The Gravity of Us
Page 46
“I get it, Graham. You don’t have to explain yourself. I know we can’t—”
“No, just wait. There’s the other list. It’s shorter, much shorter, but in that list I tried to not be so logical. I’m trying to be more like you.”
“Like me? How so?”
“I’m trying to feel. I imagined what it would be like to be happy, and I think you are the definition of happiness.” His dark eyes locked with mine, and he cleared his throat twice. “I tried to list the things I find pleasant, outside of Talon of course. It’s a short list, really, only two things so far, and oddly enough, it begins and ends with you.”
My heart pounded against my chest, my mind spinning faster and faster each second that passed. “Me and me?” I asked, feeling his body’s warmth. I felt his words grazing across my skin and seeping so deep into my soul.
His fingers slowly trailed along my neck. “You and you.”
“But…” Lyric. “We can’t.”
He nodded. “I know. That’s why after I tell you this last thing, I need you to pretend we are only friends. I need you to forget everything I’ve said tonight, but first, I need to tell you this.”
“What is it, Graham?”
His body slowly turned away from me, and he stared at the blinking lights on the tree. My eyes watched as his lips moved so slowly. “Being around you does something strange to me, something that hasn’t happened in such a long time.”
“What happens?”
He took my hand in his then led it to his chest, and his next words came out as a whisper. “My heart begins to beat again.”
“Are we okay?” Graham asked a few days after Easter as I drove him to the airport to catch his flight. His publisher needed him to fly out to New York City to do interviews and a few book signings around the city. He’d been putting off taking trips ever since Talon was born, but he was being forced to attend the meetings. It was the first time he’d be away from Talon for a weekend, and I could tell he was filled with nerves about the separation. “I mean, after our talk the other night?”
I gave him a smile and nodded. “It’s fine, really.”
It was a lie.
Ever since he mentioned that feelings for me lived inside of his chest, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. But, since he had been brave enough to be more like me by feeling everything that night, I was forcing myself to be more like him by trying to feel a little less.
I wondered if this was what his whole life was like, feeling everything only in the shadows.
“Okay.”
As we pulled up to the airport, I climbed out to help him with his suitcases. I grabbed Talon from the back seat, and Graham held her so close to his chest. His eyes glassed over as he looked at his daughter.
“It’s only three days,” I told him.
He nodded once. “Yes, I know, it’s just…” His voice dropped and he kissed Talon’s forehead. “She’s my world.”
Oh, Graham Cracker.
He made it so hard not to fall for him.
“If you need anything, day or night, call me. I mean, I’ll be calling you every break I get.” He paused and bit his bottom lip. “Do you think I should cancel and stay home? She had a bit of a fever this morning.”
I laughed. “Graham, you can’t cancel. Go to work, and then come back to us.” I paused at my word choice and gave him a tight smile. “Back to your daughter.”
He nodded then kissed her forehead once more. “Thank you, Lucille, for everything. I don’t trust many people, but I trust you with my world.” He touched my arm lightly before handing Talon over to me and leaving.
The moment I placed Talon in her car seat, she started screaming, and I tried my best to calm her down. “I know, little lady.” I buckled her in and kissed her forehead. “I’m gonna miss him, too.”
The next day Mari asked me to take a bike ride with her, but since I had Talon, it became a stroller hike. “She’s just beautiful,” Mari said, smiling down at Talon. “She has Mama’s eyes, just like Lyric, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yeah, and Mama’s sassiness, too.” I laughed as we started walking toward the beginning of the trail. “I’m glad we’re finally getting to spend some time together, Mari. I feel like even though we live in the same apartment, I hardly ever see you. I didn’t even get to ask how seeing Sarah went.”
“I didn’t see her,” she blurted out, making me pause my steps.
“What?”
“She wasn’t even in town,” she confessed, her eyes darting around nervously.
“What are you talking about, Mari? You were gone all weekend. Where were you?”
“With Parker,” Mari said nonchalantly, as if her words weren’t drenched in toxicity.
My eyes stayed narrowed. “I’m sorry, come again?”
“A while back, he stopped by Monet’s again when you were out, and I agreed to see him. We’ve been talking for a few months now.”
Months?!
“You’re mad.” She grimaced.
“You lied to me. Since when do we lie to each other?”
“I knew you wouldn’t approve of me seeing him, but he wanted to talk to me about things.”
“Talk about things?” I echoed as anger rocketed through me. “What in the world could there be to talk about?” Her head lowered, and she started tracing her shoe in the dirt. “Oh my gosh, he wants to talk about getting back together, doesn’t he?”
“It’s complicated,” she told me.
“How so? He walked out on you during the worst time of your life, and now he wants to walk back in during the best.”
“He’s my husband.”
“Ex-husband.”
Her head lowered. “I never signed the papers.”
My heart shattered.
“You told me—”
“I know!” she cried, running her hands through her hair, pacing back and forth. “I know I told you it ended, and it did. Mentally, I was done with my marriage, but physically…I never signed the papers.”
“You have got to be kidding me, Mari. He abandoned you, when you had cancer.”
“But still…”
“No, just wait. There’s the other list. It’s shorter, much shorter, but in that list I tried to not be so logical. I’m trying to be more like you.”
“Like me? How so?”
“I’m trying to feel. I imagined what it would be like to be happy, and I think you are the definition of happiness.” His dark eyes locked with mine, and he cleared his throat twice. “I tried to list the things I find pleasant, outside of Talon of course. It’s a short list, really, only two things so far, and oddly enough, it begins and ends with you.”
My heart pounded against my chest, my mind spinning faster and faster each second that passed. “Me and me?” I asked, feeling his body’s warmth. I felt his words grazing across my skin and seeping so deep into my soul.
His fingers slowly trailed along my neck. “You and you.”
“But…” Lyric. “We can’t.”
He nodded. “I know. That’s why after I tell you this last thing, I need you to pretend we are only friends. I need you to forget everything I’ve said tonight, but first, I need to tell you this.”
“What is it, Graham?”
His body slowly turned away from me, and he stared at the blinking lights on the tree. My eyes watched as his lips moved so slowly. “Being around you does something strange to me, something that hasn’t happened in such a long time.”
“What happens?”
He took my hand in his then led it to his chest, and his next words came out as a whisper. “My heart begins to beat again.”
“Are we okay?” Graham asked a few days after Easter as I drove him to the airport to catch his flight. His publisher needed him to fly out to New York City to do interviews and a few book signings around the city. He’d been putting off taking trips ever since Talon was born, but he was being forced to attend the meetings. It was the first time he’d be away from Talon for a weekend, and I could tell he was filled with nerves about the separation. “I mean, after our talk the other night?”
I gave him a smile and nodded. “It’s fine, really.”
It was a lie.
Ever since he mentioned that feelings for me lived inside of his chest, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. But, since he had been brave enough to be more like me by feeling everything that night, I was forcing myself to be more like him by trying to feel a little less.
I wondered if this was what his whole life was like, feeling everything only in the shadows.
“Okay.”
As we pulled up to the airport, I climbed out to help him with his suitcases. I grabbed Talon from the back seat, and Graham held her so close to his chest. His eyes glassed over as he looked at his daughter.
“It’s only three days,” I told him.
He nodded once. “Yes, I know, it’s just…” His voice dropped and he kissed Talon’s forehead. “She’s my world.”
Oh, Graham Cracker.
He made it so hard not to fall for him.
“If you need anything, day or night, call me. I mean, I’ll be calling you every break I get.” He paused and bit his bottom lip. “Do you think I should cancel and stay home? She had a bit of a fever this morning.”
I laughed. “Graham, you can’t cancel. Go to work, and then come back to us.” I paused at my word choice and gave him a tight smile. “Back to your daughter.”
He nodded then kissed her forehead once more. “Thank you, Lucille, for everything. I don’t trust many people, but I trust you with my world.” He touched my arm lightly before handing Talon over to me and leaving.
The moment I placed Talon in her car seat, she started screaming, and I tried my best to calm her down. “I know, little lady.” I buckled her in and kissed her forehead. “I’m gonna miss him, too.”
The next day Mari asked me to take a bike ride with her, but since I had Talon, it became a stroller hike. “She’s just beautiful,” Mari said, smiling down at Talon. “She has Mama’s eyes, just like Lyric, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yeah, and Mama’s sassiness, too.” I laughed as we started walking toward the beginning of the trail. “I’m glad we’re finally getting to spend some time together, Mari. I feel like even though we live in the same apartment, I hardly ever see you. I didn’t even get to ask how seeing Sarah went.”
“I didn’t see her,” she blurted out, making me pause my steps.
“What?”
“She wasn’t even in town,” she confessed, her eyes darting around nervously.
“What are you talking about, Mari? You were gone all weekend. Where were you?”
“With Parker,” Mari said nonchalantly, as if her words weren’t drenched in toxicity.
My eyes stayed narrowed. “I’m sorry, come again?”
“A while back, he stopped by Monet’s again when you were out, and I agreed to see him. We’ve been talking for a few months now.”
Months?!
“You’re mad.” She grimaced.
“You lied to me. Since when do we lie to each other?”
“I knew you wouldn’t approve of me seeing him, but he wanted to talk to me about things.”
“Talk about things?” I echoed as anger rocketed through me. “What in the world could there be to talk about?” Her head lowered, and she started tracing her shoe in the dirt. “Oh my gosh, he wants to talk about getting back together, doesn’t he?”
“It’s complicated,” she told me.
“How so? He walked out on you during the worst time of your life, and now he wants to walk back in during the best.”
“He’s my husband.”
“Ex-husband.”
Her head lowered. “I never signed the papers.”
My heart shattered.
“You told me—”
“I know!” she cried, running her hands through her hair, pacing back and forth. “I know I told you it ended, and it did. Mentally, I was done with my marriage, but physically…I never signed the papers.”
“You have got to be kidding me, Mari. He abandoned you, when you had cancer.”
“But still…”
