The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms
Page 59
He stepped forward again. I felt it: an impossible, invisible vastness moved with him. I heard the walls of Sar-enna-nem groan, too flimsy to contain such power. The whole world could not contain this. I heard the sky above Darr rumble with thunder; the ground beneath my feet trembled. White teeth gleamed amid the darkness, sharp like wolves. That was when I knew I had to act, or the Nightlord would kill my grandmother right before my eyes.
Right before my
* * *
Right before my eyes she lies, sprawled and naked and bloody
this is not flesh this is all you can comprehend
but it means the same thing as flesh, she is dead and violated, her perfect form torn in ways that should not be possible, should not be and who has done this? Who could have
what did it mean that he made love to me before driving the knife home?
and then it hits: betrayal. I had known of his anger, but never once did I imagine never once had I dreamt I had dismissed her fears. I thought I knew him. I gather her body to mine and will all of creation to make her live again. We are not built for death. But nothing changes, nothing changes, there was a hell that I built long ago and it was a place where everything remained the same forever because I could imagine nothing more horrific, and now I am there.
Then others come, our children, and all react with equal horror
in a childs eyes, a mother is god
but I can see nothing of their grief through the black mist of my own. I lay her body down but my hands are covered in her blood, our blood, sister lover pupil teacher friend otherself, and when I lift my head to scream out my fury, a million stars turn black and die. No one can see them, but they are my tears.
* * *
I blinked.
Sar-enna-nem was as it had been, shadowed and quiet, its splendor hidden again beneath bricks and dusty wood and old rugs. I stood in front of my grandmother, though I did not remember getting up or moving. Nahadoths human mask was back in place, his aura diminished to its usual quiet drift, and once again he was staring at me.
I covered my eyes with one hand. I cant take much more of this.
Y-Yeine? My grandmother. She put a hand on my shoulder. I barely noticed.
Its happening, isnt it? I looked up at Nahadoth. What you expected. Her soul is devouring my own.
No, said Nahadoth very softly. I dont know what this is.
I stared at him and could not help myself. All the shock and fear and anger of the past few days bubbled up, and I burst out laughing. I laughed so loudly that it echoed from Sar-enna-nems distant ceiling; so long that my grandmother peered at me in concern, no doubt wondering if I had gone mad. I probably had, because suddenly my laughter turned to screaming and my mirth ignited as white-hot rage.
How can you not know? I shrieked at Nahadoth. I had lapsed into Senmite again. Youre a god! How can you not know?
His calm stoked my fury higher. I built uncertainty into this universe, and Enefa wove that into every living being. There will always be mysteries beyond even we gods understanding
I launched myself at him. In the interminable second that my mad rage lasted, I saw that his eyes flicked to my approaching fist and widened in something very like amazement. He had plenty of time to block or evade the blow. That he did not was a complete surprise.
The smack of it echoed as loud as my grandmothers gasp.
In the ensuing silence, I felt empty. The rage was gone. Horror had not yet arrived. I lowered my hand to my side. My knuckles stung.
Nahadoths head had turned with the blow. He lifted a hand to his lip, which was bleeding, and sighed.
I must work harder to keep my temper around you, he said. You have a memorable way of chastising me.
He lifted his eyes, and suddenly I knew he was remembering the time I had stabbed him. I have waited so long for you, he had said then. This time, instead of kissing me, he reached out and touched my lips with his fingers. I felt warm wetness and reflexively licked, tasting cool skin and the metallic salt of his blood.
He smiled, his expression almost fond. Do you like the taste?
* * *
Not of your blood, no.
But your finger was another matter.
* * *
Yeine, said my grandmother again, breaking the tableau. I took a deep breath, marshaled my wits, and turned back to her.
Are the neighboring kingdoms allying? I asked. Are they arming for war?
She swallowed before nodding. We received formal notice this week, but there had been earlier signs. Our merchants and diplomats were expelled from Menchey almost two months ago. They say old Gemd has passed a conscription law to boost the ranks of his army, and hes accelerated training for the rest. The council believes hell march in a week, maybe less.
Two months ago. I had been summoned to Sky only a short while before that. Scimina had guessed my purpose the instant Dekarta summoned me.
Right before my
* * *
Right before my eyes she lies, sprawled and naked and bloody
this is not flesh this is all you can comprehend
but it means the same thing as flesh, she is dead and violated, her perfect form torn in ways that should not be possible, should not be and who has done this? Who could have
what did it mean that he made love to me before driving the knife home?
and then it hits: betrayal. I had known of his anger, but never once did I imagine never once had I dreamt I had dismissed her fears. I thought I knew him. I gather her body to mine and will all of creation to make her live again. We are not built for death. But nothing changes, nothing changes, there was a hell that I built long ago and it was a place where everything remained the same forever because I could imagine nothing more horrific, and now I am there.
Then others come, our children, and all react with equal horror
in a childs eyes, a mother is god
but I can see nothing of their grief through the black mist of my own. I lay her body down but my hands are covered in her blood, our blood, sister lover pupil teacher friend otherself, and when I lift my head to scream out my fury, a million stars turn black and die. No one can see them, but they are my tears.
* * *
I blinked.
Sar-enna-nem was as it had been, shadowed and quiet, its splendor hidden again beneath bricks and dusty wood and old rugs. I stood in front of my grandmother, though I did not remember getting up or moving. Nahadoths human mask was back in place, his aura diminished to its usual quiet drift, and once again he was staring at me.
I covered my eyes with one hand. I cant take much more of this.
Y-Yeine? My grandmother. She put a hand on my shoulder. I barely noticed.
Its happening, isnt it? I looked up at Nahadoth. What you expected. Her soul is devouring my own.
No, said Nahadoth very softly. I dont know what this is.
I stared at him and could not help myself. All the shock and fear and anger of the past few days bubbled up, and I burst out laughing. I laughed so loudly that it echoed from Sar-enna-nems distant ceiling; so long that my grandmother peered at me in concern, no doubt wondering if I had gone mad. I probably had, because suddenly my laughter turned to screaming and my mirth ignited as white-hot rage.
How can you not know? I shrieked at Nahadoth. I had lapsed into Senmite again. Youre a god! How can you not know?
His calm stoked my fury higher. I built uncertainty into this universe, and Enefa wove that into every living being. There will always be mysteries beyond even we gods understanding
I launched myself at him. In the interminable second that my mad rage lasted, I saw that his eyes flicked to my approaching fist and widened in something very like amazement. He had plenty of time to block or evade the blow. That he did not was a complete surprise.
The smack of it echoed as loud as my grandmothers gasp.
In the ensuing silence, I felt empty. The rage was gone. Horror had not yet arrived. I lowered my hand to my side. My knuckles stung.
Nahadoths head had turned with the blow. He lifted a hand to his lip, which was bleeding, and sighed.
I must work harder to keep my temper around you, he said. You have a memorable way of chastising me.
He lifted his eyes, and suddenly I knew he was remembering the time I had stabbed him. I have waited so long for you, he had said then. This time, instead of kissing me, he reached out and touched my lips with his fingers. I felt warm wetness and reflexively licked, tasting cool skin and the metallic salt of his blood.
He smiled, his expression almost fond. Do you like the taste?
* * *
Not of your blood, no.
But your finger was another matter.
* * *
Yeine, said my grandmother again, breaking the tableau. I took a deep breath, marshaled my wits, and turned back to her.
Are the neighboring kingdoms allying? I asked. Are they arming for war?
She swallowed before nodding. We received formal notice this week, but there had been earlier signs. Our merchants and diplomats were expelled from Menchey almost two months ago. They say old Gemd has passed a conscription law to boost the ranks of his army, and hes accelerated training for the rest. The council believes hell march in a week, maybe less.
Two months ago. I had been summoned to Sky only a short while before that. Scimina had guessed my purpose the instant Dekarta summoned me.
