck down here. She could leave whenever she wanted, and she had a husband she loved as much as he loved her. Her arranged marriage had worked.
But mine was failing. I’d tried everything—forcing myself to love Hades, letting myself grow into it, and everything in between. Nothing was working, and I was never going to have the chance to live the life I wanted.
And of course it was Zeus’s fault. Everything was. I’d never been ashamed to be his daughter before, but now, knowing what he’d been willing to do in order to protect his own interests, to keep Hera as caged as I was—
“Hey,” said Hermes. “You’re all right. Everything will be okay.”
But no matter how many times he repeated it, he was wrong, and neither of us could change a thing. “This can’t be my eternity, Hermes.”
“It won’t be. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure it isn’t.”
I held him tighter, my shoulders shaking with sobs. I wasn’t supposed to break down like this. Mother had raised me better—she’d raised me to adapt, to accept that not everything would go my way, but I couldn’t be that girl right now. Somewhere in the middle of that bitterness and pain, I’d given up on her, and now the only person I could be was me.
At last I managed to stop crying, and he kissed the top of my head. “You’re my best friend,” he said. “You matter to me. You matter to all of us, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Don’t forget that, all right?”
I nodded. Even when everything else was falling to pieces, Hermes would be there. I was sure of it.
Once he left, I took a shaky breath and righted myself, gazing out across the cavern. The River Styx flowed through the stone, carving a path older than all of us. What would it be like to be on the other side? To live knowing there would be an end someday? Mortals didn’t all know about the Underworld, and those who did only suspected, really. They believed, but they’d never been down here, and once they died, they never left to tell their family and friends about it. What would it be like to face that inevitable unknown?
In a way, I envied them. No matter how terrible their lives were, they would have a chance to escape it in the end. I wouldn’t.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift. I couldn’t stomach going back to the happy couple in the woods, so instead I focused on someone I wanted to see—Hermes. I slipped into a vision, viewing the present as it was happening, and my heart skipped a beat. Hermes stood in the throne room, empty except for Hades, and he stared my so-called husband straight in the eye.
“If you don’t let her go, she’s going to wither. You know that. You see it every day. So why delay the inevitable?”
Hades frowned. “You speak as if you know exactly what is happening.”
“I know you love her so much that you’re in agony,” said Hermes. “I know she doesn’t love you, but she’s trying to force herself to anyway because she knows how much it’s hurting you. I know you’re doing everything you possibly can to make her happy, and I know despite that, she feels trapped down here. And I suspect that you feel caged, too.”
