The Helmet of Horror

Chapter Nine

A porcupine.
IsoldA
Yes, that's it. A porcupine sitting on a bronze tree-stump with water flowing out from it in all directions, as though the beast had suffered bad fright. And the snake is coiled up creeping towards the stump and shooting out a tall jet of water that divides into three branches and falls like rain on the porcupine and everything all around. It's an incredibly beautiful fountain. The first time I saw it there was a little rainbow suspended in the spray of water beside it, and from that moment on I loved it best of all. There are actually three jets of water, but with different pressures. Their nozzles are set close beside each other in the snake's mouth, so it looks as though there's one jet rising into the air and three falling downwards. And I remembered the tattoo on your wrist, the oil and the yachtclub. Does the jet you can see above the bushes divide into three?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Yes, I think so.
IsoldA
Aren't you absolutely sure?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
I can see a jet of water and the roof of a house when I climb up on to a bench and stand on the back of it. But it's not possible to stand up there like that for very long, you sway backwards and forwards and then you lose your balance and you have to jump down. That makes it hard to make out the details. But if it is the same fountain you should see my labyrinth when you stand beside it.
IsoldA
There's a tall hedge beside the fountain with the snake and the porcupine and I can't tell what's behind it. It's very long  -  I walked a little way along it, the bushes fence off a large section of park. I think that must be your enclosure.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
If you've walked along that hedge, at one moment we might only have been ten feet apart. I was beside it too, on my own side. I'm practically certain it was the outside hedge. In the first place, there were two rows of barbed fencing instead of just one in the bushes. And in the second place, there's a spot where you can clearly hear the sound of falling water. Oh and, by the way, beside the spot with the sound of water there's a long wall protruding from the bushes. It looks like the back of some building and it's painted with pink and gold Cupids blowing seashells like trumpets. Have you got anything like that?
IsoldA
There is a single-storey building to the right of the fountain. It looks like a pavilion for storing garden tools, except that it's very big. Its back section disappears into the high hedge. But I didn't see any Cupids on it.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Can you get inside?
IsoldA
The door's locked. Is there a door in your wall?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Yes.
IsoldA
Does it open?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
To be honest I didn't try it. I stood beside it for a while and suddenly I felt terrified, I even got a pounding in my temples. I'm not the timid type at all, but suddenly there it was. For no reason at all. I thought  -  who knows what's inside there? What if it's the Minotaur?
:-)))
UGLI 666
Nutcracker, do you know any Latin?
Nutscracker
The Senate and People of Rome. P-Q-R-S. No, I'm confusing it with the alphabet. What the Romans had was S-P-Q-R.
Monstradamus
Why are you interested in Latin, Ugly?
UGLI 666
To translate a few words.
Monstradamus
I'll give it a try.
UGLI 666
What's 'aiselceclesia'?
Monstradamus
I don't know.
UGLI 666
And 'ieselceaeclesi'?
Monstradamus
I don't know that either. Are you sure it's Latin?
UGLI 666
What else could it be?
Monstradamus
I can't tell yet. Can you give us the whole phrase?
UGLI 666
It's very long.
Monstradamus
Then a couple of words at least.
UGLI 666
It starts: 'aiselceclesia ieselceaeclesi selceataecles elceatctaecle'.
Monstradamus
Stop, that's enough for now.
UGLI 666
What is it?
Monstradamus
Not so fast. Let me have a think.
Nutscracker
Where's it from, Ugly?
UGLI 666
From a labyrinth.
Nutscracker
Have you got a labyrinth outside your door?
UGLI 666
What else am I supposed to have?
Nutscracker
Catacombs.
Monstradamus
Don't mock, Nutcracker.
UGLI 666
The catacombs were the cradle of the faith. It would have been great reassurance from the Lord.
Nutscracker
She said before she had a hall full of benches. Now all of a sudden there's a labyrinth.
UGLI 666
I wish you'd go back to your bitches, Nutcracker, I really do. Can you make anything of it, Monstradamus?
Monstradamus
Were the words written in a column, one under the other?
UGLI 666
Yes.
Monstradamus
Can you type the one that was in the middle?
UGLI 666
What do you mean? Which one's that?
Monstradamus
The seventh from the top, if that makes it easier.
UGLI 666
Eatcnasanctae.
Nutscracker
Eat NASA. I can't make out any other references there.
Monstradamus
Where did you find it?
UGLI 666
I don't really want to talk about that.
Monstradamus
What if I reproduce the entire inscription, then will you tell me?
UGLI 666
In that case, yes.
Monstradamus
The inscription was this:
A I S E L C E C L E S I A I S E L C E A E C L
E S I S E L C E A T A E C L E S E L C E A T
C T A E C L E L C E A T C N C T A E C L C
E A T C E A N C T A E C E A T C N A S A
N C T A E C E A T C N A N C T A E C L C
E A T C N C T A E C L E L C E A T C T A E
C L E S E L C E A T A E C L E S I S E L C E
A E C L E S I A I S E L C E C L E S I A
UGLI 666
That's right. How did you do that?
Monstradamus
Dominus illuminatio mea.
UGLI 666
But what does it mean?
Monstradamus
The Lord is my light.
UGLI 666
I mean what does my inscription mean?
Monstradamus
Well, what do you think?
UGLI 666
I can't make any sense of it at all. What sense is there?
Monstradamus
The sense can be very different, depending on where you found it. So you'll have to be honest about everything.
UGLI 666
All right. Outside my door there really is a hall with benches. I didn't really look at it properly at first. But then when I did ... I'm not even sure whether you'll believe me or not, Monstradamus.
Monstradamus
I'll give it a try.
UGLI 666
There's a cathedral there. A Gothic cathedral.
Nutscracker
You just said there was a labyrinth.
UGLI 666
That's there too, only inside the cathedral. And in front of the entrance to the labyrinth there's another Latin inscription laid out on the floor:
HVNC MVNDVM TIPICE LABERINTHVS
DENOTAT ISTE:
INTRANTI LARGVS, REDEVNTI SED
NIMIS ARTVS SIC MVNDO CAPTVS,
VICIORVM MOLLE GRAVATVS VIX VALET
AD VITE DOCTRINAM QVISQVE REDIRE.
Monstradamus
The meaning of that is more or less as follows  -  'the labyrinth represents the world in which we live, wide at the entrance, but narrow at the exit. He who is ensnared by the joys of this world and is burdened with its sins, may only rediscover the doctrine of life through effort.' Only don't ask me what the doctrine of life is. Was there really a wide entrance and a narrow exit?
UGLI 666
There wasn't any entrance or exit at all in the usual sense. The entire labyrinth was laid out on the floor of the cathedral in light-blue marble. It's just a mosaic.
Nutscracker
Is there such a thing as light-blue marble?
UGLI 666