The Last Boyfriend
Page 22
“I thought she was the girl you loved.” I rushed my words, suddenly feeling light. “I thought she was the girl you loved who broke your heart.”
“Angelique?” He laughed. “No, no, no. She was Noah’s girlfriend for two years. She even helped me pick this place out when they were dating. She dumped him when her career started taking off. She got a big modeling contract in Italy.”
“Oh wow.”
“She still loved him, but she didn’t want to give up her career so she told him to move on. He couldn’t take it. The pain was too much for him. He never understood why they couldn’t be together when they were still in love.”
“That must have been a hard decision for her to make.”
“She regrets it every day of her life.” Zane sighed. “But it’s not her fault. It’s Braydon’s. Noah never did hard drugs. He only used to smoke some weed, but Braydon got him hooked. He was with Noah the night that he died.”
“He was?” I was shocked, but it seemed to make sense. “Why didn’t he get arrested?”
“The police had nothing on him. He told them that he had no idea Braydon was on drugs. I knew, of course, I found out a few weeks before Noah died that he was on something and I confronted him. We had a big fight, and he went and moved in with Braydon. I was going to go ask him to come back, but my pride got in the way and then it was too late.”
“Oh Zane, I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down my face, and I wiped them away quickly. “My heart aches for you.”
“I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I don’t want to keep my feelings to myself with you, Lucky.” He took a deep breath. “Shit, this is hard. I really like you. Like, really like you. And I don’t want to let that go. I think we could have something. I know this is coming from nowhere and I know I can be crazy and moody and schizophrenic, but I want you to give me another chance. I want us to start again. I want to see if I can be the guy you have been waiting for. Will you let us start again?”
“Oh Zane.” I stared at his face and I wondered how I had never noticed the fear in his eyes before. I’d always thought he was so strong and hard, but he was a human being, just like me, he had fears and worries just like me.
“Answer me, Lucky.” He grasped my hands tighter. “Please.”
“When I lost my parents, I thought my world had caved in on me. And then a few weeks later, my boyfriend dumped me. And then I knew that was it. I knew the world was about to end. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I never wanted to feel again. My life became perfunctory. I protected my heart. And I was happy with that. I wanted to make sure that the next guy I dated was the last guy I dated. I knew that my heart couldn’t take one more heartbreak, and I didn’t want to sleep around. But then you started coming into the diner, and all I could think about was what it would be like to date you, to make love to you, to be the girl with you on that date.”
“About the dates, Lucky.” Zane interjected.
“Wait. Let me finish.” I smiled tenderly. “When I saw you at the party and we talked, all I wanted was to get to know you better. I wanted to talk to you all night long. And then I saw you with Angelique. I was jealous and I wanted to scream. And I think that was when I kind of knew I liked you as more than the guy who came into the diner a lot.”
“You did?” He smiled hopefully.
“And then my car broke down and you came swooping in like I was some damsel in distress, and you irritated the shit out of me. Yet, I kind of liked that you were there to take care of me.”
“I always want to take care of you, Lucky.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” I shook my head. “I’m strong, Zane. That’s what I want you to understand. I broke my rules to be with you, even though I knew it could all end with me having a broken heart. But I was okay with that because I know I’m strong enough to handle it. I would rather have a month, or a week, or even a day with you than no time at all. There is something about you that makes my heart soar. I’m addicted to you. Your smell drives me crazy. Your kisses make me wild. And your smile makes me believe in angels. I don’t need a promise of tomorrow when I’m with you, because today is all that matters.”
“I want to be able to give you a promise of tomorrow, Lucky. I want to give you everything you deserve. You’re stronger than me. You’re more open than me.” His voice cracked. “I don’t want to promise anything I can’t give you.”
“I don’t want you to promise me anything you can’t give, Zane.” There were tears in my eyes. “I just want you to give us a fair chance.”
“Lucky, I haven’t dated in years. I think that shows you I’m all about giving us a fair chance.”
“You haven’t dated in years?” I laughed and looked at him like he was crazy.
“Those girls I took to the diner, well you were right. They were all Braydon’s exes. I went out with all of them because I was trying to get information out of them. I wanted them to incriminate Braydon as a drug dealer so that I could have enough proof to get him prosecuted.”
“Oh.”
“They weren’t real dates, Lucky. They meant nothing to me. The only girl I could look at every time I went to Lou’s was you.”
“But who was the girl that broke your heart?” I asked him, with my heart in my mouth.
“The girl that broke my heart?” He frowned.
“The one you told me about the other day.”
“Wait, oh, hahaha.” He started laughing. “That was Lily Chen, she was my first grade girlfriend. I thought she was going to be my ninja warrior princess, but all she really cared about were Barbies and Legos. She dumped me when I refused to play Barbie goes shopping. She broke my heart for a week, and after that, I realized that love wasn’t worth it.”
“Oh Zane.” I laughed and shook my head.
“I’m f**ked up. Lucky. I’m really f**ked up. I don’t know that I ever really got over my mother leaving us behind.”
“Oh Zane.” I brought him in close to me. “No child can comprehend and get over their mother leaving. No adult either. You’re not f**ked up, my dear. You’re hurt, you’re broken, and you’re rejected. But she didn’t leave you, Zane. I swear to God, that she didn’t leave you because you were unlovable. She didn’t leave you because she didn’t want you. I know there had to have been other reasons. There is no way that she left because of you.”
“I don’t understand why she didn’t love me enough to stay. I don’t understand why she didn’t deal with my father for me and for Noah. Why didn’t she love us enough to try and work out something? She just left us, Lucky. I can’t get over that. I don’t know why I was so unlovable. It was just me and Noah.” Zane sobbed in my arms. “It was me and Noah, and I held it together for him. I wanted to be strong for him. It was he and me against the world and we could do anything. But then he went and got his heart broken and he couldn’t cope. He couldn’t cope and there was nothing I could do to fix him. There was nothing I could say to make it all right and I lost him. I lost him just like that. It was he and me against the world, and he defected. He moved to Braydon’s and I never saw him alive again.”
“I’m so sorry, Zane.” I kissed his forehead and kept him close to me. “But it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”
“Braydon told me that Noah thought he could fly. One second they were standing there drinking on a rooftop, and before he knew it, Noah was running and jumping off the roof, shouting out Angelique’s name. Braydon didn’t even have time to react. He was f**ked up on some drugs as well, and by the time he realized what was happening, Noah was jumping off the building.”
“I can’t believe I ever thought Braydon was a nice guy.” I sighed.
“He plays a good game. He’s an actor, remember?”
“He lost it today, though. I bet he thought I already knew what he had done.”
“What do you mean, he lost it?” Zane pulled away from me and pushed my shoulders back and looked into my face. “Did he hurt you, Lucky? God help me, but I will kill him if he hurt you in any way.”
“No, no. He didn’t do anything to me. I’m okay.”
“Please tell me you won’t see him again, Lucky.” Zane pleaded with me.
“I won’t see him again. Trust me. He’s not the sort of guy I want to be friends with.”
“So, are we good?” Zane stood up and pulled me up with him. “Are we going to give this thing a real try?”
“Are you going to go on anymore fake dates?” I bit my lip. “I understand why you did, but I don’t know if I could take it if you were still going out with other girls.”
“I don’t want to see anyone, but you, Lucky.”
“So we just continue as we were?” I held my breath, unsure as to what his reply would be.
“When we were on the plane, I told you that I never wanted to fall in love. I told you that I could never be the one to give you that happily-ever-after. And I still don’t know if I can be your everything. I don’t know if I can be the man that you want me to be. But I sure want to try. Lucky Starr Morgan, I’m asking if I can be your last boyfriend?”
“You want to be my last boyfriend?” I gasped in shock. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
“It’s hard for me to say the words, Lucky, I’m not used to these feelings and I’m not used to wanting more from a relationship. But yes, I know what I’m saying. I want to be that person for you.”
“You want to be my last boyfriend?” I laughed, deliriously happy. “I don’t think I know what to say.”
“Say yes.” He laughed. “Say yes, and let me take you upstairs so I can rip off your clothes and do to you what I’ve been wanting to do for the last 24 hours.”
“Zane!” I giggled. “You’re too much.”
“We have to remember a condom tonight though.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I take it you’re not on the pill, right?”
“Yeah, I’m not on it.”
“That’s what I thought.” He grabbed my hands. “You know there’s a possibility that you’re pregnant, right?”
“What?” I frowned. “How?”
“The bathroom.”
“Oh.” I flushed at the memory. Protection had been the last thing on my mind. “Oh my. I didn’t even think about it.”
“I want you to know that I’m here for you, Lucky. Whatever happens. I want you to know that I’m in this with you all the way.”
“Oh Zane. I love you.” I couldn’t hold it in any more. “I really really love you. I know it’s not politically correct for me to say it before you and I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but I love you so much, Zane. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to be without you.”
Zane’s eyes glazed with unshed tears, and he brought me towards him and kissed me so tenderly that I thought that I was going to cry. “I love you too, Lucky. I love you so much that words cannot adequately describe all the feelings in my heart. My heart is so full that it feels like it is about to break.”
“Oh Zane.” My breath caught and I felt like my heart was going to burst with happiness. This moment didn’t feel like it was real. I couldn’t believe that I was hearing the words that I had waited my whole life for.
“Give me your hand, Lucky. I want you to feel my heart. This feeling, this heart beat that you feel beneath your fingers. It’s because of you. It’s for you. Everything that I am and everything that I want to be, from this moment on is because of you.” Zane’s voice broke and he shook his head as if he was as amazed as I was, to hear the words coming out of his mouth. “I don’t care what happens any more. I’m not scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t fear us falling out of love. None of that is as important as what we feel in the here and the now. And right now, I want you to know that you are everything to me. My heart is your heart to do with what you will. All I ask is that you hold it carefully.”
“I will my love, I will.” I caressed his face. “I will hold your heart as delicately as I’ve held my own.”
“This is it, isn’t it Lucky?” His voice was in awe. “We’re the real deal.”
“I think I’ve finally found my last boyfriend.” I laughed and as we melted into each other with a kiss, I knew in my heart that he was my one and only. Without him, there would be no me. I wanted to stop time so that we could be in this moment of love and wonder forever.
“Angelique?” He laughed. “No, no, no. She was Noah’s girlfriend for two years. She even helped me pick this place out when they were dating. She dumped him when her career started taking off. She got a big modeling contract in Italy.”
“Oh wow.”
“She still loved him, but she didn’t want to give up her career so she told him to move on. He couldn’t take it. The pain was too much for him. He never understood why they couldn’t be together when they were still in love.”
“That must have been a hard decision for her to make.”
“She regrets it every day of her life.” Zane sighed. “But it’s not her fault. It’s Braydon’s. Noah never did hard drugs. He only used to smoke some weed, but Braydon got him hooked. He was with Noah the night that he died.”
“He was?” I was shocked, but it seemed to make sense. “Why didn’t he get arrested?”
“The police had nothing on him. He told them that he had no idea Braydon was on drugs. I knew, of course, I found out a few weeks before Noah died that he was on something and I confronted him. We had a big fight, and he went and moved in with Braydon. I was going to go ask him to come back, but my pride got in the way and then it was too late.”
“Oh Zane, I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down my face, and I wiped them away quickly. “My heart aches for you.”
“I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I don’t want to keep my feelings to myself with you, Lucky.” He took a deep breath. “Shit, this is hard. I really like you. Like, really like you. And I don’t want to let that go. I think we could have something. I know this is coming from nowhere and I know I can be crazy and moody and schizophrenic, but I want you to give me another chance. I want us to start again. I want to see if I can be the guy you have been waiting for. Will you let us start again?”
“Oh Zane.” I stared at his face and I wondered how I had never noticed the fear in his eyes before. I’d always thought he was so strong and hard, but he was a human being, just like me, he had fears and worries just like me.
“Answer me, Lucky.” He grasped my hands tighter. “Please.”
“When I lost my parents, I thought my world had caved in on me. And then a few weeks later, my boyfriend dumped me. And then I knew that was it. I knew the world was about to end. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I never wanted to feel again. My life became perfunctory. I protected my heart. And I was happy with that. I wanted to make sure that the next guy I dated was the last guy I dated. I knew that my heart couldn’t take one more heartbreak, and I didn’t want to sleep around. But then you started coming into the diner, and all I could think about was what it would be like to date you, to make love to you, to be the girl with you on that date.”
“About the dates, Lucky.” Zane interjected.
“Wait. Let me finish.” I smiled tenderly. “When I saw you at the party and we talked, all I wanted was to get to know you better. I wanted to talk to you all night long. And then I saw you with Angelique. I was jealous and I wanted to scream. And I think that was when I kind of knew I liked you as more than the guy who came into the diner a lot.”
“You did?” He smiled hopefully.
“And then my car broke down and you came swooping in like I was some damsel in distress, and you irritated the shit out of me. Yet, I kind of liked that you were there to take care of me.”
“I always want to take care of you, Lucky.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” I shook my head. “I’m strong, Zane. That’s what I want you to understand. I broke my rules to be with you, even though I knew it could all end with me having a broken heart. But I was okay with that because I know I’m strong enough to handle it. I would rather have a month, or a week, or even a day with you than no time at all. There is something about you that makes my heart soar. I’m addicted to you. Your smell drives me crazy. Your kisses make me wild. And your smile makes me believe in angels. I don’t need a promise of tomorrow when I’m with you, because today is all that matters.”
“I want to be able to give you a promise of tomorrow, Lucky. I want to give you everything you deserve. You’re stronger than me. You’re more open than me.” His voice cracked. “I don’t want to promise anything I can’t give you.”
“I don’t want you to promise me anything you can’t give, Zane.” There were tears in my eyes. “I just want you to give us a fair chance.”
“Lucky, I haven’t dated in years. I think that shows you I’m all about giving us a fair chance.”
“You haven’t dated in years?” I laughed and looked at him like he was crazy.
“Those girls I took to the diner, well you were right. They were all Braydon’s exes. I went out with all of them because I was trying to get information out of them. I wanted them to incriminate Braydon as a drug dealer so that I could have enough proof to get him prosecuted.”
“Oh.”
“They weren’t real dates, Lucky. They meant nothing to me. The only girl I could look at every time I went to Lou’s was you.”
“But who was the girl that broke your heart?” I asked him, with my heart in my mouth.
“The girl that broke my heart?” He frowned.
“The one you told me about the other day.”
“Wait, oh, hahaha.” He started laughing. “That was Lily Chen, she was my first grade girlfriend. I thought she was going to be my ninja warrior princess, but all she really cared about were Barbies and Legos. She dumped me when I refused to play Barbie goes shopping. She broke my heart for a week, and after that, I realized that love wasn’t worth it.”
“Oh Zane.” I laughed and shook my head.
“I’m f**ked up. Lucky. I’m really f**ked up. I don’t know that I ever really got over my mother leaving us behind.”
“Oh Zane.” I brought him in close to me. “No child can comprehend and get over their mother leaving. No adult either. You’re not f**ked up, my dear. You’re hurt, you’re broken, and you’re rejected. But she didn’t leave you, Zane. I swear to God, that she didn’t leave you because you were unlovable. She didn’t leave you because she didn’t want you. I know there had to have been other reasons. There is no way that she left because of you.”
“I don’t understand why she didn’t love me enough to stay. I don’t understand why she didn’t deal with my father for me and for Noah. Why didn’t she love us enough to try and work out something? She just left us, Lucky. I can’t get over that. I don’t know why I was so unlovable. It was just me and Noah.” Zane sobbed in my arms. “It was me and Noah, and I held it together for him. I wanted to be strong for him. It was he and me against the world and we could do anything. But then he went and got his heart broken and he couldn’t cope. He couldn’t cope and there was nothing I could do to fix him. There was nothing I could say to make it all right and I lost him. I lost him just like that. It was he and me against the world, and he defected. He moved to Braydon’s and I never saw him alive again.”
“I’m so sorry, Zane.” I kissed his forehead and kept him close to me. “But it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”
“Braydon told me that Noah thought he could fly. One second they were standing there drinking on a rooftop, and before he knew it, Noah was running and jumping off the roof, shouting out Angelique’s name. Braydon didn’t even have time to react. He was f**ked up on some drugs as well, and by the time he realized what was happening, Noah was jumping off the building.”
“I can’t believe I ever thought Braydon was a nice guy.” I sighed.
“He plays a good game. He’s an actor, remember?”
“He lost it today, though. I bet he thought I already knew what he had done.”
“What do you mean, he lost it?” Zane pulled away from me and pushed my shoulders back and looked into my face. “Did he hurt you, Lucky? God help me, but I will kill him if he hurt you in any way.”
“No, no. He didn’t do anything to me. I’m okay.”
“Please tell me you won’t see him again, Lucky.” Zane pleaded with me.
“I won’t see him again. Trust me. He’s not the sort of guy I want to be friends with.”
“So, are we good?” Zane stood up and pulled me up with him. “Are we going to give this thing a real try?”
“Are you going to go on anymore fake dates?” I bit my lip. “I understand why you did, but I don’t know if I could take it if you were still going out with other girls.”
“I don’t want to see anyone, but you, Lucky.”
“So we just continue as we were?” I held my breath, unsure as to what his reply would be.
“When we were on the plane, I told you that I never wanted to fall in love. I told you that I could never be the one to give you that happily-ever-after. And I still don’t know if I can be your everything. I don’t know if I can be the man that you want me to be. But I sure want to try. Lucky Starr Morgan, I’m asking if I can be your last boyfriend?”
“You want to be my last boyfriend?” I gasped in shock. “Do you know what you’re saying?”
“It’s hard for me to say the words, Lucky, I’m not used to these feelings and I’m not used to wanting more from a relationship. But yes, I know what I’m saying. I want to be that person for you.”
“You want to be my last boyfriend?” I laughed, deliriously happy. “I don’t think I know what to say.”
“Say yes.” He laughed. “Say yes, and let me take you upstairs so I can rip off your clothes and do to you what I’ve been wanting to do for the last 24 hours.”
“Zane!” I giggled. “You’re too much.”
“We have to remember a condom tonight though.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I take it you’re not on the pill, right?”
“Yeah, I’m not on it.”
“That’s what I thought.” He grabbed my hands. “You know there’s a possibility that you’re pregnant, right?”
“What?” I frowned. “How?”
“The bathroom.”
“Oh.” I flushed at the memory. Protection had been the last thing on my mind. “Oh my. I didn’t even think about it.”
“I want you to know that I’m here for you, Lucky. Whatever happens. I want you to know that I’m in this with you all the way.”
“Oh Zane. I love you.” I couldn’t hold it in any more. “I really really love you. I know it’s not politically correct for me to say it before you and I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but I love you so much, Zane. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to be without you.”
Zane’s eyes glazed with unshed tears, and he brought me towards him and kissed me so tenderly that I thought that I was going to cry. “I love you too, Lucky. I love you so much that words cannot adequately describe all the feelings in my heart. My heart is so full that it feels like it is about to break.”
“Oh Zane.” My breath caught and I felt like my heart was going to burst with happiness. This moment didn’t feel like it was real. I couldn’t believe that I was hearing the words that I had waited my whole life for.
“Give me your hand, Lucky. I want you to feel my heart. This feeling, this heart beat that you feel beneath your fingers. It’s because of you. It’s for you. Everything that I am and everything that I want to be, from this moment on is because of you.” Zane’s voice broke and he shook his head as if he was as amazed as I was, to hear the words coming out of his mouth. “I don’t care what happens any more. I’m not scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t fear us falling out of love. None of that is as important as what we feel in the here and the now. And right now, I want you to know that you are everything to me. My heart is your heart to do with what you will. All I ask is that you hold it carefully.”
“I will my love, I will.” I caressed his face. “I will hold your heart as delicately as I’ve held my own.”
“This is it, isn’t it Lucky?” His voice was in awe. “We’re the real deal.”
“I think I’ve finally found my last boyfriend.” I laughed and as we melted into each other with a kiss, I knew in my heart that he was my one and only. Without him, there would be no me. I wanted to stop time so that we could be in this moment of love and wonder forever.
