The Home Court Advantage
Page 50
“If your stalker is really into this conspiracy stuff, maybe he’ll still go on the UFO watch tonight,” Jess suggested. “It would seem like that would be kind of important.”
“I say that we hold our own UFO vigil from the hot tub,” Cam suggested.
“The chances that we would be able to recognize him in the woods in the dark are pretty slim. Maybe we should just decide later whether we think it’s worth it,” I said.
After the later lecture, wherein we discovered that certain celebrities might be aliens, which explained a lot about Miley Cyrus, we went back to the cabin. Everyone decided to retire to their rooms to relax and nap, since we might be having a late night. At around five, we started assembling again. The guys wanted to watch sports, so we ordered dinner and watched football for a couple of hours. After we ate, we decided to play one of the board games called “Say My Name.” It involved giving your partner clues to try to get them to identify the person or character on your card, but you couldn’t say the “forbidden words” as clues. Adam wound up paired with Lily again and the two of them were hysterical. And so were we most of the time watching them.
“Okay, this is a fictional character,” Lily began. “And he’s like a human.”
“What?” Adam asked her, looking befuddled. “What the f**k does that mean? He’s like a human?” He shook his head and scowled at her.
“He wears clothes!” she said frantically. I had feeling that this game had Lily on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
“He wears clothes. Great. Well, that narrows it down.” The sands of the hourglass were pouring away and Braden, Cam, Jess and I, were laughing our asses off at this exchange already.
“And he walks upright!” she added, waving her hands frantically.
“I would hope that most of the people in this game walk upright! Give me a real f**king clue already!” Adam had that homicidal look again.
“Duh huh!” she said desperately.
“Hey! All you’ve told me is that he’s a fictional character who wears clothes and walks upright. Don’t duh huh me!” he spit out angrily.
“No! No! He says that!” Suddenly she started making barking noises.
“Are you okay?” he asked looking at her like she was nuts.
“Has a place in Florida…” She looked seriously stressed out. I was starting to worry.
“He’s retired?” Adam asked, still looking confused.
“He wears bright colored clothes. He tells jokes.”
“It sounds like you’re describing my Uncle Murray,” Adam was shaking his head.
“Time!” I yelled almost peeing myself I was laughing so hard.
“Goofy! The answer was Goofy!” Lily said with disgust.
“Goofy?! That was the best you could come up with for Goofy?!”
“I couldn’t say Disney or dog or cartoon or anything because they were forbidden words!” She pointed to the card.
“Oh now now kids! Play nicely!” Jess said.
“What do you say we do one more round and then hit the hot tub,” Cam suggested after a while. That idea received universal support.
Adam and Lily went last. I had a feeling this would be a Grand Finale.
“Okay,” Adam began, “Now concentrate! This was a real person. White suit!”
“Colonel Sanders!” Lily replied quickly.
“Colonel Sanders? I said it was a real person, not a logo for a chicken joint!”
“He was a real person! If you don’t believe me look it up!”
“Whatever! Not Colonel Sanders though. Humor!” he said urgently.
“Steve Martin!” She clapped her hands with joy, obviously believing that they had finally gotten one right.
“No, uh …” He searched for another clue.
“Wait! White suit and humor but not Steve Martin?” She looked crushed.
“I just said no!” He yelled. “Hannibal!”
“Um, uh, Dumbo …” she said with a deeply pensive expression.
“Dumbo?! What the f**k?!”
“Hannibal! Elephants! And before you say it he was real too, you schmuck!”
“Guess again goddamnit!”
“Anthony Hopkins!” Adam threw down the card and looked like he was going to cry.
“Halley’s Comet!” he growled.
“Halley’s Comet?! What in hell do you mean Halley’s Comet?”
“Time!” Braden informed them gleefully, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.
“Mark Twain! You’re an author Christ’s sake!” Adam bit out.
“Oh, right! He was from Hannibal, Missouri! What in the hell did Halley’s Comet have to do with Mark Twain?!”
“It appeared on the day he was born and the day he died! Duh huh!” Adam said.
“This isn’t Trivial f**king Pursuit!” Lily shot back. “Why didn’t you say Mississippi or riverboat or frog jumping contest or something besides Halley’s Motherfucking Comet?!
“Because they’re all forbidden motherfucking words! Miss ‘like a human’!” he yelled. I could just picture them as an old Jewish couple for some reason. Okay, maybe with fewer uses of the word “motherfucker.”
“Okay guys! Let’s hit the hot tub!” Cam interrupted. Adam and Lily stood up and promptly crashed into each other while attempting to walk in opposite directions. They were stuck between a couch and a coffee table and neither was willing to back up so they literally climbed over one another and headed for their rooms. They really were very entertaining.
CHAPTER TWENTY
We were back downstairs and in the hot tub with cocktails and music in fifteen minutes. Let me point out that none of us were really heavy drinkers. It was an occasional thing we did to let loose, like visiting conspiracy clubs and going on UFO hunts.
Our group had varied musical tastes but most of us were eclectic. The guys all preferred classic rock but we girls liked our 80s music and it was our turn. While they weren’t thrilled about it, they sat there tolerantly listening to us do our really bad sing-along Karaoke versions of Blue Jean by David Bowie and A- ha’s Take On Me. Somewhere in the middle of Tonight is What it Means to be Young I looked up and saw something weird. It was a light. Up in the sky. Oh, no way, man!
“Look!” I pointed and mentally tried to calculate how many vodka and cranberries I had drunk. Everyone turned to look up in the direction I was pointing.
“I say that we hold our own UFO vigil from the hot tub,” Cam suggested.
“The chances that we would be able to recognize him in the woods in the dark are pretty slim. Maybe we should just decide later whether we think it’s worth it,” I said.
After the later lecture, wherein we discovered that certain celebrities might be aliens, which explained a lot about Miley Cyrus, we went back to the cabin. Everyone decided to retire to their rooms to relax and nap, since we might be having a late night. At around five, we started assembling again. The guys wanted to watch sports, so we ordered dinner and watched football for a couple of hours. After we ate, we decided to play one of the board games called “Say My Name.” It involved giving your partner clues to try to get them to identify the person or character on your card, but you couldn’t say the “forbidden words” as clues. Adam wound up paired with Lily again and the two of them were hysterical. And so were we most of the time watching them.
“Okay, this is a fictional character,” Lily began. “And he’s like a human.”
“What?” Adam asked her, looking befuddled. “What the f**k does that mean? He’s like a human?” He shook his head and scowled at her.
“He wears clothes!” she said frantically. I had feeling that this game had Lily on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
“He wears clothes. Great. Well, that narrows it down.” The sands of the hourglass were pouring away and Braden, Cam, Jess and I, were laughing our asses off at this exchange already.
“And he walks upright!” she added, waving her hands frantically.
“I would hope that most of the people in this game walk upright! Give me a real f**king clue already!” Adam had that homicidal look again.
“Duh huh!” she said desperately.
“Hey! All you’ve told me is that he’s a fictional character who wears clothes and walks upright. Don’t duh huh me!” he spit out angrily.
“No! No! He says that!” Suddenly she started making barking noises.
“Are you okay?” he asked looking at her like she was nuts.
“Has a place in Florida…” She looked seriously stressed out. I was starting to worry.
“He’s retired?” Adam asked, still looking confused.
“He wears bright colored clothes. He tells jokes.”
“It sounds like you’re describing my Uncle Murray,” Adam was shaking his head.
“Time!” I yelled almost peeing myself I was laughing so hard.
“Goofy! The answer was Goofy!” Lily said with disgust.
“Goofy?! That was the best you could come up with for Goofy?!”
“I couldn’t say Disney or dog or cartoon or anything because they were forbidden words!” She pointed to the card.
“Oh now now kids! Play nicely!” Jess said.
“What do you say we do one more round and then hit the hot tub,” Cam suggested after a while. That idea received universal support.
Adam and Lily went last. I had a feeling this would be a Grand Finale.
“Okay,” Adam began, “Now concentrate! This was a real person. White suit!”
“Colonel Sanders!” Lily replied quickly.
“Colonel Sanders? I said it was a real person, not a logo for a chicken joint!”
“He was a real person! If you don’t believe me look it up!”
“Whatever! Not Colonel Sanders though. Humor!” he said urgently.
“Steve Martin!” She clapped her hands with joy, obviously believing that they had finally gotten one right.
“No, uh …” He searched for another clue.
“Wait! White suit and humor but not Steve Martin?” She looked crushed.
“I just said no!” He yelled. “Hannibal!”
“Um, uh, Dumbo …” she said with a deeply pensive expression.
“Dumbo?! What the f**k?!”
“Hannibal! Elephants! And before you say it he was real too, you schmuck!”
“Guess again goddamnit!”
“Anthony Hopkins!” Adam threw down the card and looked like he was going to cry.
“Halley’s Comet!” he growled.
“Halley’s Comet?! What in hell do you mean Halley’s Comet?”
“Time!” Braden informed them gleefully, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes.
“Mark Twain! You’re an author Christ’s sake!” Adam bit out.
“Oh, right! He was from Hannibal, Missouri! What in the hell did Halley’s Comet have to do with Mark Twain?!”
“It appeared on the day he was born and the day he died! Duh huh!” Adam said.
“This isn’t Trivial f**king Pursuit!” Lily shot back. “Why didn’t you say Mississippi or riverboat or frog jumping contest or something besides Halley’s Motherfucking Comet?!
“Because they’re all forbidden motherfucking words! Miss ‘like a human’!” he yelled. I could just picture them as an old Jewish couple for some reason. Okay, maybe with fewer uses of the word “motherfucker.”
“Okay guys! Let’s hit the hot tub!” Cam interrupted. Adam and Lily stood up and promptly crashed into each other while attempting to walk in opposite directions. They were stuck between a couch and a coffee table and neither was willing to back up so they literally climbed over one another and headed for their rooms. They really were very entertaining.
CHAPTER TWENTY
We were back downstairs and in the hot tub with cocktails and music in fifteen minutes. Let me point out that none of us were really heavy drinkers. It was an occasional thing we did to let loose, like visiting conspiracy clubs and going on UFO hunts.
Our group had varied musical tastes but most of us were eclectic. The guys all preferred classic rock but we girls liked our 80s music and it was our turn. While they weren’t thrilled about it, they sat there tolerantly listening to us do our really bad sing-along Karaoke versions of Blue Jean by David Bowie and A- ha’s Take On Me. Somewhere in the middle of Tonight is What it Means to be Young I looked up and saw something weird. It was a light. Up in the sky. Oh, no way, man!
“Look!” I pointed and mentally tried to calculate how many vodka and cranberries I had drunk. Everyone turned to look up in the direction I was pointing.
