The Gravity of Us
Page 59
“They’re going to let you down, Mari. They are going to use your trust and let you down and hurt you. This time, though, it’s your choice. You have the free will to deal with the devils or not, and just don’t come crying to me when you get burned.”
“I know what I’m doing, Lucy. I’m not stupid.”
“No,” I agreed. “You’re not stupid. You’re just too trusting, which is a million times worse.” I swallowed hard and blinked back the tears that wanted to fall. “For the record, I never slept with him. I love him with every ounce of my heart. I love the way he loves me so quietly, but we never slept together, not once, because I could never get past the idea of doing something like that to my sister. Now, though, I see the truth—being a sister isn’t just defined by blood. It’s defined by unconditional love. Lyric was never my sister, and she never will be.” I took the heart-shaped necklace from around my neck and placed it in Mari’s hands. “But, you are my heart, Mari, and I know I’m yours. So, when they hurt you, find me. Find me and I’ll put your heart back together, and then maybe you can help me fix the cracks in my own.”
“Hey, where have you been? I’ve been calling you, but your phone went straight to voicemail,” Graham said as I stood on his front porch, exhausted. His eyes were filled with concern and a heavy dose of guilt as he held Talon in his arms. “Are you okay?”
I nodded slowly and stepped into his foyer. “Yeah. I stopped by Monet’s and got into another big fight with Mari. Then I went for a run to clear my head, and when my phone died, I realized my charger was here, so I just came to pick it up. I hope that’s okay.” I brushed past him and blinked my eyes a few times, trying to hide the emotion that was seeping from my spirit.
“Of course it’s okay, I was just worried.” His eyes stayed glued to me, his concern never easing up, but I tried my best not to notice as I walked into Talon’s room to grab my charger.
My heart was beating uncontrollably as I tried my best not to fall apart. My mind was spinning, thinking about everything that had just unspun with Mari in the shop. It was as if my favorite person in the whole world had been drugged and was being controlled by the hands of hate and confusion, yet was being told it was love driving her decisions.
It was heartbreaking to watch your best friend set herself up for heartache.
“Lucille,” Graham said, following after me.
I blinked.
Oh, Graham…
The comfort of his smooth voice went right to my soul.
“I’m okay,” I told him, walking past him with my charger. I avoided eye contact, because I knew eye contact would make me melt, and I couldn’t melt into him. Maybe Mari was right—maybe every feeling I had for the man before me was wrong.
If only love came with a timeline and instructions.
If it had, I would’ve fallen in love with him when our timing was right. If love came with a timeline, Graham Russell would’ve always held my heart.
“I think I’m going to just stay at a hotel for a few nights. I think it’s too messy to stay here knowing Lyric is back. I’m going to grab some of my things.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he told me. “You’re staying here. This is your home.”
Home.
If he knew me, he’d know that all my life, home was always shifting. I never planted my roots anywhere, and when it was time to move, it was time to move.
Even if going meant leaving my heartbeats behind.
“No, really, it’s okay,” I said, still avoiding eye contact. I didn’t want to fall apart, not in front of Graham. I’d wait until I got to the hotel to lose myself. Feel less, Lucy. Feel less.
That was almost impossible when I felt a tiny hand reach out to me and tug on my shirt. “LuLu,” Talon said, making me turn toward her. She had the brightest smile and the widest beautiful eyes, which were staring my way. Oh, how her smile made my heart beat. “LuLu,” she repeated, reaching out for me to lift her up.
It cracked my heart, which I was trying so hard to keep intact.
“Hey, honey,” I said, taking her from Graham’s arms. I knew it wasn’t right, knew she wasn’t mine to have, but that little girl had changed me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. She never looked at me with judgment for my mistakes. She never turned her back on me. She only loved unconditionally, fully, honestly.
As I held her so tight in my arms, my body started to shake. The idea that I wouldn’t wake up to her sounds every day was weighing on my soul. The idea that the past year with Talon and Graham would be the last year we all spent together was soul-crushing.
Yes, Talon wasn’t mine, but I was hers. All of me loved that child. All of me would give my world for her and her father.
I couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t fight the tears that started flooding my eyes. I couldn’t change the person I’d always been.
I was the girl who felt everything, and in that moment, my whole world began to crumble.
I held Talon against me and cried into her shirt as she kept speaking her random words. My eyes shut tight as I sobbed against the beautiful soul.
This was where I had felt it for the first time.
What it felt like to be happy.
What it felt like to be loved.
What it felt like to be part of something bigger than myself.
And now, I was being forced to leave.
A hand fell against my lower back, and I curved into Graham’s touch. He stood behind me, tall like the oak trees in the forest, and lowered his lips against my ear. As the words danced from his mouth and into my spirit, I remembered exactly why he was the man I chose to love fully. When he spoke, his words forever marked my soul as his. “If you need to fall, fall into me.”
Jane came back the following day, as if she had a right to stop by whenever she pleased. I hated the fact that I didn’t know what she had up her sleeve. I hated the unease I felt about the idea of her being back in town.
I knew she was capable of anything, but my biggest fear was that she’d try to take Talon away from me. If I knew anything about Jane, it was that she was intelligent—and sneaky. One never really knew what she was up to, and that made my skin crawl.
“Is she here?” Jane asked, stepping into the foyer of the house. Her eyes darted around the space, and I rolled my eyes in response.
“I know what I’m doing, Lucy. I’m not stupid.”
“No,” I agreed. “You’re not stupid. You’re just too trusting, which is a million times worse.” I swallowed hard and blinked back the tears that wanted to fall. “For the record, I never slept with him. I love him with every ounce of my heart. I love the way he loves me so quietly, but we never slept together, not once, because I could never get past the idea of doing something like that to my sister. Now, though, I see the truth—being a sister isn’t just defined by blood. It’s defined by unconditional love. Lyric was never my sister, and she never will be.” I took the heart-shaped necklace from around my neck and placed it in Mari’s hands. “But, you are my heart, Mari, and I know I’m yours. So, when they hurt you, find me. Find me and I’ll put your heart back together, and then maybe you can help me fix the cracks in my own.”
“Hey, where have you been? I’ve been calling you, but your phone went straight to voicemail,” Graham said as I stood on his front porch, exhausted. His eyes were filled with concern and a heavy dose of guilt as he held Talon in his arms. “Are you okay?”
I nodded slowly and stepped into his foyer. “Yeah. I stopped by Monet’s and got into another big fight with Mari. Then I went for a run to clear my head, and when my phone died, I realized my charger was here, so I just came to pick it up. I hope that’s okay.” I brushed past him and blinked my eyes a few times, trying to hide the emotion that was seeping from my spirit.
“Of course it’s okay, I was just worried.” His eyes stayed glued to me, his concern never easing up, but I tried my best not to notice as I walked into Talon’s room to grab my charger.
My heart was beating uncontrollably as I tried my best not to fall apart. My mind was spinning, thinking about everything that had just unspun with Mari in the shop. It was as if my favorite person in the whole world had been drugged and was being controlled by the hands of hate and confusion, yet was being told it was love driving her decisions.
It was heartbreaking to watch your best friend set herself up for heartache.
“Lucille,” Graham said, following after me.
I blinked.
Oh, Graham…
The comfort of his smooth voice went right to my soul.
“I’m okay,” I told him, walking past him with my charger. I avoided eye contact, because I knew eye contact would make me melt, and I couldn’t melt into him. Maybe Mari was right—maybe every feeling I had for the man before me was wrong.
If only love came with a timeline and instructions.
If it had, I would’ve fallen in love with him when our timing was right. If love came with a timeline, Graham Russell would’ve always held my heart.
“I think I’m going to just stay at a hotel for a few nights. I think it’s too messy to stay here knowing Lyric is back. I’m going to grab some of my things.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he told me. “You’re staying here. This is your home.”
Home.
If he knew me, he’d know that all my life, home was always shifting. I never planted my roots anywhere, and when it was time to move, it was time to move.
Even if going meant leaving my heartbeats behind.
“No, really, it’s okay,” I said, still avoiding eye contact. I didn’t want to fall apart, not in front of Graham. I’d wait until I got to the hotel to lose myself. Feel less, Lucy. Feel less.
That was almost impossible when I felt a tiny hand reach out to me and tug on my shirt. “LuLu,” Talon said, making me turn toward her. She had the brightest smile and the widest beautiful eyes, which were staring my way. Oh, how her smile made my heart beat. “LuLu,” she repeated, reaching out for me to lift her up.
It cracked my heart, which I was trying so hard to keep intact.
“Hey, honey,” I said, taking her from Graham’s arms. I knew it wasn’t right, knew she wasn’t mine to have, but that little girl had changed me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. She never looked at me with judgment for my mistakes. She never turned her back on me. She only loved unconditionally, fully, honestly.
As I held her so tight in my arms, my body started to shake. The idea that I wouldn’t wake up to her sounds every day was weighing on my soul. The idea that the past year with Talon and Graham would be the last year we all spent together was soul-crushing.
Yes, Talon wasn’t mine, but I was hers. All of me loved that child. All of me would give my world for her and her father.
I couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t fight the tears that started flooding my eyes. I couldn’t change the person I’d always been.
I was the girl who felt everything, and in that moment, my whole world began to crumble.
I held Talon against me and cried into her shirt as she kept speaking her random words. My eyes shut tight as I sobbed against the beautiful soul.
This was where I had felt it for the first time.
What it felt like to be happy.
What it felt like to be loved.
What it felt like to be part of something bigger than myself.
And now, I was being forced to leave.
A hand fell against my lower back, and I curved into Graham’s touch. He stood behind me, tall like the oak trees in the forest, and lowered his lips against my ear. As the words danced from his mouth and into my spirit, I remembered exactly why he was the man I chose to love fully. When he spoke, his words forever marked my soul as his. “If you need to fall, fall into me.”
Jane came back the following day, as if she had a right to stop by whenever she pleased. I hated the fact that I didn’t know what she had up her sleeve. I hated the unease I felt about the idea of her being back in town.
I knew she was capable of anything, but my biggest fear was that she’d try to take Talon away from me. If I knew anything about Jane, it was that she was intelligent—and sneaky. One never really knew what she was up to, and that made my skin crawl.
“Is she here?” Jane asked, stepping into the foyer of the house. Her eyes darted around the space, and I rolled my eyes in response.
