The Last of the Red Hot Vampires

Chapter 8

"It was just a kiss."
"You said that three times already. Would you turn off that light?" Sarah plumped up a pillow behind her, and tucked the coverlet firmly over her legs before sitting back.
"A perfectly innocent kiss!"
"Honey, there was nothing innocent about that kiss," she said with a knowing look.
I stomped over to the light she had left burning on the desk and turned it off, feeling awkward and unsure of myself. I don't know why I felt compelled to explain that the kiss Theo and I shared was not what it seemed, but there I was, wringing my hands as I tried to sort through my emotions and thoughts.
"I find him physically attractive even though he's got some issues," I explained. "There's nothing wrong with a healthy libido."
"Nothing at all, especially when the recipient of your attentions is a gorgeous angel. I looked up nephilim while you were occupied with Theo. That's what a nephilim is, you know. Kind of a sub-angel, the result of a union between - "
"Oh, I know all about that," I said, waving my hands around for a moment before I was aware of what I was doing. I am not at all the hand-waving sort of person. "It's part of this tale he spun me. That's neither here nor there - what I want to know is what is going to come of a relationship with a lunatic!"
"I thought you said it was just your libido?"
"It is!" I shoved the chair aside just because I could. "But you know me - I don't do casual sex, so if things progress beyond kissing, I'm going to end up in a relationship. With a madman!"
"Theo isn't a madman," Sarah said calmly, picking up the book she'd brought to read on the vacation.
"Well, maybe not mad by the strictest definition of the word, but you have to admit that he's not normal."
"Of course he isn't. He's immortal. Are you done trying to convince yourself that he's not handsome as sin, and twice as delicious?"
"I did not - oh, you're impossible!" I said loudly. "And speaking of that, you sure changed your tune quick enough."
"What do you mean?"
"Yesterday you were positively drooling over Theo."
Sarah looked surprised for a moment. "Don't be ridiculous - I'm happily married, which you know."
"That didn't stop you from ogling Theo yesterday." I refused to examine why it bothered me that she had ogled him. It couldn't possibly be important.
"Oh, that was before," she said, returning to her book as she waved a dismissive hand toward me.
"Before what?"
"Before Theo explained he wasn't for me."
I sat on the chair, staring at Sarah, confused by her calm acceptance of the short-lived lust she had felt for Theo. "Aren't you the least bit disconcerted about the fact that Theo interested you? Should happily married women feel that sort of thing?"
"They should if the man in question is a nephilim." She sighed at my puzzled look. "I thought you knew about nephilims? Didn't Theo tell you that they have an effect on mortal women?"
"No, he didn't." I frowned.
"Ah. Well, that's why I initially fell victim to his attractive self. He dismissed the effect once he realized I was being affected by it."
I shoved myself out of the chair and stalked to the far side of the room. "He didn't dismiss it for me!"
"That's because you weren't affected by him in the first place. That's interesting, actually. It could mean he's the real deal, at least so far as you and he are concerned," she said, looking thoughtful.
That was a thought. I considered that for a moment, then decided it was yet another distraction I didn't need in my life. I wished Sarah good night, and left her to her book.
I slept poorly, waking up roughly every hour to find myself wrapped in vague remnants of nightmares. The unease caused by the nightmares hung over me all day, leaving me feeling itchy and nervous even though we spent a delightfully normal day touring a nearby castle, during which no ghosts, ghouls, specters, or phantoms of any sort manifested themselves.
"It was nice to have a day where the oddest thing we encountered was that woman who insisted on bringing her parrot on the castle tour," I commented at dinner that night.
Sarah glanced toward the door of our private dining room, nodding. "Although I could have done without you expounding at length about how much force would have to be supplied to rip someone's limb off while on the rack."
"You are the one who insisted on seeing the torture chamber. I was simply answering a question of physics."
Sarah gave me a look that spoke volumes, glancing once again over my shoulder at the door before eating a bite of garlic-roasted potato. I pushed a clump of limp broccoli to the side of my plate, and rearranged a bit of hollandaise sauce more attractively around a mound of poached salmon.
Sarah looked past me again.
"For Pete's sake, will you stop that! You're making me as nervous as a cat."
"Aha!" Sarah waved her fork, bedecked with a piece of pork loin, at me. "I knew it! And you said you weren't nervous earlier when I asked you when today's trial was going to be."
"I wasn't nervous until you started looking over my shoulder every five seconds." I set down my fork and stopped pretending to enjoy the meal. "Oh, this is ridiculous. I'm letting myself get all worked up over nothing. Obviously whoever is Theo's cohort of the day has had a change of heart. So you can stop looking over my shoulder for him, because he's probably decided we're not worth what must be a sizeable outlay of money to pull off whatever scheme he's attempting."
Sarah chewed the bit of pork. "How you can sit there and deny that Theo is exactly what he says he is - "
"I deny it because it's perfectly clear he's a con man - "
"A man you think is sexy as hell - "
"Well of course I do! He is! But that doesn't excuse the fact that he's trying to pull some scheme - "
"Admit it, Portia." Sarah speared another bit of potato. "Part of the attraction he holds for you is his undeniable air of mystery, that dangerous sense of the unknown that sends shivers down your back every time he's near. No woman can turn away from that - it's a scientific fact that bad boys are completely irresistible! Give in to your inner woman and just admit he chimes your bells because of what he is."
I pushed back from the table, tossing down my napkin. "You're impossible when you're in that sort of a mood. You're sure you don't want me to go with you tonight?"
"No, you take the evening off. You wouldn't enjoy sitting in a graveyard with the clairaudients, anyway."
I smiled instead of giving her a piece of my mind about the so-called skill of recording the voices of the dead, and mentioned that I'd amuse myself instead with a walk around the countryside.
"That's a great idea - your mind will be refreshed by the walk for the next trial."
My smile turned wry. "Whatever. Have fun in the graveyard."
"Maybe we should call Theo," Sarah mused to her dinner as I headed out of the room. "Maybe he would know what's up with the trial..."
Once in my room, I stripped off the only other dress I'd brought with me on the trip, shaking my head at myself for dressing up just because I expected to see Theo sometime during the day. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, garb much more suitable for tramping around the countryside than the bright dress I'd put on that morning, wondering as I did if Theo liked red.
I hesitated as I pulled a pair of tennis shoes from the wardrobe, glancing down at the black silk-and-lace teddy I was wearing, my mind shying away from the reason I'd put it on that morning. "Oh, for heaven's sake, it's just underwear, not a world crisis," I told myself after an indecisive minute, turning around to grab my jeans. "Just get dressaieeee!"
The floors in England seemed to be particularly prone to non-traditional behavior, for the boards that had served so solidly beneath my feet suddenly opened up into a hole, through which I fell in startled fear. "What the...ooof!"
"Good evening. My name is Noelle. I'm a Guardian, and I'll be acting as the proctor for your third trial." I had fallen what seemed to be a deceptively short distance, landing on a stone floor with a thump that stung my ankles, and jarred my teeth painfully. "Erm...do you know that you're just wearing a teddy?"
Someone had set a couple of portable camp lights on a shelf in an arched inset in the wall, the light pooling on the floor in front of me. The voice came from behind. I spun around, my eyes widening as I took in the large stone sarcophagus upon which a young, red-haired woman sat.
"I have shoes," I said, holding out my tennis shoes, wincing to myself at just how inane that sounded. "I was in the middle of getting dressed. I wasn't expected to be sucked down to...where exactly are we?"
"Crypt," Noelle said, giving me a rueful smile as she slid off the top of the sarcophagus. "Sorry about the bad timing, but I've had a day from Abaddon - literally! - and couldn't get to the trial until now. Oh well, it'll soon be over, and you can go back to your dressing. Why don't you put on your shoes, and we'll get started."
I walked over to her and pressed my fingers to her shoulder. She certainly felt real. Which could only mean one thing.
Her eyebrows rose. "You look confused. Is there a problem?"
There were so many problems I couldn't begin to frame them in my mind, let alone explain to her the trouble I had with accepting the fact that I'd just been teleported to some unknown crypt.
"No," I answered in what sounded like a choked voice. I cleared my throat and tried again. "It's nothing outright insanity wouldn't explain."
"Oh, good." She smiled again, and gestured toward the center of the crypt. On the floor, an elaborate circle with several symbols had been drawn upon it. "Shoes?"
"Of course," I said, putting on my tennis shoes. "The insanity isn't going to be complete without the idea of me standing around in nothing but lingerie and tennies."
"It's a very pretty teddy," Noelle said, walking around to the back. "I like the straps on the side. Oh, it's not a thong. Good on you. I hate thongs - they're always getting places they shouldn't be."
I shook my head at myself, wondering if the rest of my life - now that I'd clearly gone quite, quite insane - would follow this pattern, or if some kind friend or family member would see to it that I got the mental help I needed.
"Ready?"
Noelle's voice brought me out of a reverie where I spent endless years learning how to write with my feet because my arms were confined by a straitjacket. "Sure, why not? I've got nothing to lose, right?"
She made a face, and looked down the room to a doorway that lurked in the darkness. "Well...let's just say that you really need to get this one right. Right. Champion, you may enter the room."
It didn't surprise me in the least (one of the perks of now being deranged) when Theo strolled into the room. He stopped after a few steps, pursing his lips as he looked me over from toes to head.
"That's...a new look for you," he finally said, having taken his time in the perusal.
"I didn't have a thing to wear," I said with a firm smile. "Besides, what does it matter? I'm just along for the ride now."
"I like it, regardless." His gaze flickered between my breasts and my face. "What ride would that be?"
"The highway to dementia. Want to come along?"
He sighed and only just kept from rolling his eyes. "You are not insane, Portia."
"No, of course not. It's perfectly ordinary to be teleported to a crypt, so I can stand around in my undies waiting to..." I turned to Noelle. "What exactly am I waiting to do?"
"Defeat a demon," she said, stepping backward until she was in the shadow of the crypt room. "You may begin...now!"
I don't know what I expected a demon to look like - probably a short, squat red-skinned beast with horns, cloven feet, and a pointy tail - but the teenage boy who appeared in the circle did not scream demon to me.
Until the little shit opened his mouth. "Nice tits," the boy leered, reaching out as if he was going to honk them.
"Stay out of the circle," Theo commanded as he flung himself onto the boy.
"Why do you get to go in it?" I asked.
The demon teen spun around screaming, trying to pick Theo off his back, but Theo was bigger and stronger, and kept the teen's arms pinned behind him.
"Just defeat it while I'm subduing it," he grunted, twisting to avoid the demon's attempt at a backward butt.
"Defeat it how?" I looked around the crypt. I had no idea what it took to beat a demon, not that they really existed except in my own delusions. "You'd think that if my mind was going to snap and go to the trouble of imagining all this, it would give me a big demon-bashing club, or a cool samurai sword, or something like that."
"Use your Gift," Theo said, grunting as the demon jerked them both forward.
"The weather thing? You've got to be kidding."
"Just use it!"
The demon suddenly kicked up his legs, twisting at the same time, pulling Theo to the floor where the two of them wrestled inside the circle.
I parked my hands on my hips. "I doubt rain is going to do anything but make him more slippery to hold. Ow. That had to hurt. Um. Noelle, can you help us?"
Her voice came out of the shadows, filled with regret. "I am the proctor. I cannot assist you in any way or the trial would be void."
"Portia, use your damned powers!" Theo demanded. He was sitting on the demon, who was pinned to the floor, but writhing with what looked like incredible strength. The demon bit Theo on the wrist, drawing blood.
I raised my hands, letting them fall helplessly. There was nothing in the room I could use as a weapon. "I don't know how!" I finally admitted, unsure of what I could do to help Theo. Even if this was all a figment of my distraught imagination, I didn't want to see Theo hurt. "How do I use weather to defeat someone?"
"Gather it up and direct it at the demon." Theo's voice was garbled as the demon slammed his head into Theo's thorax, his arms and legs thrashing wildly. Theo was holding him down as best he could, but it was evident that, sooner or later, Theo's strength was going to give out and the demon would have the upper hand.
"That's impossible! No one can do that!"
"Oh dear. I'm afraid this is getting out of hand. I am authorized to stop the trial if it's clear that the test subject is not in control," Noelle said, taking a step out of the shadows. She had a notebook in her hand and was making notes.
"You must do this!" Theo snarled, his face bloody. "Now! One more failure and it's all over!"
I took a deep breath, made an apology to what I hoped was a still sane part of my brain, and concentrated on gathering up weather.
"I'll see you in Abaddon," Theo swore to the demon as the monstrous teen used both hands to claw him, his shirt coming away in shreds to reveal long, bloody streaks. "Do something, woman!"
"Weather, weather, weather," I said hurriedly to myself, wringing my hands as the teen continued to slash at Theo, his demonic mouth open in a wordless snarl, his eyes filled with hatred. "What is weather? It's rain and wind and snow. It's particles of water suspended in the air. It's atomic elements, protons, electrons, neutrons, gluons, positive and negative charges, electrical charges..." The word electrical glowed in my mind with an intensity that blinded me to all other thoughts. "It's lightning. Lightning is electrically charged, superheated air that is released in tremendous blasts of energy - "
I closed my eyes, holding out my hands, allowing myself to feel what I was thinking. "Energy is the ability to do work."
My fingertips tingled.
"Portia!"
"Work is force times distance, which is also kinetic energy."
Around me, tiny little motes of static electricity gathered, as if I was summoning it to me.
"I'm going to have to call this," Noelle said in a sympathetic voice. "I can't let the demon get out of control. I'm so sorry."
"You've got to do something!"
I kept my eyes shut despite the plea in Theo's voice, imagining myself pulling from the stone and earth and air surrounding us the electrical charges that existed in all atoms. "Kinetic energy can be transformed into potential energy."
"Gargh!"
I opened my eyes to see the demon on top of Theo, ripping with long, vicious swipes at his arms and chest. Around me, the air glowed blue with static, the hairs on my arms standing on end.
"I'm sorry, I must stop - " Noelle started forward toward the circle.
"Now!" Theo demanded, interrupting her.
"And potential energy can be converted into the physical form known as electricity!" I yelled, slamming the power that surrounded me into the demon. As the blue light burst into the demon's body, it threw him backward against the wall, a deafening clap of thunder bursting forth in the crypt. I shouted an oath and covered my ears, throwing myself onto the floor next to Theo. The floor cracked, the walls screamed with the echo of the thunderclap, while dust and small pieces of rock rained down from the stone ceiling. I crawled over to Theo, trying to shield his head from any falling objects. He was crumpled in a heap, filthy with dirt and blood, but alive.
"Oh, that's not good," Noelle said from the other side of the room, where she'd gone to look at the demon.
"Are you all right?" I asked Theo, propping him up on my lap in order to gently wipe blood and debris from his face. "Are you hurt badly? You're bleeding a lot. I should call a paramedic."
"Erm...Portia...I'm afraid there's a situation here," Noelle said from where she squatted next to the wall.
I ignored her as I peeled back the shredded remains of Theo's shirt. "Sweet mother! We have to get you to a hospital."
Theo grabbed my arm as I was about to leap to my feet, not sure of where I was going to go for assistance, but driven to getting him help. "I'm all right, Portia. The wounds are not fatal."
"Your chest is torn to shreds," I started to say, but at that moment, Theo turned his head. I had pulled him up slightly, and his head was resting on my chest. He eyed the breast that was a scant millimeter from his mouth.
"I heal quickly." It was just three words, but my nipples tightened with the feeling of his breath on the thin silk that was the only thing separating my flesh from his mouth.
"That's...you're speaking into my breast," I said, oddly loathe to move.
"Yes, yes I am," he said, his eyes fixed with fascination as my nipple hardened even more, little waves of heat rippling outward from my breast across my chest before heading downward to pool in my stomach...and locations further south. "I'd like to do other things to it, but now is not the time or place."
The air in the room seemed to evaporate into nothing. "There's going to be a time and place?" I asked, inwardly wincing at the moronic question, but unable to keep from asking.
"I fervently hope so," he said before looking down at his own chest.
It took me a moment to wrestle my mind from the images of just what I'd like Theo to do to my breasts, but the sight of his chest healing before my startled eyes did a lot to bring me down to earth.
"That's...that's impossible," I said, reaching out to touch a long welt which had been a deep gash just a few minutes before. His flesh was hot, fever-hot, radiating heat that indicated a lot of energy was being used to heal his wounds. "This is...it's...it's just not possible!"
"Welcome to Wonderland, Alice," he said with a smile that stripped the air from my lungs, and left my heart racing.
Life as I knew it ceased to exist. Life as I never believed possible began.
"This is real, isn't it?" I asked, gently touching another now-healed welt. As I watched, several more scratches merged together, healing to thick, raised patches that melted away into smooth flesh after a few minutes. "All of this is real. I'm not insane."
Theo sat up as the last wound disappeared. His eyes expressed mingled pity and an unexpected sadness. "No, you're not insane."
"Then you're..."
"A nephilim. Immortal."
I swallowed hard. "And I'm..."
"A virtue. Soon to be immortal, as well, once you are accepted into the Court of Divine Blood." He got to his feet, and pulled me to mine, holding onto my hands.
It was too much, too much to take in at once. I shook my head, not at what Theo was saying, but at the fact that my brain was trying to process all this new information so quickly.
I just couldn't believe it was real...and yet, finally, I admitted to myself that the evidence piled up indisputably pointed to one conclusion: everything I had believed impossible, everything I knew could simply not be, now suddenly was. It was as if a whole new part of life opened up before me, beckoning me to go forth and explore all the mysteries it had to share.
It was frightening as hell.
"And that teenager, that kid who was here tearing you apart..."
Theo gave me a slight smile, the corners of his mouth curling up in a manner that, despite my bemusement, made my stomach lurch uncomfortably. "...was no teenager, but a demon, which you handily defeated."
"I hate to interrupt, but I feel it necessary to correct that statement." Noelle got up from where she had been looking at the wall, and came over to us. "Portia didn't defeat the demon."
Theo's thumbs were rubbing softly over the tops of my hands. He frowned at Noelle. "What do you mean she didn't defeat it? I saw her do it."
"No," Noelle said with a sigh. "What you saw her do was completely annihilate its physical form. I didn't send the demon back to Abaddon. I didn't have to - she so completely destroyed its human form that it was sent back by necessity."
Theo's eyes widened as both he and Noelle looked at me.
"He was hurting Theo," I told them both. "I wasn't going to just stand there and let him beat Theo up. Not to mention which, you both were egging me on to do something."
"We're not chastising you for defeating the demon," Noelle said with a watery smile. "It's the fact that you destroyed its mortal form that has us in a situation."
"What sort of a situation?" I asked, pulling my hands from Theo's. It was too distracting being in physical contact with him. My brain didn't want to think about anything but him when he was touching me.
"Which demon was it?" Theo asked Noelle.
She ignored my question to answer his. "Nefere. It belonged to Bael."
"Salus invenitur," Theo swore, rubbing his forehead.
"Do I want to know who Bael is?" I asked, rubbing the goose bumps on my arms. I was starting to get cold standing in the crypt in nothing but my teddy and shoes.
"Bael is the premiere prince of Abaddon," Noelle answered, her eyes on Theo.
"Abaddon being hell?"
"Yes," Theo answered, his face grave. My stomach wadded itself up into a dense ball, and seemed to drop to my feet. "Bael does not tolerate abuse of his legions. He will summon us before him to answer for the damage we did to his demon's form. Come, you are cold. I will take you back to the pub."
He held out a hand for me, clearly intending me to follow him out of the room.
"Wait a sec," I said, rubbing my arms again. "Why can't you just zap me back the way I came?"
Noelle gave me a rueful smile. "Teleporting is a temporary power given to the trial proctors. It summons, but does not send, I'm afraid."
"Oh great," I grumbled as I took Theo's hand and allowed him to lead me out of the crypt. His hand was warm, his fingers strong and reassuring. "Now I'm gallivanting who knows where in my teddy. This is so the image I want to remember England by. I don't understand why killing a demon is bad. They're demonic, right? So why isn't a good thing that I blasted it to kingdom come?"
"It's a bit complicated," Noelle said with genuine regret in her voice. "I must go back to the Court and submit the results of the trial. That, at least, you passed." She stopped at the doorway to what appeared to be the nave of a church, her gaze moving from me to Theo. "Good luck. I wish I could help you, but it would be a violation of Guild law."
"I understand." Theo released me long enough to shake her hand, thanking her for her help.
She gave me a brief, bright smile. "I hope the rest of the trials go well. I think you'll be a very nice addition to the Court."
She hurried off before I could respond. Theo escorted me out of the (thankfully unoccupied) church and into his car before I got too chilled. I wrapped myself up in the car blanket he kept in his trunk, and shivered the entire fifteen-minute drive to the pub, wondering the whole way there what had happened to the nice, orderly, sensible life I had made for myself.