The Law of Attraction
Page 53
“I arranged for doggy day care,” he answered.
“Doggy day care? Are you serious?”
“There’s a place right on the way to work. You can drop him off in the morning and pick him up on the way home. He’ll have other dogs to play with and the people there will walk him.”
“Did you check these people out? I mean are they a good place? The bigger dogs wouldn’t pick on him, would they?” I couldn’t help it. I’m a Jewish mother.
“More importantly, can they get him into the right colleges?” Cam added. Braden and I gave him an unamused look.
“I checked them out. They have a good reputation.”
“Well, okay, I guess. You’re going to help me take care of him, though, right? It’s not going to be ‘go ask mommy’ whenever he wants something?”
“Mommy?” Jess asked, returning with Bruno tucked under her arm and one of her slippers in his mouth.
“And are you Daddy?” Cam asked Braden with a smile.
“Of course he is! What are you implying?” I asked indignantly. Jess and Cam gave each other a look that clearly said they thought Braden and I had gone round the bend.
“So, can you convince baby Bruno here to let go of my slipper?”
“Here,” Braden said, digging around in his pocket. He held out a milk bone. And I had thought he was just happy to see me. “Bruno! Daddy has a bone for you.”
“Does that work with you too, Gab?” Jess asked with a laugh.
“Very funny,” I replied. Bruno promptly dropped the slipper and Jess set him down so that he could go get his treat. He looked up at Braden adoringly. He was a daddy’s boy.
“Okay, Gabrielle, we should get going.” He paused. “Do you two want to come along?”
“Yeah, sure!” Cam said with a smile.
“What the hell,” Jess said.
I grabbed my suit-bag and we all headed for Braden’s place with Bruno in the lead on his stylish leash. I had a feeling that I would find all kinds of designer doggie gear at Braden’s place.
* * *
I was right. I discovered that Bruno had his own leather and suede plush doggie bed, a marble bowl with his name carved into it, and enough toys to fill his own play room. How had Braden managed this in three hours? Jess and Cam made themselves comfortable in front of the TV as Braden went to assure himself that Bruno had enough water, just in case it had evaporated in the half hour since I was certain he last checked it. A few minutes later Mark and Adam rang up from the lobby and were at the door, six packs of beer in hand.
“Wow, the gang’s all here,” Mark said as Jess and Cam called out their greetings. Just then I heard the rapidly approaching “clickity click” of tiny nails on hardwood floors accompanied by the “yipping” that only a tiny dog can emit. Bruno had been alerted to the presence of intruders. He came full throttle, stopped short and skidded to a stop at Adam’s feet, barking his little Chihuahua ass off.
“Bruno! Stop! Down! Heel! Shut up!” I tried.
“Quiet Bruno!” Braden said and Bruno immediately stopped barking and sat down.
“Bruno?” Adam asked. I had a feeling that would be a common reaction.
“Is that supposed to be a dog?” Mark asked.
“He stopped you, didn’t he?” Braden asked.
“I was afraid I might step on him,” Mark replied.
“Is this your dog?” Adam asked.
“I got him for Gabrielle, but I’m thinking that I’ll help her take care of him. I’ve been joking around and saying that we’re his mommy and daddy.”
“Oh, that’s so cute!” Mark teased.
“I hope you insisted that this dog be raised Jewish, Gabrielle.” Adam gave me a stern look.
“I’m okay with that. I’m getting kind of interested in Judaism. I’m thinking about taking a class,” Braden said.
“Interested as in ‘hey, that’s kind of cool’ or as in ‘I’m thinking about becoming a Jew?” Adam wanted to know.
“I don’t know. I would have to learn more about it first. You and Gabrielle seem to like it.”
“But we were born this way.” I explained. “We’ve been conditioned from childhood to pretend that a lamp that burned longer than it should have was as exciting as a visit from Santa Claus.”
“I’m just thinking about taking a class to learn more. I’m not exactly a pillar of the Episcopalian church right now though. I doubt that anyone would even notice that I was gone.”
“I think your parents might, but whatever. You want to take a class, I’m all for it,” I said. “In fact, you want to be Jewish? That’s great too, as long as it’s because you really want to be and not because you’re worried about Bruno growing up conflicted.”
“You two are the parents of a Chihuahua and Braden’s talking about becoming a Jew. This is some kind of weird dream, isn’t it?” Mark asked, looking around like he expected to see something.
“Can we get out of the entryway before the beer gets warm?” I asked impatiently. We got out of the entryway before the beer got warm. Everyone settled in and we ordered pizza. We watched a pregame show and began watching the baseball game. Bruno made his rounds, encouraging everyone present to pet and pay attention to him. Eventually he settled in on a loveseat next to Braden and me.
In was an exciting game for the most part, although the Phillies pulled ahead at the end. At the bottom of the ninth inning with our team ahead by four runs I started cleaning up. As I put things away and washed some dishes in the kitchen, I felt Braden sidle up behind me and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close. He whispered in my ear.
“I was only kidding around about the mommy and daddy thing, but I have to admit that playing house with you turns me on.”
“I’ll have to wash dishes more often, dear.” I guess it wasn’t just my shorts riding up last time.
“You know darling, we’ve never had kitchen sex. Perhaps I could bend you over the counter and take you from behind. I’m thinking that I’m just going to pick you up and f**k you against the wall though.” God, I loved it when he said stuff like that.
I glanced up at the living room area which was in plain view. “The game’s almost over. Our guests will be gone soon, honey bunch.”
“As soon as that door closes I’m going to make you feel so good, sweetie pie.” Argh! He was killing me here!
“Doggy day care? Are you serious?”
“There’s a place right on the way to work. You can drop him off in the morning and pick him up on the way home. He’ll have other dogs to play with and the people there will walk him.”
“Did you check these people out? I mean are they a good place? The bigger dogs wouldn’t pick on him, would they?” I couldn’t help it. I’m a Jewish mother.
“More importantly, can they get him into the right colleges?” Cam added. Braden and I gave him an unamused look.
“I checked them out. They have a good reputation.”
“Well, okay, I guess. You’re going to help me take care of him, though, right? It’s not going to be ‘go ask mommy’ whenever he wants something?”
“Mommy?” Jess asked, returning with Bruno tucked under her arm and one of her slippers in his mouth.
“And are you Daddy?” Cam asked Braden with a smile.
“Of course he is! What are you implying?” I asked indignantly. Jess and Cam gave each other a look that clearly said they thought Braden and I had gone round the bend.
“So, can you convince baby Bruno here to let go of my slipper?”
“Here,” Braden said, digging around in his pocket. He held out a milk bone. And I had thought he was just happy to see me. “Bruno! Daddy has a bone for you.”
“Does that work with you too, Gab?” Jess asked with a laugh.
“Very funny,” I replied. Bruno promptly dropped the slipper and Jess set him down so that he could go get his treat. He looked up at Braden adoringly. He was a daddy’s boy.
“Okay, Gabrielle, we should get going.” He paused. “Do you two want to come along?”
“Yeah, sure!” Cam said with a smile.
“What the hell,” Jess said.
I grabbed my suit-bag and we all headed for Braden’s place with Bruno in the lead on his stylish leash. I had a feeling that I would find all kinds of designer doggie gear at Braden’s place.
* * *
I was right. I discovered that Bruno had his own leather and suede plush doggie bed, a marble bowl with his name carved into it, and enough toys to fill his own play room. How had Braden managed this in three hours? Jess and Cam made themselves comfortable in front of the TV as Braden went to assure himself that Bruno had enough water, just in case it had evaporated in the half hour since I was certain he last checked it. A few minutes later Mark and Adam rang up from the lobby and were at the door, six packs of beer in hand.
“Wow, the gang’s all here,” Mark said as Jess and Cam called out their greetings. Just then I heard the rapidly approaching “clickity click” of tiny nails on hardwood floors accompanied by the “yipping” that only a tiny dog can emit. Bruno had been alerted to the presence of intruders. He came full throttle, stopped short and skidded to a stop at Adam’s feet, barking his little Chihuahua ass off.
“Bruno! Stop! Down! Heel! Shut up!” I tried.
“Quiet Bruno!” Braden said and Bruno immediately stopped barking and sat down.
“Bruno?” Adam asked. I had a feeling that would be a common reaction.
“Is that supposed to be a dog?” Mark asked.
“He stopped you, didn’t he?” Braden asked.
“I was afraid I might step on him,” Mark replied.
“Is this your dog?” Adam asked.
“I got him for Gabrielle, but I’m thinking that I’ll help her take care of him. I’ve been joking around and saying that we’re his mommy and daddy.”
“Oh, that’s so cute!” Mark teased.
“I hope you insisted that this dog be raised Jewish, Gabrielle.” Adam gave me a stern look.
“I’m okay with that. I’m getting kind of interested in Judaism. I’m thinking about taking a class,” Braden said.
“Interested as in ‘hey, that’s kind of cool’ or as in ‘I’m thinking about becoming a Jew?” Adam wanted to know.
“I don’t know. I would have to learn more about it first. You and Gabrielle seem to like it.”
“But we were born this way.” I explained. “We’ve been conditioned from childhood to pretend that a lamp that burned longer than it should have was as exciting as a visit from Santa Claus.”
“I’m just thinking about taking a class to learn more. I’m not exactly a pillar of the Episcopalian church right now though. I doubt that anyone would even notice that I was gone.”
“I think your parents might, but whatever. You want to take a class, I’m all for it,” I said. “In fact, you want to be Jewish? That’s great too, as long as it’s because you really want to be and not because you’re worried about Bruno growing up conflicted.”
“You two are the parents of a Chihuahua and Braden’s talking about becoming a Jew. This is some kind of weird dream, isn’t it?” Mark asked, looking around like he expected to see something.
“Can we get out of the entryway before the beer gets warm?” I asked impatiently. We got out of the entryway before the beer got warm. Everyone settled in and we ordered pizza. We watched a pregame show and began watching the baseball game. Bruno made his rounds, encouraging everyone present to pet and pay attention to him. Eventually he settled in on a loveseat next to Braden and me.
In was an exciting game for the most part, although the Phillies pulled ahead at the end. At the bottom of the ninth inning with our team ahead by four runs I started cleaning up. As I put things away and washed some dishes in the kitchen, I felt Braden sidle up behind me and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close. He whispered in my ear.
“I was only kidding around about the mommy and daddy thing, but I have to admit that playing house with you turns me on.”
“I’ll have to wash dishes more often, dear.” I guess it wasn’t just my shorts riding up last time.
“You know darling, we’ve never had kitchen sex. Perhaps I could bend you over the counter and take you from behind. I’m thinking that I’m just going to pick you up and f**k you against the wall though.” God, I loved it when he said stuff like that.
I glanced up at the living room area which was in plain view. “The game’s almost over. Our guests will be gone soon, honey bunch.”
“As soon as that door closes I’m going to make you feel so good, sweetie pie.” Argh! He was killing me here!
