The Homecoming
Page 21
A big spider suddenly appeared on the worktable, probably having hitched a ride in a flower shipment. Grace gasped and nearly fell over her stool trying to get away from it. Iris made a fist and slammed it on the spider without hesitating. She wiped her fist on her skirt.
“So I had to tell him,” Iris said.
Grace reached for a paper towel to wipe up the squished spider. “Apparently you’re a very physical person,” she said, making a face at the mess.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you—you can’t be in the flower business if you’re squeamish or scared of bugs?”
“I’m fine with bugs. I just don’t like them here. So you told him,” Grace said.
“And just as I always suspected, he had no memory of it at all. He had no idea. He was basically doing it in his sleep. I could have been any woman.”
“Yeah, I knew that about men. Did he say he was sorry?”
“Of course. He was devastated. He was worried that he’d hurt me, which he had not. At least not until he ignored me and forgot about me and about it. He thought I was mad about the prom and he got mad right back, saying it was stupid and melodramatic, that I knew he had a girlfriend and they’d just had a fight and... Well, you know all that.”
“So, he’s sorry, which of course he should be, but what do you expect of him now? Is he supposed to be more than sorry?”
“He’s been sending me gifts all week and today this note came in a horn of plenty. It’s beautiful, by the way. Will look great on my dining room table.” Iris pulled the small note out of her pocket and passed it to Grace.
Grace read it. “That’s very sweet,” she said, handing it back. “Why does this upset you?”
“You have to know Seth,” she said. “No one knows Seth like I do. He’d do anything for my forgiveness because he feels guilty about what he did, even though he was just a stupid kid and didn’t mean to do it. He’d never intentionally hurt anyone. And now that he feels responsible for my anger, for my hurt, he’ll do anything. He’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to me. He’d marry me to make sure I know how much he regrets his actions.”
“Gee,” Grace said. “A girl could do worse....”
“He’d sacrifice anything...everything to undo what he’s done. At first I wouldn’t tell him why I didn’t want to be best friends anymore because I just couldn’t face the humiliation. Then I didn’t tell him why because I didn’t want him to be nice to me out of guilt.”
“Come on,” Grace said. “You’re thinking for him. You can’t be sure all he feels for you is guilt.”
“No, I can’t. And I also can’t be sure it’s not.”
“Iris,” Grace said, leaning toward her. “You’d think a counselor would get over adolescent trauma by now!”
“That’s why I’m in this business,” she said. “You just don’t know how hard it is to get beyond adolescent trauma.”
“Yes, I do, but this is not about me. You should level with him. Again. Tell him why you’re worried about his attention.”
“Not in a million years!”
“Here’s what you’re going to do. Go home. Change into something that looks great on you, put on some fresh lips, go to Cliff’s at seven and tell the man you forgive him. He didn’t know what he was doing, it’s been seventeen years and he’s very sorry. Besides, what more can he do? What more do you want?”
“I don’t want anything,” Iris said. “I just want him to move on. I’m not strong enough for all this. I don’t want to be his cross to bear.”
“Iris, let him make his amends, accept his apologies and put him out of his misery.”
“I’m afraid, Grace.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Grace, I’ve wanted to fall in love since I was eighteen! Every time I met a guy with potential, I wanted so much to fall in love and be loved! But I couldn’t. Because the only guy I’ve ever loved is Seth. I don’t want to want him and watch him walk away from me again! I don’t want to confuse his making amends for love and have my heart broken all over again!”
Grace stared at her, speechless. Finally she said, “Wow. Who knew you were so complicated.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Go to dinner. Have a conversation.”
“I just don’t know what to say!”
“Talk to him. Tell him the truth. It seemed safer to drive him away than to make up only to watch him walk. Level with him. Be honest for once. Tell him that you’re relying on him to also be honest.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I just can’t.”
“Listen to me, Iris. Do you want to feel this way for another seventeen years? Confused and hopeful and angry and hopeful again? There’s only one way to end this. Rip off that Band-Aid! Tell him, as a girl you loved him. You’re not a girl anymore—you’re a woman. Too old to play games. Too old to pretend. Tell him you need him to promise not to mislead you with stupid gestures. But also tell him he’s forgiven for all the misunderstandings and idiocy of youth and he is allowed to let it go and walk away. Seriously, Iris—get it over with.”
Iris sniffed. “And then?”
“And then, I can recommend the crab cakes. Nobody makes crab cakes like Cliff’s.”
Six
Iris dressed with care. She tried to examine her motives honestly and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to torture Seth before telling him she was forever done putting up with his mixed messages or if she wanted him to be impressed and tempted. She wore gold slacks that accentuated her long legs. Not shimmering gold but more of a yellow-gold. She had a favorite cowl-necked black sweater that flattered her figure and she added a long gold chain. She risked a great deal by wearing her hair loose, falling to her shoulders. If she got caught in a big wind she’d look like Bozo the Clown with brown hair.
Her confidence restored, she walked into the restaurant and looked around. There was Seth at the bar. He turned, saw her and stood, looking across the bar at her. He smiled.
And right next to him, Troy stood. Also smiling.
Oh, this could be problematic.
Just to be safe, she looked around to see if any other eligible bachelors stood and smiled at her. Thank God, it was only two. But why did it have to be the two men she’d been trying to push away? She was trying so hard to build Troy into a good friend without romantic expectations and to keep Seth from leading her on and hurting her again. They were both making this difficult. She was running out of patience. If Troy had expected a quiet, private romantic dinner, Cliff’s was the last place he should have chosen. If Seth wanted yet another round at working things out, he should be worried she might hit him again.
“So I had to tell him,” Iris said.
Grace reached for a paper towel to wipe up the squished spider. “Apparently you’re a very physical person,” she said, making a face at the mess.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you—you can’t be in the flower business if you’re squeamish or scared of bugs?”
“I’m fine with bugs. I just don’t like them here. So you told him,” Grace said.
“And just as I always suspected, he had no memory of it at all. He had no idea. He was basically doing it in his sleep. I could have been any woman.”
“Yeah, I knew that about men. Did he say he was sorry?”
“Of course. He was devastated. He was worried that he’d hurt me, which he had not. At least not until he ignored me and forgot about me and about it. He thought I was mad about the prom and he got mad right back, saying it was stupid and melodramatic, that I knew he had a girlfriend and they’d just had a fight and... Well, you know all that.”
“So, he’s sorry, which of course he should be, but what do you expect of him now? Is he supposed to be more than sorry?”
“He’s been sending me gifts all week and today this note came in a horn of plenty. It’s beautiful, by the way. Will look great on my dining room table.” Iris pulled the small note out of her pocket and passed it to Grace.
Grace read it. “That’s very sweet,” she said, handing it back. “Why does this upset you?”
“You have to know Seth,” she said. “No one knows Seth like I do. He’d do anything for my forgiveness because he feels guilty about what he did, even though he was just a stupid kid and didn’t mean to do it. He’d never intentionally hurt anyone. And now that he feels responsible for my anger, for my hurt, he’ll do anything. He’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to me. He’d marry me to make sure I know how much he regrets his actions.”
“Gee,” Grace said. “A girl could do worse....”
“He’d sacrifice anything...everything to undo what he’s done. At first I wouldn’t tell him why I didn’t want to be best friends anymore because I just couldn’t face the humiliation. Then I didn’t tell him why because I didn’t want him to be nice to me out of guilt.”
“Come on,” Grace said. “You’re thinking for him. You can’t be sure all he feels for you is guilt.”
“No, I can’t. And I also can’t be sure it’s not.”
“Iris,” Grace said, leaning toward her. “You’d think a counselor would get over adolescent trauma by now!”
“That’s why I’m in this business,” she said. “You just don’t know how hard it is to get beyond adolescent trauma.”
“Yes, I do, but this is not about me. You should level with him. Again. Tell him why you’re worried about his attention.”
“Not in a million years!”
“Here’s what you’re going to do. Go home. Change into something that looks great on you, put on some fresh lips, go to Cliff’s at seven and tell the man you forgive him. He didn’t know what he was doing, it’s been seventeen years and he’s very sorry. Besides, what more can he do? What more do you want?”
“I don’t want anything,” Iris said. “I just want him to move on. I’m not strong enough for all this. I don’t want to be his cross to bear.”
“Iris, let him make his amends, accept his apologies and put him out of his misery.”
“I’m afraid, Grace.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Grace, I’ve wanted to fall in love since I was eighteen! Every time I met a guy with potential, I wanted so much to fall in love and be loved! But I couldn’t. Because the only guy I’ve ever loved is Seth. I don’t want to want him and watch him walk away from me again! I don’t want to confuse his making amends for love and have my heart broken all over again!”
Grace stared at her, speechless. Finally she said, “Wow. Who knew you were so complicated.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Go to dinner. Have a conversation.”
“I just don’t know what to say!”
“Talk to him. Tell him the truth. It seemed safer to drive him away than to make up only to watch him walk. Level with him. Be honest for once. Tell him that you’re relying on him to also be honest.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I just can’t.”
“Listen to me, Iris. Do you want to feel this way for another seventeen years? Confused and hopeful and angry and hopeful again? There’s only one way to end this. Rip off that Band-Aid! Tell him, as a girl you loved him. You’re not a girl anymore—you’re a woman. Too old to play games. Too old to pretend. Tell him you need him to promise not to mislead you with stupid gestures. But also tell him he’s forgiven for all the misunderstandings and idiocy of youth and he is allowed to let it go and walk away. Seriously, Iris—get it over with.”
Iris sniffed. “And then?”
“And then, I can recommend the crab cakes. Nobody makes crab cakes like Cliff’s.”
Six
Iris dressed with care. She tried to examine her motives honestly and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to torture Seth before telling him she was forever done putting up with his mixed messages or if she wanted him to be impressed and tempted. She wore gold slacks that accentuated her long legs. Not shimmering gold but more of a yellow-gold. She had a favorite cowl-necked black sweater that flattered her figure and she added a long gold chain. She risked a great deal by wearing her hair loose, falling to her shoulders. If she got caught in a big wind she’d look like Bozo the Clown with brown hair.
Her confidence restored, she walked into the restaurant and looked around. There was Seth at the bar. He turned, saw her and stood, looking across the bar at her. He smiled.
And right next to him, Troy stood. Also smiling.
Oh, this could be problematic.
Just to be safe, she looked around to see if any other eligible bachelors stood and smiled at her. Thank God, it was only two. But why did it have to be the two men she’d been trying to push away? She was trying so hard to build Troy into a good friend without romantic expectations and to keep Seth from leading her on and hurting her again. They were both making this difficult. She was running out of patience. If Troy had expected a quiet, private romantic dinner, Cliff’s was the last place he should have chosen. If Seth wanted yet another round at working things out, he should be worried she might hit him again.
